Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Jeff Flake (R-AZ) vs. Rich Carmona (D-AZ): PCW Extreme Election Night- Part 1

PCW Extreme Election Night 2012
Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Wauseon, OH
Tuesday November 6th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Johnny Suave and his life-size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain

Loud crowd chant of ‘PCW…PCW…PCW.’ Suave and Shania are in the ring.


Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!

Suave- I am Johnny Suave, the Voice of PCW. This smoking hot piece of cardboard is Shania Twain. Tonight, Barack Obama (D-IL) find out if he will have a second four term as PCW CEO. Opposing him, ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA).

Suave runs down the card one last time:

Arizona- Jeff Flake (R) vs. Rich Carmona (D)
Montana- Denny Rehberg (R) vs. Jon Tester (D)
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Missouri: Claire McCaskill (D) vs. Todd Akin (R)

PCW Tag Team Title Match:
Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) © vs. Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

PCW Women’s Title Match:Jill Berg (R) © vs. C.J. Lewis (D)

PCW Title Match:Triple R (D) © vs. P.M.C. Banks (R)

Suave- Last night on PCW Extreme Political TV, this went down…

“No Frills’ Chris Escondido Addresses the IndependentsEscondido says that both the Republicans and Democrats have disrespected independents for years even though they are the ones the power- the ones who swing elections. He notes that there’s a disagreement between the Dawn McGill-William Daniels Bryan factions and tonight is going to settle all issues. Tomorrow night is PCW Extreme Election Night and Independents will be there in force.

Bryan vs. McGill for the Heartland Title
Bryan again used his wrestling skills to get McGill grounded yet again. McGill kicked at him but Bryan first locked in a figure four and then the LaBell Lock. This time McGill found herself in the middle of the ring and out of arm’s reach of the ropes. This time, McGill had no choice but to tap out.


‘Platte Populist’ William Daniels Bryan

McGill handed the belt to Bryan and then raised his arm in the air. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido then joined them along with the rest of the PCW Independents.

Suave- So the Platte Populist William Daniels Bryan is the new Heartland Champion and it appears “No Frills” Chris Escondido is the de facto leader of the Independents. Will the Independents swing the results here tonight?

Voice- NO!

Out runs Five Thirty Eight’s Nate Silver (D) holding a huge binder of paper.

Nate Silver- This is proof that Barack Obama will be re-elected PCW CEO! The Independents don’t mean anything. This does. It’s all about science and numbers- something the Republicans don’t understand. Mark my words. When tonight’s show is done- Barack Obama will be the next PCW CEO.

Then David Axelrod (D) saunters out.

David Axelrod- I’ll go one step further. If Obama loses tonight, I’ll shave my mustache off.

Suave- There you have it. Axelrod has put his mustache up as a guarantee that Barack Obama will win tonight.

PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 is brought to you by:

The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
Amazon Kindle
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Books a Million

Suave- Let’s head to the ring for our first match of the night.

Match 1: Jeff Flake (R-AZ) vs. Rich Carmona (D-AZ)
Arizonians Flake and Carmona are both first time participants in PCW and vying for retiring Jon Kyl‘s (R-AZ) spot on the PCW Competition Committee.

The big issue over the upcoming match? Carmona tried to imply that ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain (R-AZ) and Kyl endorsed him instead of Flake.

Suffice to say, neither McCain nor Kyl were amused and set out to make clear that they were and will be in Flake’s corner.

Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall

Marshall does the introductions and indeed, both the Straight Shooter John McCain and Jon Kyl are in Flake’s corner. The bell rings and the match is underway.

Flake and Carmona hook up in the middle of the ring. Flake shoves Carmona down and sets up for an Elbow Drop… BOOM.. Then another Elbow Drop… BOOM. Carmona comes back with a back breaker on Flake and then tries an early elbow submission. Flake escapes and gets dropped by a slingshot elbow. Carmona applies the camel clutch but Flake escapes to the floor. Flake catches Carmona climbing out of the ring with a low blow. Carmona goes down. Flake grabs Carmona’s shoulders, turns him around, and boots him in the ass. Flake follows with an open hand chop.

Flake rolls Carmona back into the ring and continues to work him over, but Carmona regains control by whipping Flake into the corner. Carmona retrieves Flake and applies an overhead wrist lock but Flake muscles Carmona to the corner to break the hold. Carmona heads up top. Flake tries to knock him off the turnbuckle, but Carmona takes the arm and slaps on the cross arm breaker while hanging over the top rope.

Carmona releases the hold and slides back into the ring. He whips Flake to the corner and charges in. Flake floats over into a roll-up pin and gets a two count. Both men get back to their feet, but Carmona regains control and repeatedly punches Flake’s arm. Carmona tries for another over-the-top-rope cross arm breaker but Flake blocks. Carmona goes for a back breaker / neck breaker combo, but Flake counters with a drop kick. Flake tries another drop kick but Carmona catches Flake’s leg and drops to his knees to hyperextend the knee. Carmona wrenches the injured leg around the second rope. Flake tries to get away, but Carmona grabs the injured leg and pulls him down to the mat. Carmona locks in a single leg Boston crab on the injured leg right in the middle of the ring.

Flake tries to crawl toward the ropes, but Carmona pulls him back to the middle of the ring. Out of nowhere, Jon Kyl jumps into the ring and kicks Carmona. Then John McCain comes in and…LOW BLOWS CARMONA! Carmona drops to his knees. Flake hits a basement dropkick and covers…1…2…3.

WINNER: Jeff Flake (R-AZ)

Suave- John McCain and Jon Kyl come through for Jeff Flake and he wins here at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012! More PCW Extreme Election Night coverage on the way.

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