Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Romney All But Ends It

PCW Pennsylvania Punditry
Red Crown Bowling Center
Harrisburg, PA
Tuesday April 24, 2012
Play by Play: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave

Newt Gingrich (R-GA) came out and said the race isn’t over until he says it over. Since no one else in the back is willing to wrestle for him, he’ll take on Mitt Romney‘s (R-MA) wrestler ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) himself if he has to.

Romney comes out and immediately agrees to the match.

(1) ‘PCW’s Queen of Extreme’ Valora Salinas def. ‘Tin Cup‘ Ray McAvay of the Tea Party

Valora tuned up for her upcoming match against ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) for the PCW Television Champion by destroying McAvay. Chism watched the match with Code Pink and Emily S. List but did not intervene. After the match, Chism and company left.

Former PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Colllins (D) came out and demanded an immediate rematch against new champion Miss USA.

Replay: Miss USA’s victory over KRC last Thursday on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

KRC again petitioned the PCW Competition Committee for relief. Leader of the Competition Committee John Boehner (R-OH) came out and told her that he would bring it up for a quick vote.

(2) Tom Tebow- Tim Tebow‘s Long Lost Black Sheep Brother He Never Knew He Had w/Suspended St. Louis Ram Defensive Coordinator Gregg Williams def. Ronnie Walker (R) of Scott Walker’s (R-WI) Rangers.

Tebow tried to take out Walker’s knee but John Walker (R) made the save. After the match, Tebow and Williams went back and met PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union (Democrats ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker) to collect their bounty.

Big Union refused on the basis that Tebow didn’t get the job done and a scuffle broke out before security jumped in.

PCW Competition Committee MeetingEric Cantor (R-VA) held a meeting for Republicans and tried to rally the troops against on sanctioning the match between Yamamoto Tanaka and Newt Gingrich.

Cantor: All right. I don’t care what you think of Newt, this match should not be sanctioned nor take place. Those of you who will oppose this, raise your hands.

Only a smattering of hands go up.

Cantor: No, seriously. Who’s against this match?

Again, only a slight few raise their hands.

Cantor: Oh, come on. I know Newt has his moments but still…let’s try again. Those who will oppose this match raise their hands.

Yet again, only a few scattered hands go up. Meanwhile, on the Democratic side…

Nancy Pelosi (D-CA): Okay, those in favor of sanctioning the Tanaka-Gingrich match raise your hand-

Immediately, hands are thrust into the air. Some put both hands up.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP! WE’VE GOT BIPARTISAN CONSENSUS! SOMEONE MARK THIS DOWN ON THE CALENDAR!

(3) World B. Peace def. Richard Headd of Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surnames.

Peace swept into PCW earlier in the night with a message of love and peace. Then Headd accidently collided with him and Peace uncorked a nasty elbow to the back of his head and knocked him out cold for the win.

Peace then apologized afterwards and blamed the incident on a sudden outbreak of acne that irritated his face.

Suave: You mean to tell me that the reason he decked him with that elbow is because World Peace broke out?

Hello? Is this mic on?



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Before the main event, Leader of the PCW Competition Committee John Boehner comes out and announces that former PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins will indeed get her rematch with Miss USA for the women’s belt- at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 in June!

Plus, Boehner announces that due to the events earlier tonight that the Competition Committee has voted that Scott Walker’s (R-WI) Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R) will meet PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: ’The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) for the tag team belts at Loose Cannons Unleashed 8.

MATCHES SIGNED FOR JUNE’S PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 8 PPV:-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas
-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)
-PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
-PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Plus, PCW Hall of Fame Inductions of:
Wrestlers: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R)
Politicians: ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean (D-VT) and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (R)

(4) Main Event: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/ Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

Gingrich came out first and milked the moment for all it was worth. He spent what seemed an eternity walking around the ring and trying to shake peoples hands until he finally got annoyed and grabbed the mic to berate the crowd, specifically the Democrats. He said he wouldn’t let any Democrats down here touch his calves, which was odd and completely out of character.

Tanaka and Romney came down next. The bell rang and Gingrich, to his credit, took the fight right to Tanaka and promptly ate a powerbomb.

Tanaka, to his credit, dispensed with the gratiutious destruction of Mr. Gingrich and merely dragged him up to the top rope for the cursery Japanese SuperDestroyer. With Gingrich splayed out on the mat, Tanaka put his foot on Gingrich’s chest and the referee could have counted to three hundred and the result would have been the same.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) @ :23

So, now it’s on to PCW Politics is War tomorrow night.
- PCW CEO Barack Obama will make what is being called a big announcement
- Newt Gingrich to also make an announcement

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