Friday, May 04, 2012

The 'I Find Your Lack of Faith Disturbing' Edition of PCW Politics is War

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
Viking Hall
Bristol, TN
Thursday May 3rd, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

It was the first show after the big announcement on PCW Extreme Political TV that Republicans and Democrats will be competing separately for the Red and Blue title belts. Plus, the arena was still buzzing over what went down at the White House Correspondent‘s Dinner aka “the Nerdprom” and subsequent suspensions of ringleaders Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coalition along with PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas and The Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski).

Suave welcomes everyone to the pre Star Wars Day edition of PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.

Backstage Fun
Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Republican Leader Rance Priebus argue back and forth about who will start the show- the Democrats or the Republicans.

PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) barges in and pushes Priebus away. Chism demands to know why he wasn’t chosen higher in the draft? Wasserman-Schultz tries to answer but Chism interrupts her and says it’s not fair to put a talent of his stature in that type of position. Chism reminds her that he represents the Hollywood Left contingent and that’s an important Democratic constituent.

Wasserman-Schultz apologizes and Chism he’ll have a ’preferred’ entry into the tournament to determine the ’Blue’ champion. The words barely leave her mouth when Big Union (‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker) (D) walk up. Big Labor shoves Chism out of the way and informs Wasserman-Schultz that Big Union is a big supporter of Democrats and if anyone should have a preferred path to the Blue title it’s either him or James the Jeep Worker.

Wasserman-Schultz tries to sooth things over with Big Labor when Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher walk out with a legal letter they say gives them a preferred entry into the Blue belt title match.

Then it’s the Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA) who come out and claim their preferred spot.

Finally, PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) second in command Joe Biden (D-DE) walks out to mediate the dispute.

Biden: As you all know, CEO Obama has a big stick that he uses to keep order here in PCW. I know that none of you are red state country bumpkins. You’re shrewd politicos but I am here to tell you that you are not getting what you want. We want you all to have a fair shot at the Blue title. We think you all deserve a chance at the Blue title. Democrats want you all to have a title shot. So tonight, we’re going to have a battle royale…and it’s going to be the main event of the show!

Outside the Arena
The American Heartland Coalition’s Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, Tequila Sheila, and Kenzie Blackwell huddle outside. Suave reminds everyone that Blackwell and Mike are banned from the arena because what went down at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

(1) ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) def. Rev. Oral Hinnrich (R) of the God Squad

Tanaka hit a powerbomb early on and then finished Rev. Hinnrich with the Japanese SuperDestroyer @ :58.

Post match, Tanaka does a commercial for a big corporation who then lavish the former three time PCW champion with cash.

Texas Jack (R) hits the ring and breaks up Tanaka’s party. He thanks the Republican Establishment for being short sighted corporate jackasses. He tries to goad Tanaka into a extreme hardcore brawl but Priebus comes out and puts a stop to it.

Priebus says the days of the ‘old’ PCW without rules are over. The Republican says he’s enacted a series of new rules designed to make the PCW Red belt more corporate friendly. No more hardcore, out of control brawls. No more weapons. Only good ol’ fashioned all-American wrestling. Priebus then books Texas Jack in a match against RINO- The Wonk Machine.

(2) RINO- The Wonk Machine (R) def. Texas Jack (R) by DQ

Good match into Texas Jack got pissed off at RINO and tossed him out of the ring. Jack grabbed a chair and clobbered the Wonk Machine with it to get disqualified @ 6:03.

Post match, Texas Jack drills the referee with the chair and chases Priebus to the back.

In “The Life of Julia,” the Obama campaign released a web slideshow that takes the viewer through the life stages of a fictional woman named Julia. At age three, a slide says Julia is enrolled in the government Head Start program, which says presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney would slash. Later in life, the web tool says Julia received cheaper student loans, a Pell Grant and a tax credit. She benefited from the health care law and in her older years, Julia received Medicare and Social Security.

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with ‘the Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA). Romney notes that with the disappointing job numbers out there that the thing Julia needs the most is a job.

(3) Big Oil (R) w/Kirk Walstreit def. ‘The Right Reverend’ Randy Richardson (R)

In a wild match that saw both men nearly get counted out, Big Oil hit the Oklahoma Driller to defeat Triple R @ 11:28 and move on in the tournament.

After the match, Big Oil got on the microphone and announced that the naming rights to his finisher, the Oklahoma Driller, had been sold for over two million dollars to Chevron. So now, Big Oil says the finisher is to be called the ‘Chevron Oklahoma Driller.’


JuliaThe latest political sensation Julia walks out with Democratic strategist Karen Finney. Finney calls Julia the epitomy of ‘what women want’ and says if Mitt Romney had his way, she’d be dead in her mid-30′s.

Suave: Huh?

Finney says Julia will now be the Democrats standard barrier to win the PCW Women’s title back from Miss USA.


Why should you buy this book?

Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t the usual predictable partisan trashing of the other side like other political books. J v P doesn’t pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.

Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, Alec Baldwin among others.

The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.

Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling and not bought and paid for by big corporations or either political party, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire that would be f#$@ing hilarious if parts of the book wasn’t painfully true about the abject dysfunction in American politics.

Available at and other online bookstores.

(4) Kirk Walstreit (R) w/Big Oil def. Magnum PO’d w/ Robyn Masters

Walstreit wins with the Stock Market Plunge @ 7:19 to advance. Then he got on the microphone.

Walstreit: It’s about time the adults took back PCW and stopped all this hardcore, extreme crap. It’s over, people. Go back to your computers and download pictures of Megan Fox to amuse yourselves while the big boys take care of business. Go back to your Star Wars conventions along with the rest of the job challenged adult adolescents and–

Suave: Indeed. May the Fourth be with you.

Joe Biden‘s OfficePriebus and Wasserman-Schultz are joined by John Boehner (R-OH) and Harry Reid (D-NV) as they bicker back and forth about the format of the shows. Then…

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. PCW CEO Barack Obama appears.

Obama: I also find your lack of faith disturbing. Here’s my proposition. The Red show will get a half hour a week at a venue of their choosing. The Blue show will get a half hour a week at their venue. PCW Extreme Political TV will be the home show for the independents/non-affiliated.

(5) Julia (D) def. Kacie Myers

Julia wins but with help from Women for Women (Code Pink and Emily S. List) and then from the referee who ’assists’ Julia in defeating Independent Myers.

MATCHES SIGNED FOR JUNE’S PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 8 PPV:-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas
-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)
-PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
-Red Title Match: TBD
-Blue Title Match: TBD
-PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Plus, PCW Hall of Fame Inductions of:
Wrestlers: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R)
Politicians: ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean (D-VT) and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (R)

Main Event: Democratic Battle Royale

No one wants to fight- all believe they should get an automatic pass to the title match. Then newcomer and former PCW Champion Daniel-San (D) runs down and takes out each wrestler one by one. He tosses Big Labor out to claim the win at 24:41

Immediately after the match, the entire group raced to the back towards CEO Obama’s office as the show ends…

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