HOLY CRAP! PCW Healthcare Upheld!

PCW on P-SPAN
Thursday June 28th, 2012

Red Brand Show
Time Warner Arena
Charlotte, NC

The Red Brand portion of the show featured little wrestling and lots of high drama. The PCW Competition Committee heatly debated sanctions against PCW Legal’s Eric Holder over the ‘Fast and Furious‘ operation with the Democrats calling the whole thing a ‘witch hunt.’

Then Brian Terry’s family makes a statement. “The Terry family takes no pleasure in the contempt vote against Eric Holder. Such a vote should not have been necessary. The Justice department should have released the documents related to Fast and Furious months ago. Eric Holder’s refusal to do so and PCW CEO Obama’s assertion of executive privilege have stood in the way of justice and the answers we seek into the death of fallen Border Patrol Agent Brian Terry.”

Then Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) steps and declares that the Democrats want justice for Brian Tay…er…Terry. That nearly sets off a brawl before PCW Competiton Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) forces the issue and a vote is held.

Pelosi leads the Democrats as they walk out of the building and Holder is indeed held in comtempt.

(1) Brad Company beat Frankie of the Jersey Boyz (R)
Company, not in a good mood as he waited for the PCW Super Court to rule on his suit against PCW CEO Barack Obama’s Healthcare plan, wasted no time getting into the ring. Frankie came out and gave Company a fist pump. Company returned the favor and fist pumped into a right hand to Frankie. Company gets the pin on a Sunset Flip @ 2:45.

(2) Jill-Berg (R) defeats Weathergirl Hallie
Spear. Jackhammer Slam. Cover. Pin. @ :28

(3) Main Street Mafia: Russ Smith and Brian King vs. 2 Live Gurus: Self help experts Guy Forgette and Jar Jar Banks- no contest
As with what went down Monday night, Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Arizona Rough Justice (Republicans D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired due to their ‘extreme’ brand of justice) interfere and assault the 2 Live Gurus. Again, the Main Street Mafia come to their aid and the match is thrown out @ 5:00.

And then the moment everyone was waiting for- the PCW Super Court’s Decision on PCW CEO Barack Obama’s Healthcare Plan. Brad Company walks out and then the 9 members of the Super Court follow in suit led by Chief Justice John Roberts.

The Super Court renders the verdict. Roberts calls off each Justice by name and asks them ‘yea’ or ‘nay’ on PCW CEO Obama’s healthcare plan. Ginsberg: ‘Yea.’ Breyer: ‘Yea.’ Sotomayer: ‘Yea.’ Kagen: ‘Yea.’ Kennedy: “No.’

The Democrats in the crowd groan.

Roberts continues. Thomas: ‘No.’ Alito: ‘No.’ Scalia: ‘No @#@#0-ing way.’ Roberts reminds Scalia that yea or nay is suffice. Scalia: ‘No.’

It comes down to Roberts. ‘N-n-n-n-…’ Immediately, CNN’s reporter takes off to file his report. ‘…yea!’

Blue Brand Show
United Center
Chicago, IL

PCW CEO Barack Obama watches the results on CNN and then takes to the ring to denounce the Super Court ruling…well, until someone tells him that CNN royally screwed up and the Super Court actually upheld the healthcare inititive.

This sets off a wild celebration inside the United Center. Obama then says that the Healthcare plan may not be the most popular thing to do but it is the right thing.

3) Andy Golatta of Big Union defeated the Green World Order’s ’Radishing’ Rick Rube-Agronomist with the Foul Pole.
Union Referee Earl Schlagel told several fans to “f— off” during the match because they accused him of favoring Golatta. The match broke down late when Republicans led by Rush Limbaugh and irate over the PCW Healthcare ruling stormed the match and all hell broke loose.

In the end, the match was decided the old fashioned way by Olympic rules and a coin flip was held to determine the winner. Golatta @ 9:43.

Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition arrives at the United Center with his wife Kenzie and Blackwell’s Les Miserables. Blackwell and wife pass through but the Les Miserables are turned away by security and barred from the buildling.

Quick replay of Triple R’s (D) sneak attack on Blackwell Monday night.

(4) Triple R (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell- no contestBlackwell had Triple R defeated but the PCW Blue Brand Champion “The One Man Hollywood A-List” Stone Chism (D) runs out and makes the save. He throws Blackwell out of the ring and then attacks Triple R as both men renew a long standing feud between them.

To make matters worse, Ann Coulter (R) leads a squad of pissed off Republicans over the Healthcare ruling and attack both Triple R and Chism. Finally, PCW security runs out to restore order and the match is thrown out at 15:24.

(5) Daniel-San (D) defeated Big Labor (D)Daniel-San flipped out of a brainbuster and slapped on the LaBell Lock for the win @ 10:06

EpilogueBrad Company is out in the parking lot after the show. He opens up the envelope and frowns when he looks at his check and finds nearly half of his earnings gone for taxes.

Arizona's Rough Justice Gets in Scuffle: PCW Update

Last night after the show, there was an incident in the parking lot between Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio‘s (R-AZ) Rough Justice (Republicans D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired due to their ‘extreme’ brand of justice) and a brand new tag team the 2 Live Gurus (Self help experts Guy Forgette and Jar Jar Banks).

Apparently, the 2 Live Gurus didn’t have their paperwork handy when confronted by Rough Justice and a scuffle broke out. PCW security was called for but due to PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) new policy of not responding to anything Arizona-related no one came.

Finally, the Main Street Mafia (Russ Smith and Brian King) came to the 2 Live Guru’s aid and Rough Justice were driven off.

And speaking of the Main Street Mafia, Russ Smith had this to say about his appearance on PCW’s Red Brand show last Thursday night in Auburn Hills, Michigan.

“It was surreal. I knew I was being brought in to do the job for (PCW Red Brand Champion) Yamamoto Tanaka (R) but they stuffed all the Independent talent into one dressing room at The Palace while the Republican wrestlers all had their own separate dressing rooms. It was like being in the steerage section of the Titanic.”

Brad Company continues to wait for the PCW Super Court to lay down their decision concerning Barack Obama’s Healthcare Initiative.

And on the heels of Triple R’s (D) Pearl Harbor job on Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition, PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) announced earlier today that the main event this Thursday night at the PCW Blue Brand show in Chicago, Illinois will be: Triple R (D) vs. Charlie Blackwell.

The Red Brand will be in Charlotte, North Carolina Thursday night for their supershow.

PCW Super Court Renders Verdict on Arizona: PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV
Pikeville High School Gym
Pikeville, KY
Monday June 25th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Outside the high school, a series of limos pull up. Suave: “It looks like the big guns are here tonight in Pikeville, Kentucky after this happened over the weekend.

Replay: Dawn McGill vs. PCW Television Champion Valora Salinas at Norfolk, VA…McGill body slams Valora. She rolls the TV champ over and locks in the Katajime. Valora taps out.

Suave: “That’s right. Saturday night in Norfolk, Virginia, ‘The 6 Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ and former Army Ranger Dawn McGill defeated Valora Salinas for the PCW Television title!”

*The beginning of The Beastie Boys‘ “Sabotage” begins to play*

The crowd stands and cheers as McGill, flanked by her tag team partner Svetlana Kovalevski, appears.

The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski

I can’t stand it, I know you planned it
I’m gonna set it straight, this Watergate
I can’t stand rocking when I’m in here
‘Cause your crystal ball ain’t so crystal clear

So while you sit back and wonder why
I got this fucking thorn in my side
Oh my God, it’s a mirage
I’m tellin’ y’all, it’s a sabotage

McGill holds the PCW TV belt in the air and heads to the ring. Suave: “McGill to the ring. I wonder what she’ll have to say about what happened?” McGill climbs in with Svetlana and takes the mic.

McGill: “How’s it going, Pikeville?” She pauses as the crowd roars. McGill: “Without getting into the specifics, Valora Salinas has moved on to bigger and better things. Let’s give her a round of applause for everything she’s done for PCW!” Again, the crowd roars. McGill: “Tonight, we may have a new PCW Television champion, but I promise you that I will finish what Valora set out to do. I will take the fight to the Republicans and Democrats and will be YOUR champion!”

Voice: “Hold on. Hold on a minute!” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! It’s PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH)!” Boehner, accompanied by Eric Cantor (R-VA) and Paul Ryan (R-WI), strides to the ring. Boehner takes the microphone. Boehner: “Here’s the problem. *I*, as the Chief of the PCW Competition Committee, never authorized a title match to take place in Norfolk.” McGill: Perhaps, that’s because you and your cronies were too busy at Mitt Romney‘s (R-MA) big soiree!” The crowd cheers again. Boehner: “Very funny, Dawn. Look, I don’t know what’s going on or why Valora left PCW, but I do know this, you will have to earn that title.” The crowd boos. Boehner: “That’s why you will defend the TV Title tonight against Texas Jack!”

Voice: “Not so fast!” Suave: “IT’S HARRY REID (D-NV)!” Reid, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), and Chuck Schumer (D-NY) steam towards the ring. Reid: “Miss McGill, I’m afraid that as the Chief of the PCW Executive Committee, I, too, must raise an objection to what went down Saturday night because I was never notified of the situation.” Reid confronts Boehner. Reid: “Plus, there’s no way in hell I’m letting the Republicans have a free pass to win another title.” McGill: “EXCUSE ME?” McGill takes a steps towards Reid but Schumer gets in her way.

Reid:”So, tonight. You will also be facing a Democratic challenger for the PCW Television Title- DANIEL-SAN!”

McGill swipes the microphone from Reid. McGill:”You want it; you got it. Let’s do it…NOW!” The crowd roars as McGill motions to the back for the challengers to come to the ring. First, it’s Texas Jack (R) who runs to the ring. He slides in and both combatants start whaling away at each other. Then the former PCW Champion Daniel-San (D) hits the ring and joins in.

MATCH #1- PCW Television Title Match:
Dawn McGill (c) w/Svetlana Kovalevski vs. Texas Jack (R) w/’Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas vs. Daniel-San (D)Texas Jack goes right after McGill. McGill drills him with a right hand. Daniel-San tries to sneak up on her from behind and gets met with a body slam. Suave: “McGill means business tonight. She looks like she’s in the best shape of her life. Jack goes after Daniel-San and hits him with a back elbow. Texas Jack lifts Daniel-San, but the former champion slips out the back and kicks his leg. Jack is sent to the outside through the ropes. McGill tries to sneak in a pin on Daniel-San and gets a 1 count.

Daniel-San up and locks up with McGill. Side headlock from McGill. Daniel-San sends her into the ropes and hits a shoulderblock. Irish whip again by Daniel-San, he hops up and McGill slaps on the Testicular Claw while Daniel-San in mid-air. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Daniel-San screams and tries to pry McGill’s hands off his balls. Texas Jack back in the ring and Atomic Drops McGill from behind. Daniel-San pounces and sets McGill in the Mexican Surfboard as Jack watches. Cover from Danel-San…1…2…kick out! McGill rolls out of the ring. Daniel-San dives through the ropes and runs right into a hard uppercut from Svetlana Kovalevski ringside. Texas Jack on the apron, flies, and lariats Svetlana. Then he sends Daniel-San back first into the barricade. Crowd:”PCW!…PCW!…”

COMMERCIAL BREAKAnnouncer Guy: “And now, a public service announcement from Jill Berg.”

*The opening notes of Whitney Houston’s version of ‘The Greatest Love of All’ starts to play*
“I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier…”

Jill Berg appears with two children flanking her.

JILL: Hi. I’m Jill Berg. I believe the children are our future. Communities statewide are recognizing that healthy childhood experiences are not just good for children, but good for their communities as well. It’s simple really. The actions we take, like parent-child interaction, reading and constructive play, can promote healthy child development.”

“Everybody searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone to fulfill my needs
A lonely place to be
So I learned to depend on me…”

The scene shifts to Jill sitting on a couch with children playing in front of her. She leans forward with her chin resting on her hand.

JILL: “Unfortunately, children are sometimes exposed to intensive stress. Too much stress is bad for anyone but it can be devastating to child development.”

Child: “BANZAI!”

Behind Jill, one boy leaps across the couch and tackles another boy.

JILL: “At a time when we all care about the economy and its effect on the family, it just makes sense to spend more time learning how stable, nurturing relationships influence a child’s developing brain and provide a foundation for all future development.”

Another boy stands on the arm of the couch, preparing to jump.

Child: “TO THE EXTREME!”

He leaps and lands a flying elbow.

JILL: “So, promote healthy child development. Take time out to play with your child-YOW!”

The camera slides back to show a young girl with a mischevious grin on her face and her foot on Jill’s expensive heels.

JILL: “Take the time to play with your child. And you and your child will be the better for it. I, Jill Berg, will do my part as well because I’m not just wrestling for me- I’m wrestling for the children!”

CHILDREN: “JILLLLL-BERG!….JILLLLLL-BERG!….JILLLLLL-BERG!”

Suave: “What the hell was THAT?”

Both men down, and McGill is going up top. Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi start over to intercept her but Daniel-San is up first. He flies towards and goes for a high back elbow. But McGill jumps down and suplexes him up and over the top rope- eliminating Daniel-San from the match. Reid and Pelosi throw a fit ringside.

Daniel-San eliminated.

Texas Jacksneaks up from behind and whacks McGill. She’s sets up for a Superplex, but Svetlana is back and makes the save! McGill rolls Jack up. Boehner on the apron and distracts the referee. Suave: “Oh, come on!” The ref finally slides in and makes the count for 2. McGill and Svetlana kick Jack’s knees and get in a double suplex. McGill goes martial arts on Texas Jack. She hits a kick and then follows with a heel kick to the face. Svetlana with a chair- nooo, Texas Jack ducks and runs right into a hand from McGill. ’Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas comes running in to help Texas Jack but Svetlana cuts her off and sends her over the rope! McGill goes top rope- she hits for the suicide dive! McGill slingshots Jack towards the ropes- belly to belly suplex! McGill for the pin- NO! Jack’s feet are on the ropes! Jack sends McGill into the corner. Dallas swings a chair and misses. McGill stumbles forward right into a sidewalk slam and a pin for 1…2…NO! Jack goes up top! Clothesline…NO! McGill ducks- KATAHAJIME!!! Dallas desperately tries to get into the ring. Svetlana races around and pulls her off the apron. Boehner up on the apron…Jack fading…HE TAPS!

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Dawn McGill @ 18:32

COMMERCIAL BREAK

POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING IS PRESENTED BY:

BACKSTAGEMiss USA nervously paces in her dressing room. Suave: Ann Romney has put the full court press on to woo Miss USA into the Republican camp. We’ll find out later tonight just what Miss USA is going to do.”

Bill Maher and Rachel Maddow are in the ring to dispute the notion that they are partisans. The problem is that the crowd isn’t buying it. Maher: “We can’t help that people who disagree with us should be locked up in mental hospitals because they’re not as intelligent as we are.” Maddow:”Yeah, if you think I’m a partisan then you haven’t watched my show.” Voice:”I have…”

Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition comes out and calls them hypocrites. Blackwell: “You accuse Fox News of being so bad but yet you’re no better than they are!” Of course, Maher and Maddow take great offense to this and call to the back. Suave: “Who are they calling?”


Triple R (Road Rage Randy) (D)

Suave: “Oh, oh.” Triple R hits the ring and clobbers Blackwell from behind. He starts kicking away and Maher and Maddow join in.

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Suave: “HERE COMES BLACKWELL’S LES MISERABLES!!!” Triple R, Maher, and Maddow escape and make their way to the back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Announcer Guy: “And now, a public service announcement from Jill Berg.”

Jill Berg stands in front of an animal shelter.

JILL: “Hi. I’m Jill Berg for the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ Foundation. One of the goals of ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ to facilitate positive interactions between neighbors by creating a safe neighborhood for everyone. ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor goes to local pet shelters and find dogs to train into guard dogs.”

Scene shifts to inside a dog training facility.

JILL: “Thousands of “child-friendly” dogs are trained every month to be matched up with a poor family and help provide a safe, comforting presence. The dogs go through specialized training before they are released to the family…”

A handler works with a dog.

JILL: “Here, the dog is trained to immediately identify an intruder inside the house and the appropriate way to respond.”

A life-size cardboard cut-out of Michael Vick is wheeled into view. The dog growls and immediately takes off. He leaps and bites the cardboard cut-out in the balls and tears it in half.

JILL: “Now, the dog is taught how to appropriately interact with children.”

Scene changes to a split second of a dog humping the handler’s leg, followed by a quick scene shift to the same dog, obviously sedated, laying in a child’s lap being petted.

Scene changes to Jill walking down the hallway of a house.

JILL: “There are some important rules to follow if you take in one of these animals. The big one is to take responsibility for your pet and never paw it off…ha…ha…on someone else. These dogs will literally give their lives to protect yours. Treat them with the respect they-”

The hostile growl of a dog interrupts her.

Jill looks into a room. One of the guard dogs has spotted her and seems to have unpleasant intentions.

JILL: Oh…snap.”

Scene changes to Jill and several children. Jill has a large bandage on her right arm.

JILL: So, support the ‘Guard Dogs for the Poor’ foundation. I’m Jill Berg, reminding you that…I’m not just wrestling for me- I’m wrestling for the children!”

CHILDREN: “JILLLLLL-BERG….JILLLLLL-BERG!….JILLLLLL-BERG!”

BACKSTAGEBill Maher and Rachel Maddow are met by Janeane Garofalo. Garofalo congratulates them and calls the people jeering them racists. Garofalo: “They’re all racists- just like all the Republicans.”

BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks to Brad Company. Company took PCW to the Super Court over PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) health care inititive that required all PCW employees to purchase health insurance. Bernstein asks if Company is nervous about the outcome. Company: “Yes…and no. I think the PCW Super Court will do the right thing-”

Jan Brewer (R-AZ) and Sheriff Joe Arpaio (R-AZ) walk by. Bernstein breaks off the interview and runs over to Brewer to get her comment on the PCW Super Court’s ruling against the Arizona Immigration Law. Brewer: “Bottom line is PCW CEO Obama and his lackeys are telling Arizona to drop dead. They are just leaving us alone to fight our fight on ourselves. It’s absolutely obvious that they’ve made Arizona a target.”

MISS USA ANNOUNCEMENTPCW Women’s Champion Miss USA is in the ring to make her announcement. There’s a table in front of her with a contract to join the Republicans. Miss USA: After giving this much thought, I’ve come to a decision. I’m going to wrestle for everyone- not just the Republicans. So, I’m afraid I’m going to have to turn down their offer. Suave: “There you have it. Miss USA is not going to join the-”

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

Suave: “JILL-BERG? JILL BERG IS BACK?.”

The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman and her male assistant in the middle. The woman is busy talking on her cell phone while the man furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring.

THUMP

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp.

The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder. He flips it on.

“JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…”

The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.

“JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…”

The four bodyguards assist Ms. Berg into the ring. She and her assistant immediately go to a corner.

“JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…”

Berg continues to talk on her cell phone while protected by two of the bodybuilders.

“JILLLLL-BERG…JILLLLL-BERG…”

The second Berg gets into the ring, the other bodyguards immediately attack Miss USA. Berg stays in her corner and talks on her cell phone. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Miss USA gets her clock cleaned by the bodyguards. Berg: “Hold on.” She hands the phone to her assistant. Berg chops Miss USA with a knife edge chop to the back of her head. Then she whirls around and nails a spinning heel/buzzsaw kick. Miss USA falls to the canvas unconscious.

Berg walks over to the table and signs off on the contract.

Bill Maher, Rachel Maddow, and Nick Gillespie in Dust-Up at PCW Blue Brand Show

Last night an incident at a PCW Blue Show involving Bill Maher, Rachel Maddow, and Reason Magazine editor Nick Gillespie took place.

Maher and Maddow were delivering a harsh promo against the Republicans concerning the Fast and Furious controversy.

Bill Maher: …we’re not the partisans here. The Republicans are.

Gillespie starts to snicker.

Maher: What’s so funny?

Gillespie dared either Maher or Maddow to name one Republican they agreed with. They couldn’t and said that’s not their fault- it’s the Republicans. Gillespie began to snigger again. Maddow asked him what was going on.

Gillespie: Please. You’ll always take the Democratic side over the Republican. Non-partisan my ass.

Maddow protested but Gillespie said he’d seen her act before.

Maher: That’s not a fair question. If there were Republicans — you could ask me the same question, I could answer that question twenty years ago but Republicans have changed. I haven’t changed. You would probably say the same thing. It is they who have changed, not us.

Gillespie began to laugh again.

Maddow: Stop it.

Gillespie continues to laugh.

Maher finally snaps and decks him. Then PCW Blue Belt Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Andy ‘The Foul Pole’ Golatta (D) run out and attack Gillespie laying him out in a heap in the middle of the ring.

PCW Action this weekend:

Tonight, the PCW Blue Brand is in New York City at the Local 1823 Union Hall for a big show including former PCW Tag Team champions Big Union (Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker) and Andy Golatta.

The PCW Red Brand is in Park City, Utah for an ultra exclusive event for big money donors (those who have ponied up 50K and more) and big Republican guns such as Virginia’s Bob McConnell, Rob Portman (R-OH), Paul Ryan (R-WI), Bobby Jindal (R-LA), and PCW Hall of Famer ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove for a huge show. PCW Red Belt Champion ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) will be on hand as well.

The Independent Brand is on a three day swing through the mid-Atlantic with shows in Blacksburg, Virginia last night, Norfolk, Virginia tonight, and Greenville, North Carolina tomorrow.

Obama and Romney Trade Barbs- PCW on P-SPAN Report

On Monday night, Republicans and Democrats united against the PCW Television Champion Valora Salinas in an attempt to get the TV belt off her. They failed.

So as the Independent contingent boarded their buses to head to the next show, this past Thursday night on

…an assembly line of limos pulled into Auburn Hills, MI as the Republicans held their show at the Palace of Auburn Hills. With Mitt Romney (R-MA) on the scene inside one of luxury boxes, the crowd roared as PCW Red Belt Champion ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R), with Romney and the rest of the Republican establishment clapping in approval, defeated Russ Smith of the Main Street Mafia in the main event.

PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) blamed Democrats for dropping the ball in the TV title match Monday night and cited that as the reason Valora won.

Also on hand: Brad Company- who’s challenging the PCW rule that states you must purchase health insurance to PCW’s Super Court.

Boehner, confident that the PCW Super Court will side with Company, cautioned the Republican side not to ‘spike the football’ if the court rules in their favor. “We want to keep the focus on the economic harm Barack Obama’s policies have brought to PCW,” Boehner said.

PCW Women’s champion Miss USA was at the show as a special guest to Ann Romney.

In other matches:
-Kirk Walstreit (R) defeated RINO-The Wonk Machine (R)
-Magnum PO’d (R) defeated Steve Sanders (R)

For the Democrats, they travelled to Sarah Jessica Parker‘s palatial New York City townhouse where the tickets for the show were a whopping $40,000 a head.

PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) blamed Republicans for Valora winning the match and said that the GOP was “…as always, too fast and furious to place the blame elsewhere for their own failings.”

With PCW Champion The Sanderman (D) by his side, Obama delivered a promo about the upcoming 2012 contest, telling everyone on hand that “We’re going to have to fight for it because the workers of PCW are tired. They’ve gone through a very tough economy. They’re still having a tough time. And that’s why this election is going to be close. The other side is going to spend millions with a very simple message – you’re frustrated, you’re disappointed, and it’s my fault. And that’s an elegant message. It happens to be wrong.”

Obama then took a swipe at Mitt Romney because the Red Belt Champion, Yamamoto Tanaka (R) is from Japan. “Here’s another classic example of Mitt Romney outsourcing a perfectly good American job overseas. We don’t need a pioneer in outsourcing to run PCW.”

The Sanderman agreed and hoisted up the PCW title belt to the delight of the celebrities on hand.

In the main event, former PCW Tag Team champions Big Union (Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker) defeated Planned Parenthood (Jordan Metzger and Kendra W. Wallace) and then demanded a rematch against the new PCW Tag Team champions Scott Walker’s Rangers (John and Ronnie Walker).

In other matches:
-Former 4 time PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins def. Melissa Norris. After the match, Nancy Pelosi joined KRC in the ring and again blamed the Republican’s ‘War on Women’ for her defeat to Miss USA at Loose Cannons Unleashed.

Pelosi called the Republican attempt to woo the Women’s Champion into their camp a transparent attempt to suppress women’s support for the Democrats at the upcoming PCW Extreme Election Night pay per view show in November.

Newark Mayor Cory Booker (D-NJ) was also there. He caught a lady who’d tripped and kept her from falling down the stairs. Then he pulled a young child out of the way of an oncoming service vehicle in the concourse. Finally, he helped a constiutent who was short a few cents to purchase a $10 beer earning this from the kid who’s a huge Miami Heat fan…

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job! Good effort!

PCW’s Extreme Political TV hits Pikeville High School in Pikeville, KY this week while the Red show flies to the Amway Arena in Orlando, FL and the Blue show to the Sovereign Bank Arena in Newark, New Jersey.

Romney in Talks with Rubio?- PCW Extreme Political TV Returns

PCW Extreme Political TV
Monday June 18th, 2012
Bishop Rosecrans High School Gym
Zanesville, OH
Announcer: Johnny Suave

PCW WORLD CHAMPION: The Sanderman (D)
PCW BLUE CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
PCW RED CHAMPION: ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Miss USA
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Valora Salinas

#1 SINGLES CONTENDER:
- Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

#1 TAG TEAM CONTENDER:
- Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

#1 WOMEN’S CONTENDER:- Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

PCW Television Champion Valora Salinas

Valora comes to the ring holding the PCW Television title belt high in the air. She observes that there’s a lack of Republicans and Democrats in the building tonight. That’s because they have their own shows in larger venues. They thought they could get over on her but both sides keep forgetting one thing- she is Valora Salinas, she is PCW’s Queen of Extreme, and she can’t be bought and paid for by anyone.

The crowd in the gym stands and lets out a roar while a ‘Queen of Extreme’ chant fires up.

Valora verbally assaults the Republicans and Democrats and proclaims that she’d rather be with ‘real’ people than a bunch of political bull**** artists. She adds now that she is the PCW Television champion both sides have a little problem- they won’t be able to sweep her under the rug just like both parties do with average Americans. She sticks her face right in front of the camera lens and tells PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) and Republican Mitt Romney (R-MA) to get used to seeing her because as the PCW Television champion they’re going to see her all the time.

Valora: The revolution starts tonight! We are going to take PCW back from the politicians and give it back to YOU!”

Again the crowd roars and a “PCW” chant begins.

Valora is about to finish up her remarks when something strange happens…

Johnny Suave: Oh, no! Not Bird Call Guy from the U.S. Open!

Bird Call Guy jumps in front of the camera and starts doing bird calls. Valora stews for a couple seconds and then decks the man with a forearm shiver to the back. She drags him back up and DDT’s him back to the mat. Then she yanks off the Union Jack hat and starts to choke him with it.

Democrats Office BackstagePCW CEO Barack Obama, his aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE), and PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) watch in horror as Valora chokes out Bird Call Guy.

Obama tells Reid ‘that’s terrible’ and to do something to get the belt off of Valora. Reid asks Obama why doesn’t he take action himself? Obama tells him to go John Boehner, PCW Competition Committee Chief and get it done. That way, he can stand above the fray.

Reid leaves just as security arrives in the ring to separate Valora from Bird Call Guy.

Bird Call Guy gets stretchered out.

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job! Good effort!

MATCH #1Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow‘s long lost, black sheep brother no one knew he had w/suspended St. Louis Ram Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams and suspended New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton
vs.
Steve Torino- the King of Old School Sales

Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s long lost, black sheep brother

Torino uses his old school sales charm to control the match early on. He nearly gets the pin after using his briefcase to nearly decapitate Tebow. But Tom uses that ‘never say die, never surrender’ attitude his brother Tim espouses with a little minor interference from Williams and Payton to get the pin at 7:15.

Post match, Williams tells Tebow to take out Torino’s head. Concussion kick on the way but then NFL Boss Roger Goodell and his henchmen hit the ring. Goodell and his goons drag Williams, Payton, and Tom Tebow out of the ring and to the back.

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job! Good effort!

BackstagePCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews Brad Company.

Company, if you remember, filed suit against PCW CEO Obama for making him purchase health insurance. Bernstein asks him if he’s nervous about the upcoming PCW Super Court ruling on Obama’s health care inititive. Company says no and that he feels that the Super Court will vindicate his belief that he, nor anyone else, should be forced to purchase health insurance.

BACKSTAGEMarco Rubio (R-FL) slips out of Mitt Romney’s room.

Suave: Could Rubio be Romney’s running mate in the fall? Let’s find out.

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein catches up with Rubio and asks him.

Rubio: I made a decision a long time ago not to discuss the [vice presidential] process, and that’s not going to change today. I’m pretty confident he’s going to make an excellent choice. I think those of us involved in politics and supportive of him should give him the space to do that.

Bernstein persists but Rubio deflects the question and the interview ends. As Rubio leaves, the ‘good job, good effort’ kid from Miami walks up to Bernstein.

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job! Good effort!

Bernstein: Shut up.

PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) and PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) are in the ring. They announce tonight’s main event will be a three way dance for the PCW Television title between champion Valora Salinas, Democrat ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist of the Green World Order, and Republican Texas Jack.

BACKSTAGEPCW Women’s Champion Miss USA talks to Valora about her upcoming match.

PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA

She pledges to be in Valora’s corner. Valora thanks her and then the PCW Television champion leaves.

Ann Romney, Mitt Romney’s wife, then comes up and asks to talk with Miss USA. Miss USA tries to leave but ends up going into a room to talk with Ms. Romney.

MAIN EVENT- PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH:
Champion Valora Salinas
vs.
‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist (D) w/GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA of the Green World Order
vs.
Texas Jack (R)

Both Rube and Jack are escorted to the ring by a cadre of Democrat and Republican operatives.

Suave: It looks like both parties are determined to get the belt off of the independent, Valora Salinas.

The match is what you would expect from Valora Salinas. Hardcore. She brings out the cheese grater early on and carves up Rube’s face with it. But Texas Jack brings the extreme Lone Star state style and brawls with Valora outside the ring. Jack hits the Lone Star Lariat on the outside and then leaves Valora to go back into the ring to finish off Rube.

Rube eliminated. Valora recovers and decks Jack and it’s on again. This time, Valora gets the upper hand and it looks like she’s going to get the pin. Then both sides hit the ring and attack her. Hopelessly outnumbered and outgunned, Valora is in big trouble.

*’Can You Hear the People Sing’ from Les Miserables plays*

Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coaltion lead Blackwell’s Les Miserables to the ring to rescue Valora. Then the Tea Party (Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay) run down to the ring as well. They get in front of Valora and a stare down between them and the Republicans/Democrats ensues as the show ends.

BACKSTAGEPCW Women’s Champion Miss USA leaves the meeting with Ann Romney.

Suave: I thought she was going to be with Valora no matter what. What the hell?

EpilogueL:As Texas Jack and ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube stumble back to their dressing rooms…

Good job, good effort kid from the Miami Heat game: Good job! Good effort!

MATCHES SIGNED ALREADY FOR NOVEMBER’S PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2012:Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Ohio: Marcy Kaptur (D) versus “Joe the Plumber” aka Samuel Wurzelbacher (R)

Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

Fallout from PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8

Tuesday night’s PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 saw Valora Salinas finally get over on ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) to win the PCW Television Title.

When asked to comment today, Chism said this:

Yes. I lost the TV belt. An insignificant, worthless, strap of leather. I now hold the PCW Blue title and am now in line for a possible PCW title shot down the line. What’s Valora in line for? That’s right. She’s not affiliated with either party. She can have the TV belt. I have the real title.

For her part, Valora called the TV title the ‘people’s belt’ now and promised to destroy anyone who challenges her for it.

Two more matches signed for November’s PCW Extreme Election Night 2012:
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Ohio: Marcy Kaptur (D) versus “Joe the Plumber” aka Samuel Wurzelbacher (R)

Finally, PCW will be offering three different touring groups moving forward towards Extreme Election Night. The Blue Tour- Democrats. The Red Tour- Republicans. Independents- the rest.

The Blue group will be touring California, New York, big cities, and union halls all across the blue states.

The Red group will be in the finests arenas all across the red states.

The Independent groups will run in old school indy/ECW-type venues.

The road to Extreme Election Night begins next Monday night with PCW Extreme Political TV.

Scott Walker's Rangers Win- PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8- part 2

Hall of Fame InductionFirst, it’s the ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean (D-VT) and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (R) who gets inducted.

Dean gives his trademark “WRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHH!” at the end of his speech.

Rove points to his head to remind everyone that he’s a freakin’ genius after he’s done with his.

Then it’s ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ’The Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes (Kevin Scott) turn.

PCW Owner Bubba Jackson recited Escondido’s achievements in PCW: PCW Champion in 2006, 3 time Television Champion in 2008 and 2009, and Tag Team Champion in 2009 with Starz N. Stripes.

Then Starz N. Stripes (Kevin Scott): PCW Champion in 2008- lost belt in what is the greatest PCW match ever against O’Beck Bahama at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008. Became two time PCW Champion in 2011. Tag Team Title holder with Escondido in 2009. PCW Television Champion in 2011.

Match #4- Red Belt Title Match: ‘The Japanese Superdestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) vs. RINO- The Wonk Machine (R) vs. Big Oil (R) vs. Kirk Walstreit (R)

Tanaka comes to the ring with the Republican establishment, including Republican Leader Reince Priebus, while Big Oil and Walstreit are led to the ring by Gordon Guyko and his briefcase stuffed full of cash. RINO walks alone to the ring.

Before the bell sounds, Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanc of the American Heartland Coalition, The Tea Party (Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup‘ Ray McAvay) and Blackwell’s Les Miserables come to the ring. Blackwell, effectively cut out of the title equation since he doesn’t belong to either party, Mike, and the Tea Party attack and there’s a full scale brawl outside the ring.

Republican security rush to ringside and separate the two sides. Blackwell and company are dragged towards the back…

Blackwell (yelling): …our ‘representatives’ have become nothing more than glorified lobbyists w/voting power and big money special interest groups are pulling the strings. Meanwhile, PCW is hurdling out of control towards a cliff and no one is lifting a finger to stop it. This is no longer just a partisan thing- PCW is corrupt at its core…

The match finally gets under way and we quickly find out that the Republican Establishment has made it clear who they want to win. Both Big Oil and Walstreit don’t even bother and head to the back leaving Tanaka vs. RINO. Tanaka clotheslines RINO and covers. The referee quick counts the Wonk Machine out and that’s that.

Reince Preibus climbs into the ring and hands the Red belt to the Japanese SuperDestroyer and Tanaka puts it around his waist. Mitt Romney (R-MA) walks out and claps in approval.

WINNER and Red Champion: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 4:05

Backstage, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) complains to PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the Republican’s War on Women being responsible for KRC’s loss. When asked how the Republicans could be responsible for Miss USA’s win when it was the Democrats who demanded that the Mercenaries Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski be ejected from ringside and then interfered in the match- Wasserman Schultz said “It’s doesn’t matter. They’re Republicans and they hate women.”

Suave: Makes total sense to me.

Meanwhile, Blackwell and the American Heartland Coalition are kicked out of the building.

Democrats Occupy Wall Street demostrate in front of Scott Walker‘s Rangers’ locker room spraypainting graffiti on the wall and pounding on the door.

MATCH #5 Blue Belt Title Match: Daniel-San (D), Big Labor (D), Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher (D), Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA (D), ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

Union referee in charge of the match.

Extreme Attorneys Felcher and Felcher are eliminated early but file an injunction to get back into the match.

PeaceNick of the Green World Order protests the match’s brutality from outside the ring by lugging a picket sign back and forth.

Daniel-San has Big Labor tapping out to the LaBell Lock but the referee is somehow not looking in his direction.

Felcher and Felcher again get eliminated. Again, they sue their way back into the match.

‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism pins Big Labor. But again, the union referee is looking elsewhere.

This goes on and on for the next 45 minutes before finally Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz says enough. Felcher and Felcher- eliminated. Then Brock Cole Lee of the GWO. GreenPete from the GWO. Radishing Rick Rube of the GWO. Big Labor.

Down to Chism vs. Daniel-San. Chism uses his Hollywood connections to get Tom Hanks and George Clooney to do a run-in on Daniel-San. Daniel-San fights both actors off. Then the Skanky Rich Bimbos make their way to the ring. Kim and Chloe climb onto the ring apron and whip off their tops.

Suave: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION! WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!

Chism hits the distracted Daniel-San with the Hollywood Blockbuster and gets the quick count on the pin to mercifully end the match and win the belt.

WINNER and Blue Belt Champion: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 51:23

Backstage, Corporate Might (Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit) arrive in front of Scott Walker’s Rangers’ dressing room with an army of hired bodyguards and crush Occupy Wall Street. Then they stand guard in front of the dressing room.

MATCH #6 PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Can Tanaka pick up a second belt and become a four time PCW champion?

Not tonight. Wasserman-Schultz, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi come to the ring and order The Sanderman back to the dressing room. The crowd goes nuts as the referee counts him out and awards the match to Tanaka.

Suave: But The Sanderman keeps the title belt because Tanaka didn’t pin him.

John Boehner (R-OH) and Mitch McConnell (R-KY) fly down the aisle to the ring to argue with the referee.

Finally, PCW Legal Counsel Eric Holder is called to the ring to mediate the controversy. He listens to Boehner and McConnell and then rules in favor of the PCW Champion The Sanderman (D). Boehner and McConnell can’t believe it and Holder makes a…fast and furious…exit.

Then Scott Walker’s Rangers (John and Ronnie Walker) appear on the ramp slugging it out with the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union (Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker).

MATCH #7 PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R)

Both teams brawl outside the ring. Finally, the Walkers gain the upper hand and toss Big Labor and James into the ring.

Back in PCW CEO Barack Obama’s office, Obama is watching the match on the monitor with David Axelrod and PCW Legal Counsel Eric Holder. Ronnie Walker nearly gets a pin and Holder wants to know if Obama is going to help Big Union win the match?

Obama thinks for a second. Then he tweets his support for Big Union.

Suave: Say what?

Holder concurs. Axelrod can’t believe it. He goes off on Holder in front of everyone and finally the PCW Legal Counsel goes chest to chest with Axelrod. Staffers separate the two just in time to see former PCW CEO Bill Clinton saunter down to the ring to offer his support.

Both Republican and Democratic rosters empty out of the locker rooms to ringside and a huge brawl erupts. Somehow, the referee manages to keep control in the ring and Ronnie Walker hits the Black Velvet Shot on James the Jeep Worker. By the time everyone realizes what’s happening, the referee counts to three and we have brand new PCW Tag Team Champions.

WINNER and NEW PCW Tag Team Champions: Scott Walker’s Rangers- John and Ronnie Walker (R)

Republicans in the crowd rejoice. Democrats are disgusted. The partisan brawl ringside continues.

Suave: Some things may never change.

Political War on Women: PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8- part 1

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 Recap- part 1
Bradley Center
Milwaukee, WI
Tuesday June 5th, 2012

Political Championship Wrestling rocked the Bradley Center in Milwaukee with their 8th edition of their signature political wrestling event- Loose Cannons Unleashed.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave ran down the card:

-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas
-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)
-PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
-Red Title Match: TBD
-Blue Title Match: TBD
-PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Kicking the show off was the unexpected return of The Goatbusters to PCW…

*Spooky music begins followed by a funky beat*

(sung to ‘Ghostbusters’)
If there’s something grazing
In your neighborhood
Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you see a herd
And it don’t look good
Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

If you’re seeing horns
Running through your yard
Who can you call
(Goatbusters)
If you have a goat
Sleeping in your bed
Oh, who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you’re all alone
Pick up the phone
And call
(Goatbusters)

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I hear it likes the girls
I ain’t afraid of no Goat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Who you gonna call
(Goatbusters)
If you’ve had a dose
Of a freaky Goat
Maybe you’d better call
(Goatbusters)

Let me tell you something
Bustin’ makes me feel good

I ain’t afraid of no Goat
I ain’t afraid of no Goat

The Goatbusters were being interviewed by PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the induction of ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R) into the PCW Hall of Fame. Goatbusters Ray Scantz and Peter Jenkman (I) are both drinking Big Gulps full of soft drinks when New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg (I) charges out.

Bloomberg tells the Goatbusters that they are setting a terrible example by sucking down 52 ounce cups of soft drinks at a time where the nation’s health is going to hell. Sodas should only be available for purchase from behind the counter, like cigarettes and cough medicine. Everyone purchasing a soda should have to provide proof that they are not obese by submitting to a BMI calculation or a body fat caliper test.

Scantz fires back at Bloomberg, “It’s funny, but if you analyze the practical application of your ‘collective where we look out for each other’ as it’s being rolled out by fascists like Bloomberg, it looks less like looking out for each other, and more like using the boot of government to make sure the stupid people don’t overload on the freebies the politicians promised ‘em to get their votes.”

Jenkman adds: “Hey, I have an idea- let’s treat adults like children! No soft drinks for you until you swallow your plate of government propaganda! Salt is off the table, and the good cooking oil is reserved for those whose service to the collective is unquestioned. And sorry, you’re too ignorant to weigh the risks of unpasteurized cheese flown in today from France! In fact, you’re too stupid to decide for yourself about the raw milk the Amish guy is selling. And no foie gras. It offends the delicate sensibilities of the geese.”

Bloomberg is offended and sics the NY Health Department on the Goatbusters and we have an impromptu match.

Match #1- The Goatbusters def. the NY Health Department @ 5:54Much to everyone’s delight, the Goatbusters win when they “Cross the Streams” on Walter and Peck of the NY Health Department and then pour large quanities of Pepsi over them after the match.

Big Union (‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker) storm the office of leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) and demand that their match against Scott Walker’s Rangers be moved to the Main Event of the show.

Reid, momentarily caught off-guard, quickly acquiesces and agrees to their demand.

Suave makes the formal announcement that the new Main Event will be indeed- The PCW Tag Team Title Match with Big Union (D) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers (R)

Match #2- PCW Television TV Title Match: TV Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. Valora SalinasChism reluctantly gets into the ring and Valora races right over and attacks him. She chases Chism all over the ring before the TV Champ slides out. Chism runs around the ring with Valora in pursuit and the challengers runs right into the right arm of Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Obscure Black Sheep Brother No One Knew He Had.

Tebow then blasts Valora with left hands while suspended St. Louis Ram defensive coordinator Gregg Williams and suspended New Orleans Saints coach Sean Payton collect their ‘bounty’ from Chism. Valora then turns it around and then destroys Tebow with chair shots. Then she blasts both Williams and Payton with the chair and rolls back into the ring. Chism jumps out of the ring and grabs the microphone- he says ‘**** this, I’ve bigger fish to fry’ and throws the TV belt down. Chism tries to leave but Valora runs him down and literally drags him back ringside.

Valora then filets Chism’s back with a kendo stick and then wraps an electrical cord around his neck and chokes him out. The Skanky Rich Bimbos (Kim and Chloe) try to come to his rescue but they take one look at Valora and run to the back. Chism passes out before the Democrats can send down help and Valora wins the PCW Television Title.

Valora def. Chism for the TV Title @ 10:44

Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL) leads Women for Women (Code Pink and Emily S. List) and former PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins to the ring and they attack Valora.

Suave: Wait a minute. I thought it was the Republicans waging a ’War on Women?’

KRC and List hold Valora as Code Pink prepares to give her a Glitter Bomb. Then the crowd roars when the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) race to the ring. McGill ducks Code Pink’s Glitter Bomb and whips her through the ropes to the outside. List gets a standing dropkick from Kovalevski and Valora Border Tosses her out of the ring. Valora starts after KRC but then the PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA runs in and tells her that she wants to get her hands on the challenger.

The referee slides into the ring and the third match is on…

Match #3 PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) w/the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D) w/Debbie Wasserman Schultz (D-FL)

Wasserman Schultz demands that McGill and Kovalevski be sent to the back and raises enough of a stink that the referee finally gives in. He directs McGill and Kovalevski to the back and the match finally starts.

KRC bails and dares Miss USA to come after her- which she does. Wasserman Schultz misses a weak clothesline attempt and Miss USA takes KRC down. Both women brawl around the ring before KRC gains the upper hand and drives the champion into the steel ring steps and then into the steel security barrier. Miss USA then reversed KRC into the timekeeper’s chair and then blasted her with the ring bell.

Miss USA then climbs to the ring apron for a Patriot Missile drop kick but Wasserman Schultz sneaks around and pushes her off the edge. KRC taunts Miss USA’s family at ringside and then Larry Flynt slithers down in his wheelchair leaving a trail of slime behind him.

Flynt has some embarrassing old photos of Miss USA that he starts parading around to distract the champion. KRC takes advantage and spends the next few minutes pummelling Miss USA all over the ring. KRC keeps going for the pin but somehow Miss USA kicks out. After Miss USA kicks out at 2.999999, she tries to roll out of the ring but Flynt blocks her way.

This brings out conservative commentator and Flynt target S.E. Cupp (R). Cupp tackles Flynt causing his wheelchair to flip backwards. Cupp rains down blows on Flynt before taking a huge submarine sandwich and jamming it in Flynt’s piehole.

Suave: It’s just satire, Larry.

KRC tries to Pearl Harbor Miss USA but the champion reverses and whips KRC towards the barricade. She trips over Flynt’s body and lands head first against the steel barricade. Miss USA drags her back into the ring and climbs to the top turnbuckle. Wasserman-Schultz starts over towards her but Miss USA turns and hits a Patriot Missile on her. Then she rolls over and covers KRC…1…2…3.

WINNER and still PCW Women’s Champion Miss USA @ 8:54

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 Preview

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 1
PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 2
PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 3
PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 4
PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 5
PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 6
PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 7

This Tuesday night’s PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 will feature…

LeBron James:
…not one, not two…not three…not four…not five…

…but six title matches.

PCW Television Title Match:
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas

Valora has been suspended from PCW following her part in the attack on the White House Correspondent‘s Dinner in April.

*”Can You Hear the People Sing” from Les Miserables plays*

Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic from the American Heartland Coalition charged into the hall with PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas, Politically Incorrect (Al Cahall, Nic Koteen, NRA), The Tea Party (Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay), PBR and Chief, The Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski), Ron Claude Von Dammit, Halitosis, SNAFU, Brad Company, Ken Worth- The American Trucker, and Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer…

Blackwell hurls two steel chairs at the Republican table and the group wades in. Dawn McGill uses a kendo stick on Kim Kardashian and then blasts Republican Lani Harlot with a brutal kendo stick shot to the back, and that’s enough to draw a “PCW! PCW! PCW!” chant from the crowd. Several celebs try to run away, but Valora Salinas chases them down and levels Martha Stewart with a clothesline. Both Red and Blue tables are engulfed in brawls as McGill goes back to work with the kendo stick before we on a running Reese Witherspoon. Svetlana Kovalevski wedges one of the chairs into the door and McGill sends a poor Diane Keaton into the chair.

Suffice to say, ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ was none too pleased at the assault and plans to get revenge on Valora for the attack…or does he? Rumor has it that Chism may have an eye on the PCW Blue Title belt and wouldn’t care if he parted with the TV belt. But Chism himself is under pressure from the left to keep Valora away from holding the title and giving creedence that women can succeed and not support the Democrats.

Will it be the PCW Queen of Extreme’s night? Or will the Democrats special interest groups come through to deny Valora a title?

PCW Tag Team Title Match:
Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)

This is the big one. Big Union, PCW Tag Team champions since November 2011 versus the upstart Republicans- the Walker Brothers, championed by Wisconsin’s Scott Walker.

Democrats want desperately to hold on to this title and even Bill Clinton (D-AR) will be on hand to lend a hand. But the Republican interests will also be out in full force and this one could be a real pier six free for all. PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) has been relatively silent on this match to people’s surprise considering many think this could be a precursor to the upcoming battles looming at November’s PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.

This one should be the match of the night.

PCW Women’s Title Match:
Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

Miss USA hits the Patriot Missile on KRC and covers. But there’s another commotion. Mitt Romney’s dog is loose inside the arena and distracts the referee when the dog jumps into the ring with Ann Romney chasing from behind.

In the confusion, Code Pink sneaks into the ring and tries to hit Miss USA with a glitter bomb. But Dawn McGill tackles Miss USA and Pink nails KRC instead. Miss USA hits a second Patriot Missile and makes the cover…1…2…3.

Miss USA gave up a year of her wrestling career to have a baby with her husband- angering the feminists on the left who disagree with her choice. Miss USA finally got her shot against former women’s champion Kathryn Randall Collins and with the help of Code Pink’s inadvertent Glitter Bomb on KRC won the title.

Now, KRC and the NOW left are hellbent on getting the title back in Democrat hands. Look for them to pull out all the stops to regain the women’s belt against Miss USA- who’ll have fellow parents the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) covering her back.

PCW Red Title Match:
‘The Japanese Superdestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) vs. RINO- The Wonk Machine (R) vs. Big Oil (R) vs. Kirk Walstreit (R)

Tanaka also has a title match against the Sanderman later on in the show. Can he climb to the top of the Republican hill over RINO, Big Oil, and Walstreit? Will Grover Norquist throw his weight around? Or Chris Christie for that matter?

PCW Blue Title Match-Last Man Standing:
Daniel-San (D), Big Labor (D), Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher (D), Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA (D), ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

Daniel-San shot out of nowhere to become a serious contender for the blue belt after defecting from the Republicans. But can he overcome the copious and convoluted rules in this match to claim the Blue title?

PCW Title Match:
The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Tanaka goes for PCW title reign number four. Expect both parties to throw everything they’ve got into this match.



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Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.