PCW Extreme Election Night 2012
Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Tuesday November 6th,
Host: Johnny Suave
Johnny Suave and his life-size cardboard
cut-out of Shania Twain
Loud crowd chant of ‘PCW…PCW…PCW.’ Suave and Shania are in the ring.
Suave- HELLO AND WELCOME TO P-C-W EX-TREEEEEME ELECTION
Suave- I am Johnny Suave, the Voice of PCW. This smoking
hot piece of cardboard is Shania Twain. Tonight, Barack Obama (D-IL) find out if he will have a second four
term as PCW CEO. Opposing him, ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA).
Suave runs down the card one last time:
Arizona- Jeff Flake (R) vs. Rich Carmona (D)
Denny Rehberg (R) vs. Jon Tester
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
McCaskill (D) vs. Todd
PCW Tag Team Title Match:
Scott Walker’s Rangers: John
and Ronnie Walker (R) © vs. Big Union: Big Labor and James the
Jeep Worker (D)
PCW Women’s Title Match:Jill Berg (R) ©
vs. C.J. Lewis (D)
PCW Title Match:Triple R (D) © vs.
P.M.C. Banks (R)
Suave- Last night on PCW Extreme Political TV, this went
“No Frills’ Chris Escondido Addresses the
IndependentsEscondido says that both the Republicans and Democrats have
disrespected independents for years even though they are the ones the power- the
ones who swing elections. He notes that there’s a disagreement between the Dawn
McGill-William Daniels Bryan factions and tonight is going to settle all
issues. Tomorrow night is PCW Extreme Election Night and Independents will be
there in force.
Bryan vs. McGill for the Heartland Title
used his wrestling skills to get McGill grounded yet again. McGill kicked at
him but Bryan first locked in a figure four and then the LaBell Lock. This time
McGill found herself in the middle of the ring and out of arm’s reach of the
ropes. This time, McGill had no choice but to tap out.
WINNER AND NEW HEARTLAND TITLE CHAMPION: William Daniels Bryan @
‘Platte Populist’ William Daniels
McGill handed the belt to Bryan and then raised his arm in the air. ‘No
Frills’ Chris Escondido then joined them along with the rest of the PCW
Suave- So the Platte Populist William Daniels Bryan is the
new Heartland Champion and it appears “No Frills” Chris Escondido is the de
facto leader of the Independents. Will the Independents swing the results here
Out runs Five Thirty Eight’s Nate
Silver (D) holding a huge binder of paper.
Nate Silver- This is proof that Barack Obama will be
re-elected PCW CEO! The Independents don’t mean anything. This does. It’s all
about science and numbers- something the Republicans don’t understand. Mark my
words. When tonight’s show is done- Barack Obama will be the next PCW CEO.
Then David Axelrod (D) saunters out.
David Axelrod- I’ll go one step further. If Obama loses
tonight, I’ll shave my mustache off.
Suave- There you have it. Axelrod has put his mustache up
as a guarantee that Barack Obama will win tonight.
PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 is brought to you by:
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife
have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate
Wilson, and the Washington
Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American
Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty
states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to
disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge
to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the
balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from
undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a
cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A.
Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a
political satire lampooning the sorry state of
today’s American politics.
Suave- Let’s head to the ring for our first match of the
Match 1: Jeff Flake (R-AZ) vs. Rich Carmona
Arizonians Flake and Carmona are both first time participants in PCW and
vying for retiring Jon Kyl‘s (R-AZ) spot on the PCW
The big issue over the upcoming match? Carmona tried to imply that
‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain (R-AZ) and Kyl endorsed him instead of
Suffice to say, neither McCain nor Kyl were amused and set out to make
clear that they were and will be in Flake’s corner.
Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall
Marshall does the introductions and indeed, both the Straight Shooter John
McCain and Jon Kyl are in Flake’s corner. The bell rings and the match is
Flake and Carmona hook up in the middle of the ring. Flake shoves Carmona
down and sets up for an Elbow Drop… BOOM.. Then another Elbow Drop… BOOM.
Carmona comes back with a back breaker on Flake and then tries an early elbow
submission. Flake escapes and gets dropped by a slingshot elbow. Carmona
applies the camel clutch but Flake escapes to the floor. Flake catches Carmona
climbing out of the ring with a low blow. Carmona goes down. Flake grabs
Carmona’s shoulders, turns him around, and boots him in the ass. Flake follows
with an open hand chop.
Flake rolls Carmona back into the ring and continues to work him over, but
Carmona regains control by whipping Flake into the corner. Carmona retrieves
Flake and applies an overhead wrist lock but Flake muscles Carmona to the corner
to break the hold. Carmona heads up top. Flake tries to knock him off the
turnbuckle, but Carmona takes the arm and slaps on the cross arm breaker while
hanging over the top rope.
Carmona releases the hold and slides back into the ring. He whips Flake to
the corner and charges in. Flake floats over into a roll-up pin and gets a two
count. Both men get back to their feet, but Carmona regains control and
repeatedly punches Flake’s arm. Carmona tries for another over-the-top-rope
cross arm breaker but Flake blocks. Carmona goes for a back breaker / neck
breaker combo, but Flake counters with a drop kick. Flake tries another drop
kick but Carmona catches Flake’s leg and drops to his knees to hyperextend the
knee. Carmona wrenches the injured leg around the second rope. Flake tries to
get away, but Carmona grabs the injured leg and pulls him down to the mat.
Carmona locks in a single leg Boston crab on the injured leg right in the middle
of the ring.
Flake tries to crawl toward the ropes, but Carmona pulls him back to the
middle of the ring. Out of nowhere, Jon Kyl jumps into the ring and kicks
Carmona. Then John McCain comes in and…LOW BLOWS CARMONA! Carmona drops to
his knees. Flake hits a basement dropkick and covers…1…2…3.
WINNER: Jeff Flake (R-AZ)
Suave- John McCain and Jon Kyl come through for Jeff Flake
and he wins here at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012! More PCW Extreme Election
Night coverage on the way.