Sunday, April 29, 2012

Newt Says Uncle/Obama Announces New Titles

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Recap
Huntington Civic Center
Huntington, WV
Thursday April 26th, 2012

PCW Extreme Political TV Main Event: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/ Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. Newt Gingrich (R-GA)The bell rang and Gingrich, to his credit, took the fight right to Tanaka and promptly ate a powerbomb.

Tanaka, to his credit, dispensed with the gratiutious destruction of Mr. Gingrich and merely dragged him up to the top rope for the cursery Japanese SuperDestroyer. With Gingrich splayed out on the mat, Tanaka put his foot on Gingrich’s chest and the referee could have counted to three hundred and the result would have been the same.

Newt Gingrich (R-GA) hobbles out and talks with the ‘Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave.

Gingrich: Fine. I’m suspending my campaign. Are you happy now?

Then Gingrich limps off.

(1) World B. Peace def. PBR w/ChiefPBR is about to hit the Blue Ribbon Blast when Peace snaps ands elbows PBR in the head, knocking him out cold. Peace makes the cover for the easy pin.

PCW CEO Barack Obama Addresses World B. Peace
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears. Behind Obama walks Joe Biden.

Obama says he wants to address the whole World B. Peace thing.

Last Night: World B. Peace vs. Richard Headd of Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surnames.Peace swept into PCW earlier in the night with a message of love and peace. Then Headd accidently collided with him and Peace uncorked a nasty elbow to the back of his head and knocked him out cold for the win.

Peace then apologized afterwards and blamed the incident on a sudden outbreak of acne that irritated his face.

Suave: You mean to tell me that the reason he decked him with that elbow is because World Peace broke out?

Biden takes the microphone and says it’s time to heed the timeless advice from Teddy Roosevelt: ‘Speak softly and carry a big stick.’ End of quote.

Biden: I promise you, the president has a big stick.

Pause for the requisite flurry of snickering from the crowd.

Obama: Joe, don’t say that.

More snickering from the crowd.

Obama then announces that ‘he’s had enough’ of the extreme nonsense in PCW. First, he’s suspending World Peace for two weeks.

Suave: Wait. Can someone actually suspend World Peace? Well, besides actually declaring war and such…

Obama then clarifies that he’s suspending the wrestler- World B. Peace. Then he turns to the big announcement.

Obama: Tonight, just like the NFL is doing in New York, PCW is having a draft. Democrats and Republicans will get to choose wrestlers to compete for the “Blue” belt (Democrats) and the “Red” belt (Republicans).

Obama added as a special treat, the draftees also get to go to Saturday night’s ‘nerd prom’ aka the White House Correspondents Dinner.

Backstage, PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein asked Obama spokesperson Jay Carney what about the Independents and those not drafted. Carney shrugged and walked away.


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In the ring, PCW CEO Obama stands behind a podium a la NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell with Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz to the left of him and Republican Leader Rance Priebus to the right.

The draft then began…

PCW DraftRound One:
Democrats- PCW Champion The Sanderman; Republicans- Yamamoto Tanaka

Round Two:
Republicans- Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker; Democrats- Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker with Union Maid

Round Three:
Democrats- Kathryn Randall Collins; Republicans- ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas

Round Four:
Republicans- Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit; Democrats- Felcher and Felcher- Extreme Attorneys

Round Five:
Democrats- Green World Order: “Radishing” Rick Rube- Agronomist, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA; Republicans- Religious Right: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe.

Round Six:
Republicans- Kalee Jones- Eskimo Queen and Lani Harlot; Democrats- Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily S. List

Round Seven:
Democrats- PCW Television Champion ’The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism; Republicans- Arizona Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice

The first seven rounds provided little drama. It was the final round that raised a few eyebrows.

Round Eight:
Republicans- RINO- The Wonk Machine

Suave noted that Mitt Romney’s influence may have pushed that pick.

Then the Democrats stunned everyone.

Democrats- former PCW Champion Daniel-San.

As Daniel-San walked up to the podium, John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives attacked and set off a brawl between the Republicans and Democrats.

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