Monday March 26th
Scott County High School Gym
Host: Johnny Suave
Former member of the PCW Executive Committee, Arlen Specter (D-PA), read from his new book inside the ring…
Specter: Sarah Palin (R-AK) was a total charmer, very friendly. The few things she said were intelligent. We were sitting virtually knee-to-knee in the cramped bus, and she radiated sensuality. Her skirt rode above her knees—not exactly short, but close.
Suave: HELLO! More! More!
Spector: I was in the whirlpool at the Senate gym in 2008, recovering from Hodgkin’s, when Ted Kennedy came over and climbed into the bath. Kennedy was one of the Senate’s giants, in many ways. It was as though a gigantic walrus had plunged into the sea, causing the level to swell. I’d never seen two men in the whirlpool before, but the tub was big enough for two or more. There was a sign that you had to shower before entering. I hadn’t checked that out with Kennedy, but I had neither an objection nor compunction about his coming into the bath. We chatted.
Suave: Okay. I didn’t need to hear that.
Specter: John Thune, who looked like a movie star in or out of clothes, was constantly stretching. His lanky body seemed to have some kinks to iron out.
Suave: OKAY! CAN WE GO BACK TO TALKING ABOUT SARAH PALIN, ALREADY?
(1) Ron Claude Von Dammit def. Magnum PO’d (R) w/Robyn Masters
Magnum nearly got the Porsche Plunge early on but then RCVD took over. Rolling Thunder, followed by the 5 Star Frog Splash for the win.
Suave notes that lots of people are watching PCW tonight in Georgetown, KY- even at the local Dialysis Clinic…
An elderly gentlemen is hooked up to a dialysis machine wearing a Kentucky shirt. Another older man walks up to him wearing a Louisville shirt. The Kentucky guy flips off the Louisville guy and they start to go…
Suave: Okay, wait a minute. He’s hooked up to a dialysis machine and he’s fighting over the Kentucky-Louisville game?
It’s gets better. A woman races into the room…
Judd clocks the Louisville guy from behind and March Madness breaks out!
Suave: Wait! Can we say March Madness?
(2) Scott Walker‘s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R) w/Rebecca Kleefisch def. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (D)
Post match, the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) attack Walker and his Rangers.
Wisconsin radio host John “Sly” Sylvester runs out and gets in Kleefisch’s face. He accuses Kleefisch of performing “fellatio on all the talk-show hosts in Milwaukee” and sneered that she had “pulled a train” (a crude phrase for gang sex).
Suave: Seriously? This from the party who claims the Republicans have a war on women?
*Def Leppard’s Tear It Down plays*
‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long
Crowd: What the @#$#!…What the @!##!
WTF grabs Sylvester by the throat…lift…CHOKESLAM!
Suave: We’re headed for an all out war between Scott Walker (R-WI) and Big Union!
Mitt Romney (R-MA) Promo
Romney is in the ring…
Romney: One of most humorous I think relates to my father. You may remember my father, George Romney, was president of an automobile company called American Motors… They had a factory in Michigan, and they had a factory in Kenosha, Wisconsin, and another one in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And as the president of the company he decided to close the factory in Michigan and move all the production to Wisconsin. Now later he decided to run for governor of Michigan and so you can imagine that having closed the factory and moved all the production to Wisconsin was a very sensitive issue to him, for his campaign.
Romney: Okay…then there was this parade where the school marching band walking with my dad knew only ‘On Wisconsin.’
Romney bust out laughing.
Romney: So every time they would start playing ‘On, Wisconsin, On, Wisconsin,’ my dad’s political people would jump up and down and try to get them to stop, because they didn’t want people in Michigan to be reminded that my dad had moved production to Wisconsin.
The Price is Right Loser Horn
(3) PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos Kim and Chloe vs. Texas Jack (R)
This one doesn’t make it to the end as PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas once again runs out and destroys Chism. This time, Chism scraped himself off the mat and got on the microphone as the crowd chanted “Valora” at him.
Chism: Valora, I know you can hear the crowd. I don’t need a crystal ball to know that our paths are going to have to cross again. It’s not new to me. For nearly a half of year now, you’ve attacked me at every opportunity. The woman who defined PCW’s Queen of Extreme. You came here again tonight and the same thing happened like every single night before. You jumped me while I wasn’t looking and then walk away, happy to be here, with a smile on your face. No more. I destroyed you once before and I’ll do it again. Why? Because I have people to protect my back. The Democrats. Who do you have, Valora? Nothing. No one. So, let’s stop all the pretenses and lets sign the damn match so I can destroy you again.
Why should you buy this book?
Jesusland v Progressiveville isn’t predictable partisan trashing of other side like other political books nor does it pander to the fringes of both sides like most books do.
Jesusland vs Progressiveville parodies the very ones responsible for over the top devisive political discussion: Markos Moutilsas, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Keith Olbermann, Chris Matthews, Ann Coulter, Ed Schultz, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, among others.
The cover with Sarah Palin and Keith Olbermann sums up just what our political discourse has become.
Brought to you by the same demented bunch behind Political Championship Wrestling, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a political satire about the sorry state of American politics.
Available at Amazon.com and other online bookstores.