Saturday, June 02, 2012

PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 Preview

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This Tuesday night’s PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 will feature…

LeBron James:
…not one, not two…not three…not four…not five…

…but six title matches.

PCW Television Title Match:
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas

Valora has been suspended from PCW following her part in the attack on the White House Correspondent‘s Dinner in April.

*”Can You Hear the People Sing” from Les Miserables plays*

Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic from the American Heartland Coalition charged into the hall with PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas, Politically Incorrect (Al Cahall, Nic Koteen, NRA), The Tea Party (Average Joe and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay), PBR and Chief, The Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski), Ron Claude Von Dammit, Halitosis, SNAFU, Brad Company, Ken Worth- The American Trucker, and Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer…

Blackwell hurls two steel chairs at the Republican table and the group wades in. Dawn McGill uses a kendo stick on Kim Kardashian and then blasts Republican Lani Harlot with a brutal kendo stick shot to the back, and that’s enough to draw a “PCW! PCW! PCW!” chant from the crowd. Several celebs try to run away, but Valora Salinas chases them down and levels Martha Stewart with a clothesline. Both Red and Blue tables are engulfed in brawls as McGill goes back to work with the kendo stick before we on a running Reese Witherspoon. Svetlana Kovalevski wedges one of the chairs into the door and McGill sends a poor Diane Keaton into the chair.

Suffice to say, ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ was none too pleased at the assault and plans to get revenge on Valora for the attack…or does he? Rumor has it that Chism may have an eye on the PCW Blue Title belt and wouldn’t care if he parted with the TV belt. But Chism himself is under pressure from the left to keep Valora away from holding the title and giving creedence that women can succeed and not support the Democrats.

Will it be the PCW Queen of Extreme’s night? Or will the Democrats special interest groups come through to deny Valora a title?

PCW Tag Team Title Match:
Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)

This is the big one. Big Union, PCW Tag Team champions since November 2011 versus the upstart Republicans- the Walker Brothers, championed by Wisconsin’s Scott Walker.

Democrats want desperately to hold on to this title and even Bill Clinton (D-AR) will be on hand to lend a hand. But the Republican interests will also be out in full force and this one could be a real pier six free for all. PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) has been relatively silent on this match to people’s surprise considering many think this could be a precursor to the upcoming battles looming at November’s PCW Extreme Election Night 2012.

This one should be the match of the night.

PCW Women’s Title Match:
Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

Miss USA hits the Patriot Missile on KRC and covers. But there’s another commotion. Mitt Romney’s dog is loose inside the arena and distracts the referee when the dog jumps into the ring with Ann Romney chasing from behind.

In the confusion, Code Pink sneaks into the ring and tries to hit Miss USA with a glitter bomb. But Dawn McGill tackles Miss USA and Pink nails KRC instead. Miss USA hits a second Patriot Missile and makes the cover…1…2…3.

Miss USA gave up a year of her wrestling career to have a baby with her husband- angering the feminists on the left who disagree with her choice. Miss USA finally got her shot against former women’s champion Kathryn Randall Collins and with the help of Code Pink’s inadvertent Glitter Bomb on KRC won the title.

Now, KRC and the NOW left are hellbent on getting the title back in Democrat hands. Look for them to pull out all the stops to regain the women’s belt against Miss USA- who’ll have fellow parents the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) covering her back.

PCW Red Title Match:
‘The Japanese Superdestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) vs. RINO- The Wonk Machine (R) vs. Big Oil (R) vs. Kirk Walstreit (R)

Tanaka also has a title match against the Sanderman later on in the show. Can he climb to the top of the Republican hill over RINO, Big Oil, and Walstreit? Will Grover Norquist throw his weight around? Or Chris Christie for that matter?

PCW Blue Title Match-Last Man Standing:
Daniel-San (D), Big Labor (D), Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher (D), Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA (D), ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

Daniel-San shot out of nowhere to become a serious contender for the blue belt after defecting from the Republicans. But can he overcome the copious and convoluted rules in this match to claim the Blue title?

PCW Title Match:
The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Tanaka goes for PCW title reign number four. Expect both parties to throw everything they’ve got into this match.

Brought to you by:

Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at and other online bookstores.

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