Tuesday, December 04, 2012

Kirk Herbstreit and ESPN vs. Northern Illinois: PCW Extreme Political TV- Part 1

PCW Extreme Political TV
Dekalb, IL
Monday December 3rd, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave: “What a coincidence. Just hours after Northern Illinois shocked the world by snaring a berth in the BCS, PCW is here in Dekalb, Illinois for PCW Extreme Political TV!”

Crowd: “**** YOU, HERBIE! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) **** YOU HERBIE! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)

Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)

Big Bowl Bob

Walstreit tells the crowd he’s not going to tolerate them abusing a person as great as ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.

Suave: “That’s because he’s got a freakin’ man crush on him. Seriously, though. Kudos to Northern Illinois quarterback Jordan Lynch for acting like an adult compared to the spoiled children on the set crying about the Huskies going to the Orange Bowl.”

Big Bowl Bob interrupts and asks ‘how dare Northern Illinois crash the BCS party. ‘ He adds that a team in Norman, Oklahoma that’s been deprived of their birthright, their BCS experience, because of the midwestern interlopers who don’t know their place- the Poulin Weed Eater Bowl. Big Bowl Bob says that the Oklahoma Sooners, an elite college football team, has been robbed and Northern Illinois ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Suave: “Well, no. By the way, here’s what everyone missed following last night’s ESPN hate fest…”

Last Night After the ESPN BCS Selection Show:[[After the cameras turn off, ESPN anchor Rece Davis and analysts David Pollock and Jesse Palmer continue to bitch about Northern Illinois in the BCS.

*Def Leppard's 'Rock, Rock Til You Drop begins to play*

Hold onto your hat, hold onto your heart
Ready, get set to tear this place apart
Don't need a ticket, only place in town
That'll take you up to heaven and never bring you down
Anything goes! Anything goes!

Davis: "What the hell?"

'The Extreme Equalizer' Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

The Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot appears.

Women to the left, Women to the right
There to entertain and take you thru the night
So grab a little heat and come along with me
'Cause your mama don't mind what your mama don't see
Anything goes! Anything goes!

WTF grabs Davis...lift...chokeslam through the ESPN broadcast table.

Rock! Rock! till you drop
Rock! Rock! never stop
Rock! Rock! till you drop
I say Rock! Rock! to the top

Pollock goes after WTF. WTF grabs him by the throat...lifts him up...and choke slams him to the floor.

Crowd - PCW!...PCW!...PCW!

Palmer runs for it but WTF chases him down. Palmer whipped into the wall. Lift. Chokeslam on the floor.

Crowd - PCW!...PCW!...PCW!]]

Walstreit is incensed. He becomes even more upset when…

Charlie Blackwell

…Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition walks out. Blackwell compares the BCS system to politics.

Blackwell: “The AQ conferences are a lot like the Republicans and Democrats and their special interest groups. The non-AQ conferences are ordinary Americans.”

Mike the Mechanic w/Tequila Sheila

Then Mike the Mechanic joins Blackwell accompanied by Tequila Sheila. Mike is wearing a Northern Illinois football jersey to the cheers of the crowd.

Big Oil and Walstreit then challenge Blackwell and Mike to put their money where their mouth is and take on Corporate Might in a match.

Walstreit: “My guess is…the match will go down like the Florida State- Northern Illinois football game- the elite team will dominate and the weaker team will wilt under the pressure.

Blackwell tells Walstreit they’re on and tonight’s main event is set. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit vs. the American Heartland Coalition: Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic.

PCW Update w/Gina Ramsey

Gina: “Gina Ramsey here with a PCW Update. Last week on Extreme Political TV, this took place:

-PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL), PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry Reid (D-NV), PCW Competition Committee Chair John Boehner (R-OH), Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), and Mitch McConnell (R-KY) discuss how they’re going to talk PCW off the financial cliff. But so far, the talks haven’t resulted in an agreement and the country continues to hurdle forward towards the cliff.

-Heartland Champion William Daniels Bryan tells both parties to ‘cut the crap and get it done.’

-Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic w/Tequila Sheila defeats Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow’s Long Lost Black Sheep Brother No One Ever Knew Existed and Raving Redneck Gary Locke after Blackwell sticks up for Kent State in a promo.

-PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and ‘Not Just Intolerable…Not Just Unbearable…He Is…Justin Sufferable. Escondido and Sufferable both blame corporate ‘blanding’ for PCW’s woes and that fun time is over.

Escondido: “People should be angry. The PCW political wrestlers in the mid-card and the lower card should be pissed. And it’s time someone stepped up and took on their cause.”

-Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) w/Big Bowl Bob are upset by
Average Joe and Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer with the help of Kent State Head Football Coach Darrell Hazell and Northern Illinois Quarterback Jordan Lynch.

-MAIN EVENT: Jersey Boyz: Vinnie and Frankie (R) w/Chris Christie (R-NJ) defeats Weapons of Mass Destruction: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and General R.C. Patton

End of PCW Extreme Political TV – part 1

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