Sunday, March 04, 2012

PCW's Political Oscar Night: PCW Michigan Madness

PCW Michigan Madness
Lansing Indoor Sports Arena

Lansing, MI
Tuesday February 27th, 2012

On Tuesday night, it was Michigan Madness live from Lansing, Michigan as the PCW Roadshow Across America continued.

Coming off a wild PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN where it appeared that ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney entered into some sort of alliance with Ron Paul and the show ended with A. Tom Bomb (R)- representing Rick Santorum (R-PA) Atomic Powerbombing The Japanese Superdestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)- affiliated with Romney, tonight’s main event of Magnum P.O.’d (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA), A-Bomb (Santorum), Tanaka (Romney), and Texas Jack (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX) brings a sense urgency as the process to determine Barack Obama’s challenger in November for the PCW CEO job goes on.
But first, the annual PCW Political Academy Awards hosted by the ‘Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave:

Suave: And now, the award for best PCW Tag Team.  The nominees are…
-Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)
-Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R)
-Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I)


NOTE: The awards are voted on as follows- the PCW Competition Committee led by John Boehner (R) and the PCW Executive Committee led by Harry Reid (D) each have one vote.

Suave: And the winner is…

Both Harry Reid and John Boehner jostled for position at the podium.

(at the same time)
Boehner: Ron Paul’s New LIbertarian Army!
Reid: Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker!

Suave: What?

Boehner and Reid glare at each other.

(at the same time)
Boehner: Ron Paul’s New LIbertarian Army!
Reid: Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker!


Suave: it’s a tie?

(at the same time)
Boehner: Ron Paul’s New LIbertarian Army!
Reid: Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker!


Suave: It’s a tie.  Another victory for partisanship as Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) and Ron Paul’s New Libertarian Army: Jack and Joe Schmidt (R) will split the award!

Big surprise there…or maybe not.  At least the post-award brawl was interesting as both teams tried to take the award with them.

Suave: The next award is for best moment of the year.  The nominees are…

-Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) winning the PCW Tag Team Title
-PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) joining the Republican ranks.

-Daniel-San (I) defeating Yamamoto Tanaka (D) for the PCW Title

Suave: And the winner is…

Boehner and Reid glare at each other.

(at the same time)
Boehner: PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) joining the Republican ranks.
Reid: Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) winning the PCW Tag Team Title!


Boehner and Reid shoot each other nasty looks.

(at the same time)
Boehner: PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) joining the Republican ranks.
Reid: Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) winning the PCW Tag Team Title!


Suave: And it looks like another tie!  Big Union: ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) winning the PCW Tag Team Title and PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) joining the Republican ranks.

Do we detect a trend here.   I wonder who voted for whom?

Meanwhile, next was a feature on PCW Champion Daniel-San’s loss last Sunday Night to Kurt Noble of the APW.

Kurt Noble gets to his feet still favoring that right leg and reaches down pulling Daniel San to his feet. The moment Daniel San got to his feet he head butts Noble right between his eyes and then nails a thrust kick to the throat of Noble knocking him to the mat. Now Daniel Son gathers him self walking over to the ring ropes climbing out onto the ring apron and up to the top turnbuckle. Daniel San leaps off 450 SPLASH!!!! He nails it!!!! Daniel Son now makes the pin attempt but Noble right before the three count gets a shoulder up!!! Daniel San can’t believe it he is yelling at the ref about being in favor of Kurt Noble and the ref looks to be getting more and more irritated. Daniel San shoves the ref and the ref shoves Daniel back!!! Noble to has now gotten to his feet.

Spade: You don’t mess with our UPW ref’s there tough! 

Mckraken: Noble is back to his feet and look at Daniel San he looks shocked that one of our ref’s shoved him back I guess he’s not used to that.

Spade: Well he needs to turn around Kurt Noble is waiting for him.

Mckraken: He does now turn around NOBLE NECK BREAKER!!!!!

Spade: What a move!!

Mckraken: There’s the pin!

ONE….TWO….THREE!!!!


Brandy Boss: Here is your winner KURT NOBLE!!!

And of course, the PCW Champion was none too pleased.

Daniel-San: Politics is involved in everything these days.  How in the hell do you explain why I lost Sunday night.   Everything is political.  If you’re on the right side, you win.  If you’re not- you lose.  Sunday night, I lost.  But that’s okay because in the larger picture, there’s haves in this world and there are have nots.  Those who have, survive…thrive.  Those who don’t lose and whine about those who have.  It’s that simple.  It’s not fair.  It’s not equitable.  But it’s the God’s honest truth.  Deal with it.  Why do the Duke Blue Devils win college basketball championships and Coppin State doesn’t?  Because Duke is a have; Coppin State is a have not.  Why does Manchester United win cups of all shapes and sizes while a Crawley City is in the dregs of the lower leagues?  Because, Manchester United is a have; Crawley City is a have not.  Why am I the PCW Champion?  Because, *I* am a have; you are a have not.  Sorry, it’s not personal.  It’s just the way it is.

…some things will never change…oh, sorry, that’s a Bruce Hornsby song.  The awards continued…

Suave: And now, the award for the best newcomer to Political Championship Wrestling.  The nominees are…

-The ‘Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D)
-Texas Jack (R)
-Valora Salinas (I)

Suave: And the winner is…

(at the same time)
Boehner: Texas Jack (R)
Reid: The ‘Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D)

Suave: And it’s another tie.

Surprise, surprise.

Texas Jack and Big Labor walk to the podium from opposite sides.  They both try to push the other out of the way to give their acceptance speech when…

Suave: HERE COMES VALORA!  SHE’S BACK!

PCW’s Queen of Extreme blasts both Texas Jack and Big Labor in the balls with a Singapore cane

Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Ow!

Valora takes the Krylon bronze spray painted statuette and breaks it in two over Big Labor’s head.  Then she makes a fist surrounded the head of the statue and cold cocks Texas Jack.

Suave: PCW’S QUEEN OF EXTREME IS BACK! 

Anyone think the PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) is quaking in his boots yet?

BACKSTAGE
Chism is in one of the stalls in the men’s room using the bathroom and well…um, never mind.


Somehow, we’re not surprised.



The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

What other book features a parody of Les Miserables and Smokey and the Bandit in the same story?  And it features a scene with PCW too!

Suave: And now, the award for the best female wrestler in PCW.  The nominees are…

-Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
-’The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R)
-Valora Salinas (I)


Suave: The winner is…a tie!  Kathryn Randall Collins (D) and Sarah Mae Smith (R)!
KRC and Smith walk to the podium- from opposite sides.  This time, they don’t even get a chance to fight over the acceptance speech.  Valora hits the stage again with a steel bar and whacks both winners with it.  She busts the freshly painted Krylon spray painted bronze statuette over Sarah Mae Smith’s head and then brains KRC with the steel bar.

Well, that’s two for two.

As they clean up the stage after Valora’s second attack, the first of two featurettes plays featuring Democrats doing the political ritual of self-congratulations and patting themselves on the back for being wonderful…

Kind of like the Oscars eh?

…followed next by the Republican‘s film and their contribution of the orgy of self-congratulation by a group of pretentious politicos rewarding themselves.

Definitely like the Oscars.

Suave: And now, the next award is for the male wrestler of the year.  The nominees are
-Daniel-San (R)
-‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
-Charlie Blackwell (I)


Suave: And the winner is…

Wait for it.

Suave: …a tie!  Daniel-San (R) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

And people say Republicans and Democrats can’t work together in a bipartisan way…oh, wait.

Suave: And now, the final award of the night…PCW’s Wrestler of the Year!  Here are the nominees…
-’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D)
-Daniel-San (R)
-Valora Salinas (I)


Suave: And the winner is………………..a tie.  SERIOUSLY GUYS?  YOU COULDN’T VOTE YOUR CONSCIENCE FOR THE BEST WRESTLER OF THE YEAR?  ‘The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D) AND Daniel-San (R)

The music plays and both Big Labor and the PCW Champion walk to the podium from opposite sides.  They also both keep looking around waiting for Valora Salinas to jump out and attack. 
Daniel-San tells Big Labor since he’s the PCW Champion that he’ll speak last.  Big Labor tells him that he didn’t agree to that and there’d have to be some sort of negotiation.  They get into a heated argument and don’t see Valora rappelling down above them.  She cuts the rope and lands on Daniel-San’s head.  Big Labor swings at her but she ducks and delivers a brass knuckled low blow to the Self Described Savior of the Middle Class and he crumples to the ground.  

PCW Security stream out and Valora jumps out of the ring and into the crowd to make her escape.  

Valora’s back and there’s going to be some trouble…hey-la…hey-laaaaa, Valora’s back!

Okay, to the main event…

MAIN EVENT:
Magnum P.O.’d (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
A. Tom Bomb (R)- Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Texas Jack (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX)

Yamamoto Tanaka (R)- ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)

…Texas Jack and Magnum both eliminated already.  Tanaka works over A-Bomb’s arm.  A-Bomb fight backs with his good arm.  Tanaka with a back drop.  But A-Bomb turns and snaps Tanaka’s neck over the top rope.  

The crowd is stunned when ‘The Self-Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor runs to the ring and nails A-Bomb in mid-air with a Scabbuster.  Then he hits Tanaka with a Picket Line and then a Scabbuster.  He rolls A-Bomb onto Tanaka but then the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) and the Republican Establishment hit the ring.   Daniel-San nails the second-rope DDT on Big Labor and roll A-Bomb off Tanaka.  

Daisy Cutter-Bomb hits the ring and tries for the Daisy Cutter Powerbomb but Daniel-San slaps on the LeBell Lock.  Corporate Might’s Big Oil rolls Tanaka onto A-Bomb and the referee slams his hand on the mat three times to give Tanaka the win. 

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 12:46

‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney hops into the ring to celebrate with the Republican Establishment as the show ends.



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