PCW- Political Championship Wrestling

Daily Caller vs. Media Matters: PCW Extreme Political TV

2012-02-14T04:24:00.000-08:00

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
Cumberland County Civic Center
Portland, ME
Taped from Saturday February 11th, 2010
Host: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave

Tonight’s PCW show was to have started off with the big match between Yamamoto Tanaka (R) representing ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. Jim Schmidt (R) accompanied by Ron Paul (R-TX). Except for one single, teeny-tiny problem…

BACKSTAGEThe Republican Establishment in the form of Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) took turns stomping away at Schmidt. Big Oil lifted Schmidt up and put him in the piledriver position and delivered an Oklahoma Driller on the floor.

Tanaka walked out grinning, thinking that he was about to have an easy night. Then…this….

PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) in the ring.

Boehner: As the leader of the PCW Competition Committee, and since we have no opponent tonight for Yamamoto Tanaka…

Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!

Boehner: I have no other choice but to declare Tanaka…and Mitt Romney…the-

Suave: What the hell?

Ron Paul walks out and heads to the ring.

*Pat Green‘s ‘Southbound 35′ comes on*

Texas Jack runs down the ramp, passes Paul, and goes right to the ring. He throws Boehner out and starts trading shots with Tanaka.

A referee slides into the ring and we’re off.

Suffice to say, Boehner goes off like that elf in the movie ‘Bad Santa!’

No, not THAT elf! Well kinda…but no!

Okay. Yeah. That guy.

Meanwhile…

Texas Jack decks Tanaka with a left hand. He climbs the top turnbuckle…SPLASH! Texas Jack hooks the leg…one…two…WHAT?

That’s right, Big Oil came to ringside and pulled the referee out. Then it got even better…

Suave: “The crowd is pissed and rightly so. Texas Jack is shouting at Big Oil. He doesn’t see Tanaka. HOLY CRAP!

From behind, Tanaka grabbed Texas Jack and dropped him like a bad habit with the Scorpion Death Drop. But Tanaka wasn’t done yet…

Suave: Tanaka’s has Texas Jack on the top rope…no…no…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER! Tanaka covers…Boehner’s in the ring…he makes the count…1…2..3.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) @ 14:02

Suave would call for the police to come down after Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, and PCW Champion Daniel-San hit the ring and beat on Texas Jack.

Er, no. I don’t think he’s coming to Texas Jack’s rescue. I don’t think he’s coming to anyone else’s rescue either to be honest.

But someone else did…

Suave: IT’S A-BOMB! IT’S A-BOMB!

A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

The crowd pops when A-Bomb, bandaged up from his beatdown Thursday night, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb runs to the ring. And he’s on…

…yeah, something like that.

A-Bomb pulls Daniel-San off Texas Jack. Daniel-San swings; A-Bomb ducks and then whips him through the ropes to the floor. Walstreit comes over- Daisy intercepts and kicks him in the balls. Then she takes his breath away with a devastating Daisy Cutter Powerbomb. Tanaka and Big Oil retreat from the ring when the Tea Party: Average Joe, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, and NRA show up as well.

—————————————————-

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

———————————————

And of course, next came the obligatory Jesusland vs. Progressiveville match to promote the book.

MATCH #2

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I) w/Rah
vs.
Happy Mango (I)

But! Before the match could get started, David Brock of Media Matters For America comes out and interrupts the proceedings. Brock, who is parodied in the book as well as most of the main political ‘stars’, is not happy about his portrayal.

David Brock: That is not fair. You equate us as being no better than the lying conservative scum who-

Excerpt from Jesusland vs. Progressiveville:
A man wearing a white shirt with black pinstripes stood up. “Ma’am, given the fact that there appears to be some significant movement forward from the initial meetings, how long will it be before there will be some sort of official announcement?”

“It’ll be soon.”

“A follow up,” the reporter said. “Just how soon?”

“Really, really soon.”

“We object!”

Amy sighed and pointed to two men who shot up out of their chairs. “What?”

“Eric Boehlert,” the man on the left said.

“David Brock,” the man on the right said.

“We’re from Media Matters for America,” Boehlert said.

“What’s your question?” queried Amy.

Brock answered, “We protest the fact that you allowed the last reporter, who works for the Wall Street Journal- known for its bias towards conservatives, to ask a follow up question. That validates his first question which we see as slanted towards a conservative viewpoint.”

Amy scratched her head. “He asked a perfectly reasonable question.”

“We object to the fact that you are allowing the right wing to spew their hate filled propaganda,” Boehlert said.

Brock added, “You’re helping to push the conservative’s extreme agenda by giving their questions such credence.”

Amy considered her options. “Hey, guys? Look. I am not biased in any way. Hell, I’m a big fan of the Dixie Chicks and I feel that what’s happened to them is a crime. So-”

“I OBJECT!”

Amy’s eyes fluttered and she shook her head. “All right, who are you?”

“Noel Sheppard. NewsBusters. We take on and fight liberal media bias.”

“And what do you want? Are you implying that I’m somehow biased?”

“Yes,” Sheppard said matter of factly. It’s a well known fact that liberals use their sympathizers in the media to further their left wing agendas.”

“All I said was that I was a big fan of the Dixie Chicks. And what happened to them was a crime.”

“So you agree with the Dixie Chicks,” accused Sheppard. “I knew you were biased.”

“What?”

“SHE’S BIASED!”

Amy glared at Sheppard.

———————-

Of course, Brock again takes great exception at the comparison and threatens to put Political Championship Wrestling and the author of Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, Mr. A. Nominous, on his enemies list. And then the most peculiar thing happened…

Okay, okay. More peculiar than the Beach Boys getting back together for their 50th anniversary.

Suave: “Some guy with a bow-tie is running to the ring! Wait a minute? Is that Paul Simon?

The Late Senator Paul Simon (D-IL)

Suave: No, wait. He’s dead. I don’t believe it. Is that Tucker freakin’ Carlson?

Tucker freakin’ Carlson (R)

Carlson has a chair and hits the ring. He blasts Brock with the steel folding chair. Then something even more inexplicable than the Beach Boys reuniting and Tucker Carlson doing a run-in takes place…

Alan Dershowitz

Suave: “ALAN DERSHOWITZ?

Dershowitz hands the referee some sort of warrant.

Suave: What the hell is that? A steel folding chair warrant? Is that anything like the ‘torture warrant’ that Dershowitz once advocated?

Apparently so. After delivering the warrant, Dershowitz takes the chair from Carlson and whaps Brock with it. Then he took the microphone.

Dershowitz: “…let me tell you, Max Blumenthal and Media Matters will be singlehandedly responsible for [Obama] losing the PCW CEO race. They [the Democrats] cannot win and keep this affiliation with them [Media Matters].

So after all that, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin hit a Pizza Cutter on Happy Mango three seconds into the match. She made the cover and got the pin.

WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ :06

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Next, backstage PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with Mrs. Miyagi about the break up between her and Daniel-San. Except for the fact that Mrs. Miyagi really isn’t in a talking mood. At least until Daniel-San shows up.

Daniel-San: Look, I didn’t care for the way this whole thing went down. That’s my fault. I’m sor-

Yep. cue John Creese and his Cobra Conservatives walking in to interrupt the PCW Champion.

John Creese:Mercy is for the weak, Daniel-San. Haven’t you gotten that through your head? Boys…

Cue the obligatory Cobra Con attack on Mrs. Miyagi. Except Mrs. Miyagi wipes the floor with Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy. So Creese sweeps her leg and tells Daniel-San to take her out. Daniel-San slaps on the Labell Lock and by the time Halitosis- the Insane Luchador with Horribly Bad Breath, can reach her she’s unconscious.

MATCH #3- PCW Television Title Match
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c)
vs.
Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer

Of course, Chism wins easily as the American Taxpayer is screwed from the start when the announcement is made that the national debt will be a trillion dollars more in a decade than originally forecast.

WINNER AND STILL PCW Television Champion: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) @ :57

Romney Strikes Back: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

2012-02-10T04:10:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Imperial Bowl
Pittsfield, MA
Thursday February 9th, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave

Suave welcomed everyone to another edition of PCW Politics is War. He reviewed what went down Tuesday night at PCW Minnesota Mayhem:

-the preemptive attack on the Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R), representing Rick Santorum (R-PA) and the God Squad by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney’s (R-MA) wrestler Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and the Republican Establishment.

-the surprise return of A. Tom Bomb (R). Accompanied by long time valet, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, A-Bomb laid waste to Tanaka, K-Roy (R)- representing Newt Gingrich, and Magnum PO’d (R)- for Ron Paul (R-TX) to sweep through the Minnesota Mayhem match on behalf of Santorum.

Suave announced that Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, the novel featuring two wrestlers from Political Championship Wrestling (‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Rah!), was released on Kindle earlier today.

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
Excerpt from ‘Jesusland vs. Progressiveville’:
Suddenly, the lights turned off and a small spotlight illuminated the door. A man dressed in a suit and bow-tie walked in. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said in an announcer-type voice.
Lingerie Girl facepalmed herself. “Oh no. Not him.”
“I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego’s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important…”
“Does he really have to do this?” asked Ninja Kitty.
“Apparently, yes,” Lingerie Girl replied.
“…Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!”
Lingerie Girl rolled her eyes.

‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I) w/Rah

MATCH #1
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I) w/Rah
vs.
‘American Girl‘ Sarah Mae Smith (R) w/Harley Davisson

Smith challenged the whole concept of the book and blamed the country’s problems on liberal Democrats. She called herself a ‘true American’ and went after Martin before the bell rang.

[...Martin and Smith brawl on the floor. Smith gets a swinging bulldog on Martin and drives the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl's face into the floor. From behind, Davisson grabs Martin tiger driver! Rah protests to the referee. Smith goes corkscrew legdrop but Tessa instinctively moves at the last second. Rah helps Martin back into the ring and Smith follows suit.

Martin with an arm wrench, then a forearm smash. Legsweep faceslam brings the American Girl down. Smith back up...PIZZA CUTTER! Smith pinned. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ 6:45

BACKSTAGE
Mitt Romney held a ‘press availability’ (isn’t that a press conference?) get together in the back and had this to say…

Romney: “I’d like to congratulate Rick Santorum on his win Tuesday night. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t mean a hill of gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia because I will be the Republican taking on Barack Obama in the fall.”

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein then asked Mitt how it couldn’t mean something after he went to great trouble to take out Rev. Richardson earlier in the night. Romney disputed that ‘he’d’ gone after anyone. He blamed the attack on Rev. Richardson on Santorum’s record when he was part of the PCW Executive Committee. Bernstein again asked how. Romney replied, “… Santorum never et an earmark he didn’t like, now when his wrestler (Richardson) gets instead of doing the responsible thing and toeing the line on spending he goes out and buys another wrestler (A-Bomb).”

Bernstein then asked if the win was a significant setback for Romney. Mitt said it wasn’t because he really didn’t try to win that hard.

“I could have tried to win a lot harder, perhaps, but I didn’t so it really doesn’t hurt me too bad in the grand scheme of things.”

Bernstein: “If you weren’t really trying that much, why did you have Richardson taken out before the match?”

Romney sputtered around the subject and then declared he’d ‘try harder’ tonight. He then laid out a challenge to A-Bomb to face Yamamoto Tanaka tonight and claimed that PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) had already signed off on the match.

Out of nowhere, Code Pink runs out. She tries to fire a Glitter Bomb at Romney but out comes Arizona’s Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former city police officers fired for their extreme brand of justice, with Sheriff Joe Arpaio. They collar Code Pink and drag her away before she can reach Romney.

‘The Massachusett’s Redblood then walked away with his entourage in search of gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia.

Then Mrs. Miyagi, former manager of the PCW Champion Daniel-San, walked out with her new wrestler- HALITOSIS (I)!

Halitosis (I) with Mrs. Miyagi

‘The Luchador with the Insanely Bad Breath’ Halitosis
HT: 5’8, WT: 170, HOME: Cabo Wabo, Mexico
FIN: Breath of Death
MGR: Mrs. Miyagi

Suave: It’s Halitosis versus…Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy? Who the hell is Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy?

Another excerpt from Jesusland vs. Progressiveville:
“EXCUSE ME!” Lingerie Girl sprang to her feet and wagged her finger at Rah. “I’ll have you know that…hey…”

She looked down. Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy was affectionately licking her feet.

“No! No, no, no!” Lingerie Girl said, pulling her feet back and then hopping up and down. She bent down and rubbed the top of her foot with her hand to get the slobber and drool off.

Suave: “Ew, lovely.”

MATCH #2
Halitosis (I)
vs.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy (I)

[The bell rings...Halitosis kicks Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy in the groin. Snap mare takeover. Headlock takedown. Halitosis...BREATHES IN NYE'S FACE!. Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy drops to the mat. Halitosis hooks the leg. Referee makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: Halitosis @ :41

Suave: “Okay. First Newt Tron Bomb comes back Tuesday night with his lethal flatulence otherwise known as ‘Silent, But Deadly.’ Now, Halitosis? The WWE wouldn’t do this type of crap-”

Suave: “Okay. I take that back.”

Suave then talks about the major controversy from last week’s Super Bowl.

The God Squad…

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0 WT: 190, HOME: Biloxi, Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (Power of Christ)
MGR: Sister Mary Marlboro

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189, HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

…then come out to complain about Madonna’s ‘inappropriate’ Super Bowl halftime show.

Rev. Flambe: “Why can’t they bring in good, wholesome entertainment?”

Rev. Hinnrich agreed. He suggested bringing back ‘Up With People.’

Suave: “Oh, dear. No. No, no, no…no.”

Backstage
Vince Giordano, Vice President of the New Jersey Education Association, spoke with Bernstein about his opposition to school vouchers. Bernstein asked Giordano if it was fair for poor students to be stuck in failing schools.

Giordano: “Well, life’s not always fair and I’m sorry about that.”

Out of nowhere, the Jersey Boyz Vinnie and Frankie (R) tackle Giordano and there’s a brawl when ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty of the California Teacher’s Union comes to his aid. Chris Christie (R-NJ) came out and delivered this diatribe:

Christie: “I cannot express how disgusted I am by that statement. But I also have to tell you I’m not the least bit surprised because I think it so succinctly captures what their position- their real position- is.”

Suave: “For not being able to express his disgust, he’s doing a pretty good job of expressing his disgust.”

Christie went on to call Giordano’s comments ‘puffed up rich man’s baloney’ and again the Jersey Boyz attacked- this time against the CTU. A referee came out and we had ourselves an impromptu match…

MATCH #3
The California Teacher’s Union: Andy ‘The Foul Pole’ Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)
vs.
The Jersey Boyz: Vinnie and Frankie (R) w/Chris Christie (R-NJ)

[...Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker hits the ring and takes out the referee. James the Jeep Worker a jawbreaker on Vinnie. Big Labor splashes Frankie in the corner. Giordano cheers as Frankie gets suplexed by Big Labor. Inverted atomic drop on Vinnie by Golatta. Now, guillotine choke on Vinnie. Christie in the ring! Big splash to James the Jeep Worker. Christie decks Giordano from the ring apron and follows him to the floor. Wait! That's Scott Walker (R-WI) and Mitch Daniels (R-IN) coming to the ring! And they're bringing the Roy Boys! T-Roy and K-Roy hit the ring to even the odds. K-Roy pokes Golatta in the eyes...Evenflow DDT by T-Roy! K-Roy drags Vinnie over and puts him on Golatta for a pin. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: The Jersey Boyz @ 9:30

Both tag teams barely have enough time to get out of the ring before both A-Bomb and Tanaka come brawling down the ramp.

A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

[A-Bomb punches Tanaka over and over. Tanaka finally tackles A-Bomb and roll around the floor. Then Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) run down and start beating on A-Bomb. Walstreit hits with the back of his elbow while Big Oil delivers a kick to the head. Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps on Big Oil's back. He lifts her up and Samoan Drops her to the floor. Tanaka and Big Oil whip A-Bomb into the steel barricade. Then Tanaka lifts him up...PILEDRIVER.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Big Oil then delivers an Oklahoma Driller and finally security gets down to the ring. Both A-Bomb and Daisy Cutter-Bomb are laid out on the floor as the show ends.

Santorum Surprise!: PCW Minnesota Mayhem Results

2012-02-08T03:51:00.000-08:00

PCW Minnesota Mayhem Results
Williams Arena
Minneapolis, MN
Tuesday February 7th, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave

The second ever PCW ‘Roadshow Across America’ tour made a stop tonight in Minneapolis for tonight’s Minnesota Mayhem show.

‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) entered the arena in high spirits along with his wrestler, Yamamoto Tanaka (R). Tanaka has torn through the Republican competition since he switched sides and looked to continue that trend tonight.

Who looked to stem the Romney tidal wave? Rick Santorum (R-PA) and his charge, The Right Rev. Randy Richardson- the former Triple R, that’s who.

The Right Rev. Randy Richardson
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235, HOME: Scarsdale, NY
FIN: Chairshot or Caneshot
Richardson walked out with the God Squad…

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0 WT: 190, HOME: Biloxi, Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (Power of Christ)
MGR: Sister Mary Marlboro

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189, HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

…and said that he knows that his reputation precedes him. Richardson admits that he’s always been his worst enemy and that too many times in the past he’s cost himself the PCW title. Tonight that changes. Richardson claims he’s more at peace with himself right now then he’s been at any point in his career.
The crowd buzzed when the Japanese Superdestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka (R) ran out and delivered a preemptive strike on Richardson.

…Tanaka hits a frog splash on Richardson. Tanaka goes to the top and hits a flying sitdown splash.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE’S GOING TO KILL HIM!”

Tanaka back to his feet and calls to the back. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, PCW Champion Daniel-San with John Creese and the Cobra Cons run to ringside. Big Oil spikes Richardson’s head into the mat with an Oklahoma Driller.   Walstreit sets Richardson up and hits him with the Stock Market Plunge. Rev. Flambe and Rev. Hinnrich try to help out but Walstreit bats them away. Then he piledrives Rev. Flambe. Daniel-San clotheslines Rev. Hinnrich. Daniel-San hits a gut-wrench suplex on Richardson. Creese sets Richardson up and Daniel-San decks the Rev. with a Crane Kick. Tanaka drags Richardson onto the top turnbuckle.

Suave: “NO! SOMEONE STOP HIM!”

Yeah, too late. One Japanese SuperDestroyer later Richardson is out cold! For good measure, Daniel-San hits the shooting star press on Richardson and then splits with Creese and company.

So, Richardson gets taken out by Tanaka. Santorum goes to the back and berates Romney who feigns any knowledge of the attack.

MATCH #1
‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) of Politically Correct w/ Soccer Mom (D)
vs.
T-Roy (R) w/former head of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Karen Handel

[Elbow Drop on Thomas-Taylor by T-Roy.   Soccer Mom climbs to the ring apron. She distracts T-Roy and ... BOOM- New Age Sensitive Guy blasts T-Roy in an old school sensitive area.   Then the new group Planned Parenthood (Democrats Jordan Metzger and Kendra W. Wallace) hit the ring and tackle Handel to the mat. Metzger punches T-Roy repeatedly while Wallace wrestles with Handel on the mat.   Shoulder tackle by Thomas-Taylor on T-Roy and the New Age Sensitive Guy apologzies afterwards. Metzger with a Neck Breaker. Wallace spins turns Handel around and boots her in the ass. Thomas-Taylor goes for the pin...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor @ 8:20

Post match, the beatdown continued and Planned Parenthood taunted Handel who was sprawled out on the mat.

Suave noted that Handel may not have handled her issues with Planned Parenthood very well.

Big Oil Promo
Big Oil (R) claims that the end of the world is here because… GAS PRICES WILL GO BACK OVER $4 A GALLON BY MEMORIAL DAY! Big Oil laughs and calls everyone who complains about the rising cost of gasoline nothing more than a Big Oil wannabe.   Big Oil pulls out a wad of cash and starts counting the bills. He points to all sections of the arena and says the whole arena was filled with Big Oil wannabe’s. Then as he leaves, Big Oil points some more people out in the crowd and calls them wannabes!

Suave: “Well, that sucks.”

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein in the back with Rick Santorum. Bernstein asks him with Rev. Richardson being taken out, who was he considering to take his place. Santorum, looking very concerned, responded that ‘he didn’t know.’ Then he turned and walked away.

Suave: “Well? That sucks for him.”

Suave then talks about PCW Champion Daniel-San’s recent appearance in Phoenix Wrestling as part of the CWC Ascension Tournament…

REPLAY: Daniel-San vs. Graham Clausen vs. James Stall

(courtesy of Phoenix Wrestling)
[[Stall grabs onto Daniel-san and throws him out of the ring, before going back to Clauson, who is up to his feet. A boot to the gut backs Clauson into a corner, where Stall starts to unload with some punches to the face, followed by boots to the gut, stomping a mud-hole into Clauson's chest. Clauson gets whipped across the ring, and Stall charges right after, but runs into a pair of raised boots. Stall stumbles away as Clauson gets onto the second turnbuckle, then dives onto Stall to hit a beautiful DDT!]]
Clauson gets up, all fired up after the big move. But here comes Kris Keebler to a series of boos, who’s holding a chair. He gets up onto the apron, but Clauson hits a superkick, knocking him down! But here’s Daniel-san with a roll-up!
1
.
.
Daniel-san hooks the tights!
.
2
.
.
3!!!
Winner, via pinfall on Graham Clauson, Daniel-san.

Suave notes that, of course, Daniel-San snuck in and took the pin from James Stall after Stall had done all the work.

MATCH #2
Arizona Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice (R) w/Sheriff Joe Arpaio
vs.
Occupy Wall Street: Nate and Shane (D) w/Adam

[Ruff knocks Shane into the referee. Then Justice in the ring and sends Shane to the turnbuckle while Ruff follows with a splash. Sheriff Arpaio opens up a chair and puts it in the ring...Nate thrown into the ropes...Drop Toe Hold onto the open chair! Adam protests but can't stop Ruff's frog splash on Nate. Justice has the taser...*ZZZZZZAP* Nate drops and the referee makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: Arizona Rough Justice @ 6:10

And then it was time for the Minnesota Mayhem match…

MAIN EVENT:
Minnesota Mayhem Match
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Magnum PO’d (R) w/Robbyn Masters and Ron Paul (R-TX)
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)

Rick Santorum came out next. Romney got on the mic and wanted to know where his wrestler was. Then…

*Avenida Revolucion by Chickenfoot plays*

Suave: “What the…are they back?”

A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

The crowd roared at the return of A. Tom Bomb to PCW.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

[...A-Bomb and Magnum PO'd still maintain control over Tanaka, hammering on his ribs at every opportunity. A-Bomb grinds his knee into Tanaka's back at the ten minute mark. Daisy teases a run-in as the crowd goes wild. Double vertical Suplex on Tanaka. But when they try to get him out of the ring, Tanaka stops them. Finally...]

Suave: “Wait a minute…not him, too.”

That’s right, it’s NEWT TRON BOMB (R). Suave frantically tries to find his gas mask as N-Bomb slides into the ring and sticks his ass in Tanaka’s face. Then…

Suave: “SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY! OH MY…THAT STINKS!”

Tanaka out. Both A-Bomb and Magnum cover…1…2…3.

Suave: “TANAKA’S OUT!”

Mitt Romney slams his fists on the ring and watches A-Bomb rolls Tanaka out of the ring. Then A-Bomb turns to Magnum and rocks him with right hand. He lifts Magnum up-…ATOMIC POWERBOMB! A-Bomb covers…1…2…3.]

Santorum bounces into the ring and holds up A-Bomb’s arm.

WINNER: A. Tom Bomb @ 8:25

Suave: “Santorum gets the big win here tonight! That’s all for PCW Minnesota Mayhem. We’ll see you on Thursday night for PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN!”

Romney Again! PCW Reno Rage Results

2012-02-04T19:48:00.000-08:00

PCW Reno Rage Results
Winnemucca Convention Center
Winnemucca, NV
Saturday February 4th, 2012

Okay, the first question. Why is Reno Rage being held in Winnemucca, NV?

The Massachusetts Bluebloods: Jay F. Kennedy and Ray F. Kennedy (D) w/John F’n Kerry (D-MA)
defeated the Religious Right: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe (R)

‘Tin Cup‘ Ray McAvay (Tea Party) got a rare victory over Brad Company (I)

PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I) destroyed Peta from PETA (D).

New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) defeated Dave the Mechanic (I) in a match where he had to have apologized at least seventeen times.

Reno Rage Match
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Magnum PO’d (R) w/Robbyn Masters and Ron Paul (R-TX)
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)

The crowd was about half the level into Jim Schmidt (R) when he wrestled for Ron Paul as they were for Magnum PO’d. (Plus, having Robbyn Masters there certainly didn’t hurt either).

Early on, Rev. Richardson did a small move and then inexplicatively jumped on the middle turnbuckle. He posed for the crowd as if he just scored a pin and then ran into the waiting clutches of Tanaka. Tanaka powerbombed Rev. Richardson and then replicated his celebration. Ron Paul went around and high-fived every fan in the front row around the ring. Magnum PO’d hit the Porsche Plunge on Richardson. Magnum went for the pin but Gingrich pulled the referee out of the ring. Paul ran to the back to get another referee.
Meanwhile, Richardson used a chair on Tanaka which only served to royally piss off the Japanese SuperDestroyer. Richardson then got in his face, there was shoving, and then a choke slam on Richardson. Tanaka sent the Right Reverend over the top rope and facilitated elimination number one of the match.
Tanaka shook off Magnum’s attempt to Porsche Plunge him and powerbombed him through a table outside the ring for the second elimination of the match.

K-Roy jumped on Tanaka’s back and tried to choke him out. Tanaka backed hard into the corner turnbuckle and squashed K-Roy. Then to the top rope, Japanese SuperDestroyer, and time to catch the next flight to Minneapolis for Tuesday’s PCW Minnesota Mayhem.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 10:31

Romney shakes Tanaka’s hand and then takes off to head to the airport.

Trump- The Endorsement!: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

2012-02-03T03:45:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Comanche County Fairgrounds
Lawton, Oklahoma
Thursday February 2nd, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave

Hello and welcome to another PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN report. Tonight’s show from Lawton, Oklahoma started with a 10 bell salute to the late, great boxing trainer, Angelo Dundee.

Dundee was the famed trainer of such boxing greats as Muhammad Ali and Sugar Ray Leonard among others. He was truly one of the greats.

Then on the big screen…

Donald Trump (R)

That’s right. The Donald himself. Showing up at the back door of the Coliseum, Trump was hustled into the building by security.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave wondered why the Donald was here tonight. Then Newt Gingrich (R-GA) appeared in the back and went skipping through the hallway. Suave put one and one together and surmised that the Donald was here tonight to deliver some much needed help to the Gingrich campaign by giving him his endorsement.

MATCH #1
Dr. Annabel ‘The Cannibal’ Lecktor w/FBI Agent Charlize Starling and Roseanne Barr (Green Party)
vs.
‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R)

This match got off to a bizarre start when Barr joined Dr. Lecktor in the ring and announced she was running for PCW CEO with the Green Party.

And of course, the referee delivered the prefunctionary warning to Dr. Lecktor that any attempt to remove her mask would result in an immediate disqualification. As always, FBI Agent Starling stood nearby with her cattle prod just in case.

End of match…

[...Dallas hits a springboard bulldog and slams Dr. Lecktor's head onto the mat. Dr. Lecktor adjusts her mask and then kicks Dallas in the groin. Mule kicks by Dr. Lecktor sends Dallas reeling into the ropes. Lecktor throws the Texas Cowgirl to the mat and locks in the Hell's Gate. Referee checks for a tap out...Dr. Lecktor cinches it tighter...Dallas has no choice but to tap. ]

WINNER: Dr. Annabel ‘The Cannibal’ Lecktor (Green Party) @ 6:11

So, Dr. Lecktor gets her first win in PCW in some time. Post match, she beats on Dallas some more, while Roseanne celebrates outside the ring by screeching annoyingly at the top of her lungs, and then the doctor begins to take her mask off. FBI Agent Starling wastes no time in cattle prodding Dr. Lecktor into submission. One hoped that Agent Starling would do the same to Roseanne- but no luck.

Next, ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) entered the arena coming off a very successful night at PCW Tussle in Tallahassee.

MAIN EVENT- FLORIDA FOUR WAY DANCE
K-Roy (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R)- Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jim Schmidt (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX)

The ring announcer paused and everyone looked at the ramp. First out, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R), John Creese and his Cobra Cons. The crowd booed the PCW Champion unmercifully as the group headed down the ramp. Next out, the leader of the Republicans Rance Priebus. Priebus took the microphone and announced for ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney…

Yamamoto Tanaka
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Tanaka came to the ring and eliminated Schmidt and Richardson in short order. K-Roy put up a fight but Tanaka hit the Japanese SuperDestroyer and won at the 6:20 mark.

Romney, with the Republican establishment firmly behind him, said that he was on such a roll right now that he’s worried about winning the nomination to become the Republican challenger to Barack Obama in November about as much as he’s worried about poor people.

Romney tried to walk back the whole ‘not worried about the poor thing’ but in the end his staff whisked him off into a meeting.

In the back, PCW’s intrepid Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviewed Democrats Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi about the defection of the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka to the Republicans.
Pelosi was predictably outraged that Tanaka would take this…

Um…wrong currency guys.

All right…seriously?

That’s better.

Pelosi was offended that Tanaka took a briefcase full of cash from the Republicans and made the switch. When Bernstein reminded her that it was the Democrats and their Super PAC’s who used a briefcase full of cash to entice Tanaka to their side earlier, Pelosi responded with this:

“Well, at least we did it for the right reason.”

As for the Republicans, they too had to deal with a significant defection from Tuesday night’s show- the loss of longtime stalwart ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott…

…Scott went on and lashed out at the Republican Establishment. He called Palin a victim of the abject slime pit, win at all cost mentality that our politics have become. Scott added that anyone who once had a 70-80% positive rating in her state and knocked off an incumbent Republican governor with ethics problem isn’t dumb.

Kevin Scott: “It’s bad enough that the Democrats/Left Wing Elitists are now using their Hollywood allies to further trash Sarah Palin in their movies…(see Game Change.) What’s clear is that the Republican Establishment didn’t want her either and she’s getting it from both sides now.”
Scott then stunned the crowd by quitting the Republicans.

Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told Fox News hot newsbabe Megyn Kelly

McConnell: “It’s not like Kevin Scott hasn’t pulled this #@$# before. He once quit and joined the Democrats for a short time before crawling on his hands and knees back to the Republicans. Kevin Scott needs to realize that this isn’t about him. It’s all about putting Republicans in position of power and winning titles and if he’s not up to the task then I’m glad he’s gone. We’re getting the better of a Scott for Tanaka trade off.”

PCW RANKINGS

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Daniel-San (R)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Labor/James the Jeep Worker (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
#3- Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
#4- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I)
#5- Charlie Blackwell (I)

TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#2- California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
#3- Jack and Joe Schmidt (R-Libertarian)
#4- Charlie Blackwell/Mike the Mechanic (I)
#5- Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)

WOMEN’S CONTENDERS:
#1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- Sarah Mae Smith (R)
#3- Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#4- Union Maid (D)
#5- ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R)

Big shake up in the single’s rankings as Chism and Tanaka rejoin the top 5. K-Roy drops out and O’Beck Bahama retired from competition.

Chism and Tanaka didn’t like each other when they were both Democrats. Now that Tanaka’s aligned with the Republicans, that hatred should ratchet up a few more notches.

MATCH #2
‘The Bureaucrat’ Jordan Metzger (D)
vs.
Blue Dog D (D) w/Heath Shuler (D-NC)

Metzger is an up and comer who hasn’t quite hit his stride yet. Blue Dog D has been on the downslide for over six months now.

[...Metzger kicks Blue Dog D in the groin and follows with a dragon suplex. Metzger then hits the handspring moonsault. Metzger locks in the Red Tape submission on Blue Dog D and makes him tap out. ]

WINNER: ‘The Bureaucrat’ Jordan Metzger @ 3:39

As Metzger celebrates his win, Heath Shuler takes the microphone. He announces that both he and Blue Dog D are leaving PCW.

Finally, the moment we’ve waited for.

Donald Trump’s procession makes its way to the ring. Trump, leaving a trail of cash behind him, and his entourage climb into the ring, followed a few feet back by Newt Gingrich and K-Roy (R). Gingrich has a huge grin on his face and Suave comments that he knows Gingrich thinks he’s back in contention now with Trump in his corner.

Trump: “Ladies and gentlemen. After great thought and consideration, I have decided that I, Donald J. Trump, will endorse…

By this point, Gingrich is hopping up and down like a jack in a box in the ring.

Trump: “Mitt Romney.”

Suave: “WHAT?”

Romney strolls out to the ring and shakes Trump’s hand while a stunned Gingrich watches.

Trump: “Mitt is tough, he’s smart, he’s sharp and he’s not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country we all love. Go out and get ‘em. You can do it.”

Suave: “Gingrich can’t believe it! K-Roy is pissed. Trump endorses Romney….”

And we’ll see you Saturday at PCW Reno Rage for the big showdown.

Romney Rips Gingrich: PCW Tussle in Tallahassee Report

2012-02-01T03:59:00.000-08:00

PCW Tussle in Tallahassee Results
Leon County Civic Center
Tallahassee, Florida
Tuesday January 31st, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave

Suave ran down the show.

The main event tonight is a four way Republican dance between K-Roy, representing Newt Gingrich (R-GA), ‘American Citizen‘ Kevin Scott- ‘The Massachusett’s Red Blood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson- Rick Santorum (R-PA), and Jim Schmidt- Ron Paul (R-TX).

Also on the show, Kathryn Randall Collins (D) to put her PCW Women’s title on the line against Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R).

O’Beck Bahama (D) Retires
Suave announced that former PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama had a recurrence of Post Concussion Syndrome after taking a chairshot from Christopher Dodd (D-CT), chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America nearly two weeks ago on PCW Politics is War and has retired from pro wrestling for good.

Bahama walked out to a standing ovation from the Tallahassee crowd and thanked everyone.

Then backstage, PCW Daniel-San ruffled a lot of feathers with his remarks about his recent ‘rebirth.’

Daniel-San’s ‘Turn’
[After a two minute sequence that saw near-falls by both wrestlers and had the crowd on their feet, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy, made their way to the ring. Creese and his group entered the ring and it appeared they were going to attack Daniel-San again. However, Creese sic’d his Cobra Cons on Valora.

Salinas, an independent with no real allies to come to her rescue, was obliterated by the four on one attack and then decked by a Crane Kick by Daniel-San that nearly took her head off. Unconscious on unable to defend herself, Daniel-San slapped on the Labell Lock and the referee called the match. However, Daniel-San refused to release the hold, even after Mrs. Miyagi pleaded with him to do so. Creese’s Cobra Cons then annihilated Mrs. Miyagi and left her in a crumpled heap in the ring.]

Daniel-San: “That’s right. I beat up a woman. But not just any woman- so they say. The great Valora Salinas. The Queen of Hardcore. Former Wrestling Midwest champion. Former Missouri Valley Wrestling champion. The woman who could kick any man’s ass in the ring. And I made her tap. I stopped her alleged ‘path of rage’ through PCW. I did that- why? Because, one, I’m that good and, two, that’s what I get paid to do. Let me reiterate this- that’s what I get paid to do. So when one of my ‘fans’ comes up to me and whines that I fired Mrs. Miyagi, my former manager…”

*Daniel-San fires Mrs. Miyagi
[Daniel-San (R) comes out with John Creese and the Cobra Cons and calls Mrs. Miyagi out. As Creese et all look menacingly on, Daniel-San tells Mrs. Miyagi that he will describe her factor in his success in one word: Failure. The crowd starts to boo. Daniel-San says Mrs. Miyagi was a failure of a manager, a failure at managing his career, and a failure as a human being.

Daniel-San: “John Creese has shown me the right path to take. So as of now, Mrs. Miyagi, you’re fired!”

Again, the crowd boos and debris flood the ring. Daniel-San calls the audience a bunch of jealous wannabes who’d give anything to be in his position right now. He now has money, power, and prestige.]

Daniel-San: “…aw, poor Mrs.Miyagi. How about, welcome to the real world. If you perform. If you produce. You are rewarded. If you don’t; well, you get fired. It’s funny, when one of my former fans comes up to me and wants to know why I’ve done what I’ve done- it’s because I am paid to do so. Why did I hook up with John Creese and his Cobra Cons? Because they paid me the most to join them. That’s right, I joined the Republicans because their price was right. And before you Democrats, start up, be assured, they offered me a whole boatload of money too to join their side. John Creese’s offer was better. Let me remind you again, I am a professional wrestler. I wrestle- I get paid. I’m the PCW champion; I get paid that much more. It’s not because of the love of the sport. It’s because I get paid!”

Suave is still in disbelief that Daniel-San joined the dark side and the Republican Establishment. There was no comment back from PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I).

MATCH #1- PCW Women’s Title Match
Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) w/’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK)
vs.
PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins (D) w/Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D)

Jones didn’t wait and immediately took a side headlock on KRC. KRC tried to whip her to the ropes but The Eskimo Queen decked her with a shoulder block. KRC hit a dropkick and took Jones down. She grabbed the leg and looked for a Figure Four. Jones stuck her big boot in KRC’s back and kicked her into the ropes. KRC came back out and Jones nailed a belly to belly suplex and made the cover for a pin. KRC kicked out at two!…

…Jones lifted KRC for the Eskimo Pieface. KRC slid out and rolled from the ring! KRC with a baseball slide!! Jones swatted her away. Emily List from behind with a forearm to the head of the Eskimo Queen! KRC climbed to the top rope and came off with a missile dropkick!! Here comes Palin! She raced around the ring and got ambushed by Code Pink. Palin on the floor. Emily List hit some kicks to the chest. Code Pink walked over to Palin…GLITTER BOMB!

Jones back in the ring. She ducked a KRC right hand and rolled her up. Code Pink hopped into the ring and…GLITTER BOMB to the Eskimo Queen. KRC grabbed the blinded Jones and hit a German suplex. Jones on the mat. KRC kicked her in the head! KRC covered…1…2…3.

WINNER @9:25 AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (D)

KRC rolled the groggy Jones from the ring. List and Code Pink drug Palin into the ring and put her into the corner for some more chest kicks. They moved Palin up to the top turnbuckle and hit a doubleteam Superplex. Then this appeared on the screen…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__Lpms8Mgwc

Suave: “Great. A movie about the 2008 election by Hollywood, who hates Sarah Palin. Biased anyone?”

Video: “Game Change,” the full-length trailer « Hot Air

The Trailer For HBO’s Game Change Depicts Sarah Palin ‘On The …

HBO’s Sarah Palin-bashing “Game Change” trailer | Mofo Politics

Code Pink and List continued to berate Palin while in the back, the Republicans debated what to do about it.
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) wanted to run in and stop the left wing spectacle. But PCW Champion Daniel-San (R), his advisor/manager John Creese, and Republican leadership made it clear that Scott wasn’t to do so.

Suave: “And the Republican Establishment won’t lift a finger to help her because they don’t like her either. She’s screwed.”

Finally, The Tea Party: Average Joe, NRA, and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay ran out to break up the mauling.
In the Democratic locker room, KRC, Code Pink, and Emily List was given a hero’s welcome by the Left Wing/Progressive Elitists.

In the Republican locker room, the establishment shrugged and moved on to other business.

MATCH #2- PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH
TV Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos (Kim and Kourtney)
vs.
Dave the Mechanic (AmerHeartland) w/Tequila Sheila

Bobby Bare’s ‘Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila’ played and out came the challenger Dave the Mechanic and his valet, cocktail waitress Tequila Sheila.

Chism puts a pair of designer gloves on so he won’t have to put his hands on the ‘ordinary’ Dave.
Chism hits the Hollywood Blockbuster over four minutes into the match and makes quick work of Dave the Mechanic.

WINNER AND STILL PCW TV CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 4:40

After the match, Chism threw Tequila Sheila out of the ring and continued to attack Dave the Mechanic. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) finally came to Dave’s defense.

Then Scott went on and lashed out at the Republican Establishment. He called Palin a victim of the abject slime pit, win at all cost mentality that our politics have become. Scott added that anyone who once had a 70-80% positive rating in her state and knocked off an incumbent Republican governor with ethics problem isn’t dumb.

Kevin Scott: “It’s bad enough that the Democrats/Left Wing Elitists are now using their Hollywood allies to further trash Sarah Palin in their movies…(see Game Change.) What’s clear is that the Republican Establishment didn’t want her either and she’s getting it from both sides now.”

Scott then stunned the crowd by quitting the Republicans. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) ran out and attacked Scott for attacking the Hollywood Left and they brawled all the way to the back.
Suave then pondered who would wrestle for Mitt Romney in the Florida Four Way Dance. We’d find out soon enough.

MAIN EVENT- FLORIDA FOUR WAY DANCE
K-Roy (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R)- Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jim Schmidt (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX)

The ring announcer paused and everyone looked at the ramp. First out, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R), John Creese and his Cobra Cons. The crowd booed the PCW Champion unmercifully as the group headed down the ramp. Next out, the leader of the Republicans Rance Priebus. Priebus took the microphone and announced for ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney…

Yamamoto Tanaka
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Tanaka came to the ring and eliminated Schmidt and Richardson in short order. K-Roy put up a fight but Tanaka hit the Japanese SuperDestroyer and won at the 6:20 mark.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka

BREAKING: Romney wins Florida primary, CNN projects

Mitt Romney wins Florida Republican presidential primary

Our analysis of Mitt Romney’s victory in tonight’s primary

Mitt Romney Wins Florida Primary by Double Digits

Romney Romps in Florida

Florida Primary Results

After the match, Tanaka shook hands with Priebus, Priebus handed him a briefcase full of cash, cementing Tanaka’s move to the Republicans.

Tuesday's PCW Tussle in Tallahassee Preview

2012-01-27T15:53:00.000-08:00

And then there was two…actually four but the media has zeroed in on Gingrich v. Romney.

K-Roy, representing Newt Gingrich, was viciously assaulted Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN by the Republican Establishment while PCW CEO Barack Obama (D) and his supporters watched.

Can K-Roy turn it around Tuesday night? Is the stage set for a breakthrough by Mitt Romney and his wrestler- ‘American Citizen‘ Kevin Scott? Tune in Tuesday night as PCW presents ‘Tussle in Tallahassee.’

The Republican Race Heats Up: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

2012-01-27T15:49:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Viking Hall
Bristol, TN
Thursday January 26th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave begins but is interrupted by a commotion in the back.

Suave: “Hold on a second. I’ve been told to send it to PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein. Woodward?”

Bernstein is in the back. In the background, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (R) is in the middle of an intense conversation with PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL).

Bernstein: “This has been brewing for quite a while. Brewer and Obama don’t see eye to eye about much of anything. Ah, here comes Brewer.”

Brewer says that Obama’s upset about what she said about him in her book- Scorpions for Breakfast. “It is what it is. I proceeded to say that to him, and he chose to walk away from me.” Brewer adds that in life, we all have our bad days. Sometimes we say and do things we could all take back. Tonight, is not one of those days. She will not be intimidated.

Obama is now in the ring and says he can’t hear a word Brewer is saying, perhaps she should come into the ring. Brewer retorts that he doesn’t work for Obama. Obama responds that he is the PCW CEO and she will listen to what he has to say. Obama says she’s being disrespectful to the office of PCW CEO.

The crowd then roars when Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition comes out.

Blackwell: “And you, Mr. PCW CEO, are being disrespectful to the people of Arizona…and other states by siccing your minions on them.”

Obama tells Blackwell he just made a huge mistake and that he can either apologize to him or face Democrat Yamamoto Tanaka- The Japanese SuperDestroyer in a Falls Count Anywhere match right now. Blackwell: “Bring it on!”

MATCH #1
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D) w/Reika

Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition)
HT: 6′ 4″ WT: 215 HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)
MGR: Kenzie Blackwell

Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer
MGR: Mrs. Miyagi

[...Tanaka lifts Blackwell and delivers a back breaker. Blackwell goes to the floor.]

Suave: “Hold on a second! What’s John McCain doing down there?”

[McCain (R-AZ), accompanied by Jan Brewer, sneaks up behind Tanaka with a blackjack. *WHAP* Tanaka falls head first on the floor. Reika is pissed off and runs over to check on her wrestler. Brewer pulls her away just as Blackwell hits a frog splash on Tanaka and then a corkscrew legdrop.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! McCain interferes in the match? Why?”

McCain comes over to the broadcast table and grabs a microphone and justifies his interference because PCW CEO Obama can be ‘abrasive.’ When asked for further clarification…

McCain: “Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, had a similar exchange with the president. It’s very well-known that he has a prickly personality and I think it’s been displayed in both of those cases. And I also think that Jan Brewer is very concerned about the security on our border.”

[Blackwell takes Tanaka into the ring. Blackwell runs in and leg drops Tanaka. Blackwell follows with a handspring moonsault. Blackwell then hits a screwdriver on Tanaka and slaps on the Katahajime. Tanaka has no choice but to tap out. ]

WINNER: Charlie Blackwell @ 8:41

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Brewer’s Book Soars Up Bestseller List

After Obama face-off, Brewer’s book takes off

McCain backs Brewer in tarmac tiff, calls Obama ‘prickly’

Tanaka is furious and storms into PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid‘s (D-NV) office. Reid is meeting with Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and seems surprised to see the huge Japanese wrestler standing before him. Reika walks in and demands to know where the back up was and how in the hell John ‘freakin’ McCain was able to get a cheap shot on him?

Reid tries to calm the big guy down but Reika isn’t having any of it. Tanaka was promised a lot of things to come back to the Democrats and he’s been screwed out of a title shot. Reid responds that Tanaka had a shot for the title and blew it when he couldn’t get past O’Beck Bahama (D) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D). Reid then tells him that he’s got bigger things to worry about- like the new alliance between the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) and John Creese and his Cobra Cons.

Reid: “If you want to be useful, help Chism win the PCW title!”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Video Shows Senator Calm as He’s Detained

Rand Paul: “Just think what I would have done if I really really, really irate?”

Suave: “Make more phone calls?”

MATCH #2- Hostages on a Pole Match
Navy Seals 1 and 2 vs. Pirate Captain Jack Suarez and Pirate First Mate Jay

[The two Pirates are in the ring but the Navy Seals are no where to be found. The bell rings and Navy Seal #1 slides in from underneath the ring. Bulldog. Sit down facebuster. Pirate Jay tries to help but he's cut down by Navy Seal #2. Navy Seal #1 rolls up Captain Jack...1...2...3.]

WINNER: The Navy Seals @ 1:15

The Seals cut down the hostages and leave the ring.

Steve Hunter’s Three Sentence Political Commentary- because three sentences is all you need to get your point across.

TOPIC: Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona v. President Obama- Dust Up in Arizona

1. Perhaps if the President of the United States would stop using the Justice Department as a hammer against the states, there might not be this outwardly antagonistic atmosphere that permeates Brewer and Obama’s working relationship.

2. Unfortunately, said relationship causes the real issue to be clouded and when there is a definitive security problem on the Mexican border it’s a crime that goes back to the Bush Administration that the federal government has not taken constructive action to secure the border.

3. Perhaps if the President were more concerned about that instead of how he’s perceived in someone’s book, the people of Arizona, and Texas, New Mexico, and California, might feel a little bit better about the issue of unfettered illegal immigrants streaming into the country.

—-

Suave: “Boy, that was a mouthful. Where’s my theasaurus?”

Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post walks out and announces that Newt Gingrich can’t win. Rubin contends that only a candidate who is ‘electable’ should emerge from the nominating process and that candidate is NOT Newt.

K-Roy (R) walks out with Gingrich. K-Roy says he’s beaten their man, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott not once but twice now. K-Roy says it’s the Republican Establishment who are afraid of Newt- not the American people.

Rubin tells K-Roy he’s a wrestler and not a politician and to ‘run along.’ K-Roy tells Rubin to tell Scott to get his ass in the ring and he’ll beat it all over the ring…again.

K-Roy gets in the ring but Scott does not come out. Bob Dole does.

Suave: “Oh, great. K-Roy’s going to kill Bob Dole in the ring.”

Thankfully, Dole does not get into the ring but reads from a statement:

I have not been critical of Newt Gingrich but it is now time to take a stand before it is too late. If Gingrich is the nominee it will have an adverse impact on Republican candidates running for county, state, and federal offices. Hardly anyone who served with Newt in Congress has endorsed him and that fact speaks for itself. He was a one-man-band who rarely took advice. It was his way or the highway.
Gingrich served as Speaker from 1995 to 1999 and had trouble within his own party. By 1997 a number of House Republican members wanted to throw him out as Speaker. But he hung on until after the 1998 elections when Newt could read the writing on the wall. His mounting ethics problems caused him to resign in early 1999. I know whereof I speak as I helped establish a line of credit of $150,000 to help Newt pay off the fine for his ethics violations. In the end, he paid the fine with money from other sources.
Gingrich had a new idea every minute and most of them were off the wall. He loved picking a fight with Bill Clinton because he knew this would get the attention of the press. This and a myriad of other specifics like shutting down the government helped to topple Gingrich in 1998.
In my run for the presidency in 1996 the Democrats greeted me with a number of negative TV ads and in every one of them Newt was in the ad. He was very unpopular and I am not only certain that this did not help me, but that it also cost House seats that year. Newt would show up at the campaign headquarters with an empty bucket in his hand — that was a symbol of some sort for him — and I never did know what he was doing or why he was doing it, and I’m not certain he knew either.
The Democrats are spending millions of dollars running negative ads against Romney as they are hoping that Gingrich will be the nominee which could result in a landslide victory for Obama and a crushing defeat for Republicans from the courthouse to the White House. Democrats are not running ads against Gingrich which is further proof they want to derail Governor Romney.
In my opinion if we want to avoid a sweeping victory by Obama in November, Republicans should nominate Governor Romney as our standard bearer. He could win because he has the requisite experience in the public and private sectors. He would be a PCW CEO in whom we could have confidence and he would make us proud.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BLITZER’S BLOG: My thoughts before tonight’s debate

Ann Coulter To Glenn Beck: Newt Gingrich Is ‘Pompous And Boring’

Suave: “Whoa! Bob Dole lays it down against Newt Gingrich!”

Steve Hunter’s Three Sentence Political Commentary- because three sentences is all you need to get your point across.

TOPIC: Democratic Rep. Jan Schakowsky (Ill.) re: Keystone XL- “Twenty thousand jobs is really not that many jobs, and investing in green technologies will produce that and more…”

1. Sure, tell that to one of the 20,000 gainfully seeking employment.

2. The Green technologies who produce jobs- you mean the ones that keep going bankrupt- those jobs?

3. Really?

K-Roy is still in the ring. Finally, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott runs out and it’s on again.

[Scott and K-Roy throw haymakers left and right at each other. Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Ron Paul (R-TX) run down but once again they are reduced to being spectators.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HERE COMES CORPORATE MIGHT!”

Big Oil (R)
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323, HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas Tex and Gordon Guyko

‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit” Kirk Walstreit (R)
HT: 6-2 WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Stock Market Plunge
MGR: Gordon Guyko

[Big Oil and Walstreit hit the ring and toss Scott aside to attack K-Roy. Big Oil lays the chops across K-Roy's chest. Walstreit delivers a couple of stiff right hands. Gingrich is up on the apron screaming at the referee to stop this. 'The Queen of Political Extreme' Ann Coulter runs down and pulls Gingrich off the apron. Gingrich and Coulter exchange words. Big Oil lifts K-Roy up...OKLAHOMA DRILLER!]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! BIG OIL JUST SPIKED K-ROY!”

Down runs T-Roy (R) and the Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (R). They wade into the fray and it turns into a pier six brawl.

At the top of the ramp, PCW CEO Obama, Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker, The California Teacher’s Union, PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism all watch. Big Labor asks Obama if they should go down there and kick some ass. Obama says that’s not necessary- they’re doing just fine.

Gingrich v. Romney- It's On!: PCW Extreme Political TV

2012-01-23T21:36:00.000-08:00

PCW Extreme Political TV
North Charleston Arena
North Charleston, SC
Monday January 23rd, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

From PCW South Carolina Slaughter This Past Saturday Night
[...Kevin Scott hits a Russian legsweep on K-Roy. Roll up...1...2...

Suave: "I DON'T BELIEVE IT! IT'S THE ALASKAN PITBULL SARAH PALIN AND SHE JUST MADE THE SAVE FOR K-ROY!"

The crowd roars as Palin slides right back out of the ring. Mitt Romney can't believe it. Newt Gingrich gets up on the ring apron and urges K-Roy on...]

[...the crowd stands and let's out another roar as Chuck Freakin' Norris hits the ring. Scott is totally confused by this turn of events. Norris whirls around and nails a spinning heel kick on Scott and the American Citizen becomes totally unconscious.

Suave: "K-Roy with the cover!"

The referee counts...1...2...3.

Suave: "K-ROY'S DONE IT! A STUNNING VICTORY FOR K-ROY AND NEWT GINGRICH THAT A WEEK AGO- NO ONE SAW COMING!"]

Suave notes the buzz in the crowd tonight coming off a memorable PCW South Carolina Slaughter show.   And now it's on to next Tuesday night's PCW Tussle in Tallahassee, Florida show. Can 'The Massachusetts Redblood' Mitt Romney (R-MA) rebound from a disappointing loss in South Carolina? Can Newt Gingrich (R-GA) keep the momentum going? Can Rick Santorum (R-PA) break through and throw this thing completely wide open?

But first, the national anthem by Steven Tyler...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i25CmHx2kbM

Suave: "Oh, dear...what were they thinking?"

Romney hit the ring and cut a promo with full guns blazing on Gingrich. Romney called Gingrich an insider who lobbied for big money clients.

Romney: "In the 15 years after he left Washington D.C., Gingrich worked as an influence peddler for his big money clients. When I was Governor of Massachusetts, I made Ted Kennedy refinance his house."
This brought Gingrich out.   He called Romney out on the income tax issue. Romney shot back that after much reflection and soul searching, he decided to put out two years of tax returns.

Romney: "That's more than anyone else in this race."

Romney then fired back about Freddie Mac and called Gingrich a lobbyist. Gingrich said he wasn't. Romney said he was. Gingrich: "No, I'm not." Romney: "Yes you are."

Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Ron Paul (R-TX) come out and try to get into the conversation.

Gingrich: "No, I'm not." Romney: "Yes you are." Gingrich: "No, I'm not." Romney: "Yes you are."
Santorum and Paul again try to jump in...

Gingrich: "No, I'm not." Romney: "Yes you are." Gingrich: "No, I'm not." Romney: "Yes you are."

Gingrich: "Wait a second. I just read that Romney gave John McCain 23 years worth of tax returns in 2008 when he was a candidate to join the ticket."

Romney: "And your point?"

Gingrich: "And McCain ended up choosing Sarah Palin (R-AK) instead?"

Romney: "HEY!"

MATCH #1
'American Citizen' Kevin Scott (R) w/"The Massachusetts Redblood' Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

Scott comes out and he's pissed.   Suave says he's never seen Scott this angry before. Scott throws K-Roy over the top rope and grabs a chair. *WHAP* *WHAP*

Suave: "HOLY CRAP!"

*WHAP* After the third chairshot, Scott throws the chair at K-Roy and flings him into the steel barricade. He places K-Roy face up over the barricade and climbs a table...guillotine leg drop!
Suave: "HOLY CRAP! SCOTT'S SNAPPED!"

K-Roy somehow pulls himself up and tries to get away. Scott grabs him from behind and hits a belly to back suplex on the floor. Scott then pulls K-Roy up and launches him into the steel steps. Scott then standing drop kicks K-Roy into the steel steps...

...end of match. K-Roy is bloodied and barely standing.

Suave: "Scott's in control. Will he finish the job tonight?"

The crowd turns to the back. A familiar face ambles down to the ring.

Suave: "What the hell? FRED THOMPSON (R-TN)?"

Scott sees Thompson and immediately tries to push him. Romney tries to get Scott to refocus back on K-Roy. Scott and Thompson exchange words. K-Roy pulls himself up...K-BOMB!

Suave: "HOLY CRAP! DESPERATION K-BOMB BY K-ROY!

Now Scott's down and woozy. K-Roy, with help from Fred Thompson, throws Scott back into the ring. K-Roy rolls in. Grabs the legs...spins around. FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK! Scott's in trouble...Scott can't get away...Scott taps!

WINNER: K-Roy @ 11:41

Romney is incredulous. He can't believe it.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Ann Coulter To O’Reilly: Newt’s Media Attacks Are ‘Like Jesse Jackson Accusing People Of Racism’

Bob Beckel Stands Up For Newt: ‘I Know From My Own History’ Gingrich Isn’t Racist

Romney: Gingrich didn’t earn millions as historian

Romney says his taxes are entirely legal and fair

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAetv47b-Eg&feature=g-logo&context=G2a615e1FOAAAAAAAWAA

The crowd stands and gives Congresswoman Giffords a standing ovation.

Recap- Daniel-San's (I) PCW Title Defense vs. Valora Salinas (I) from PCW South Carolina Slaughter
After a two minute sequence that saw near-falls by both wrestlers and had the crowd on their feet, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy, made their way to the ring. Creese and his group entered the ring and it appeared they were going to attack Daniel-San again. However, Creese sic’d his Cobra Cons on Valora...

...Salinas was obliterated by a Crane Kick by Daniel-San that nearly took her head off. Unconscious on unable to defend herself, Daniel-San slapped on the Labell Lock and the referee called the match. However, Daniel-San refused to release the hold, even after Mrs. Miyagi pleaded with him to do so. Creese’s Cobra Cons then annihilated Mrs. Miyagi and left her in a crumpled heap in the ring.

Daniel-San (R) comes out with John Creese and the Cobra Cons and calls Mrs. Miyagi out. As Creese et all look menacingly on, Daniel-San tells Mrs. Miyagi that he will describe her factor in his success in one word: Failure. The crowd starts to boo. Daniel-San says Mrs. Miyagi was a failure of a manager, a failure at managing his career, and a failure as a human being.

Daniel-San: "John Creese has shown me the right path to take. So as of now, Mrs. Miyagi, you're fired!"

Again, the crowd boos and debris flood the ring. Daniel-San calls the audience a bunch of jealous wannabes who'd give anything to be in his position right now. He now has money, power, and prestige.

Creese gets on the mic and tells Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich that Daniel-San is the new face of the Republicans and they'd be wise to show him the proper respect he deserves.

Creese: "Daniel-San is the Republican's number one wrestler. Not 'American Citizen' Kevin Scott. Not that redneck hick, K-Roy. Daniel-San- the PCW Champion!"

Suave: "Well, this totally sucks."

The crowd continues to litter the ring with debris.

SPECIAL MUSICAL GUEST:
Charlie Ray Carlson and the Co-Dependents
'Shut Up and Drink My Beer"

"I'm sitting at a bar stool
They've got the TV on
It's one of those political pundit shows
Who says the other side is wrong
I ask the bartender to change it now
And I make it very clear
I didn't come in to hear political noise
I came in to drink some beer

"They say the cover of Fox News could be slightly skewed
And MSNBC may have a particular point of view
As for CNN, let me make this crystal clear
I wish they'd all shut up...
And let me drink my beer.
I know y'all claim to be- impartial and fairl
Y'all just need to shut up
And let me drink my beer.....

‎"I already know how bad things are
Because I live it every day
We know the economy's bad- and jobs are few
And we all have bills to pay
The government prints the money they need
While the rest of us are in arrears
Staying afloat in an ocean of debt
And not enough cash to buy a beer
*

"They say the cover of Fox News could be slightly skewed
And MSNBC may have a particular point of view
As for CNN, let me make this crystal clear
I wish they'd all shut up...
And let me drink my beer.
I know y'all claim to be- impartial and fairl
Y'all just need to shut up
And let me drink my beer

Yee-haw

*
"Both parties- they're all the same
They point fingers at each other to blame
For the way things are what they are
I can barely afford to drive my car
Raise a glass for the common man
Who's only doing the best he can
Raise a middle finger if you're pissed
And tell the politicians to occupy this

Recap: PCW Women's Champion Valora Salinas (I) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D) Match from PCW South Carolina Slaughter
Leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi(D-CA) walked out with Democrat wrestler Kathryn Randall Collins.

Reid and Pelosi told the referee to ring the bell for a PCW Women’s title match. KRC rolled the unconscious Valora over and made the cover. Reid and Pelosi demanded that the referee make the 3 count. He does reluctantly and KRC is given the PCW Women’s Title belt as a result.

Collins is in the ring with Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). Collins says those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it. She has been the PCW Women's champion not one, not two, not three, but now FOUR times.
KRC: "When you forget your place, Valora Salinas, you become irrelevant. I am the greatest Women's champion in PCW history for a reason."

Pelosi congratulates Collins on her win. She states that the women's division now has a champion that young women can look up to. It's only fitting that the women's title is now heard by a Democrat because the Democrats are the natural home for women.

Suave: "Apparently, Ann Coulter isn't a woman. Or Sarah Palin."

Pelosi then denounced the Daniel-San switch to the Republicans. She says the only way that the Republicans can win is by hook or by crook.

Sarah Mae Smith- 'The American Girl' (R): "Okay, it's getting deep in here. Ms. Pelosi, what do you call what went down when you stole the title from Valora Saturday night?"

Pelosi responds that Smith's characterization is categorically wrong and besides, "at least, we did it for the right reason."

Smith climbs into the ring and confronts KRC. KRC tells her to leave. Smith slaps her. And KRC tackles her.

Suave: "CAT-FIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIGHT!"

Pelosi tries to pull KRC off of Smith. 'Texas Cowgirl' Haley Dallas (R) runs to the ring and attempts to pull Smith away from KRC. Mass confusion in the ring as the show ends...

Newt Closes the Deal at PCW's South Carolina Slaughter

2012-01-21T21:13:00.000-08:00

PCW South Carolina Slaughter Report
Colonial Life Arena
Columbia, South Carolina
Saturday January 21st, 2012

K-Roy (R), seconded by Newt Gingrich (R-GA) pinned ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) at 16:22 to win at South Carolina Slaughter tonight in Columbia, South Carolina.

Gingrich wins South Carolina GOP primary, CNN projects; Romney second

Gingrich Rolls to Victory in South Carolina

After Chuck Norris hit the ring and connected with a spinning heel kick on Scott, K-Roy hit a K-Bomb on the ‘American Citizen’ to set up the final pin. Also making a difference in the match, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) who made the save on a pin attempt by Scott. ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) got into a heated argument with Palin afterwards and K-Roy seized on the momentum change to swing the match in his direction.
Post match, Romney vowed that he was in the Republican contest to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) in the fall for the long run. He also gave Scott a vote of confidence after a tough week that’s witnessed the ascension of K-Roy as a major player in the PCW singles division.

Paul to skip Florida, look for delegates in Nevada, Minnesota

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush to remain neutral in GOP primary

The main event featured PCW Champion, Independent Daniel-San, accompanied to the ring by Mrs. Miyagi, versus PCW Women’s Champion and PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas for the PCW Title.
The match started off with an impressive series of technical wrestling of all things and Daniel-San controlled the early going. But soon enough, Valora showed just why she is considered PCW’s Queen of Extreme by incorporating a steel folding chair and other sundry weaponry into the match.

After a two minute sequence that saw near-falls by both wrestlers and had the crowd on their feet, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy, made their way to the ring. Creese and his group entered the ring and it appeared they were going to attack Daniel-San again. However, Creese sic’d his Cobra Cons on Valora.

Salinas, an independent with no real allies to come to her rescue, was obliterated by the four on one attack and then decked by a Crane Kick by Daniel-San that nearly took her head off. Unconscious on unable to defend herself, Daniel-San slapped on the Labell Lock and the referee called the match. However, Daniel-San refused to release the hold, even after Mrs. Miyagi pleaded with him to do so. Creese’s Cobra Cons then annihilated Mrs. Miyagi and left her in a crumpled heap in the ring.

Finally, Daniel-San left the ring with Creese and company to a chorus of boos and debris being hurled in his direction. To everyone’s great surprise, Leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) walked out with Democrat wrestler Kathryn Randall Collins.

Reid and Pelosi told the referee to ring the bell for a PCW Women’s title match. KRC rolled the unconscious Valora over and made the cover. Reid and Pelosi demanded that the referee make the 3 count. He does reluctantly and KRC is given the PCW Women’s Title belt as a result.

Tune in to PCW Extreme Political TV Monday night to see what ramifications there are from what went down tonight.

Romney Can End This in Florida

Newt Gingrich’s South Carolina Upset

Gingrich Wins in South Carolina

To recap:

K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) defeated ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) backed by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA), and Jim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX).

PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) retained over PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) with the Labell Lock. Daniel-San declared his allegiance with the Republicans after the match.

Kathryn Randall Collins (D) pinned PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) to win the Women’s title.

Mitt heightens Newt attack in speech

Palin dubs Newt GOP ‘front-runner’

Newt Gingrich Pulls Off South Carolina Upset, Increasing Chances of Long Nomination Fight

South Carolina Slaughter Preview/PCW Rankings

2012-01-20T18:29:00.000-08:00

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Daniel-San (I)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Valora Salinas (I)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Labor/James the Jeep Worker (D)

SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
#3- O’Beck Bahama (D)
#4- Charlie Blackwell (I)
#5- K-Roy (R)

TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#2- California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
#3- Jack and Joe Schmidt (R-Libertarian)
#4- Charlie Blackwell/Mike the Mechanic (I)
#5- Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)

WOMEN’S CONTENDERS:
#1- Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
#2- Sarah Mae Smith (R)
#3- Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#4- Union Maid (D)
#5- ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R)
—————–

Tomorrow night’s PCW South Carolina Slaughter is a two match show.

First, it’ll be Republicans ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott w/the ‘Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson backed by Rick Santorum (R-PA) and the God Squad, K-Roy w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA), and Jim Schmidt (Ron Paul R-TX) meeting for the right to call themselves the champion of South Carolina Republicans.

K-Roy is coming on strong. Can the two time PCW Champion Kevin Scott hold off the new blood or will Newt Gingrich guide K-Roy to his biggest win in PCW yet? Can The Right Rev. Randy Richardson spring a surprise and bring home another win (if you count Iowa) for Rick Santorum? And what about the wild card- Jim Schmidt w/Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army behind him?

The main event will be the PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) putting his title on the line against the PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I).

Valora has on a path of destruction over the past couple of weeks and now gets her biggest opportunity in PCW with a title shot against Daniel-San. Can Daniel-San, embroiled in some controversy this week, pull it all together and get back on track? Will John Creese and his Cobra Conservatives, who’ve bedeviled the PCW Champion of late, interfere in the match? Will the Democrats, who aren’t happy with Valora, attempt to get some payback against PCW’s Queen of Extreme.

Check out all the action tomorrow night on South Carolina Slaughter.

Democrat Three Way Dance/Rick Perry Quits: PCW Politics is War

2012-01-19T16:52:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Bender Arena
Washington D.C.
Thursday January 19th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Crowd: “PCW! PCW! PCW!”

Johnny Suave welcomes everyone to PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN. The PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) is on his way to the ring with Mrs. Miyagi and Suave reminds everyone what happened Monday night.

Replay-PCW Extreme Political TVPCW Champion Daniel-San (I) talks with Woodward Bernstein. He explains that the reason he is giving Valora a title match is because he’s obligated to defend the title and she deserves as much as anyone else. Mrs. Miyagi adds that he’s not going to take her lightly before getting cut off by the champion. Daniel-San then adds that Valora has won titles before and it’s time to see just how she’ll handle a big time match.

Daniel-San gets on the mic and publicly apologizes to Mrs. Miyagi for the way he acted. He blames the extreme pressure of being the PCW Champion for him snapping like that. Daniel-San tells the fans he’s lived out his dreams being the champion and he just had a bad night.

Mrs. Miyagi accepts his apology and both head to the back. Daniel-San holds up his PCW title belt before disappearing into the back.

Suave: “Tonight on PCW Politics is War, Daniel-San and PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas will sign off on Saturday’s match at South Carolina Slaughter. Stay tuned for that.”

To the ring…

Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall announces the guest referee for our first match of the night- Carnival Cruise ship Captain Francesco Schettino!

The crowd dumps all over the captain as he and his blond bombshell Dominica Cermotan come to the ring.

MATCH #1
PBR (I) w/Chief vs. James the Jeep Worker (D)

PBR- HT: 6’0” WT: 220, HOME: Huntington, W.Va
FIN: Blue Ribbon Blaster
MGR: Chief

James the Jeep Worker- HT: 5’10″, WT: 221, HOME: Toledo, OH
FIN: The Picket Line

There’s spectulation that PBR may be signing on with the American Heartland Coalition according to Suave.

The match is a wild mishmash with little in ring activity. Then Big Union (D) hits the ring and all hell breaks loose.

[...’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor hits PBR with the Scabbuster! Union Maid in the ring. Here comes the California Teacher's Union: 'Foul Pole' Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty! Golatta...FOUL POLE ON CHIEF! Chief doubles over from the deliberate low blow by the Foul Pole. Big Labor and Golatta hold PBR up so James the Jeep Worker can hit the Picket Line on him...]

Captain Schettino tries to restore order…unsuccessfully.

[...The American Heartland Coalition races to the ring: Charlie Blackwell and his Les Miserables, Mike the Mechanic with Tequila Sheila...

*Bobby Bare's "Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila" plays over the loudspeakers*

...along with the Walker Brothers: Ronnie and John. Blackwell with the steel chair *WHAP* down goes James the Jeep Worker. *WHAP* Down goes Malibu Dusty! *ZZZZZAP* Mike the Mechanic shocks Big Labor with his Jumper Cables. Democrats and Republicans converge on the ring and it's a near riot.]

Captain Schettino throws his arms up. He hops out of the ring, grabs the blonde bombshell, and heads to the back. However, he’s met on the ramp by PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH). Boehner demands that Schettino returns to the ring and help restore order. Schettino refuses and takes off up the ramp to the back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
Costa Concordia Tragedy: Capt. Francesco Schettino Sparks Outrage
Francesco Schettino vs. Lord Jim: The one literary reference you
Domnica Cemortan Photos Defend Francesco Schettino on Facebook
Moronic Statement o’ the Year (Francesco Schettino Edition …

Ask any mermaid you happen to see
what’s the best tuna?
Chicken of the Sea

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews the ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R). Palin tells Bernstein that if she had a preference, that Newt Gingrich led wrestler K-Roy (R) would come out on top on Saturday at South Carolina Slaughter to ‘keep the process going.’ Palin stated she wants ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott, Mitt Romney’s wrestler, to continue to have an array of conservative competition.

Palin: “This process should keep going because iron sharpens iron and steel sharpens steel.”

CSM- Did Sarah Palin Endorse Newt Gingrich or Not?
Gingrich on Palin: I would ask her to consider taking a major role in …
Newt Gingrich: Palin’s Comments Are a Signal to Conservatives to …
Daily Kos: Newt Gingrich Promises Palin a Presidential Appointment …

The Angry Left Wing Bloggers: Daily Kos Markos Moutilsas, Eric Boehlert of Media Matters for America, Arianna Huffington, and Jane Hamsher of Firedog.com march out with PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D). Chism says Palin has endorsed Gingrich and it’s okay, two self aggrandizing attention seekers sticking together.

Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) then walks down to the ring. She points out that Palin & Gingrich are both unconventional, they don’t fit into the mold of your typical Washington insider, and they’re not afraid of a woman. Chism says Palin is a poor excuse for a woman and tells Jones to get out of his ring. Jones dares him to do something about it. Chism slaps her in the face. Jones kicks him in the groin.

A referee slides into the ring but before anything else can happen, PCW Security run to the ring and drag the Eskimo Queen out. PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE) walks out and informs Chism that if he’s going to fight anyone tonight, it’s going to be fellow Democrats Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama.

Biden: “You’ve been complaining about not getting your due respect. Tonight, we’re going to settle this once and for all. Per PCW CEO Barack Obama, the winner of this match will become the Democrats #1 wrestler.”

As Tanaka and Bahama come down the ramp, Biden recognizes a group flown in to see the show from San Francisco, California. He flashes them a thumbs up and congratulates them on their football team’s success. Biden then adds, “The Giants are on their way to the Super Bowl!”

Suave: “WHAT?”

Bahama and Chism both facepalm themselves.

Joe Biden Congratulates The San Francisco Giants “On Their Way …
Joe Biden Gaffe in SanFran: Giants are Going to Super Bowl | Brian …
Who’s going to the Superbowl? Don’t ask Joe Biden « The Greenroom

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Rick Perry (R-TX) is in the ring with his wrestler Texas Jack and he announces that he’s dropping out of the contest to be the Republican representative to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama in November.

Perry: “I have come to the conclusion that there is no viable path forward for me in 2012. I know when it’s time to make a strategic retreat.”

Perry thanks Texas Jack and then leaves the ring.

Perry bows out of GOP race
Perry Drops Out. Endorses Newt. Will Campaign and Serve.
Perry: Newt is GOP ‘visionary’
GOP 2012: Perry dropping out; Newt’s scorched-earth karma; and a Final Four debate; Update: Perry endorses “visionary” Newt

MATCH #2
Cathy- the Obnoxious, Bitchy Dance Mom vs. Abby Lee- the Over the Top, Autocratic Dance Company Owner
Suave: “What the hell is this all about?”

Suave: “As I said, what the hell is this all about?”

[The bell rings and both Abby Lee and Cathy start insulting each other...

*'Meaning of Life' by Disturbed begins to play*

PCW Women's Champion, PCW's 'Queen of Extreme' Valora Salinas (I) hits the ring. Cathy demands to know what she's doing there. Valora whips her into the ring corner. Then she grabs Abby Lee by the arm and whips her and her sizeable girth into Cathy.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

[Valora grabs a chair from the outside and slides back in. She tosses the chair in the air and hits a standing dropkick onto the chair and smashes it into both women.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

BACKSTAGE
‘Focus on the Family’ founder Dr. James Dobson, flanked by The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) and The God Squad: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe, talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein. Dobson endorses Rick Santorum (R-PA) for the Republican nominee for PCW CEO.

Dr. Dobson: “Not only is Rick Santorum an authentic conservative; Rick Santorum is the authentic winner of Iowa. Look at this…”

Replay: Drama in Des Moines (IA)Scott gains the upper hand late and Santorum sneaks in and blows blinding powder into Scott’s eyes. Scott can’t see and Richardson gets ready to drill him with a steel-folding chair.

Dr. Dobson explains that in reality Scott’s shoulders were on the mat for 3 seconds and the referee should have called the match for Rev. Richardson. He calls for Rick Perry and his supporters to join the one, true ‘conservative- Rick-”

Perry, Gingrich, and Palin walk past the ring.

Suave: “What was that, Dr. Dobson?”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT- 3 Way Dance- non title
Winner Becomes the Democrats #1 Wrestler
Yamamoto Tanaka (D) vs. PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)

[...Tanaka has Chism in trouble. Bahama hangs back and waits. Tanaka on the top rope...JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER ON THE WAY!. Christopher Dodd (D-CT), chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America and advocate for SOPA runs to the ring with a steel folding chair. He climbs in the ring and blasts Tanaka from behind with the chair. Tanaka drops Chism who falls back into the ring and falls out of the ring. Dodd then turns to Bahama and clocks him with the chair. Bahama down. Dodd rolls Chism over on top of Bahama...1...2...3.]

Bahama eliminated at 7:19.

[Tanaka, angry after the chair shot, climbs back into the ring. Chism takes the chair and waffles him a second time with it. Tanaka slumps over the top rope. Chism drags him over the top and back into the ring. He covers...1...2...3.

WINNER: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 8:02

Dodd gets on the mic afterwards and complains that blackout day is a “dangerous” “gimmick” “designed to punish elected and administration officials who are working diligently to protect American jobs from foreign criminals.”

Dodd: “It is an irresponsible response and a disservice to people who rely on them for information and use their services. It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today. It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the platforms that serve as gateways to information intentionally skew the facts to incite their users in order to further their corporate interests.”

Suave: “I’m sorry, is this the same guy who got special treatment from subprime mortgage companies during the friggin’ meltdown? Really?”

Daniel-San v. Valora Salinas match signing
After Dodd exits, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (I), accompanied by Mrs. Miyagi, walks out for the Daniel-San v. Valora Salinas match signing for Saturday. Soon after, Valora joins him.

Daniel-San and Valora both sign the contract. Before anyone can say anything, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy. attack again.

Daniel-San gets laid out. Valora fights back and takes out three of the four Cobra Cons before the fourth connects with a spinning heel kick and knocks her out. Creese and the Cobra Cons stand tall in the ring as the show ends.

Are Obama's Critics Dumb? Has Newsweek Gone Fox News? PCW Extreme Political TV

2012-01-16T20:50:00.000-08:00

PCW Extreme Political TV
Winter Sports Ice Arena
Willow Grove, PA
Monday January 11th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

MATCH #1- joined in progress.
PCW Tag Team Title Match
‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) © vs. John and Ronnie Walker
This is a rematch from last Thursday when Big Union obliterated the Walker Brothers and then offered them a rematch.

Last week:
Big Labor cuts a disingenuous heel promo about how, as the Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class, he hated to deliver the Scabbuster to a fellow middle class member. Of course, if the Walkers were part of a union- that class A, asskicking, they just received would never had happened. Big Labor says he’ll give Walkers a rematch any time, anywhere.

Big Labor lays out Ronnie Walker with a Scabbuster and then turns to John Walker and smiles. He lifts Ronnie up a second time and hits him with a second Scabbuster.

Suave: “JUST PIN HIM ALREADY!”

Big Labor makes the cover…1…2…NO! Big Labor pulls Ronnie up at the last second.   He calls for a microphone and tells the Walkers they showed some guts in showing up here to get their ass handed to them a second time. Big Labor tells John to pledge his allegience to the true Savior of the Middle Class…

Suave: “That’s Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class.”

…or else he’ll spike his brother a third time. John turns to the crowd for help.

Big Labor: “You don’t put your faith in the hands of some rabbling scabs. You put your faith in me.”

John is about to answer when…

Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition)
HT: 6′ 4″ WT: 215 HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)
MGR: Kenzie Blackwell
Mike the Mechanic (American Heartland Coalition)
HT: 5’10” WT: 202 HOME: Cleveland, OH
FIN: Jumper Cables
MGR: Tequila Sheila

Bobby Bare‘s ‘Pour Me Another Tequila, Sheila’ plays as Tequila Sheila leads Blackwell and his Les Miserables along with Mike the Mechanic hit the ring to battle Big Union. Sheila hands Mike the Mechanic the jumper cables and he knocks out James the Jeep Worker (D) with them.

Blackwell ducks a right hand by Big Labor and puts him in the Katahajime.

Suave: “BLACKWELL’S CHOKING OUT BIG LABOR!”

Down comes the California Teacher’s Union…

’The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta (D)
HT: 6’5″ WT: 245, HOME: Warsaw, Poland
FIN: Foul Pole
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown
Malibu Dusty (D)
HT: 5’9, WT: 195 HOME: Bakersfield, CA
FIN: Picket Line
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown

…but they’re intercepted by the Tea Party…

Average Joe
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 220, HOME: Defiance, OH
FIN: Average Slam
NRA
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 269, HOME: Richmond, IN
FIN: Gun Rack (modified torture rack)
‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 185, HOME: Salome, TX
FIN: Seven-Iron
MGR: Tromeo and Dr. Molly Greenwald

…The Tea Party brawls with the CTU until…

Occupy Wall Street (D)
Nate
HT: 5′ 10″ WT: 190 HOME: Minneapolis, MN
Shane
HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 185 HOME: Newark, NJ
Adam
HT: 6’0″ WT: 200 HOME: New York City, NY
…shows up…the referee for their scheduled match appears and clears out the ring.

MATCH #2- Six Man Tag Team Match
The Tea Party (R) vs. Occupy Wall Street (D)
[...Average Joe rolls onto Nate connecting with a knee. NRA tags in McAvay. McAvay rolls onto Nate connecting with a knee. Nate gets up. Nate springboard DDT's McAvay onto the mat! Nate locks McAvay in the Occupy Grapevine submission. The referee checks for a tap out. ... ... McAvay is fighting the hold. Blackwell in the ring with a double axe handle and Nate breaks the hold. Nate sends McAvay out of the ring. McAvay is in the wrong part of town as Shane swings a Steel chair and blasts him with it. McAvay is bleeding as a result. Nate does a handspring and hits McAvay with a bodyblock, what a move! McAvay with a Salome suplex on Nate that drives him to the floor. McAvay bites Nate's arm. ]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

[Back in the ring, McAvay hits the cobra clutch suplex. He follows with an arm wrench and Nate is in trouble. McAvay with a frog splash on Nate. He picks Nate up and hits a stomachbreaker. Tromeo tells McAvay to finish him off and throws him the seven iron. *WHACK* Seven iron shot on Nate! McAvay covers...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: The Tea Party @ 16:06

Leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) charges down the ramp with the Democrats in tow and they attack the Tea Party.   O’Beck Bahama, PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism, Big Union, The CTU, Axel Rodd, ’New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor obliterate the Tea Partiers.

Finally, the Republicans respond in kind and send their wrestlers to the ring. PCW Security tries to sort it all out as PCW goes to commercial.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein reports that Jon Huntsman (R-UT) is dropping out of the Republican race to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama in November.

Huntsman: “This race had degenerated into an onslaught of negative and personal attacks not worthy of PCW and not worthy of this critical time in American history.”

Huntsman endorsed the Massachusetts Redblood Mitt Romney (R-UT) and then took a shot at current PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) for engaging in “class warfare” and added that he felt it contributed to the divisiveness in PCW.

This leaves five main contenders left in the race to be the Republican to challenge PCW CEO Obama (D-IL):
Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Ron Paul (R-TX)
Rick Perry (R-TX)

Suave: “Last week, Valora Salinas finally got her wish- a title match against PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) which will take place this Saturday at South Carolina Slaughter. Here’s how it came about.”

Last Thursday on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
Daniel-San: “All she wants is a chance at the PCW title. And as the PCW Champion, I’m willing to give her a shot.”

Reid and Pelosi are stunned. Daniel-San sets the match for next Saturday’s PCW South Carolina Slaughter show and says “may the best man…or woman win.” Valora escapes from Big Labor and Chism and low bridges both men. Reid and Pelosi run for it.

In the ring, Daniel-San soaks up the crowd’s applause- not seeing that John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives are sneaking up on him. Creese signals his gang and they attack Daniel-San. The Cobra Cons deliver a vicious beatdown of the PCW Champion until Valora hits the ring and makes the save.

PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) talks with Woodward Bernstein. He explains that the reason he is giving Valora a title match is because he’s obligated to defend the title and she deserves as much as anyone else.    Mrs. Miyagi adds that he’s not going to take her lightly before getting cut off by the champion. Daniel-San then adds that Valora has won titles before and it’s time to see just how she’ll handle a big time match.
Bernstein then asks about the sneak attack on him last week by John Creese and the Cobra Cons. Daniel-San evades answering the question and walks away leaving Mrs. Miyagi puzzled.
Suave: “That was weird. And totally out of character for Daniel-San. What’s going on?”

MATCH #3- PCW Television Title #1 Contender’s Match w/Special Referee: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Special Enforcer: ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs. New Age Sensitive Guy Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D)
The match is delay when Chism grabs the microphone from ring announcer Kimber Marshall and rants about the fact that he holds a title but O’Beck Bahama is considered the Democrat’s number one wrestler. Chism says he’s getting tired of being disrespected and demands that Bahama relinquish his #1 slot to him.
Bahama, of course, tells Chism to stick it in his ear. Chism attacks Bahama while ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor tries to play peacemaker. Thomas-Taylor gets a Hollywood Blockbuster from Chism for his troubles.

Then Tanaka attacks both Chism and Bahama and there’s a three way brawl in the ring. Finally, PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) and former PCW Competition Committee Chief Nancy Pelosi (D-NV) rush down to the ring to separate the three.

Suave: “There is no love lost between Chism and Bahama or Tanaka. None at all. Chism’s responsible for costing both Bahama and Tanaka the PCW title at one time or the other.”

Finally, PCW Security hits the ring and tears Tanaka, Bahama, and Chism away from each other.
Suave: “For all the stuff about the Republicans squabbling, don’t forget that the Democrats have their loony wing as well that doesn’t get along with the others.”

Suave references the Andrew Sullivan article in Newsweek which has on the cover this week the caption “Why are Obama’s critics so dumb?” and then turns it over to Steve Hunter for a new feature on PCW…

Steve Hunter’s Three Sentence Political Commentary- because three sentences is all you need to get your point across.

TOPIC: Andrew Sullivan’s Newsweek article

Sullivan’s article in Newsweek is thoughtful and well worth the read. The same can’t be said for the idiotic caption on the cover that could have come from the editorial department of MSNBC. Really Newsweek, I thought only Fox did stupid stuff like this…allegedly.

BACKSTAGE
Snooki aka Nicole Polizzi of Jersey Shore fame tells PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein that Donald Trump should be the next President of the United States.

Snooki: “I thought Trump was gonna run. But he’s not, right? I would endorse him and vote for him.”

Snooki continued to ramble on until PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) ran in and decked her with a steel chairshot.

Bernstein: “Thanks…I think.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT:
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Texas Jack w/Rick Perry (R-TX)
Jim Schmidt w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)
K-Roy w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Richardson, urged on by Santorum, starts the match on fire and nearly eliminates K-Roy right out of the box.
Schmidt is sluggish from the get-go and ends up being the first one eliminated. Not a good night for the Ron Paul-ites in the audience.

After Richardson’s hot start, it’s Texas Jack who gets it in gear for the first time in months and starts to kick serious ass all over the ring.   He hooks up with K-Roy and they brawl from one side of the ring to the other.
Like Mitt Romney, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott plays it cool and stays out of trouble for the most part.
Richardson runs out of gas and gets tossed by K-Roy. Newt Gingrich cheers while Rick Santorum does not look pleased.

Towards the end of the match, Romney is talking with Johnny Suave at ringside and calls Gingrich super PAC flick the ‘biggest hoax since Bigfoot. Then Romney calls ‘McCain-Feingold a disaster. Suave then reminds Mitt that McCain is his biggest, high profile endorsement and sure enough, McCain comes out.

In the end, Kevin Scott gets distracted and allows K-Roy to push him over the top rope and out of the match.
McCain and Romney talk as they head to the back. Scott is not pleased.

Down to K-Roy vs. Texas Jack; Newt vs. Perry.

Texas Jack on his game but K-Roy is even more sharp tonight.   Texas Jack misses a Texas Lariat and K-Roy hits a K-Bomb and makes the cover. Newt jumps in the ring and assists the referee in making a proper 1-2-3 and K-Roy wins the match.

Winner: K-Roy @ 11:26
Suave: “Not the greatest night for Romney. Newt gets a little momentum headed into Saturday’s match at South Carolina Slaughter.   We’ll see you Thursday night for PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.”

Huntsman (R-UT) to Drop Out: PCW Update

2012-01-15T19:08:00.000-08:00

CNN Political Ticker- Huntsman to Drop Out Monday
NY Times Caucus- Huntsman Says He’s Quitting GOP Race
Instapundit- Jon Huntsman Says He’s Out of Race
Mediaite- Huntsman to Drop Out of GOP Race Tomorrow

This leaves five main contenders left in the race to be the Republican to challenge current PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL):

Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Ron Paul (R-TX)
Rick Perry (R-TX)

Saturday’s PCW South Carolina Slaughter may be the final hurdle for front runner Mitt Romney.
And it may be the reconfirmation of Romney’s representative, former PCW Champion ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R), as the Republican’s number one wrestler headed into the fall. Can Scott hold off Texas Jack (Rick Perry), Jim Schmidt (Ron Paul), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (Rick Santorum), and K-Roy (Newt Gingrich) and separate himself from the rest of the Republican wrestlers?

And just who will Scott face for the title? Will it be the current PCW Champion Daniel-San (I)? Will it be the Democrats current #1 wrestler, and former PCW Champion, O’Beck Bahama (D)?

With Huntsman now out of the race, will we be able to continue without…the Huntsman girls?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoD2yDOqbrg

We’ll see what the fall out will be from Huntsman’s departure tomorrow night on PCW Extreme Political TV.

PCW Update: Romney Goes for the Kill in South Carolina

2012-01-14T13:52:00.000-08:00

The 2012 road to PCW Extreme Election Day in November is in full swing and PCW’s South Carolina Slaughter show is one week away.

Gill Report- SC POLL: ROMNEY 28%, GINGRICH 21%, SANTORUM & PAUL AT …

Mitt Romney (R-MA) goes for the kill.
RealClearPolitics – Mitt Romney and the Right
Big Government- Why Does Mitt Romney Want Low-Skilled Workers to Be …
Political Animal – Mitt Romney’s new problem: A rising sun

Rick Perry (R-TX) still struggling to get back into the race.
Rick Perry Mannequin | South Carolina | Squat N Gobble | Mediaite
Lonely Conservative- Rick Perry Loses Supporters in South Carolina – Update …
Business Insider- South Carolina: Can Rick Perry Stop Santorum and Gingrich?

Gingrich (R-GA) v. Santorum (R-PA)
Gingrich and Santorum Vie to Be the Conservative – The Caucus …
Political News Now- ELECTION 2012:: Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum in South Carolina …
CNN Political Ticker- Gingrich’s gameplan: Ignore Santorum, hammer Romney – CNN …

Ron Paul (R-TX) still lurks.
Raw Story- Maher: Ron Paul ‘is in my heart more on foreign affairs’ than Obama …
Mediaite- Bill Maher Ron Paul | Obama Ron Paul Foreign Policy | Video …
Reason.com- Ron Paul: Third In South Carolina, Confusing the Politicos, the …

Republicans Fighting Back Over Recess Appointments
Potus News- Obama Recess Appointments Challenged
Washington Monthly Political Animal – It sure looks like a recess
Courage in America- Obama admin taken to court for recess appointments

Springsteen Backs Occupy Wall Street

Coming up Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV:

-how will Daniel-San (I) respond after John Creese and his Cobra Cons decimated him at the end of last Thursday’s PCW Politics is War show.

-now that an uneasy truce has been put into place between PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas and PCW, will her path of rage go on hiatus until she gets her PCW title shot next week at South Carolina Slaughter?

-PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) will be the guest referee and newly resigned Yamamoto Tanaka (D) will be the enforcer as O’Beck Bahama (D) and New Age Sensitive Guy Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D)
-And the main event will be a six man tag team match between:

The Tea Party
Average Joe
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 220
HOME: Defiance, OH
FIN: Average Slam

NRA
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 269
HOME: Richmond, IN
FIN: Gun Rack (modified torture rack)

‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 185
HOME: Salome, TX
FIN: Seven-Iron
MGR: Tromeo and Dr. Molly Greenwald

vs.

Occupy Wall Street
Nate
HT: 5′ 10″ WT: 190
HOME: Minneapolis, MN

Shane
HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 185
HOME: Newark, NJ

Adam
HT: 6’0″ WT: 200
HOME: New York City, NY

Last Thursday, the OWS attacked American Heartlanders Charlie Blackwell and Blackwell’s Les Miserables at the end of the show. The Tea Party came to the rescue and now it’s on for real this Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV.

Romney Speaks French- (oh) mon dieu!: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

2012-01-13T18:27:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Kilpatrick Athletic Center
Great Barrington, MA
Thursday January 12th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave recaps what went down at PCW Manchester (NH) Madness Tuesday night

-PCW Security came out searching for PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas but came up empty all night long

-PBR debuted in PCW, defeated Ken Worth-The American Trucker, and then Worth announced he was retiring and becoming PBR’s manager, Chief.

-Yamamoto Tanaka chose to return to the Democrats and destroyed ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) after he won the NH Primary Match

-John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy) returned and kept a close watch on Daniel-San.

Suave is kicked out the ring by…

Corporate Might:
Big Oil (R)
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323
HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas Tex

Kirk Walstreit- The Wall Street Market Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R)
HT: 6-2 WT: 220
HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Stock Market Plunge

An angry Big Oil came out to discuss what happened to him Tuesday night…

Replay- PCW Manchester (NH) Madness
Big Oil: “The more you pathetic people drive because you’re too lazy to walk a block to the store; the richer you make me.”

The crowd boos and lobs debris into the ring until they see PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas hit the ring. She oulls out a taser and Big Oil doesn’t see her until it’s too late. He gets zapped by the taser and falls like a tree to the mat.

Walstreit, realizing that he was in immiment danger, tried to get out but PBR and Chief ran in and blocked his exit. PBR blasted him in the face with a beer can and then Chief threw him to Valora. She in turn tasered him and left him in a puddle in the ring.

PBR tossed Valora a beer and the three shared a drink before PCW Security ran down and chased the Women’s champion off.

Big Oil calls everyone who cheered Valora Salinas two days ago a bunch of nobody losers who hate their spouses, jobs, and children. He says people chant “Big Oil Sucks” because he embodies the success that they cannot achieve. Then he calls out to the back for the ‘next nobody’ for him to destroy.

MATCH #1
Big Oil (R) w/Kirk Walstreit vs. Mitchell Parker

By day, Parker is an auto technician barely scraping enough money to make ends meet.
Big Oil toys with Parker for several minutes before putting him away with the Oklahoma Driller.
Post match, PBR…

PBR
Ht. 5-11, Wt: 205
HOME: Circleville, Ohio
FIN: Blue Ribbon Bash
MGR: Chief

…and Chief attacks Big Oil and Walstreit. Walstreit destroys Chief with the Stock Market Plunge. Big Oil beats PBR into a pulp and lays him out with the Oklahoma Driller.
Big Oil drags PBR to the ring apron while Walstreit sets up a table. Big Oil sets for an Oklahoma Driller through the table when…

PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I)
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME: South Central, California
FIN: Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

…flies in and tasers Walstreit. Big Oil drops PBR to the floor and menacingly moves towards Valora. PCW Security run up from behind and grab the PCW Women’s champion. Bad move.

Valora chews through PCW Security in no time but runs right into the right hand of Big Oil that latches around her throat. Valora kicks and swings but Big Oil lifts her up in the air and chokeslams her through the table.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

PCW Security recover and drag Valora to the back.

BACKSTAGE
John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy) skulk around looking for PCW Champion Daniel-San (I).

Back in the ring, Newt Gingrich (R-GA) accuses front runner Mitt Romney (R-MA) of something so diabolical, so disturbing that it should disqualify him from the Republican race- he speaks French.
Even worse, says Gingrich- he speaks it fluently.

Gingrich: “Massachusetts moderate Mitt Romney will say anything to win, anything… And just like John Kerry, he speaks French too.”

Suave: “Well, I could think of worse things…”

MATCH #2- PCW Tag Team Title Match
‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) © vs. John and Ronnie Walker
The Walkers are both part of the working class middle class struggling to get by in an anemic economy.
Big Labor hits the Scabbuster on John Walker at the five minute mark to get the pin for the PCW Tag Team Champions.

Post match, Big Labor cuts a disingenuous heel promo about how, as the Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class, he hated to deliver the Scabbuster to a fellow middle class member. Of course, if the Walkers were part of a union- that class A, asskicking, they just received would never had happened. Big Labor says he’ll give Walkers a rematch any time, anywhere.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) appears on the big screen and tells us that he’s has already booked the return match for Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV. It will be a no count out, no DQ match. Big Labor smiles and both Walkers look scared shitless. James the Jeep Worker offers a handshake. John Walker reluctantly accepts.

BACKSTAGE
Democrat Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the one year anniversary of the Gabby Giffords shooting.

DWS: “We need to make sure that we tone things down, particularly in light of the Tucson tragedy from a year ago, where my very good friend, Gabby Giffords, who is doing really well by the way, and I know everybody is so thrilled, as I am, to hear that, making tremendous progress. But the discourse in America, the discourse in Congress in particular, to answer your question, very specifically, has really changed. And I’ll tell you, I hesitate to place blame, but I have noticed it takes a very precipitous turn towards edginess and a lack of civility with the growth of the tea party movement.”

This brought out Republican leader Rance Priebus who accused Wasserman-Schultz of recklessly connecting the tea party movement to a tragedy.

Priebus: “Schultz should apologize immediately for her reckless comments blaming the tea party for the horrific Tuscon shooting.”

Suave: “That’s Tucson.”

Priebus: “Oh. Right.”

Then, American Heartlander Charlie Blackwell…
Charlie Blackwell
HT: 6′ 4″ WT: 215
HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)

…comes out with his Les Miserables and Tea Party members Average Joe, NRA, and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay.

Blackwell: “Look in the mirror, Deb. The desperation must be setting in the DNC and the facts just keep getting in your way. You claim to be for ordinary Americans but your smear campaign against the Tea Party shows that you have to be in control no matter how many lies the DNC must invent against the Tea Party to delegitamize it.”

Wasserman-Schultz calls Blackwell is ‘symptomatic of the lack of civility in politics.’

Blackwell retorts that the Democrats are in the same big bed with their big time special interest groups as the Republicans are. Priebus tries to interrupt but Blackwell cuts him off. Blackwell accuses both parties of being responsible for the extreme incivility and that the American Heartland movement stands with the Tea Party for sticking up for average Americans.

Blackwell challenges any Republican and Democrat to a match…

Occupy Wall Street:
-Nate, HOME: Minneapolis, MN
-Shane, HOME: Newark, NJ
-Adam, HOME: New York City, NY

The OWS answer the call. Nate, Shane, and Adam attack Blackwell. Mike the Mechanic (American Heartland), Tequila Sheila, and the Tea Partiers in the ring make the save.

BACKSTAGE
Big Labor (D) and PCW Television Champion “The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) hold Valora Salinas while PCW Executive Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) stare at her.
Reid is about to strip her of the PCW Women’s title when PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) appeared in the ring and told them to stop.

Daniel-San: “All she wants is a chance at the PCW title. And as the PCW Champion, I’m willing to give her a shot.”

Reid and Pelosi are stunned. Daniel-San sets the match for next Saturday’s PCW South Carolina Slaughter show and says “may the best man…or woman win.” Valora escapes from Big Labor and Chism and low bridges both men. Reid and Pelosi run for it.

In the ring, Daniel-San soaks up the crowd’s applause- not seeing that John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives are sneaking up on him. Creese signals his gang and they attack Daniel-San. The Cobra Cons deliver a vicious beatdown of the PCW Champion until Valora hits the ring and makes the save.

Suave: “It’s set. PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas will meet PCW Champion Daniel-San next Saturday for the PCW Title!

Romney Rolls: PCW Manchester (NH) Madness

2012-01-11T17:02:00.000-08:00

PCW Manchester Madness Report
The VerizonManchester, NH
Tuesday January 10th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

An overflow crowd booed PCW Security as they searched high and low for any sign of PCW Women's Champion Valora Salinas.

PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME: South Central, California
FIN: Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

Suave recaps PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) attempt to lay down the law to Valora last Thursday night on PCW Politics is War.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) walked out and arbitrarily declared Kathryn Randall Collins (D) the winner of Iowa match and threatened to strip Valora of Women’s Title if she doesn’t accept a title match with KRC.

And then the end of the show after the Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ’New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) match...

Post match, PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas ran out and hit a sick missile dropkick to New Age Sensitive Guy. The Big Union forces chased after her as the show ended.

Suave also discussed the tournament to determine the #1 Contender for the PCW Television Title. Tonight, it's New Age Sensitive Guy Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) vs. former PCW Champion O'Beck Bahama (D) for the #1 Contender's slot. The winner gets a shot at TV Champion 'The One Man Hollywood A-List' Stone Chism (D).

BACKSTAGEPCW Security Forces continue to scour the arena for Valora.

MATCH #1
PBR (I) vs. Ken Worth-The American Trucker (I)

Worth, a former PCW Television Champion, nearly had the match won when he hit the Jake Brake on PBR. But PBR turned it around and got his first win in PCW with the Blue Ribbon Bash- PBR grabs a beer can and bashes Worth in the face with it, to get the pin.

PBR chugs a can of Pabst's Blue Ribbon down after the match with Worth. The American Trucker surprises everyone by announcing he's becoming PBR's manager and changing his name to Chief.

Colorado Hottie AlertTeenager Sydney Spies and her mother Miki show up in the ring to complain that her racy senior picture was rejected by Spies's school’s yearbook committee.

http://joybehar.blogs.cnn.com/video/2012/01/10/colorado-high-school-bans-student-sexy-yearbook-photo

Spies: "I want to be a model. I’m a dancer, and I feel like administration isn’t allowing me to show that."

She then takes off her overcoat.

Miki Spies: “When your child is spreading her wings, you just want to come alongside and support them. That’s what I’m doing as a mother.”

Johnny Suave: "Those pictures may not be appropriate for a school yearbook; but Sydney could have a promising career in pro wrestling! She is 18 right?"

Sydney: "But I want to be a model...a dancer."

Suave: "As I said, you could make it in pro wrestling. You could be the next Daisy Cutter-Bomb!"

Daisy Cutter-Bomb (R)

BACKSTAGESeveral members of the PCW Security Force lay unconscious in the hallway. Suave immediately suspects Valora Salinas is responsible. So does Democrats Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). They take off to discuss the situation with PCW CEO Barack Obama.

Tanaka Enters the BuildingFormer 3 Time PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)...

Former Three Time PCW Champion
Yamamoto Tanaka (Free Agent)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350
HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

...enters the building. Suave notes that he has been offered a substanial amount of money by Super PAC's representing both the Republicans and the Democrats.

Suave: "Who will he choose? We may find out tonight."

Next, an exclusive sneak peek of the upcoming novel- Jesusland vs. Progressiveville follows:

Stacey started for the door. “Whatever. If we’re done here, Kate and I really have to be at the Kennedy Center in just two hours-”

KILMER VALKILMER:
(sings to the tune of “One More Day” from the musical Les Miserables):
“In just two hours
A hundred twenty-minutes away.”

Stacey thumbed through a manuscript of Jesusland vs. Progressiveville- “All right, just when the hell did this turn into a musical?”

KILMER VALKILMER:
(sings)
“On the Rock Creek and Potomac Parkway
The forces of the left and right
Will gather on the road tonight
In just two hours.”

Darius took Stacey by the hand and turned her away from the door- just off to the left of Valkilmer.

DARIUS
(sings):
“I wish you’d come with us tonight
I wish you’d be with me forever.”

KILMER VALKILMER:
“In just two hours “

DARIUS:
"Though you don’t strip or model lingerie
I hope with me you will endeavor.”

Kate walked over to the right of Valkilmer.

KATE:
“In two hours, he’ll be away.”

DARIUS and STACEY:
“If we make it through the night.”

KATE:
“In two hours, I’ll be with her.”

DARIUS and STACEY:
“We should sit and talk awhile.”

KATE:
“But I don’t know what I can say.”

DARIUS and STACEY:
“And plan the future, you and me.”

KATE:
"That’ll change her love to me.”

Enriques stepped out and thrust his fist into the air.

ENRIQUES
(sings):
“Two more hours until the march!”

DARIUS:
“Should I go with her instead?”

ENRIQUES:
“We’ll stop the extremists on the roadway!”

DARIUS:
“Should I watch her at the show?”

ENRIQUES:
“As the people come and join.”

DARIUS:
“Should I stay or should I go?”

ENRIQUES:
“Our demonstration to be free”

ALL:
“It’s time, to go
Two hours, the show!”

VALKILMER:
"Two more hours!”

JAVIER- AN OFFICIAL REPRESENTATIVE OF THE WASHINGTON D.C. PARK SERVICE:
“If you trespass on the park grounds
You’ll be arrested on the spot
You’ll be hauled down to the station
And you will wet yourselves a lot.”

VALKILMER:
“Two more hours!”

MR. AND MRS. THENARD- OWNERS OF A LOCAL MOTEL 6:
(sings)
“Why were we brought here?
We really do not know
We were walking to the Kennedy
To see the show…
We run a Motel 6
Across the river so
Can we wrap this up
So we can go.”

More people stream into Stacy’s house and line up behind the others.

ALL:
“Two more hours til things start changing!”

STACEY:
“Who let these others in the house?”

ALL:
“Two more hours to make a stand.”

STACEY:
“They weren’t here a minute ago.”

ALL:
“We will stop them at the Kennedy.”

STACEY:
“I hope my landlord doesn’t show.”

ALL:
We will make them understand.”

DARIUS (to ENRIQUES):
“I pledge- to you
I’ll be back- real soon.”

VALKILMER:
“TWO MORE HOURS!”

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: When this is over, we will leave.
KATE: Two more hours, she’ll be with me.
JAVIER: I will watch the ground this evening- I will watch for things amiss.

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: Take a trip, far, far away.
JAVIER: If they trepass on park property- I will be extremely pissed.

VALKILMER:
“TWO MORE HOURS!”

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: We’ll be a hundred miles from here
KATE: But she doesn’t love me like him
JAVIER: If you trespass on the park grounds- you’ll be arrested on the spot
THENARDS: Why were we brought here?-we really do not know

(At the same time)
DARIUS and STACEY: At a cottage we will stay
JAVIER: You’ll be hauled down to the station
THENARDS: We were walking to the Kennedy

VALKILMER:
“Two hours is the chosen time- where we will put it on the line.”

ALL:
“In just two hours from now we’ll find out just where our story’s going to go.
At sunset
In two hours
TWO…MORE…HOURSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

As the chorus wound down with a glorious crescendo, Kilmer Valkilmer’s face turned blue holding the very last note and dropped to the floor.

Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is coming soon to an online bookstore near you.

BACKSTAGE
PBR and Chief chug a can of Pabst's Blue Ribbon. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)...

Big Oil
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323
HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas TexKirk Walstreit- The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit
HT: 6-2 WT: 220
HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Stock Market Plunge

...walk by. Big Oil bumped into Chief and caused him to lose his beer. Big Oil laughs and heads to the ring.

In the ring, Big Oil again crows about the slowly rising gas prices. With Walstreit nodding with approval, Big Oil says the American people are nothing more than sheep who can't live without their car.

Big Oil: "The more you pathetic people drive because you're too lazy to walk a block to the store; the richer you make me."

The crowd boos and lobs debris into the ring until they see PCW Women's Champion Valora Salinas hit the ring. She oulls out a taser and Big Oil doesn't see her until it's too late. He gets zapped by the taser and falls like a tree to the mat.

Walstreit, realizing that he was in immiment danger, tried to get out but PBR and Chief ran in and blocked his exit. PBR blasted him in the face with a beer can and then Chief threw him to Valora. She in turn tasered him and left him in a puddle in the ring.

PBR tossed Valora a beer and the three shared a drink before PCW Security ran down and chased the Women's champion off.

YOUR GRATIUTIOUS TIM TEBOW MOMENT OF THE WEEK[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7A-z_Olo94&feature=related]

BACKSTAGEPCW Champion Daniel-San and Mrs. Miyagi shared a quick word with...

Jamie Chung & Juliette Lewis

...in the background, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy) keep a close eye on Daniel-San.

New Hampshire Primary Match‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TXJim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman and the Huntsman Girls (R-UT)

Richardson and Texas Jack go after Kevin Scott from the get go. Things get even more wild when Schmidt drags Richardson from the ring and beats the holy hell out of him.Walker has a good outing and ends up finishing third.

Scott shakes off the early double team and takes over the match. He gets the pin on Jim Schmidt and takes the NH Primary match for Mitt Romney.

Romney and Scott stand together in the ring and celebrate their win. Then Yamamoto Tanaka walks to the ring. Suave wonders what side he's chosen. Tanaka makes it clear seconds later when he choke slams Scott to the canvas.

Then Occupy Wall Street...

-Nate, HOME: Minneapolis, MN
-Shane, HOME: Newark, NJ
-Adam, HOME: New York City, NY

...hit the ring and attack Romney. The OWS drive Romney to the ground and start kicking him. This brings Chris Christie (R-NJ) and his Jersey Boys: Frankie and Vinnie to the ring and a full scale brawl breaks out to end the show.

Santorum: "Bring it On.": PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

2012-01-06T08:16:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Allen County War Memorial Coliseum
Fort Wayne, IN
Thursday January 5th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

The first PCW Political War on P-SPAN show began with a video recap of 'American Citizen' Kevin Scott's, backed by Mitt Romney, hard fought, closer than expected victory in the Iowa Caucus Rumble match Tuesday night over The Right Reverend Randy Richardson, backed by Rick Santorum.

Rick Santorum (R-PA) opened the show in the ring crowing about his showing in Iowa on Tuesday night. Santorum, joined in the ring by The Right Reverend Randy Richardson...

The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R)
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235
HOME: Scarsdale, NY
FIN: Chairshot or Caneshot

...and Richardson's God Squad:

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0 WT: 190
HOME: Biloxi, Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (The Power of Christ)

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189
HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

declared "GAME ON!" and vowed to take the fight to Mitt Romney (R-MA) and his wrestler 'American Citizen' Kevin Scott...

Former 2 Time PCW Champion
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 245
HOME: Ottumwa, IA
FIN: American Stars and Fuji Armbar

Santorum vowed to end PCW CEO Barack Obama's (D-IL) reign of terror but he was challenged by American Heartland Coalition member Charlie Blackwell.

Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition)
HT: 6′ 4″ WT: 215
HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)

Blackwell called Santorum is K-Street millionaire who made his money using his 'political insider' status. Blackwell was then interrupted by Washington Post columnist Charles Krauthammer. Krauthammer called Santorum a 'worthy candidate' who's knowledgeable, article, of stable character, and 'authentic ideology.'
Washington Post: Charles Krauthammer article

MATCH #1
Goat (I) vs. Jon Huntsman (R)

Goat bites Huntsman. Huntsman stays calm. The match ended up a draw.

Backstage, a Republican Super-PAC visited former PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka...

Former Three Time PCW Champion
Yamamoto Tanaka (Free Agent)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350
HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

The members of the Super-PAC walked into Tanaka's dressing room carrying briefcases overflowing in cash.
Next, a replay of PCW CEO Barack Obama's announcement concerning the PCW Women's Tag Team title and PCW Men's Title from Tuesday night.

...Obama announces that the PCW Women’s Tag Team division has been shelved. ABC’s Jake Tapper asks if this has anything to do with the fact that two Republicans just won the title belts back (last month at PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV). Obama’s PR…er…Press Secretary Jay Carney vehemently denies any connection. Carney says that Obama tried to work with the Republicans in the PCW Competition committee for a fair resolution to the issue. Carney adds the Republicans refused to work with Obama so the PCW CEO took matters into his own hands.

Obama then announces the return of the PCW Television Title belt to replace the PCW Men’s Title- currently held by Democrat ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism. Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN, there will be the start of a tournament to crown a new #1 contender for the TV belt who will face Chism next Monday on PCW Extreme Political TV.

The start of the tournament to determine the #1 contender for the newly reactivated PCW Television Title was next.

MATCH #2- Semi-Final Match for the PCW Television Title #1 Contender
Magnum P.O.'d (R) w/Robyn Masters vs. O'Beck Bahama (D)

Magnum PO’d
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235
HOME: Honolulu, HI
FIN: Porsche Plunge
VALET: Robyn Masters

O’Beck Bahama
HT: 6’2” WT: 245
HOME: Fort Lauderdale, FL
FIN: Bahama Backbreaker

Bahama defeated Magnum P.O.'d with the Bahama Backbreaker after PCW Officials came to the ring and arbitrarily removed Robyn Masters from ringside. The distraction allowed Bahama to hit Magnum low to set up the Bahama Backbreaker.

PCW Champion Daniel-San...

Current PCW Champion Daniel-San (I)
HT: 5’10″ WT: 180
HOME: Newark, New Jersey
FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick

...walked out after the commercial break and accepted the Championship Wrestling Council's Superstar of the Year award.

CWC Rankings Superstar of the Year 2011 - Daniel-San (PCW)

Daniel-San finished the year in top spot after a strong finish and will look to maintain his position at the top of the PCW pile next year.

The crowd gave Daniel-San a standing ovation and he thanked everyone for their support. Daniel-San stated that he loved the fans and was proud to stick up for the little guy- something that's lacking in the world of political wrestling.

As Daniel-San thanked the PCW fans, lurking ominously in the back and watching: John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang- Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvCwD8UoMXs&feature=related]

Next, a video replay of PCW Women's Champion Valora Salinas's...

PCW Women's Champion Valora Salinas
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME: South Central, California
FIN: Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

...rant from Tuesday night...

...Valora destroys KRC and Border Tosses her out of the ring. She takes the microphone and says she’d challenge both women to a three way match with the title on the line, but Valora has biggest game in mind- a title shot for the PCW Title belt against Daniel-San (I).
Valora makes it clear that if anyone deserves first shot at the PCW title it’s her after she dispatched ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism last month at the Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) walked out and arbitrarily declared Kathryn Randall Collins (D) the winner of Iowa match and threatened to strip Valora of Women’s Title if she doesn’t accept a title match with KRC. He sent PCW officials to the back to bring out Valora. They broke into her dressing room- the PCW Women's Champion was nowhere to be found.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvCwD8UoMXs&feature=related]

MAIN EVENT: Semi-Final match #2- #1 Contender for the PCW Television Title
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ’New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D)
Republican John Boehner (R-OH), leader of the PCW Competition Committee ran out and vehemently protested Obama's booking in giving another Democrat a slot for the title. Obama's PR...er...press secretary Jay Carney dares Boehner to try and stop them.

Blackwell was attacked mid-match by Big Labor and his Big Union cronies...

’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor
HT: 5'10" WT: 300
HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Scabbuster
MGR: Union Maid

James the Jeep Worker
HT: 5’10″, WT: 221
HOME: Toledo, OH
FIN: The Assembly Line

The California Teacher's Union
’The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta
HT: 6’5″ WT: 245
HOME: Warsaw, Poland
FIN: Foul Pole
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown

Malibu Dusty
HT: 5’9, WT: 195
HOME: Bakersfield, CA
FIN: Picket Line
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown

...allowing New Age Sensitive Guy to hit his finisher, soccer's bicycle kick, after first apologizing to Blackwell for what he was about to do.

Post match, PCW Women's Champion Valora Salinas ran out and hit a sick missile dropkick to New Age Sensitive Guy. The Big Union forces chased after her as the show ended.

Romney Eks Out Win, Santorum Nearly Pulls Off Surprise: 1/3-Drama in Des Moines, IA

2012-01-04T15:08:00.000-08:00

The results from last night’s PCW Drama in Des Moines show- the kickoff of PCW’s Road Show Across America Tour.

PCW Drama in Des Moines
Wells Fargo Arena
Des Moines, IA
Monday, January 3rd

The crowd chants, “PCW…PCW…PCW” as ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave comes out and welcomes everyone to the start of PCW’s Road Show across America tour. Suave states tonight is the beginning of the long road to November’s PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.

The main event tonight is the Iowa Caucus ie…a wild free-for-all bunkhouse brawl match involving: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott- representing Mitt Romney (R-MA), Farmer John- representing Michele Bachmann (R-MN), Magnum P.O.’d- Newt Gingrich (R-GA), Jim Schmidt- Ron Paul (R-TX), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson- Rick Santorum (R-PA), and Texas Jack- Rick Perry (R-TX).

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands as PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) appears. Behind Obama walks Joe Biden.

Obama announces that the PCW Women’s Tag Team division has been shelved.   ABC’s Jake Tapper asks if this has anything to do with the fact that two Republicans just won the title belts back (last month at PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV). Obama’s PR…er…Press Secretary Jay Carney vehemently denies any connection. Carney says that Obama tried to work with the Republicans in the PCW Competition committee for a fair resolution to the issue.   Carney adds the Republicans refused to work with Obama so the PCW CEO took matters into his own hands.

Obama then announces the return of the PCW Television Title belt to replace the PCW Men’s Title- currently held by Democrat ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism. Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN, there will be the start of a tournament to crown a new #1 contender for the TV belt who will face Chism next Monday on PCW Extreme Political TV.

MATCH #1- Queen of the Trailer Park Lani Harlot (R) vs. Soccer Mom (D) w/New Age Sensitive Guy
Harlot is backed by the White Trash Posse, Jeff and Shane. Soccer Mom takes the microphone from the ring announcer and shouts “IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!.” Harlot gets the win by submission when she locks Soccer Mom in the White Trash Compactor…

The White Trash Compactor

…at 5:17.

Post match, Women for Women (Democrat’s Code Pink and Emily List) and start screeching at her.   List gets a full nelson on the Queen of the Trailer Park and Code Pink plays a recording of Alec Baldwin ranting about conservative Republicans which causes Harlot and everyone else in the building to eventually pass out.

BACKSTAGE
Former PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (I) and his valet/translator Reika…

Yamamoto Tanaka and Reika

…make their surprise return to PCW.

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein immediately interviews him and asks him why he is back? Tanaka, through Reika, tells him that the current crop of Republicans vying for the PCW CEO job leaves a lot to be desired. He’s back because he believes there should be an independent option available as well.

When asked about rejoining the Democrats, Tanaka brings up the problems involving fellow Democrats Triple R (now Republican- The Rev. Randy Richardson) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).

The music of Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS?”

The crowd explodes. A spotlight points out a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha appears.

Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! HE’S BACK! HE’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…

The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore

The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.

The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring. He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.

Gore climbs in the ring and tells Tanaka he needs to stop whining about what the Democrats supposedly did to him last year. Gore calls Republicans a threat to PCW and calls on him to rejoin the Democrats and wipe out the Republicans once and for all.

Gore then goes after Ron Paul (R-TX). He calls him a non-starter, a fringe candidate with no chance of becoming the next PCW CEO. This leads to…

MATCH #2-
The Green World Order (GreenPete and Vegan Brock Cole Lee) with Peta from PETA and PeaceNick (D) vs. Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army (Jack and Joe Schmidt) with Ron Paul (R-TX) and Daisy Cutter-Bomb

The Green World Order marches down to the ring and join Gore inside.

And of course, the Ron Paul song plays as the Schmidts come to the ring…

The crowd chants: “RON-PAUL! (clap-clap) RON-PAUL! (clap-clap).

Ron Paul’s group take it to a new political extreme as the Schmidts immediately attack GreenPete and Brock Cole Lee and all four men end up brawling all over the building using chairs, putting each other through tables, and using every weapon at their disposal. Appalled at the extreme carnage and violence, PeaceNick climbs in the ring to protest. Daisy Cutter-Bomb…

Daisy Cutter-Bomb (R)

…gets annoyed and takes his placard away.   She pushes him down and then destroys PeaceNick with a Daisy Cutter Powerbomb.

Peta from PETA then jumps in and kicks Daisy in the leg. She takes Peta out with a second breathtaking Daisy Cutter Powerbomb.

The Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Markos Moulitsas of the Daily Kos, Eric Boehlert of Media Matters For America, Eric Alterman, and NY Times Columnist Paul Krugman) and Gore hit the ring and quadruple team the Schmidts.   Ron Paul tries to come to their rescue but the Bloggers fight him off.

The Right Wing Brigadiers (Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, and Glenn Beck) come in to help the New Libertarian Army even the odds. Daisy Cutter-Bomb hops out of the ring to help but gets blindsided by a revived Peta from PETA. Peta then jumps on Daisy’s back and knocks her out with chloroform. Taking it even further to the extreme, Peta handcuffs Daisy wrists around the turnbuckle and starts to whack away at her back with a Singapore cane.

PeaceNick, of course, is horrified and begins to protest.

PCW CEO Obama comes out again and declares the Green World Order the winners of the match @ 8:29.
Suave can’t believe it and demands to know on what grounds.   Obama points to a recent law passed by both the PCW Competition and the PCW Executive Board that gives him extraordinary rights.

Obama: “While I had serious reservations about the bill itself, I want to make clear that I will not abuse the provisions noted in the bill.” Suave wants to know if that clarification goes for future presidents. Obama doesn’t answer and then has police take Daisy Cutter-Bomb away.

The crowd starts booing and Suave wants the reason why but the answer isn’t forthcoming.

BACKSTAGE
Harry Reid (D-NV), leader of the PCW Executive Committee, and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) lead a Democrat Super-PAC carrying briefcases of cash, into Yamamoto Tanaka’s dressing room. Reid is overheard to say that he would guarantee a title shot against PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) if Tanaka rejoined the Democrats.

VIDEO RECAP FROM JESUSLAND VS. PROGRESSIVEVILLE
‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R) reemerged as a legitimate contender to the Women’s title as she defeated Kathryn Randall Collins (D) in a return match for the Women’s #1 contender spot.

The match turned when Democrat activists Women for Women (Code Pink and Emily List) tried to interfere. Code Pink blinded KRC by mistake with a glitter bomb and then Smith tossed both out of the ring before pinning Collins with a roll up at 9:51 in the match.

After the match, Democrats Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Harry Reid (D-NV) ‘congratulated’ Smith on her win but per PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) orders, she would have to defeat KRC a second time before becoming the Women’s #1 contender.

MATCH #3
‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
Again, Code Pink and Emily List (D) interfere. Pink blinds Smith with a Glitter Bomb and then KRC goes for the pin.

Then, the crowd roars when the PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas…

PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME: South Central, California
FIN: Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

Valora destroys KRC and Border Tosses her out of the ring. She takes the microphone and says she’d challenge both women to a three way match with the title on the line, but Valora has biggest game in mind- a title shot for the PCW Title belt against Daniel-San (I).

Valora makes it clear that if anyone deserves first shot at the PCW title it’s her after she dispatched ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism last month at the Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV.

MATCH #4- Iowa Caucus Match
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX)
Farmer John (R) w/Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Jim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)

Bad night for both Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry as Farmer John and Texas Jack make early exits in the match.

A Super PAC (Restore Our Future) supporting Mitt Romney gets involved in the match and helps take K-Roy (Newt Gingrich) out leaving Schmidt, Richardson, and Scott left in the match.

…Richardson with another brutal axe kick to Scott. He then slaps Schmidt. Scott comes back with a stiff forearm to Richardson and hits Schmidt with a MADE IN AMERICA! Cover…1…2…NO! Richardson hits a brainbuster to Scott. He covers..1…2…Scott kicks out.   Brainbuster to Schmidt 1…2…RON PAUL MAKES THE SAVE!

Here comes Mitt Romney’s Super PAC again…they stay on the outside and distract Schmidt. Richardson from behind…belly to back suplex. BRAINBUSTER!…1…2…3. Schmidt gone.

Scott versus Richardson. As usual, Richardson is uber aggressive and takes the fight to the former PCW champion. The match is fast paced and goes back and forth. Scott gains the upper hand late and Santorum sneaks in and blows blinding powder into Scott’s eyes. Scott can’t see and Richardson gets ready to drill him with a steel-folding chair.

Down comes Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Man with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R) with CEO Gordon Geyko. Big Oil catches Santorum and chokeslams him through a table out of the ring. Geyko cheers on as Walstreit plasters his prized picture of Kirk Herbstreit over Richardson’s head and Scott throws on the American Stars and Fuji Armbar. Richardson taps at 26:10.

Daniel-San (I) Retains, Merchants of Death (R) Regain Women’s Tag Team Title: PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville Report

2011-12-18T20:55:00.000-08:00

Before a capacity crowd at Evansville‘s Roberts Arena, Daniel-San (I), backed by Mrs. Miyagi, survived a three-way dance to retain the PCW Title in the main event of PCW’s Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV show tonight.

Daniel-San beat back a hard challenge from former champion O’Beck Bahama (D) to hold on to the title. Bahama nearly had Daniel-San in the Bahama Backbreaker but the champion slipped out in the nick of time. After sending Bahama into the ropes, Daniel-San nailed a missile drop kick that sent the former champion to the mat. Daniel-San wasted no time in applying the Cattle Mutilation submission hold to get the win at 17:49.
Bahama eliminated Magnum P.O.’d (R), backed by Newt Gingrich (R-GA), early in the match at the 6:35 mark, stopping Magnum’s run of wins in PCW and slowing Gingrich’s momentum as he heads towards PCW’s Drama in Des Moines supershow on January 3rd.

The only title change of the night took place when Republican‘s Merchants of Death (Angel Scott and Angel Casey) regained the PCW Women’s Tag Team title from Kelly and Korey Korver (D) in a tag team three way dance that also included the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski).

Scott and Casey hit the Death Spiral Drop on Kelly Korver at 10:06 to secure the win and the women’s tag team belts just seconds after eliminating the Mercenaries’s McGill using the same finisher.

In the opening match of the night, ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R) reemerged as a legitimate contender to the Women’s title as she defeated Kathryn Randall Collins (D) in a return match for the Women’s #1 contender spot.

The match turned when Democrat activists Women for Women (Code Pink and Emily List) tried to interfere. Code Pink blinded KRC by mistake with a glitter bomb and then Smith tossed both out of the ring before pinning Collins with a roll up at 9:51 in the match.

After the match, Democrats Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and Harry Reid (D-NV) ‘congratulated’ Smith on her win but per PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) orders, she would have to defeat KRC a second time before becoming the Women’s #1 contender. The rubber match will be held at Drama at Des Moines on January 3rd.

In other results from the PPV show:

Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Kirk Herbstreit man crush (R) flexed their corporate muscle and defeated Democrats The California Teacher’s Union (‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty) and the team of Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) and Average Joe (Tea Party)

‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) vs. Current TV’s Keith Olbermann (D) went to a no contest when the Angry Left Wing Bloggers and the Right Wing Brigadiers hit the ring and turned the match into a free-for-all.
Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) retained the PCW Tag Team Title even though they lost via count-out to The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and Jim Schmidt.

PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) was stunned by PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) in an intergender grudge match instigated by Chism’s sexist behavior towards Salinas.

In the final Republican Rumble of 2011, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott w/Mitt Romney (R-MA) held off K-Roy w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA), Jim Schmidt w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and a resurgent Texas Jack w/Rick Perry (R-TX) who had his best outing in some time and nearly stole the match from Scott. Nikki Haley (R-SC), who declared her support for Mitt Romney earlier in the show, ran in and distracted Texas Jack long enough for the ‘American Citizen’ to dispatch him over the ropes.

Thursday night, PCW will hold a post- Jesusland vs. Progressiveville retrospective show before heading into the Christmas/New Year’s break.

Final PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV Card

2011-12-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

Rematch- Women’s Division #1 Contender Match
‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
Smith and Collins had an epic battle Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN and KRC picked up the win with a little tug on Smith’s tights. Smith vows to even the score next Sunday night in a match that current PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) will be keeping close tabs on.

Grudge Match #1
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) and Average Joe (Tea Party) vs. The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) vs. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R) w/Texas Tex and CEO Gordon Guyko
Blackwell and Big Union have fought for several months over just who is the crusader for the middle class. Big Union has been fighting with Corporate Might over just about everything. The feuds converge into this three way tag team dance. Who will come out ahead- Big Union backed by the Democrats? Corporate Might backed by the Republicans? Or Charlie Blackwell and Average Joe?

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match-Three Way Dance:
(c) The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D) vs. The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovelevski (I) vs. Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)
Well, at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville the feud between the Korver Sisters and Merchants of Death was already going to explode. Adding the always dangerous Mercenaries to the mix?

Grudge Match #2
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) vs. Current TV’s Keith Olbermann (D)
They’re on the cover of the upcoming book Jesusland vs. Progressiveville. It’s fitting that Palin and Olbermann have another epic match at the J vs. P PPV.

PCW Men’s Tag Team Title Match:
(c) Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and Jim Schmidt
Big Union won the title from Ron Paul’s protegees on November 21nd. The Schmidt Brothers, three time holders of the PCW Tag Team Titles, shoot for a fourth title reign at J vs. P.

Grudge Match #3
PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I)
Chism has held multiple titles in PCW. Valora has held multiple titles in various promotions. Does Chism truly know what he’s getting himself into? Or will Valora be overmatched by Chism and his political friends.

The Final Republican Rumble of 2011
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX)
Farmer John (R) w/Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Jim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)

PCW Title Match:
(c) Daniel-San (I) vs. Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters and Newt Gingrich (R-GA) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)
The bellwether match headed into 2012. Nuff said.

Rick Perry: Strong or Maybe Too Strong?- PCW Extreme Political TV on P-SPAN

2011-12-13T15:43:00.000-08:00

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
SIU Arena
Carbondale, IL
Monday December 12th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

It’s the final show of the PCW Tour Across the Heartland and the go home show for next week’s Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV.

Rick Perry (R-TX) comes out and introduces his new commercial, ‘Strong’…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PAJNntoRgA

The video barely ends when Def Leppard‘s “Tear It Down” plays over the loudspeaker, heralding the appearance of PCW Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

Suave: “Maybe the video is a little- too ‘strong.’”

WTF grabs Perry by the throat, lifts, and choke slams him to the mat.

Suave: “You know, Perry could have made his point about the ‘war on religion’ without specifically naming gays.”

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R). Smith is upset over what went down last week during her women’s #1 contender’s match against Kathryn Randall Collins (D).

REPLAY: PCW Politics is War last Thursday night…Smith locks Collins up in the cobra clutch. Then Union Maid, Soccer Mom, and Code Pink (D) hit the ring. Soccer Mom yells “It’s For the Children!” and belts Smith in the mouth with a right hand. Code Pink fires off a Glitter Bomb and blinds Smith.

Code Pink (D) walks out and mocks Smith. Smith challenges her to come into the ring. Code Pink feigns going in but then KRC attacks Smith from behind. Collins seems to have the upper hand but Smith slips behind her and slapped on an Elevated Double Chickenwing. Pink tried to get into the ring but the ‘Trailer Park Queen’ Lani Harlot runs up and pulls her back down. Harlot slams Pink to the floor and puts her in the White Trash Compactor.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #1
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. Big Oil (R) w/Kirk Walstreit
…Big Oil into the ropes. Blackwell drops down to the mat. When Big Oil rebounds back, Blackwell tries to kip up but Walstreit blocks him. Walstreit then boots Blackwell in the head.

The crowd stands when PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D), run in and attack Big Oil. ‘The King of Big Labor,’ the AFL-CIO‘s Richard Trumka, goes over to the broadcast table and tells Suave that even though Blackwell has said critical things about big unions, here they are coming to his rescue- proof positive that labors are the saviors of the middle class.

Blackwell skips out of the ring and grabs a chair. He pops back in and brains Big Labor over the noggin with the chair. Trumka is incensed and starts yelling at Blackwell. James the Jeep Worker runs at him and gets clobbered by a chairshot, too. Blackwell turns to Walstreit- chairshot. Big Oil- chairshot.

BACKSTAGE
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) walks into the arena. Suave reminds us what happened to her last week.

REPLAY: PCW Politics is War last Thursday night
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, one half of the cover for the novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, is laid out on the floor unconscious.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SOMEONE TOOK OUT THE ALASKAN PITBULL! WHO DID IT? WE’LL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK.

Suave says we’ll find out tonight who attacked Palin.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gkj_kWh7sZI
Xavier vs. Cincinnati

Suave: “Oh, that wasn’t a wrestling match. My bad.

Kathryn Randall Collins in in the ring with the leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) and former leader of the PCW Competition Committee Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and she’s pissed. KRC tells the crowd if Sarah Mae Smith wants a fight, she’s got one. With Pelosi and Reid nodding, KRC challenges Smith to an old fashioned street fight next Sunday night at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV.

Suave then reviews the ongoing feud between PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I).

REPLAY: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- December 1st
…Chism pulls out an apron next. He rolls Valora over and puts the apron on her. Kim and Kourtney laugh at the PCW Women’s Champion. Chism says Valora will never, ever be good enough to be in the same ring with him. He adds that Valora should go back home, have babies, and leave pro wrestling to the big boys.

REPLAY: PCW Extreme Political TV- December 5thPCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian come out to confront Valora. From behind, six foot two, two hundred pound Cassidy McConnell (D) jumps Valora and choke slams her.

REPLAY: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- December 8th
…Valora opens up the briefcase she’s had with her all night long- inside is a French Maid’s uniform. She then dresses Chism up in the outfit and flips him off as she leaves.
Suave: “Next. Valora Salinas in action against Cassidy McConnell (D). If Valora can defeat the six foot four giant, she will get Stone Chism one on one next week at J vs. P.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave: “So, who attacked Palin last week?”

Except from the upcoming book: Jesusland vs. Progressiveville by Mr. A. Nominous
…Solo, fighting back tears, grabbed a crowbar from a rack of tools at the front of the trailer and walked back to the box. He jammed the crowbar hard into the area where the top of the box was nailed down and forced it open.
“Holy crap!” said Lingerie Girl.
It was Alaskan President Sarah Palin- tied up and gagged inside the box.

CHAPTER SIX
Standing off to the side of I-95 behind Ron Solo’s truck, Lingerie Girl and Ninja Kitty untied President Palin and threw the ropes into the ditch below.
“Are you okay?” asked Lingerie Girl.
“You betcha I am,” Palin responded. “Oh, boy. I can’t believe this happened to me.”
“What exactly happened?”
“My staff had to take the carcass of the oversized duck I shot to a local meat packer to store until we were ready to return to Alaska.”
“Oversized duck?” said Lingerie Girl.
“Long story,” Rebecca bellowed from inside the trailer.
“Oh.”
Palin continued: “I was walking back to the hotel and someone snuck up behind me and knocked me out. The next thing I knew, I was inside this dark box and couldn’t move my arms or legs.”
“Do you know where they were taking you?” Ninja Kitty asked.
“No clue.”
“It was Markos, Arianna Huffington, and Chris Matthews who put Solo up to this. They wanted to deliver you to the Olbermann Empire at 30 Rock.”
—————

Markos Moutilsas, Arianna Huffington, and Chris Matthews (D) walk out.

Suave: “I knew it! It was you!”

Markos: “We would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids.”

MATCH #3- PCW Women’s Title Match
(c) Valora Salinas (I) vs. Cassidy McConnell (D) w/’The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian
McConnell comes out first with Chism and Kim and wonders where Valora is. Then the champion slides out from under the ring. She pushes McConnell’s legs off the ring apron and the 6-4 giant falls, hitting her thigh hard on the corner of the ring. Chism and Kim try to help McConnell up. Valora goes top rope…AZTEC MOONSAULT! Chism and Kim are wiped out.

Valora drags McConnell back to the ring and cinches in the figure four leg lock. McConnell taps out frantically and Valora wins her match this Sunday against Chism.

WINNER AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Valora Salinas @ 1:10

The final card for PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville:

Rematch- Women’s Division #1 Contender Match
‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
Smith and Collins had an epic battle Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN and KRC picked up the win with a little tug on Smith’s tights. Smith vows to even the score next Sunday night in a match that current PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) will be keeping close tabs on.

Grudge Match #1
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) and Average Joe (Tea Party) vs. The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) vs. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R) w/Texas Tex and CEO Gordon Guyko
Blackwell and Big Union have fought for several months over just who is the crusader for the middle class. Big Union has been fighting with Corporate Might over just about everything. The feuds converge into this three way tag team dance. Who will come out ahead- Big Union backed by the Democrats? Corporate Might backed by the Republicans? Or Charlie Blackwell and Average Joe?

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match-Three Way Dance:
(c) The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D) vs. The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovelevski (I) vs. Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)
Well, at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville the feud between the Korver Sisters and Merchants of Death was already going to explode. Adding the always dangerous Mercenaries to the mix?

Grudge Match #2
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) vs. Current TV’s Keith Olbermann (D)
They’re on the cover of the upcoming book Jesusland vs. Progressiveville. It’s fitting that Palin and Olbermann have another epic match at the J vs. P PPV.

PCW Men’s Tag Team Title Match:
(c) Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and Jim Schmidt
Big Union won the title from Ron Paul’s protegees on November 21nd. The Schmidt Brothers, three time holders of the PCW Tag Team Titles, shoot for a fourth title reign at J vs. P.

Grudge Match #3
PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I)
Chism has held multiple titles in PCW. Valora has held multiple titles in various promotions. Does Chism truly know what he’s getting himself into? Or will Valora be overmatched by Chism and his political friends.

PCW Title Match:
(c) Daniel-San (I) vs. Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters and Newt Gingrich (R-GA) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)
The bellwether match headed into 2012. Nuff said.

Romney and Paul Scheme Against Gingrich: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2

2011-12-09T15:56:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
QWest Center
Omaha, NE
Thursday December 8th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #3
T-Roy and K-Roy (R) vs. The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA (D)

The Republicans new tag team get set to debut. But first, GreenPete gets on the mic to say a couple words. GreenPete quotes from an article in Germany‘s Der Spiegel magazine ‘the Republican race is dominated by ignorance, lies and scandals. The current crop of candidates for PCW CEO have shown such a basic lack of knowledge that they make George W. Bush look like Einstein. The Grand Old Party is ruining PCW’s reputation.’

GreenPete then calls T-Roy and K-Roy the poster children for the stupid, redneck, uncivilized rabble the Republicans attract. GreenPete protests the impending violence inside the ring while outside the ring with the Occupy Wall Street folks: Nate, Shane, and Adam.

T-Roy: Listen, are you here to wrassle or are you here to run your pie-hole all night long?”
Lee answers the question by tackling T-Roy and the match is on.

…K-Roy drops the elbow on GreenPete. Brock Cole Lee runs in, K-Roy tosses him into the corner. Nate from the OWS comes up behind K-Roy. He goes for the Occupation Obliteration but T-Roy slams a steel chair over Nate’s head. K-Roy stomps him a bit then sets up the table. Shane and Adam of the OWS in…T-Roy in with a chair and blasts Shane right into Adam. K-Roy then hits a K-Bomb through the table on GreenPete and that’s it…1…2…3.

WINNER: K-Roy and T-Roy (R) @ 15:09

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Alec Baldwin headed for the ring. Suave replays what went down Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV.

Replay: PCW Extreme Political TV
American Airlines Flight Attendent defeated Alec Baldwin @ 7:22
-it all began with a flight attendant scolded Baldwin for playing ‘Word with Friends’ on his iPad while the airplane was at the gate. Baldwin then got up and demanded to know what her name was and it escalated from there.

Baldwin whips out his iPad and says: “I’m just so mad, I’m just going to…going to…” Then he feverishly types something on his iPad. “There! I guess I told you huh?”

Suave: “He just tweeted from the ring. How cool.”

Baldwin goes into a full fledged rant about Republicans and even notes that he changed his description on twitter to Conservative Christian, Gun Lover, Mom. He goes off on the Flight Attendent who ‘got the better of him’ Monday night and calls her someone who walks the aisles of an airplane with a whistle around their neck and a clipboard in their hands and they have made flying a Greyhound bus experience.’

Baldwin turns to leave but is interrupted by Greyhound CEO Dave Leach carrying a piece of luggage. Leach is unhappy over the actor’s Greyhound bus reference and lets him have it.

Leach: “First of all, we have hundreds of new buses in our fleet where we’ve added more legroom, leather seats, power outlets and free Wi-Fi,” Leach notes. “I think you especially would find the latter two amenities exciting, because we don’t require our customers to turn off their electronic devices…ever. You could therefore play Words With Friends® during your entire trip and nobody would give you any grief over it.”
Baldwin dismisses Leach and starts to climb out of the ring. Leach swings his luggage and blasts Baldwin in the back with it- causing the actor get himself hung up in the ropes.

Leach: “Should you still decide not to try us, even after I’ve shared with you all of the exciting changes we’ve made here at Greyhound, all I ask from you is a simple apology. We are not the same company we used to be … Greyhound is an American icon, a proud company that many people depend on to get them to their destinations, the same people who watch your films and TV show.”

Leach then cracks Baldwin again with the luggage and leaves.

MATCH #4
California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) w/Pet Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) vs. Tommy Frick and Ralphie Fraack (I)
Golatta hits the ‘Foul Pole’ on Frick and this one’s quick and easy.

WINNER: California Teacher’s Union @ 1:11

BACKSTAGE
In the business office, there’s a huge brouhaha about the night’s receipts. Jon Corzine is surrounded by PCW officials.

Corzine: “I simply do not know where the money is, or why the accounts have not been reconciled to date.”

Corzine added that he was “stunned” to learn that he could not account for the money. Then a cannonball blasted through the wall whizzed by Corzine’s head before exiting through another wall.

Suave: “What the f-”

Suave: “OHHHHHHH! It makes perfect sense now.”

Mythbuster Adam Savage enters the room. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Separate shots of both Keith Olbermann (D) and ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) entering the QWest Center earlier in the evening. Olbermann and Palin are ‘cover boy and girl’ for the upcoming Jesusland vs. Progressiveville novel due out next month.

MITT ROMNEY (R-MA) HEADQUARTERS
Supporter John Sununu (R-NH) bangs his fist on the table and says: ““The off-the-cuff comment, for example, that Gingrich throws out on occasion is a reflection on the off-the-cuff thinking that he goes through to deal with issues, and that is not what you want in a commander in chief.”

Romney tries to psych up his wrestler, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) before his big match against O’Beck Bahama (D).

Suave notes that Romney would like nothing more than to stem the big momentum swing in Newt Gingrich’s (R-GA) favor by having Scott knock off long time rival Bahama.

RON PAUL’S (R-TX) HEADQUARTERS
As Ron Paul also frets about Gingrich’s rise, Jack Schmidt (R) paces back and forth. Paul tries to think of some way to ‘expose’ Gingrich’s weaknesses.

MAIN EVENT:
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Both men have put on absolute top notch matches against each other over the past four years. This one is no exception. Bahama seems to be rounding back into form. Scott is as focused as ever. The match turns when…

…Jack Schmidt is out! He runs to the ring and he’s got a brick! Bahama has Scott set up for the Bahama Backbreaker. Schmidt climbs up the corner turnbuckle and puts the brick in the rear of his trunks.

Suave: “HE’S GOING TO TRY TO DROP A SCHMIDT-BRICK ON BAHAMA!”

Schmidt turns his back and jumps. Bahama whips Scott forward and Schmidt nearly takes his head off.

Suave: “HE MISSED. SCOTT GOT SCHMIDT-BRICKED INSTEAD!”
Scott out. Bahama makes the easy cover. 1…2…3.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama (D)

Suave: So, the PCW Title Match at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville will be a three way dance between champion Daniel-San (I), Magnum P.O.’d (R), and former champion O’Beck Bahama (D). That’s all for this-”

BACKSTAGE
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, one half of the cover for the novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, is laid out on the floor unconscious.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SOMEONE TOOK OUT THE ALASKAN PITBULL! WHO DID IT? WE’LL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK.

“I Love Watching the Left Do Sexism”- Johnny Suave: 12/8-PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1

2011-12-09T03:51:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
QWest Center
Omaha, NE
Thursday December 8th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave: “TEN days away from PCW’s Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV show!

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

Suave runs down the card to date:

PCW Title Match:
(c) Daniel-San (I) vs. Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters and Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

PCW Men’s Tag Team Title Match:
(c) Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and Jim Schmidt

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match-Three Way Dance:
(c) The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D) vs. The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovelevski (I) vs. Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) comes out and welcomes everyone to Iowa…no, I mean Kansas…no Nebraska.

Obama announces that he is once again is going around the PCW Competition Committee and booking a very special match for tonight’s show. His former protegee O’Beck Bahama (D) goes up against ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) and Obama adds a stipulation- if Bahama wins he will be added to the PCW title match at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville. If Scott wins, he will take the place of fellow Republican Magnum P.O.’d in the match.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #1- PCW Women’s #1 Contender Match
‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
Smith looking for a shot at the reigning PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I). KRC wants her shot at winning back the PCW Women’s title.

…Smith in control. She locks Collins up in the cobra clutch.   Then Union Maid, Soccer Mom, and Code Pink (D) hit the ring. Soccer Mom yells “It’s For the Children!” and belts Smith in the mouth with a right hand. Code Pink fires off a Glitter Bomb and blinds Smith. Union Maid lifts her up and gets ready to deliver the Scabbuster when…

Suave: “IT’S LANI HARLOT- THE TRAILER PARK QUEEN!”

Lani Harlot w/the White Trash Posse: Shane and Jeff

Harlot and the Posse clean house. Outside the ring, Harlot drags Soccer Mom down and locks in the White Trash Compactor.

Back in the ring, Smith connects with a missile drop kick and rolls up KRC. But KRC grabs the tights at the last possible second and rolls Smith. 1…2…3.

WINNER: Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

Post match, this picture appears on the screen…

Valora storms the ring with a briefcase and cracks it over KRC’s head. She puts the Democrat in a Bow and Arrow-type submission move and won’t let up.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Back from break, PCW Men’s Champion Stone Chism, seconded by Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian, is now in the ring while KRC is being attended to.   Valora stands in the corner and glares at ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List.’ Chism asks that the new PCW Top 5 contenders list be put up.

SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- Magnum P.O.’d (R)
#2- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
#3- O’Beck Bahama (D)
#4- Charlie Blackwell (I)
#5- Valora Salinas (I)

Chism calls Valora’s appearance in the top 5 a complete joke. He calls her extreme…

Suave: “Yeah, the Queen of Extreme, thank you.”

…and says she might be able to handle weaklings like Charlie Blackwell (I) but she could not stay in the ring with a man who actually knows what he’s doing- like him. Kim starts pointing her finger at Valora and shouts something at her. Valora’s face turns beet red but then she asks for a mic. She challenges Chism and Kardashian to a tag team match tonight against her and…Kris Humphries!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave announces that the match is on between Valora Salinas and Kris Humphries and Stone Chism/Kim Kardashian.

MATCH #2
PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) and Kris Humphries vs. PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian

The match starts and Chism refuses to wrestle Valora. He demands Humphries gets into the ring instead.

…Humphries tags in and now it’s him vs. Kim. Kardashian tries to tag out but Chism is busy jawing with some fans. Valora pounds on the ropes and tells him to go after Kim. Humphries hesitates. Valora again exhorts him to wrestle Kim. Again Humphries dithers. Finally, Valora climbs through the ropes into the ring. She gets into Humphries’ face- Kris pushes her back. Valora kicks him in the balls and hits the stunner. Kim jumps up and down and claps. Valora drags Humphries up and whips him into Kim.
They hit head to head and both Kardashian and Humphries are KO’d. Valora turns Humphries over on top of Kim. Chism puts one foot in the ring but does not attempt to rescue Kardashian. 1…2…3.

WINNER: Valora Salinas and Kris Humphries @ 8:32

Valora turns her back on Chism for a split second and then catches him trying to Pearl Harbor her. Chism scrambles back out but Valora grabs him by the hair. She kicks Chism in the balls and then stuns him, snapping his neck over the top rope and sending the Men’s Champion flying backwards to the floor.

Replay: Last Week on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) snatches Valora from behind. Lift…HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER ON THE FLOOR!

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Valora’s out. Chism pulls her up and throws her into the ring.   Kim and Kourtney get in a couple shots. Chism gets on the mic and chides Valora for actually thinking that she, the PCW Women’s Champion, can compete with him- or any man for that matter. He slaps her face and the SRB get in a couple more shots. Chism calls for his bag and a ring tech throws it to him. He reaches in and pulls out a couple oven mitts. Chism says it’s time Valora knew her role and that’s in the kitchen. He puts the oven mitts on her hands.

Suave: “I love watching the left do sexism.”

Chism pulls out an apron next. He rolls Valora over and puts the apron on her. Kim and Kourtney laugh at the PCW Women’s Champion. Chism says Valora will never, ever be good enough to be in the same ring with him. He adds that Valora should go back home, have babies, and leave pro wrestling to the big boys.

Valora opens up the briefcase she’s had with her all night long- inside is a French Maid’s uniform. She then dresses Chism up in the outfit and flips him off as she leaves.

END OF HOUR ONE

Obama in Kansas- “Good to be in Texas”: 12/5-PCW Extreme Political TV Recap

2011-12-08T19:42:00.000-08:00

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
Gallagher-Iba Arena
Stillwater, OK
Monday December 5th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

MATCH #1
American Airlines Flight Attendent defeated Alec Baldwin @ 7:22
-it all began with a flight attendant scolded Baldwin for playing ‘Word with Friends’ on his iPad while the airplane was at the gate. Baldwin then got up and demanded to know what her name was and it escalated from there.

BCS Chief Bill Hancock walks out and is roundly booed by the Stillwater crowd. Hancock crows that ‘once again, the BCS has delivered.’ He says the best two teams, Alabama and LSU, are in this game and ‘obviously, the media who votes in the AP poll, agrees with it.’

Charlie Blackwell and his Les Miserables walk out and calls the BCS a fraud.

Hancock: “In the BCS, every game counts.”

Blackwell: “Tell that to Boise State. The Mountain West. The Mid-American Conference.”

Then Oklahoma State Coach Mike Gundy comes out and let’s the BCS have it in his own inimitable style…

Suave: “Isn’t Mike Gundy 43 now?”

Hancock is tackled from behind by Boise State football coach Chris Peterson. Then the University of Alabama field goal kicker runs out. He tries to kick Peterson…but he misses. The kicker tries again…he misses a second time. The kicker keeps trying…but he keeps missing the mark.

PCW CEO Barack Obama at Osawatomie, Kansas

Obama: “Good to be back in Texas.”

Suave: “Huh? You know if Rick Perry or Sarah Palin or any other conservative candidate would said that, it’d be all over the news. Kansas. Texas. Pre-law. Pre-med.”

MATCH #2 PCW Women’s Title Match
(c) Valora Salinas (I) retains the title over Union Maid (D) @ 9:02

Post match, PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian come out to confront Valora. From behind, six foot two, two hundred pound Cassidy McConnell (D) jumps Valora and choke slams her. Kim gets in a few cheap shots and then the trio split when The Mercenaries: former Army Ranger Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovelevski (I) make the save.

MAIN EVENT:
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) w/Texas Tex def. Charlie Blackwell and Average Joe (I) @ 11:47
Big Oil and Walstreit get the win when BCS chief Bill Hancock comes out again and distracts Blackwell.

Post match, rich, fat cat representatives of the Rose, Orange, Sugar, and Fiesta Bowl attack Blackwell and Average Joe, for good measure.

Big Oil gets on the mic and demands a title shot against Tag Team champions Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

Cain Suspends PCW CEO Campaign: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN recap- Hour 2

2011-12-04T07:48:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
Peoria Civic Center
Peoria, IL
Thursday December 1st, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

MATCH #3
Jerome Simpson (Cincinnati Bengals)
vs.
Scott Fujita (Cleveland Browns)

First one knocked off his feet loses the match. (see You Tube video)

WINNER: Scott Fujita @ :09

New York Time’s columnist David Brooks cuts a promo on the Huntsman Girls and criticizes their new video (see hour 1). After admitting that he was a ’19 century guy’, Brooks had this to say…
Brooks: “Unless you’re as cool as Justin Timberlake, don’t do Justin Timberlake. It’s why the Mormon Tabernacle Choir does not do Kanye West, and so, I like dignity in daughters. And so, I never like these moments.”

Afterwards, all three Huntsman girls came out and knocked Brooks silly all the way back into the 19th century.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
Daily Caller-”Brooks to Huntsman girls: ‘Unless you’re as cool as Justin Timberlake, don’t do Justin Timberlake’”

Backstage
Herman Cain (R-GA) goes into a room to discuss the future of his run for PCW CEO with his wife.
Suave: “The scuttlebutt is that the ongoing rumors about his possible affairs combined with the injury that Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) suffered at Oakland University during a Republican gauntlet match three weeks ago may push Cain out of the race. Stay tuned.

MATCH #4
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell (I) w/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido
Bahama gets the pin with the help of Big Union. Midway through the match, Democrats ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor, James the Jeep Worker, Union Maid, and the California Teacher’s Union: Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty came out with ‘the permission of the National Labor Relations Board’ and ambushed Blackwell in the ring.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama @ 7:49

COMMERCIAL BREAK: in less than three weeks, PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV. Brought to you by the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

MATCH #4
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I) w/Rah vs. Soccer Mom (D)

Soccer Mom shouts out “It’s for the children” everytime she hits a move. Martin, who’s featured in the upcoming book Jesusland vs. Progressiveville with Rah, hits the Pizza Cutter on her for the good of everyone in the building.

WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ 5:55

Herman Cain walks out after the match and announces he suspending his campaign for PCW CEO. He repeatedly called the allegations made against him of misconduct “false and untrue” and added that “the media spin hurts.”

Suave adds that Josh Jackson will be out six months due to a rotator cuff injury.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #5
Case Keenum, University of Houston Quarterback (Non-BCS) vs. Southern Mississippi Quarterback Austin Davis (Non-BCS)
Can Davis stop Keenum’s drive towards a huge BCS payday for the University of Houston Cougars? Yes, thanks to Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit. Corporate Might, joined by ESPN analysts Craig James, Mark May, Chris Fowler, and Rece Davis, attack Keenum during the match and allow Davis to get the easy pin.

WINNER: Austin Davis of S. Mississippi and the BCS who gets to keep a non-BCS conference team out of the BCS bowl system @ 8:20

BACKSTAGE
Kourtney Kardashian announces she’s pregnant.

Suave: “The good news is that the baby isn’t Justin Bieber’s.”

MAIN EVENT:
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I) vs.
The Triple Threat: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
McGill and Kovalevski are attacked mid-match by PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim.

The Mercenaries chase Chism towards the back where he is viciously clotheslined by a waiting PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (D). Valora, extremely pissed off by Chism’s attack on her in hour 1, uses an iron skillet and a cheese grater to leave Chism in a bloody heap in the aisle.

WINNER: No Contest @ 12:26

In the ring, Kim gets ‘Eskimo Pie-Faced’ by Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen and is laid out face down as the show ends.

Ron Paul Goes After Newt Gingrich: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

2011-12-01T18:11:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
Peoria Civic Center
Peoria, IL
Thursday December 1st, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”

Suave welcomes Peoria to an evening of extreme political action and sends it right to the video screen and the Huntsman Girls.

The Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim and Kourtney...

…take the ring to a chorus of boos from the Peoria audience. With her reality show cameras rolling, Kim calls the crowd ‘a bunch of haters’ who don’t understand what it’s like to be her. She then calls attention to the twin attacks on her and her sister by PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I).

Kim calls Valora a ‘wannabe’ who wishes she could be like her. Kim then refers to herself and sister Kourtney as the alpha females of PCW because ‘people like you are insanely jealous of people like me.’
The crowd starts a chant of ‘she’s a crack whore.’ Both Kim and Kourtney throw fits in the ring. Kourtney gets on the mic and tells the crowd they’re ‘pathetic haters who wish they could live the lifestyle they do.’

The crowd roars when Valora finally makes her entrance. Smirking at the sisters in the ring, the PCW Women’s champion makes her way up but finds six burly bodyguards blocking her way.

Kim then screams at her ‘I’m a brand. I’m a name. You’re nothing. A street urchin who holds a belt!”

Valora shouts something back at Kim and the Skanky Rich Bimbo goes ballistic. “Get her!” she orders the bodyguards and they attack.

Suave: “Six against one? Yeah, that’s fair, not!”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Back from the break, the reality television cameras get in close to catch all the action. Valora seizes the opportunity and uses the cable to lay out two bodyguards. She rips a chair out from under Suave and starts blasting the other bodyguards with chairshots. After the last bodyguard falls, Valora turns to Kim and Kourtney in the ring and points the chair at them. Both SRB members look afraid until PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) snatches Valora from behind. Lift…HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER ON THE FLOOR!

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Valora’s out. Chism pulls her up and throws her into the ring. Kim and Kourtney get in a couple shots. Chism gets on the mic and chides Valora for actually thinking that she, the PCW Women’s Champion, can compete with him- or any man for that matter. He slaps her face and the SRB get in a couple more shots. Chism calls for his bag and a ring tech throws it to him. He reaches in and pulls out a couple oven mitts. Chism says it’s time Valora knew her role and that’s in the kitchen. He puts the oven mitts on her hands.

Suave: “I love watching the left do sexism.”

Chism pulls out an apron next. He rolls Valora over and puts the apron on her. Kim and Kourtney laugh at the PCW Women’s Champion. Chism says Valora will never, ever be good enough to be in the same ring with him. He adds that Valora should go back home, have babies, and leave pro wrestling to the big boys.
This brings out The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I). Chism takes one look at the pair and runs for it. McGill and Kovalevski chase him to the back. Then…

Suave: “IT’S KRIS HUMPHRIES!”

Kim’s soon to be ex-husband runs in and Kim and Kourtney high tail it out of there. Valora stirs and wakes up. She sees the gloves and apron and goes ballistic. Then she sees Humphries and snaps. Kick to the balls, stunner, and the NBA star is laid out on the mat. She rips off the gloves and apron and takes off towards the locker room.

Suave: “Gee, I wonder if they’ll be an uproar over Chism’s, who’s a Democrat, comments from the Democrats. Or will they treat it like they do the comments towards Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell, and Michele Bachmann?”

*crickets chirping*

Suave: “That’s what I thought.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #1
#1 Contender’s Match
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
vs.
Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters and Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

Replay: #1 contender’s gauntlet match from Monday night.
-Scott, backed by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) has Magnum pinned until Magnum’s valet, Robyn Masters entered the ring in her street clothes. One shot of pepper spray later, Magnum turns the tables and wins the match and the #1 contendership.

Suave explains that before the show, Scott demanded, and was granted, a rematch against Magnum P.O.’d.

…Scott covers…1…2…Magnum kicks out! Scott stomps Magnum in the corner. Masters climbs up on the apron and shouts something at Scott. Scott goes for a whip. Magnum powers out of it and he hits a few clotheslines. Magnum for the Porsche Plunge, hits it! Pin. 1…2….3!!

WINNER: Magnum P.O.’d @ 9:17

Magnum celebrates with Gingrich and Masters in the ring. Then…

Ron Paul (R-TX) cuts a promo on Gingrich calling him a “serial hypocrite.” Paul says Gingrich blames the government for the mortgage crisis while forgetting about his lucrative ties to Freddie Mac. Paul accuses him of “flipping and flopping.

Gingrich calls Paul a perennial fringe candidate. Paul challenges him. Gingrich accepts.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #2
The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) w/Jim Schmidt and Ron Paul (R-TX)
vs.
‘The Raving Rednecks” Locke and Loade w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

…Gingrich in the corner, trying to take the cover off the top turnbuckle. Ron Paul tosses in a chair! Jack Schmidt grabs it and nails Earl Loade in the back! Schmidt with a quick roll-up for 1…2..NO! Jack with a back breaker and another cover…1….2…NO! Paul exhorts Jack Schmidt on. Wait a minute. It’s Magnum P.O.’d (R)! He slams Schmidt into the exposed turnbuckle! Loade lifts Jack up; Gary Locke in the ring…Redneck 4-D Deathblast onto the exposed turnbuckle! Good night. Loade covers…1…2….3!

WINNER: Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (R) @ 7:54

Suave: “It’s another win for PCW Originals ‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade! Could another run towards the elusive PCW Tag Team title be in their future? Stay tuned.”

END OF HOUR ONE

Less Than 3 Weeks to Go Before Jesusland v. Progressiveville: 11/28-PCW Extreme Political TV Recap

2011-11-30T17:47:00.000-08:00

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
McLeod Center
Cedar Rapids, IA
Monday November 28th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave announced the Road to the Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV began tonight.

Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) defeated Kelly Korver and Peta from PETA (D). Peta was a last minute replacement for Korey Korver, Kelly’s sister and co-holder of the PCW Women’s Tag Team title belts. Korey was injured at a recent PCW House Show and thus the match was not for the PCW Women’s Tag Team Titles.

This turned into a handicap match when Peta kept jawing with everyone at ringside about their food choices and kept walking away from the corner. Post match, the MoD said they wanted both Korvers in the ring at Jesusland vs. Progressville for the women’s tag team belts.

Another promo for the upcoming book by Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville aired.
Next, a replay aired of PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salina’s (I) attack on The Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim and Kourtney, valets of PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).

Chism w/the SRB ringside defeated Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain to retain the PCW Men’s Title. Chism hit the Hollywood Blockbuster for the pin.

Post match, Chism challenged PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) for a title shot at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville. Then Women’s Champion Valora Salinas came out and destroyed Kim and Kourtney for the second straight week. Valora also laid claim to a PCW title shot which set Chism off in a laughing fit. One well placed kick to the balls followed by the Katahajime later, Chism was laid out in the ring.
Suave lays out the upcoming January schedule and the start of the 2012 race for PCW CEO.

January 3rd- PCW Drama in Des Moines (IA)
January 10th- PCW Manchester Madness (NH)
January 21th- PCW South Carolina Slaughter
January 31th- PCW Tussle in Tallahassee
Also…
March 6th- PCW Super Tuesday Spectacular

Magnum P.O.’d (R), backed by Newt Gingrich (R-GA), won a “gauntlet” match to become the new #1 contender for the PCW title. Participants included Republicans ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott, Texas Jack, and Jack Schmidt, Democrats O’Beck Bahama, James the Jeep Worker, and Axel Rodd, and Independents Charlie Blackwell, Ken Worth-The American Trucker, and Average Joe. It appeared that Scott, backed by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) would win, having Magnum pinned until Magnum’s valet, Robyn Masters entered the ring in her street clothes. One shot of pepper spray later, Magnum won the match and the #1 contendership.

Masters gets on the mic and says while Romney embodied the Republican’s past, Newt Gingrich is THE future. She adds that Magnum P.O.’d is going to Jesusland vs. Progressiveville in less than three weeks as the #1 contender for the PCW title. She says Magnum will defeat Daniel-San at J vs. P and is interrupted by Valora Salinas.

Valora clocks Magnum with a steel chair and chokes out Masters as the show’s final shot is Gingrich watching it all in horror from the outside.

Kourtney and Kim Take…a Beating: PCW Big Ass Super Spectacular – Hour 2

2011-11-22T17:36:00.000-08:00

PCW B.A.S.S.- Hour 2
Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Wauseon, OH
Monday November 21st
Host: Johnny Suave

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with this year’s NASCAR Champion Tony Stewart. Stewart describes the way he came from behind to catch Carl Edwards at the last race of the year.

The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA walk out to protest Stewart, calling NASCAR fans a bunch of inbred redneck hicks. This gets Stewart’s hackles up and he turns to the back and calls for help. Two long-time PCW veterans answer the call.

Suave: “IT’S THE RAVING REDNECKS LOCKE AND LOADE!“

Gary Locke and Earl Loade come to the ring and attack the GWO. PeaceNick protests the violence in the ring. Peta screeches at everyone.

MATCH #3
‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade (R) w/Tony Stewart
vs.
‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete of the Green World Order (D) w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA

…Stewart ‘smokes’…get it…nickname…never mind…Stewart smokes Lee with a chairshot and then Locke and Loade hit the Redneck 4-G Death Blast for the win.

WINNER: ‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade @ 2:15

COMMERCIAL BREAK

-an ad comes on for the upcoming E show ‘Kourtney and Kim Take New York.’

Kim and Kourtney, two thirds of the Skanky Rich Bimbos- valets of PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D), them come out to plug their show. Kim describes her and Kourtney as the ‘alpha-females of PCW. Not even two more words afterwards, the crowd roars when..

…PCW Women’s Champion ‘The Queen of Extreme’ Valora Salinas (I) comes out and wipes them out. She takes the mink stole that Kourtney wore and chokes her with it. Then she border tosses Kim out of the ring. Valora spits on both Kourtney and Kim and leaves the ring.

Coming next month: PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV. Brought to you by the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

MATCH #4
PCW MEN’S TITLE MATCH
(c) ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/Skanky Rich Bimbo Khloe
vs.
Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) and Robyn Masters

Chism, already agitated over the attack on Kim and Kourtney, becomes even more upset when Magnum comes out with Masters and then Gingrich. He calls for a microphone and tells Magnum he’s not wrestling him tonight. Chism says he’s not prepared for Magnum and would rather get his hands on Valora Salinas for taking out two thirds of his Skanky Rich Bimbos. But he knows that it’ll never happen because men are physically superior to women…*WHAM*

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Chism down and holding his head. PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas stands over him with a 2×4 and yells at him to get up. Chism tries to pull himself up with the ropes and Valora clocks him a second time with the 2×4 and sends him spinning to the mat.

Khloe jumps on her back and tries to choke her out. Valora drops down and sends her flying over her head. Then she slaps on the Tazzmission and chokes Khloe out. Chism tries to crawl over to help but can’t get there soon enough before she’s unconscious.

WINNER: No match

COMMERCIAL BREAK

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with PCW CEO Barack Obama’s Aide de Camp Joe Biden (D-DE). Biden blames the Republican’s unwillingness to compromise for the breakdown of the ‘Super Committee.’ He launches into a tirade against the Tea Party and extremists when two police officers come up behind him.

One officer tells Biden he has a warrant for his arrest. Biden looks at him like he’s nuts. Then the officer explains…

“More than one-third of U.S. states allow borrowers who can’t or won’t pay to be jailed. Nationwide statistics aren’t known because many courts don’t keep track of warrants by alleged offense, but a tally by The Wall Street Journal earlier this year of court filings in nine counties across the U.S. showed that judges signed off on more than 5,000 such warrants since the start of 2010.”

The officer explains that the United States is now nearly 16 trillion dollars in debt and…someone has to pay for it.

Biden: “…oh.”

As the officers lead Biden away, we go to the ring for the final match of the night.

MAIN EVENT- PCW TITLE MATCH
(c) Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi
vs.
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)

Again, Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) interrupt the ring introductions. Pink demands to know why the PCW Women’s title isn’t being defended when there are perfectly good Democratic challengers for it? List blames the Republicans on the PCW Competition Committee for holding back women.

Suave: “Really? There’s no Republican women wrestlers?”

The referee tires of the interruption and calls for the bell. Pink and List scramble to get out of the ring as Daniel-San and Scott lock up in the middle of the ring.

…Scott goes for the American Stars and Fuji Armbar. Daniel-San grabs on to the ropes. After the break, Daniel-San sends Scott to the corner. A bulldog and a cover for 1….2….NO! Daniel-San with a body slam! He’s goes up top! Scott rolls out of range. Daniel-San goes for a missile drop kick and Scott nails him with his own standing dropkick! Scott rolls him up and locks the leg! 1…2…NO! Scott drops the elbow! Pin for 1…2…NO!

Scott sets up for the American Stars and Fujiarwa Arm Bar! No, Daniel-San with a reverse suplex into a pin for 1…2…NOOOO! Scott jumps up and is about to lock in the Dragon Sleeper. Daniel-San reverses it into a light powerbomb. Scott down! CATTLE MUTILATION! CATTLE MUTILATION! SCOTT TAPS!

WINNER AND STILL PCW CHAMPION: Daniel-San (I) @ 11:50

Post match, Women for Women attack Mrs. Miyagi outside the ring. Daniel-San goes down to help but gets pushed out of the way by PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas. Valora hits twin Bulldogs on Code Pink and Emily List and stomps away at them before security comes in and tries to pull her off as the show ends.

PCW off until next Monday and the road to the Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV begins in earnest.

Super Committee Can't Come to Agreement = PCW Big Ass Super Spectacular- Hour 1

2011-11-22T04:09:00.001-08:00

PCW B.A.S.S.
Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Wauseon, OH
Monday November 21st
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave comes out to explain why PCW didn’t air last week. It was because the Super Committee, consisting of members of the PCW Executive and Competition Committees, couldn’t come to an agreement on how the show should go. So this week, the booking plans already agreed to earlier will take effect. What does that mean?

Suave announces tonight will be PCW Night of Champions at the Big Ass Super Spectacular! Brought to you by the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

MATCH #1
PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
(c) The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D)
vs.
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I)

The crowd explodes when McGill and Kovalevski walk out to take on the Korvers. But then Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) also arrive on the scene. Code Pink demands to know why the women’s tag team title match is opening the show? List says why can’t it be further up the card?
Both women sit down in the ring and say that they aren’t leaving until they get a satisfactory explanation. Not wanting to wait, McGill and Kovalevski drag both Pink and List by the hair and throw them out of the ring. The Korvers then pounce and the match is on.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

…Code Pink and Emily List again back in the ring to assist the Korvers. But they get caught by McGill and Kovalevski who hit stereo DDT’s. Again, the Korvers take advantage and McGill is sent out of the ring. Kovalevski turns and tries to hit the Russian Sickle. Kelly Korver counters with the Korver Krusher and gets the pinfall.

WINNER AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Korver Sisters @ 18:22

The Korvers celebrate until they get blindsided by the former PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R). Scott and Casey, who have issues with the Champions dating back to September’s Lock and Load PPV, gleefully inflict Death Spiral Drop on both Korvers. Code Pink climbs back up to the top turnbuckle and springboards RIGHT INTO THE DEATH SPIRAL DROP!

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…”

Suave says it not over yet between the MoD, The Mercenaries, and the Korvers.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Earlier in the day, Democrats pinned the failure of the 12-member Select Joint Committee on Deficit Reduction on the GOP’s subservience to Grover…

No, not that Grover.

No, not Grover Cleveland.

Suave: “Grover Norquist? Really?”

‘The Massachusetts Blueblood’ John F’n Kerry (D-MA) blamed ‘Norquist and his powerful organization’ for the Super Committee’s inability to reach an accord on future PCW booking.
Suave: “Seriously? Grover Norquist?”

Leader of the PCW Executive Committee, Harry Reid (D-NV), had this to say: ““I am disappointed that Republicans never found the courage to ignore Tea Party extremists and millionaire lobbyists like Grover Norquist, and listen instead to the overwhelming majority of PCW fans — including the vast majority of Republicans — who want a balanced approach.”

Grover Norquist, (R-Americans for Tax Reform) pushed back against the claim that he was pulling the Republicans strings.

Norquist: “Republicans] didn’t promise me anything. They wouldn’t have to worry about me, they’d have to worry about the PCW fans.” He then added, “Besides, it’s not like there’s someone pulling the strings for the Democrats…”

Richard Trumka (D-AFL-CIO)

MATCH #2
PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
(c) Jack and Joe Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
vs.
“The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class” Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) w/Richard Trumka

Paul and Trumka exchange heated words as the bell rings. Then Michael Moore, the token 1% of the OccupyWallStreet’s 99…er…67…45…8% ,leads the OWS: Adam, Nate, and Shane to the ring.
COMMERCIAL BREAK
…again, the forces of Big Union are ringside and brawling with Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R), and Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R).

In the ring, Jack Schmidt goes back to the armbar on Big Labor. Never allowing the big guy to get started, goes for the Schmidt Brick and leads to a counters sequence with Big Labor. Schmidt’s brick gets broke and can’t get the Schmidt Brick afterwards. Jack makes the best of the situation by kicking Trumka off the ring apron for starters. He tags in Joe and the other Schmidt runs right into a bear hug by Big Labor who then spikes him with a Scabbuster. Big Labor covers…James the Jeep Worker holds Jack’s leg for dear life. 1…2…3!

WINNER AND NEW PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) @ 15:04

Trumka and the rest of Big Union celebrate in the ring until…

*”Can You Hear the People Sing?” from the Musical Les Miserables plays.*

…the arrival of Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) and his Les Miserables. Security stops them before they can reach the ring and Trumka tells Blackwell that he can’t ruin this night for working men and women across the USA.

BACKSTAGE
PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about Michelle Obama’s reception yesterday at a NASCAR event.

Obama says he couldn’t believe that the fans booed his wife and Jill Biden after ‘all that he’s done for them.’
Obama: “I mean, I actually had country and western singers at PCW Headquarters last night…

Replay:
CEO Obama stands on the stage with Lauren Alaina, The Band Perry, Dierks Bentley, Alison Krauss, Kris Kristofferson, Lyle Lovett, Mickey and James Taylor.

“Tonight we are transforming the East Room into a bona fide country music hall,” he said, thanking the attendees for giving him “the best welcome home party that I’ve had in a long time.

Suave: “Okay, Alison Krauss, Kristofferson, and Lyle Lovett withstanding, the rest of that group doesn’t exactly shout out ‘country music.’ More like warmed over pop-crap. Back with hour 2.”

Blackwell Stands Up to Big Union: 11/10 PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2

2011-11-12T17:16:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
PCW Hall
Archbold, OH
Thursday November 10th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave recaps the first hour:

- Big Union celebrates the defeat of SB 5 by destroying two non-union PCW Hall workers

- The Longshoremen, Big Labor, and James the Jeep Worker (D) w/the California Teacher’s Union, The OWS, and the Maximum Leader of all Unions Richard Trumka defeats Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland Coalition) w/Kenzie Blackwell, Sheila the Secretary, and Blackwell’s Les Miserables

-Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) along with their new CEO Gordan Guyko watch the attack on the American Heartland and do nothing

-Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) and PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Kelly and Korey Korver (D) defeat Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) in a handicap match ordered by PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL)

Suave mentions that tonight’s main event will be an over the top bunkhouse match taped last night just up the road at Oakland University between Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX), Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA), ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA), Average Joe (Tea Party) w/Michele Bachmann (R-MN), Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman (R-UT), and ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA).

He then introduces the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

Suave mentions that the connection with PCW’s upcoming Paper View show- PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville and that PCW personalities ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Rah are featured in the book. More on J v. P in the coming weeks.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #3
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (R) vs. Samantha Stevenson (I)
…a LOT of stalling. Stevenson obviously went to the Larry Zbyzsko school of how to stretch out the start of the match. Martin took control after Stevenson took another walkabout for a nine count, returned to the ring, tried to exit again, and ate a Pizza Cutter for her trouble.

WINNER: Tessa Martin @ 7:55

Post match, the lights turn off and a small spotlight illuminates the door. A man dressed in a suit and bow-tie walks in.

Announcer: “I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the gods and all-father of creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky who is usually a welcome, nurturing presence and to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the ’50s. And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego’s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important. Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!”

Ten bikini-clad, and tanned, females enter the room with two men carrying a golden sedan chair holding a man dressed in long flowing robes. Rah’s minions Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, children’s show host Happy Mango, and former Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell follow him in. Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair and stands surrounded by his bikini girls, two golden sedan chair carrying guys, McDonnell, Nye, and Happy Mango.

Rah goes up to Martin and takes her arm and raises it in the air.

Suave again notes that we’ll be hearing more about the book Jesusland vs. Progressiveville in the upcoming weeks.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

PCW CEO Barack Obama is in the ring to once again go around the PCW Competition to make a match when he’s interrupted.

‘The Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill (I) drags Penn State assistant coach Mike McQueary to the ring. Obama objects to being interrupted. McGill tells him that she’s a veteran and tomorrow is Veteran’s Day so ‘piss off.’

MATCH #4
Dawn McGill (I) vs. Penn State Assistant Mike McQueary
…despite McQueary’s plea for mercy, McGill locks in the Katahajime and doesn’t let go.
Soccer Mom (D) comes out with a loaded purse to confront McQueary. She yells ‘It’s for the children!’ and then whaps McGill in what appears to be a deliberate attack. McGill throws McQueary down and grabs Soccer Mom by the throat. Fireman’s carry into a Jackhammer Slam. McGill grabs Soccer Mom’s purse and blasts her with it. Then she covers McQueary.

WINNER: Dawn McGill @ 2:57

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with a bandaged up Charlie Blackwell (I).
Bernstein lets Blackwell vent…and does Blackwell vent.

Blackwell: “Here’s the bottom line, Big Labor Unions don’t give a crap about middle class values. What they care about is retaining their political power. Why else would unions from all over the country spend $30 million dollars in Ohio over SB 5? You can yak all you want about the evils of big corporations throwing their weight and money around to get their way; but you’re a bleeping hypocrite if you don’t recognize that big labor unions do the exact…same…thing.

Big corporations. Big Unions. No difference.

This entire week has been a stunning display of institutional arrogance from Penn State to big corporations and big unions facing off in Ohio over SB 5. When people are more concerned about protecting the entity versus doing the right thing and protecting people with no power from grade school kids from a sexual predator to disenfranchised citizens who have no representation in their own government thanks to big unions and big corporations money, it says everything with what’s wrong not only with our society but with our country.

Big unions don’t care about the fact that people continue to lose their homes at a staggering rate. Big unions don’t care about middle America drowning symptomatically as the cost of living rises. If they did care, they would have made the Democrats pay dearly for President Clinton signing off on NAFTA and starting the chain reaction towards the two Americas and the slow destruction of middle America we have today.
I mean, we already know where big corporations stand. Sweetheart deals that leave them paying little or no taxes. Anyone remember the AIG jerks who after we bailed big banks out (and we shouldn’t have), went on the 200K retreat? But big unions claim they are for the workers, middle class America. That could not be further from the truth.

Money. Power. Entitlement. It’s not just a big corporation value anymore.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
The forces of Big Union are furious. ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor, James the Jeep Worker, The Longshoremen, Union Maid, The California Teacher’s Union (D), and the Maximum Leader of All Unions Richard Trumka comb the backstage area for Charlie Blackwell.

MAIN EVENT- Over the top Bunkhouse Match/Taped Last Night at Oakland University
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX), Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA), ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA), Average Joe (Tea Party) w/Michele Bachmann (R-MN), Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman (R-UT), and ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA).

Average Joe and Jamie Walker exit early.

Jackson is nearly eliminated several times. Texas Jack tries to flip Jackson over the top rope and asks for help from Rick Perry. Perry comes over with a trash can lid and climbs to the top rope. He comes down and clocks Texas Jack by mistake. Jackson back body drops Texas Jack over the top rope and he’s gone.
Suave can’t believe the mistake Perry just made. “Inexcusable vaporlock at the exact wrong time!”
Even Jackson’s surprised. Then Magnum P.O.’d clotheslines him over the top rope. Down to Magnum vs. Kevin Scott.

Magnum came close to winning a few times, but in the end it was Kevin Scott’s American Stars and Fujiwara Arm Bar followed by a toss over the top rope that won the match.

WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott @ 18:24

BACKSTAGE
Big Union has Charlie Blackwell cornered. Then, American Heartlanders Mike the Mechanic, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, Tea Partiers Average Joe, NRA, and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, and the PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) attack Big Union from behind.

Then the forces of Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, led by CEO Gordan Guyko attack Blackwell as well as the show ends…

Big Union Parties After SB 5 Defeat: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- hour 1

2011-11-11T15:32:00.000-08:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
PCW Hall
Archbold, OH
Thursday November 10th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

*Ten Bell Salute in Memory of the late former Heavyweight Champion ‘Smokin’ Joe Frazier*
Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…”

Political Championship Wrestling returns to the hallowed PCW Hall and the forces of Big Union are all in the ring.   Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D), The Longshoremen (D), The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D), The OWS: Shane, Nate, and Adam (D), and Union Maid (D) along with the King of Unions Richard Trumka (D) and several Democrats gloat over the defeat of Ohio‘s Senate Bill 5 this past Tuesday.

Trumka says the results prove that big unions are the true champions of the middle class and no one can say otherwise- not even faux middle class wannabe Charlie Blackwell (I). Trumka says the way to go is union and to illustrate his point, he calls one of the non-union drink vendors into the ring. Reluctantly, the vendor climbs in.

Trumka wants the world to see why working non-union is such a bad idea. The Longshoremen deck the poor vendor from behind. The rest of the big union forces start kicking the crap out of him and then toss him from the ring. Trumka then has Golatta go to the front and drag the non-union ticket taker from the door to the ring. Again, the Longshoremen attack and the others beat him up and throw him from the ring.
Suave goes berserk and gets Trumka’s attention. He directs the Longshoremen to bring Suave into the ring. They do and Trumka slaps Suave for questioning big union’s tactics. Golatta gets ready to give Suave a ‘Foul Pole’ shot and then…

*”Can You Hear the People Sing?” from the musical Les Miserables plays*

Down runs Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coalition with Kenzie Blackwell, Sheila the Secretary, “No Frills” Chris Escondido and Blackwell’s Les Miserables. Blackwell hits the scorpion death drop on Big Labor and then gets swallowed up by the Big Union forces.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #1
The Longshoremen, Big Labor, and James the Jeep Worker (D) w/the California Teacher’s Union, The OWS, and the King of all Unions Richard Trumka
vs.
Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland Coalition) w/Kenzie Blackwell, Sheila the Secretary, and Blackwell’s Les Miserables
Suave: “A four on three match?”
…body scissors by Big Labor on Blackwell. Blackwell escapes and tries to tag Escondido in. Longshoreman Pete stops the tag and Big Labor tags in Longshoreman Russell. To the big union corner they go, back elbow by Russell. Stomp to the knees by Big Labor. Stomp to the knees by James the Jeep Worker.
The crowd roars when someone runs down to the ring to join Blackwell’s team.

Suave: “IT’S THE PCW CHAMPION! DANIEL-SAN IS IN THE RING!”

Daniel-San hits a whisper in the wind. Daniel-San goes low and takes down both Longshoremen with kicks to the groin. He lands an elbow shot on King Trumka and lays out both Longshoremen again. Corner splash to Big Labor. Big boot to James the Jeep Worker. Swinging neckbreaker by Daniel-San to OWS Nate. Daniel-San up top, SWANTON. Golatta and Malibu Dusty in, belly to belly to OWS Adam…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

…James the Jeep Worker up top,   Mike the Mechanic crotches him and Daniel-San nails Longshoreman Russell. Mike up top…top rope fist drop. He covers for 2.

Trumka, enraged, gets on the microphone and demands that the Democrats come out and take care of this ‘minor problem’ if they know what’s good for them. Axel Rodd (D), The Bureaucrats: Jordan Metzger and Andy Riley (D), among others heed the call and again Blackwell’s side is overwhelmed by the number’s game.

Russell clocks Mike the Mechanic from behind with a flapjack. Longshoreman Russell makes the cover for the pin.
WINNER: The Longshoremen, Big Labor, and James the Jeep Worker (D) @ 18:15
Post match, big union continues the beatdown of Blackwell and company.
BACKSTAGE
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) along with their new CEO Gordan Guyko confer. They watch the big union assault on the American Heartland with whimsy. Walstreit wonders if they should go out and help. Big Oil and Guyko ignore Walstreit and continue to talk among themselves.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

From Monday’s PCW Extreme Political TV: Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I)
Scott and Casey have McGill up and ready for the DSD (Death Spiral Drop). Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List hit the ring and Pink fires off a Glitter Bomb that hits Scott in the eyes. Scott and Casey are then attacked by the PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Kelly and Korey Korver (D) and now it’s four against two. McGill and Kovalevski then even the odds and the show ends with all eight women in the ring and PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) coming to ringside.
Obama, once again going around the PCW Competition Committee, books a handicap match for Republicans Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey against Democrats Women for Women and the Korver Sisters for Thursday night.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) comes on the big screen and makes it clear that if the Mercenaries (Independents Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) interfere in the match they will be suspended indefinitely.   Obama intends to make a point tonight.

MATCH #2
Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) and PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Kelly and Korey Korver (D) vs. Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)

The MoD come in with an extremely foul disposition and Pink and List find themselves outside the ring within the first minute of the match. The Korvers then take over from there.

…corner shots by Korey and Kelly on Angel Casey. Casey tries to fight her way out. Kelly tries to restrain her. Casey bites her and then runs across the ring. Emily List back in and hits a backdrop. Code Pink in now, lays the boots to Casey. Angel Scott comes in but she gets back elbowed by Kelly Korver. Then Code Pink talks trash to Scott. Scott slaps Pink and fights back. Korey Korver whips her to the corner and the Korvers double team.

Code Pink gives Angel Casey a glitter bomb to the eyes. That allows the Korvers to hit the Korver Krusher for the win.

WINNER: Women for Women and the Korver Sisters @ 11:02

New Cain Blockbuster: PCW Extreme Political TV Recap

2011-11-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
JQH Arena
Springfield, MO
Monday November 7th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Right to the ring where Herman Cain (R-GA) stands with a mic. With ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) by his side, Cain declares that he has survived the trial by innuendo and prevailed over the forces who want to derail his PCW CEO campaign.

Cain is about to leave when another woman comes out and she’s flanked by Gloria Allred. She introduces herself as someone who Cain tried to trade sexual favors for a new job at the restaurant association he headed. As Cain and Jackson watched, she implored Cain to ‘admit what you did’ and ‘make this right so PCW can move forward and focus on the real issues at hand.’

With the crowd still buzzing about the latest allegation against Herman Cain, the cameras go backstage.

Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/valet Robyn Masters and a grinning Newt Gingrich (R-GA), pounds Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson in the hallway with Herman Cain nowhere to be found. Magnum drags Jackson to the ring and we have our first match of the night.

Magnum P.O.’d defeats ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson @ 4:14

Big Union (Democrats ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor, James the Jeep Worker, The Longshoremen, and the California Teacher’s Union) are in Ohio in advance of the referendum on Senate Bill 5 tomorrow. Big Labor says tomorrow is day 1 in reestablishing Big Union as the ultimate political force in PCW. No one, not even those second tier pretenders led by Charlie Blackwell (Blackwell’s Les Miserables), will dispute that Big Union knows what’s best for middle class America- even if middle America disagrees.

PCW Tag Team Champions Jack and Joe Schmidt (R) w/Jim Schmidt and Ron Paul (R-TX) and the Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber def. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit @ 10:37

After a commercial break, it’s time for the main event.

Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I)

In a hard hitting, no holds barred fight, Scott and Casey have McGill up and ready for the DSD (Death Spiral Drop). Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List hit the ring and Pink fires off a Glitter Bomb that hits Scott in the eyes. Scott and Casey are then attacked by the PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Kelly and Korey Korver (D) and now it’s four against two. McGill and Kovalevski then even the odds and the show ends with all eight women in the ring and PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) coming to ringside.

Obama, once again going around the PCW Competition Committee, books a handicap match for Republicans Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey against Democrats Women for Women and the Korver Sisters for Thursday night.

Obama Continues to Go Around PCW Competition Committee: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2

2011-11-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
Convocation Center
DeKalb, Illinois
Thursday November 3rd, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

REPLAY FROM PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008
MAIN EVENT: PCW TITLE MATCH- conclusion
O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
vs. STARZ N. STRIPES © w/John McCain (American Patriots)

Bahama rolls up Starz.

Suave: “ONE…TWO…NO! McCAIN BREAKS THE COUNT! McCAIN LITERALLY LEAPED ACROSS THE RING TO STOP THE REFEREE FROM COUNTING OUT STARZ!”

Bahama climbs up the corner turnbuckle. 450 Splash on Starz. Again, he covers.

Suave: “ONE…TWO…AGAIN! McCAIN AGAIN STOPS THE COUNT!”

McCain stumbles back to his corner. Bahama picks up Starz and power bombs him. Cover.

Suave: “ONE…TWO…NOOOOO! McCAIN AGAIN SAVES STARZ! UNBELIEVEABLE!”

Obama pounds on the ring canvas. Everyone is standing up in the building.

Suave: “THIS CROWD IS GOING NUTS! JOHN McCAIN HAS SAVED THREE PINFALLS! HOLD ON. BAHAMA WANTS A TABLE SET UP OUTSIDE THE RING.”

Obama quickly sets up a table. Bahama picks up Starz. He runs towards the ropes and heaves him over. Starz destroys the table.

Suave: “AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! BAHAMA TO THE TOP ROPE. 45O SPLASH! HE COVERS. ONE…WAIT! WHAT’S DICK CHENEY DOING. HE RUNS INTO McCAIN…”

The bell rings.

Suave:“THAT WAS THE BELL? WAIT A MINUTE…CHARLENE ANN BECKWORTH IN THE RING.”

Charlene Ann: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE WINNER BY PINFALL AND NEW PCW-”
The deafening crowd drowned out the rest of what of Charlene Ann said.

Suave: “HE DID IT! HE DID IT! O’BECK BAHAMA IS THE NEW PCW CHAMPION!”

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW…PCW!…”

Suave: “LET’S LOOK AT THIS FROM ANOTHER VIEW. HOLY CRAP! McCAIN WAS TRYING TO GET OVER TO STARZ BUT DICK ACCIDENTLY TRIPPED HIM UP. THERE’S THE THREE COUNT.”

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama @ 27:35

PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 is roughly one year away. Will Daniel-San (I) still hold the title? Who will the Republicans send up against PCW CEO Barack Obama? The next year will determine all.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave recaps hour one:
- Democrat Axel Rodd makes a successful debut in PCW but then gets attacked by the Huntsman girls.

- O’Beck Bahama (D) defeats long time rival The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R) and then DDT’s another long time rival PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).
Suave says PCW Extreme Election 2012 may be a year away but PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is next month.

BACKSTAGE
PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) throws a royal fit in the back over getting DDT’d earlier by O’Beck Bahama. Nancy Pelosi (D) tries to calm Chism down but the Men’s Champ tells her that Bahama should let bygones be bygones and do what’s right for the Democrats- and support Chism.

Back in the ring, PCW CEO Barack Obama again goes around the PCW Competition Committee and makes a Women’s title match between PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D). KRC is in the ring ready to roll. Unlike last week when Obama tried to set a match between Women for Women against Salinas, the Women’s champion is in the building tonight and in a ‘foul’ mood when she comes to the ring.

MATCH #3- PCW Women’s Title Match
Valora Salinas (c) (I) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

…big elbow drop gets another two count for KRC and now the challenger is in full control of the match. KRC stomps away at Valora in the corner. Valora finally gets fed up now and goes to work on KRC. She lariats her in the corner and delivers a powerslam. Valora goes for the Aztec Moonsault to finish KRC off…she hits it. Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) run out to interfere. Triple team on Valora and it looks bad but…

The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovaleski (I) come to the rescue. McGill and Kovaleski brawl with Pink and List. Valora hits the Border Toss on KRC and then rolls her up and pins her.

WINNER AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Valora Salinas @ 11:02

Post match, actress Lindsay Lohan comes to the ring to take an ill-advised run at Valora. Suave recaps the run-in Li-Lo had with the Women’s Champion after doing her community service last week.

Valora slaps a choke hold on Lohan and turns it into a rear naked choke. It takes several security personnel to pull Valora off of her.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave goes through the updated PCW Rankings…

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Daniel-San (I)
PCW MEN’S CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Valora Salinas (I)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R-Libertarian)
PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS:The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey Korver (D)

SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
#2- O’Beck Bahama (D)
#3- Charlie Blackwell (I)
#4- ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R)
#5- The Rev. Randy Richardson (R)

TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
#2- Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#3- Big Labor/James the Jeep Worker (D)
#4- Charlie Blackwell/Mike the Mechanic (I)
#5- Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)

WOMEN’S CONTENDERS:
#1- Callie Urban (D)
#2- Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
#3- Sarah Mae Smith (R)
#4- Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#5- Jackie Daniels (I)

PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)
#2- The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I)
#3- The Triple Threat: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#4- Women For Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D)
#5- The Pinups: Sabrina James and Alicia Rowe (I)

MATCH #4
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. Charlie Blackwell (I) w/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido

Scott still hanging on to the #1 contender spot. Blackwell looking for the opportunity.

But before the match starts, PCW CEO Obama walks out again and unilaterally changes the match. He tells Scott he’ll face ’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D) and not Charlie Blackwell with the #1 contender’s spot on the line.

Blackwell is furious but is escorted to the back as Big Labor and his big union entourage come to the ring.

…To the corner, Big Labor sets Scott up top. Scott fights backs but Big Labor suplexes him to the mat. Big Labor goes back up top, he drops the elbow and goes for the pin 1…2..NO! Andy Golatta of the California Teacher’s Union (D) climbs into the ring and sets for the ‘Foul Pole.’ He hits it and Scott falls to the mat. Big Labor covers but…Kenzie Blackwell is out and has the referee’s attention.

Union Maid (D) goes over and confronts Kenzie. Big Labor sets for the Scabbuster…Scott reverses into a perfectplex. Scott covers but Big Labor counters and the ref has to dive out of the way. Malibu Dusty, The Longshoremen, and James the Jeep Worker (D) charge the ring. Scott to the floor on the exchange and out comes Blackwell and his Les Miserables. Blackwell hands Scott the beer bottle with nasty intentions. Big Labor, followed by the Big Union forces gets cracked in his noggin with the beer bottle.
Blackwell, Escondido, and the Les Miserables brawl with Big Union. Scott makes the cover on the floor…1…2…3.

WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) @ 10:31