Friday, October 19, 2012

*THUMP* That sound you hear is the bus running over Hillary Clinton: PCW Extreme Political TV

Last week on PCW Extreme Political TV:-pollsters Scott Rasmussen and Chuck Todd of MSNBC battled over polls
-Occupy Sesame Street: Bert and Ernie def. Team Unity: Tom Tebow and Matt Sanchez- both long lost relatives of New York Jet quarterbacks Tim Tebow and Mark Sanchez
-’Platte Populist’ William Daniels Bryan says Heartland Champion Dawn McGill hasn’t done enough to promote the Independent cause. Bryan then defeats McGill’s cousin Charlie Blackwell in a match using a foreign object…ie a ‘cross of gold’
-PCW CEO Aide de Camp candidates Joe Biden (D-DE) and Paul Ryan (R-WI) have a staredown following a thrown out Starz N. Stripes (R) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) main event match

PCW Extreme Political TV
Roll Arena Skating Center
Elyria, OH

Week of Monday October 15th
Hosted by Johnny Suave

*10 bell salute to Arlen Specter (D-PA)*

Suave introduced a clip of Specter’s final PCW appearance back in March.

From March 26th, 2012:
Former member of the PCW Executive Committee, Arlen Specter(D-PA), read from his new book inside the ring…

Specter: Sarah Palin (R-AK) was a total charmer, very friendly. The few things she said were intelligent. We were sitting virtually knee-to-knee in the cramped bus, and she radiated sensuality. Her skirt rode above her knees—not exactly short, but close.

Suave: HELLO! More! More!

Spector: I was in the whirlpool at the Senate gym in 2008, recovering from Hodgkin’s, when Ted Kennedy came over and climbed into the bath. Kennedy was one of the Senate’s giants, in many ways. It was as though a gigantic walrus had plunged into the sea, causing the level to swell. I’d never seen two men in the whirlpool before, but the tub was big enough for two or more. There was a sign that you had to shower before entering. I hadn’t checked that out with Kennedy, but I had neither an objection nor compunction about his coming into the bath. We chatted.

Suave: Okay. I didn’t need to hear that.

Specter: John Thune, who looked like a movie star in or out of clothes, was constantly stretching. His lanky body seemed to have some kinks to iron out.


An earlier portrait of Specter

Arlen Specter

BACKSTAGEPCW CEO Barack Obama walked out to make an announcement concerning the Women’s #1 Contender’s Match last week between Democrats Kathryn Randall Collins- a former Hillary Clinton protogee, and ex-Hooters Waitress C.J. Lewis.

Suave recaps last week’s match.

Replay: #1 contender’s match for Women’s title: Kathryn Randall Collins (D) vs. C.J. Lewis (D)...KRC makes the cover but there’s no ref to see the pinfall. She attacks the former Hooters’ waitress again and covers- gets two. KRC kicks a chair in Lewis’s face and covers again- two. KRC hits an atomic drop on a chair and a clothesline. Cover. Two. She gets pissed off and shouts “WHY WON’T YOU GIVE UP?” at Lewis. KRC goes for the Political Personal Destructor and Lewis turns it into the Last Call onto a chair to win.

Obama announced that do to ‘irregularities’ that took place during the KRC-Lewis contest, he was overturning the match result and naming KRC the #1 contender for the PCW Women’s title.

“Kathryn Randall Collins is a four time PCW Women’s champion. She is more experienced, the most qualified, and ready for the challenge of taking on PCW Women’s champion Jill Berg (R).”

Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych hits the ring along with ‘The Insanely Mad Hungarian’ Alex Hrabosky to celebrate baseball’s most excellent post season. Ridfych and Hrabosky talk up the exciting action and classic games until they’re interrupted…

Angry Bert

…by Occupy Sesame Street: Bert, Ernie, Elmo, and Big Bird.

Big Bird and Ridfych share of moment of irony…

…before Big Bird told Ridfych and Hrabosky that they’re pissed off and just like Sesame Street will be on the chopping block thanks to Mitt Romney, so will baseball once Occupy Sesame Street gets through with them.

All four attack and the match is on.

Occupy Sesame Street: Bert and Ernie w/Big Bird and Elmo
Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych and ‘The Insanely Mad Hungarian’ Alex Hrabosky
4 on 2 for a good 10 minutes as Ridfych and Hrabosky were punished by the angry muppets. Then…


It’s Tom Tebow- Jet Quarterback Tim Tebow’s long lost, black sheep brother no one knew he had, and Matt Sanchez- Jet QB Mark Sanchez‘s long lost cousin that no one also knew he had, along with Ray Ryan- Jet Head Coach Rex Ryan’s long lost, never heard of before, third cousin on his father’s oh, the hell with it.

Tebow and Sanchez even the odds. Tebow broke a beer bottle over Elmo’s head and high fives Sanchez. Ridfych threw a hard right at Bert. Crowd: Fast-BALL. And another. Crowd: Fast-BALL! And another. Crowd: Fast-BALL. Ridfych then wound up… Crowd: “Faaaaaaaaaast-…” …and threw a haymaker that decked Bert. Crowd: “BALLLL!”

Hrabosky and Sanchez chased Big Bird and Ernie from the ring and the rest of Occupy Sesame Street bail after that.

Sanchez and Tebow high five again. Ridfych and Hrabosky celebrate.

BACKSTAGEThe crap’s hit the fan.

An angry C.J. Lewis literally chased PCW Executive Committee Chair Harry Reid (D-NV) down the hallway- angry about being denied the #1 contender spot for the PCW Women’s title. Reid followed PCW State Secretary Hillary Rodham Clinton into an office and quickly shut the door before Lewis could get to it.

Replay: Todd Akin (R-MO) vs. Claire McCaskill (D-MO) Preview MatchFrom last Thursday’s PCW on P-SPAN…

…Akin went for the Conservative Crunch but Code Pink (D) and Emily S List (D) ran out and Glitter Bombed him. McCaskill got the roll up before the God Squad: Reverend Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe could make the save.

Gingrich calls out Rove super PAC, NRSC for abandoning Akin’

Newt Gingrich (R-GA) returned to PCW for the first time in months and joined the God Squad in the ring. Gingrich slammed the Republicans for ‘abondoning’ Akin and said “I got so mad at the way they were treating Todd that I decided to come here tonight.”

Newt added:

“If you applied the Todd Akin rule to Joe Biden, he’d be resigning his position once a week.”

Corporate Might’s Kirk Walstreit (R) comes out and shakes Akin’s hand. Newt thanks him and demands to know why Mitt Romney hasn’t stepped up to help Akin.

BACKSTAGESpeaking of the ‘The Massachusetts Redblood,’ Romney entered the interview room for the upcoming second PCW CEO job interview.

Libertarian Candidate Gary Johnson of New Mexico raced to the door but it slammed closed right before he reached it.

Johnson: “Damn.”

Back in the ring…

Danke schoen, darling,
danke schoen
Thank you for all the joy and pain
Picture show,
second balcony,
was the place we’d meet
Second seat,
go dutch treat,
you were sweet

Danke schoen, darling,
danke schoen
Save those lies,
darling don’t explain
I recall Central Park in fall
How you tore your dress,
what a mess, I confess
That’s not all

New PCW signee Donka Shane- the German import, walks to the ring for his first match.

German Import Donka Shane

’The Fighting Farmer from Forest City, IA’ John Deer
King Coal
Deer, just in from harvesting his crops, is back in PCW thanks to a tough year on the farm. King Coal is also wrestling his first PCW match.

Donka Shane, Deer, and King Coal beat the crap out of each other for a good 10 minutes. They went through the crowd and then come back in and actually started having a decent wrestling match.

King Coal hit the Belly to Belly Suplex on Donka Shane. He went for the cover but the Green World Order…

The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA

…walked out and distracted the ref. When King Coal turns, all he sees is ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole in the ring. From behind, Donka Shane spins King Coal around and BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEXES HIM! He tosses King Coal from the ring and the GWO go to work on him.

Meanwhile, Donka Shane worked on Deer’s ankle and Deer started going for desperate pins every 30 seconds. Deer kept getting closer and closer. Donka Shane locks on the Figure Four and unties Deer’s workboot to really kill the ankle more. Deer breaks the hold so Donka Shane transfers to a Single Leg Crab.

King Coal tries getting back into the ring but the GWO stop him. King Coal superkicked Brock Cole Lee and brushed GreenPete out of the way. He started to climb into the ring but ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism rushed out pulled him back off.

Deer loaded the boot with something and just NAILED Donka Shane with it. Deer hit the International Harvester on Donka Shane to take the pin and the match.

WINNER: ’The Fighting Farmer from Forest City, IA’ John Deer

Post match, Chism and the GWO continue to beat down King Coal. Paddy O’Kennedy (D) and the Chicago Boss Squad: Charlie Ranck and Pete Fyle (D) run down and join in.

Suave: “What the hell?”

PCW CEO Barack Obama’s OfficeObama smiled as the King Coal assault continued. Then Hillary Clinton entered. Obama told her that the whole KRC-Lewis fiasco is a big distraction and he’s going to reinstate C.J. Lewis as the winner.

Obama then told Clinton that she’s the one who is going to make the announcement and take the responsibility for it.

Suave: “*THUMP* That sound you hear is the bus running over Hillary Clinton.”

Back in the ring…

‘Platte Populist’ William Daniels Bryan

Replay: William Daniels Bryan vs. Charlie Blackwell last week…Bryan reaches down into his pocket and pulls something out. He turns to Blackwell and plasters him with some sort of foreign object. Blackwell’s down and out. The referee turns around and makes the count and Bryan wins.

WINNER: William Daniels Bryan @ 10:09

Suave wonders what Bryan used…close up indicates- a ‘Cross of Gold. ‘

Bryan admitted he used a ‘cross of gold’ last week to defeat Charlie Blackwell. He said the ends justified the means with the mid and lower-card wrestlers being cut out of the PCW main event. Bryan declared again that Heartland Champion Dawn McGill has done little to advance the cause and that he would make a better leader.

Bryan added that everyone tells him that no matter how many small battles he and the independents win, they’ll always lose the war to the better equipped Republican and Democrats.

“P.M.C. Banks (R) trains in a posh facility- the best that money can buy. PCW Champion Triple R (D) works out in an equally posh facility. They play to the biggest audiences and wouldn’t even think about setting foot in this roller skating rink with all of you.”

Bryan stated he can win on a different level. But first, he needs to defeat Dawn McGill. “No other title matters right now.” Suddenly…

PCW Champion Triple R (D)

The PCW champion held up the title belt and said he calls “bull****.” Triple R said it takes a special caliber of wrestler to wear the PCW title belt and the reason that Bryan is back in a backwater dump of a roller skating rink instead of on the PCW Blue Brand tour (sponsored by George Soros) is because Bryan couldn’t cut it with ‘the big boys.’

Bryan responded by telling Triple R that he’s not welcome here and to go back to his private jet.

Triple R jammed the belt in Bryan’s face and told him that it would be the closest he’d ever get to it.

Then P.M.C. Banks (R) walked in to the surprise of the crowd. Banks, fresh from a Red Brand tour (sponsored by the Koch Brothers) appearance, called Triple R a ‘coward’ for refusing to sign off on a match with him at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.

Triple R apologized if he ‘offended’ Banks…and then muttered ‘no, I don’t’ and went to plaster him with the title belt. Banks ducked and hit a belly to belly suplex on Triple R.

Very quickly, Republican and Democratic wrestlers raced to the ring to separate the two.

BACKSTAGEPCW CEO Barack Obama joined Romney in the interview room.

Again, Libertarian Gary Johnson raced to the door but it slammed in his face again.

Finally, Hillary Clinton took the long walk to the ring. She wore a shirt with a noticeable tread mark going down the back of it. Clinton climbed into the ring and read a statement.

Clinton said she took full responsibility for the Kathryn Randall Collins-C.J. Lewis matter and reiterated that Lewis was indeed the #1 contender for the PCW Women’s title.

PCW Rankings


PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R)
#1 TAG TEAM CONTENDER: Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)


Extreme Election Night 2012 Card:

Arizona- Jeff Flake (R) vs. Rich Carmona (D)
Montana- Denny Rehberg (R) vs. Jon Tester (D)
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Missouri: Claire McCaskill (D) vs. Todd Akin (R)

PCW Tag Team Title Match:
Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) © vs. Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

PCW Women’s Title Match:Jill Berg (R) © vs. C.J. Lewis (D)

PCW Title Match:Triple R (D) © vs. P.M.C. Banks (R)

Plus, the decision- Barack Obama (D-IL) or Mitt Romney (R-MA) for PCW CEO

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