Thursday, October 25, 2012

Coming Down to the Wire- Will the Independents Decide?: PCW Extreme Political TV

Suave: “Welcome to another edition of PCW Extreme Political TV. PCW Extreme Election Night 2012 is just two weeks away.”

A video montage shows:

-Replay of PCW Champion Triple R (D) w/PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) by his side signing the contract to meet challenger P.M.C. Banks (R) at Extreme Election Night 2012. Banks then signs off with Mitt Romney (R-MA) watching from behind.

-Replay of PCW Women’s Champion Jill Berg (R) and her challenger at Extreme Election Night 2012, former Hooter’s waitress, C.J. Lewis (D) in action.

-Replay of PCW Tag Team champions Scott Walker‘s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) winning the title from Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 in June.

-Replay of Romney and Obama during both of their PCW CEO Job Interviews interspersed with shots of Gary Johnson- the Libertarian Party candidate for PCW CEO, Jill Stein- the Green Party candidate, Virgil Goode- Constitution Party, and Rocky Anderson- Justice Party all being ushered out of the arena last Thursday night by PCW security.

PCW Extreme Political TV
Fort Pierce Westwood Gymnasium
Fort Pierce, FL
The week of Mond
ay October 22nd, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave



‘Platte Populist’ William Daniels Bryan

The “Platte Populist” expressed his righteous anger over the treatment of the third party candidates last week and said it shows just out of whack PCW has become.

“Both parties have rigged PCW to push their wrestlers at the expense of everyone else. It sucks.”


PCW Champion Triple R (D)

The PCW Champion came out and showed little sympathy for Bryan and the non-affiliates. Triple R said he was shocked that Bryan would come out here and run his mouth again after he put him and P.M.C. Banks both in their places on Thursday night’s PCW on P-SPAN show.

Triple R tells Bryan to get over it because…



..and ‘that’s just the way things are.’ Triple R says he’s the new king of the mountain in PCW and that’s the way it’s going to stay for a long, long…


P.M.C. Banks (R)

Banks cut Triple R off and told him his ‘schtick’ was predictable. Banks described PCW as a place where the creme of the creme rose to the top and told the crowd that in two weeks at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012, he would fulfill his destiny by being the creme that rose to the top of the PCW cappuccino.

Triple R cuts Banks off and tells him no one cares about his creme and Bryan no one cares about independents. If they can’t make up their minds which side to choose then who needs-

A crack of a kendo stick later.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S HEARTLAND CHAMPION DAWN McGILL!”


Heartland Champion Dawn McGill

McGill whacks Triple R over and over. She turns to Banks. Banks holds up his hands and slips out of the ring. She looks down at Triple R who’s rolling back and forth on the mat.

McGill: “This isn’t YOUR show. Go back to the Blue Brand limo and get the **** out of here.”

McGill kicks Triple R until he rolls out of the ring and staggers off. She adds that if Republicans or Democrats would rather be at their expensive venues with their rich friends, then **** them. She then tells Bryan if he wants to go with them then leave.

McGill: “Like it or not, we WILL be THE difference in two weeks at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012- regardless if one of our wrestlers is in the PCW title match or not.”

Part Two

MSNBC‘s Rachel Maddow, Lawrence O’Donnell, and Martin Bashir come to ringside and take up a broadcast position to the left of Johnny Suave.

Suave: “Makes sense.”

Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, and Megyn Kelly follow and they take a broadcast position to the right of Suave.

Suave: “Makes sense, too.”

Bashir shouts over to the Fox people and calls them partisan water bucket carriers and cheerleaders masquerading as a news network.

Suave: “That might be true. But it’s also the pot calling the kettle black.”

Bird ‘The Mark’ Ridfych, dressed in a Detroit Tigers‘s uniform, comes out and makes an announcement- he’s changing his name to Justin Zoolander. He takes his cap off and his hair sticks up like Ben Stiller‘s did in the film “Zoolander.”

Zoolander says the Giants are going to crash and burn and makes an open challenge to the back.


Big Oil (R) of Corporate Might

Suave: “Great. Big Oil’s in a pissy mood as it is with the big drop in gas prices at the pump over the past few days.”

(1) Justin Zoolander vs. Big Oil (R)

The bell rings and Big Oil lumbers out. Big Oil swats at Zoolander. Zoolander fires a hard right hand that connects.

Crowd: “Fast-BALLS!”

Big Oil lurches forward again and misses. Zoolander with a second hard right hand.

Crowd: “Fast-BALLS!”

Anger building, Big Oil stomps forward and reaches for Zoolander. He ducks and fires two hard right hands to the gut.

Crowd: “Fast-BALLS…Fast-BALLS!”

Zoolander launches himself into the ropes. He runs towards Big Oil, right hand cocked…

Crowd: “Faaaaaaast-”

…and Big Oil grabs him by the throat and lifts him into the air. Zoolander wildly kicks and one catches Big Oil in the groin.

Crowd: “Low-BALL!”

Big Oil drops Zoolander and bends over. Zoolander back to his corner and changing one of his shoes out for boots?

Suave: “Now he wants to changes shoes? What the hell is he doing?”

He pulls on a Magnum brand Stealth Force 8.0 SZ Waterproof Ion Mask workboot and goes over to Big Oil. He steps on Big Oil’s foot and then kicks him in the nuts a second time sending the big guy down in a huge heap.

Suave: “Whoa, Magnum! It’s the new look for finishing off your opponent.”

Zoolander covers…1..2..3.

BACKSTAGE


‘Platte Populist’ William Daniels Bryan

Bryan is not a happy man.




Royal dilettante Pippa Middleton dances once again for the PCW crowd.

Bryan is much happier now.

In the ring, Democrats Code Pink and Emily S. List address the crowd.

Code Pink: “There’s a reason why Independents have been taken off the main PCW shows. Democrats are poised to win back the PCW Women’s and Tag Team titles at Extreme Election Night 2012. The addition of an Independent wrestler creates a dangerous scenario where someone other than a Democrat could win the match.”

Emily S. List: “We can’t have Republicans holding the PCW Women’s belt when they’re at war with women.”

Code Pink: “And the PCW Tag Team belts belong with the saviors of the Middle Class- Big Union!”

Emily S. List: “So all you little people. Stand up with our friends from Hollywood and sing along with us!”

George Clooney, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eva Longoria, and others hit the ring and sing:

You better watch out
’cause now we’re really pissed
Don’t support a third party wrestler

’cause you know he’s not supposed to win

We said, watch out
’cause we’re all really pissed
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win

Barbra Streisand steps forward….

We’ve all come together
Come together for a cause
The fact it exists
Just really pisses us off


Next, Mariah Carey, smartly dressed up in a bikini top two sizes too small for her, sings:

We’re all famous people
We’re giving you our important time


Then Carey starts ridiculously waving her hands around in the air and oversinging every note.

And we come from our waiting limos from our private suites and exclusive fenced in neighborhoods, where you little people wouldn’t have a sniff of a chance of ever living in…

Carey takes a deep breath.

Just to be here tonight.

The group begins to clap as the chorus starts up again. The MSNBC contingent join them on stage.

You better watch out
’cause now we’re really pissed
Don’t support a third party wrestler

’cause you know he’s not supposed to win

We said, watch out
’cause we’re all really pissed
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win

Bruce Springsteen steps up.

I sing my songs for the common man
At two hundred dollars a show
I never see them in the audience
Because they don’t have the money to go


Back to the chorus…

You better watch out
’cause now we’re really pissed
Don’t support a third party wrestler

’cause you know he’s not supposed to win

We said, watch out
’cause we’re all really pissed
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win

Next, the bridge of the song by Alec Baldwin- channeling Axel Rose

Ayyy-yiii-yieeeeeee yay
We’re all going to di-eee-ya-yayyyy

If Romney is PCW CEO
It’ll be the reason whyyyyyy-ei-ei-yay-iiiiiii


The big finish…

You better watch out
’cause now we’re really pissed
Don’t support a third party wrestler

’cause you know he’s not supposed to win

We said, watch out
’cause we’re all really pissed
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win
Don’t root for a third party wrestler
’cause
you know he’s not supposed to win

BACKSTAGEInternational Cycling Union president Pat McQuaid announced that 7 time Tour de France winner Lance Armstrong will be stripped of all 7 titles because of blood doping.

McQuaid: ”Lance Armstrong has no place in cycling, and he deserves to be forgotten in cycling.”

McQuaid then prepared to announce the new winners…except they couldn’t find anyone else who wasn’t caught up in the doping scandal.

McQuaid: “Isn’t there a cyclist out there who hasn’t been implicated in the doping scandal? Anyone? Anyone?”

(2) Bain (D) vs. A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb


A. Tom Bomb (R)

And that’s Bain, as in…



Bain- a business created by Bain & Company, uses its extensive network, sector expertise and business screening capabilities to identify attractive small to mid-cap investment opportunities for its private equity investment partners.


Not…


Bane- (legally trademarked character of Marvel Comics)

Got it?

Bain works over the neck of A-Bomb. He hits a neckbreaker for 2. A-Bomb tries to rally but Bain comes back with a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Slingshot back suplex gets 2. A-Bomb goes low and slows Bain down. The MSNBC contingent stand up and complain to the referee giving Bain a chance to bail.

A-Bomb runs the apron and goes to crossbody Bain. Martin Bashir jumps into his path and gets bulldozed by A-Bomb. Bain then grabs A-Bomb and whips him over the guardrail into the crowd. Now it’s the Fox News people complaining.

Bain takes his time climbing over the guardrail. Daisy Cutter-Bomb from behind with a chair. *WHAP* A-Bomb pulls Bain over and sets him up on the guardrail. Daisy goes to guillotine legdrop Bain but Rachel Maddow grabs her. Megyn Kelly of Fox News over…she grabs Maddow and it’sa…

Suave: “CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”

Down runs the American Heartland Party: Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic! Blackwell has a chair and nails Bain with it. Chairshot to A-Bomb! Chairshot to…Martin Bashir? Chairshot to Lawrence O’Donnell.

The Fox contingent race over. Mike the Mechanic has his jumper cables of doom… *zzap*… down goes O’Reilly… *zzap*… down goes Hannity. Daisy Cutter-Bomb tries to intervene… *zzap* down goes Daisy.

Blackwell drags Bain to a table that’s bridging rail and apron. Mike the Mechanic brings A-Bomb over and throws him on the table. Blackwell up – MOONSAULT TO THE FLOOR THROUGH THE TABLE.

Crowd: “HOLY S***….HOLY S***!”

Blackwell on the mic and declares Independents will be the decider in two weeks at PCW Extreme Election Night 2012…COUNT ON IT!

BACKSTAGE- ICU President Pat McQuaidAfter scouring the landscape, looking for someone…ANYONE…who’s not involved in cycling’s doping scandal, McQuaid returns to the podium to announce the new winner of the Tour de France…9 year old Tommy Flanagan of Fort Pierce, Florida.

Back in the ring, Richard Mourdock (R-IN) claims that his comments concerning contraception after rape were taken out of context.

Mourdock: I struggled with it myself for a long time, but I came to realize that life is that gift from God and I think even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape that it is something God intended to happen.”

Mourdock admits that his comments were ‘inelegantly stated’ and ‘mischaracterized’ by the Democrats. Then much to everyone’s surprise…or maybe not…Todd Akin (R-MO) joins him in the ring.

Akin says at least Mourdock’s opponent isn’t a dog who plays fetch by bringing Missouri red tape, bureaucracy, and executive orders like Claire McCaskill (D-MO) does.

Suave: “Guys…really? Are we going there?”

(CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES!


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the aisle to the ring. He grabs Mourdock…kick to the balls. Lift. Chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

Akin turns to run…grab…kick to the balls…lift…chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW…PCW…PCW!

BACKSTAGEAnn Coulter is talking with someone about the PCW Job Interview with Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. Coulter’s reaction:

“I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.”

(CUE: Def Leppard’s Tear It Down)

Suave: YES!


‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT…AGAIN!

Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long

Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!

Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down the hall and grabs Coulter…kick to the…um…yeah…lift…chokeslam.

Crowd: PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…

***

***

Suave: “Now, if the rest of the political ads were like this, I wouldn’t have to mute my television every five seconds.”


Heartland Champion Dawn McGill

McGill in the ring and issues an open challenge.

McGill: “On behalf of the Gary Johnsons, Jill Steins, the Virgil Goodes and Rocky Andersons, who deserve to be in the same discussion as Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, I am out here to offer an open challenge to anyone, who’s not a Republican and Democrat, but one of us, who wants a shot at this…

She holds up the Heartland Title belt.

McGill waits…

Danke schoen, darling,
danke schoen
Thank you for all the joy and pain
Picture show,
second balcony,
was the place we’d meet
Second seat,
go dutch treat,
you were sweet


Danke schoen, darling,
danke schoen
Save those lies,
darling don’t explain
I recall Central Park in fall
How you tore your dress,
what a mess, I confess
That’s not all


Suave: “IT’S NEW PCW SIGNEE DONKA SHANE!”

Shane-the German import, walks to the ring and takes McGill’s challenge.

(3) Heartland Title Match: Dawn McGill (c) vs. Donka ShaneShane doesn’t make it to the ring.


PCW Champion Triple R (D)

PCW Champion Triple R (D) jumps him on the ramp. The Chicago Boss Squad: Charlie Ranck and Pete Fyle (D) hit the ring and Dawn’s out numbered. Triple R kills Shane on the ramp but then help arrives.


Charlie Blackwell

Charlie Blackwell runs in with a chair and hits everyone in sight. He tries to powerbomb Triple R but the MSNBC gang race in to make the save. Now it’s Blackwell in trouble as Triple R jacks him up for a powerbomb of his own but …


Mike the Mechanic

Mike the Mechanic is back in the ring and HE’S got a chair. Unfortunately, the MSNBC/Chicago Boss Squad outnumber Mike and it doesn’t end very well.

Then it’s Fox News back out and they get into it with MSNBC.

McGill is back in with a chair and she lays out anyone she gets near to. Donka Shane, now back up and running, gets in the way and takes a shot to the back by McGill and he’s out again. Ranck and Fyle- down. Triple R gets a chair but McGill goes low and then blasts the PCW champion with a chair shot.

With McGill, Blackwell, and Mike the Mechanic battling both parties, Suave wonders where the hell William Daniels Bryan is.




Royal dilettante Pippa Middleton

Suave: “Oh yeah. Guess I can’t blame him.

Finally, a voice yells ‘STOP!’ several times before the action finally winds down in the ring.


PCW Hall of Famer “No Frills” Chris Escondido


Escondido’s achievements in PCW: PCW Champion in 2006, 3 time Television Champion in 2008 and 2009, and Tag Team Champion in 2009 with Starz N. Stripes.

Escondido says enough. It’s time someone gave this show a little focus…a little leadership. Escondido tells the crowd it’s clear the Democrats and Republicans only care about monopolizing the PCW titles and running their shows at more…exclusive…venues. He says ‘let them.’ But this is going to stop tonight.

He tells McGill that she and Bryan need to settle their differences once and for all. They’ll do that in two weeks, the night before PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.

Escondido tells the MSNBC, Fox News, Republicans, and Democrats in the ring that tonight he’s making a prediction. He predicts that the winner of the McGill-Bryan showdown will make a ‘significant contribution’ at Extreme Election Night 2012 because Independents will be the deciding factor in who leaves with not only the PCW title but who will be the next PCW CEO.

Escondido makes it clear to both Obama and Romney that they’d better start doing a better job of taking care of the mid and lower card wrestlers if they want their support in two weeks.

Suave: McGill vs. Bryan in two weeks for the Heartland Title! Two weeks to go before PCW Extreme Election Night 2012. We’ll see you later.

Extreme Election Night 2012 Card:

Arizona- Jeff Flake (R) vs. Rich Carmona (D)
Montana- Denny Rehberg (R) vs. Jon Tester (D)
Ohio- Sherrod Brown (D) vs. Josh Mandel (R)
Virginia- George Allen (R) vs. Tim Kaine (D)
Massachusetts- Scott Brown (R) vs. Elizabeth Warren (D)
Connecticut: Linda McMahon (R) versus Chris Murphy (D)
Missouri: Claire McCaskill (D) vs. Todd Akin (R)

PCW Tag Team Title Match:
Scott Walker’s Rangers: John and Ronnie Walker (R) © vs. Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

PCW Women’s Title Match:Jill Berg (R) © vs. C.J. Lewis (D)

PCW Title Match:Triple R (D) © vs. P.M.C. Banks (R)

Plus, the decision- Barack Obama (D-IL) or Mitt Romney (R-MA) for PCW CEO


No comments: