Friday, January 13, 2012

Romney Speaks French- (oh) mon dieu!: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN



PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Kilpatrick Athletic Center
Great Barrington, MA
Thursday January 12th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave


Suave recaps what went down at PCW Manchester (NH) Madness Tuesday night

-PCW Security came out searching for PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas but came up empty all night long

-PBR debuted in PCW, defeated Ken Worth-The American Trucker, and then Worth announced he was retiring and becoming PBR’s manager, Chief.



-Yamamoto Tanaka chose to return to the Democrats and destroyed ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)  after he won the NH Primary Match

-John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy) returned and kept a close watch on Daniel-San.

Suave is kicked out the ring by…

Corporate Might:
Big Oil (R)
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323
HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas Tex

Kirk Walstreit- The Wall Street Market Analyst with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R)
HT: 6-2  WT: 220
HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Stock Market Plunge

An angry Big Oil came out to discuss what happened to him Tuesday night…

Replay- PCW Manchester (NH) Madness
Big Oil: “The more you pathetic people drive because you’re too lazy to walk a block to the store; the richer you make me.”

The crowd boos and lobs debris into the ring until they see PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas hit the ring.  She oulls out a taser and Big Oil doesn’t see her until it’s too late.  He gets zapped by the taser and falls like a tree to the mat.

Walstreit, realizing that he was in immiment danger, tried to get out but PBR and Chief ran in and blocked his exit.  PBR blasted him in the face with a beer can and then Chief threw him to Valora.  She in turn tasered him and left him in a puddle in the ring.

PBR tossed Valora a beer and the three shared a drink before PCW Security ran down and chased the Women’s champion off.

Big Oil calls everyone who cheered Valora Salinas two days ago a bunch of nobody losers who hate their spouses, jobs, and children.  He says people chant “Big Oil Sucks” because he embodies the success that they cannot achieve.  Then he calls out to the back for the ‘next nobody’ for him to destroy.

MATCH #1
Big Oil (R) w/Kirk Walstreit vs. Mitchell Parker

By day, Parker is an auto technician barely scraping enough money to make ends meet.
Big Oil toys with Parker for several minutes before putting him away with the Oklahoma Driller.
Post match, PBR…

PBR
Ht. 5-11, Wt: 205
HOME: Circleville, Ohio
FIN: Blue Ribbon Bash
MGR: Chief

…and Chief attacks Big Oil and Walstreit.  Walstreit destroys Chief with the Stock Market Plunge.  Big Oil beats PBR into a pulp and lays him out with the Oklahoma Driller.
Big Oil drags PBR to the ring apron while Walstreit sets up a table.  Big Oil sets for an Oklahoma Driller through the table when…

PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I)
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME: South Central, California
FIN: Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

…flies in and tasers Walstreit.  Big Oil drops PBR to the floor and menacingly moves towards Valora.  PCW Security run up from behind and grab the PCW Women’s champion.  Bad move.

Valora chews through PCW Security in no time but runs right into the right hand of Big Oil that latches around her throat.  Valora kicks and swings but Big Oil lifts her up in the air and chokeslams her through the table.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

PCW Security recover and drag Valora to the back.

BACKSTAGE
John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy) skulk around looking for PCW Champion Daniel-San (I).

Back in the ring, Newt Gingrich (R-GA) accuses front runner Mitt Romney (R-MA) of something so diabolical, so disturbing that it should disqualify him from the Republican race- he speaks French.
Even worse, says Gingrich- he speaks it fluently.

Gingrich: “Massachusetts moderate Mitt Romney will say anything to win, anything… And just like John Kerry, he speaks French too.”

Suave: “Well, I could think of worse things…”


MATCH #2- PCW Tag Team Title Match
‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) © vs. John and Ronnie Walker

The Walkers are both part of the working class middle class struggling to get by in an anemic economy.
Big Labor hits the Scabbuster on John Walker at the five minute mark to get the pin for the PCW Tag Team Champions.

Post match, Big Labor cuts a disingenuous heel promo about how, as the Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class, he hated to deliver the Scabbuster to a fellow middle class member.  Of course, if the Walkers were part of a union- that class A, asskicking, they just received would never had happened.  Big Labor says he’ll give Walkers a rematch any time, anywhere.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) appears on the big screen and tells us that he’s has already booked the return match for Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV.  It will be a no count out, no DQ match.  Big Labor smiles and both Walkers look scared shitless.  James the Jeep Worker offers a handshake.  John Walker reluctantly accepts.

BACKSTAGE
Democrat Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the one year anniversary of the Gabby Giffords shooting.

DWS: “We need to make sure that we tone things down, particularly in light of the Tucson tragedy from a year ago, where my very good friend, Gabby Giffords, who is doing really well by the way, and I know everybody is so thrilled, as I am, to hear that, making tremendous progress.  But the discourse in America, the discourse in Congress in particular, to answer your question, very specifically, has really changed. And I’ll tell you, I hesitate to place blame, but I have noticed it takes a very precipitous turn towards edginess and a lack of civility with the growth of the tea party movement.”

This brought out Republican leader Rance Priebus who accused Wasserman-Schultz of  recklessly connecting the tea party movement to a tragedy.

Priebus: “Schultz should apologize immediately for her reckless comments blaming the tea party for the horrific Tuscon shooting.”

Suave: “That’s Tucson.”

Priebus: “Oh.  Right.”

Then, American Heartlander Charlie Blackwell…
Charlie Blackwell
HT: 6′ 4″  WT: 215
HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)

…comes out with his Les Miserables and Tea Party members Average Joe, NRA, and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay.

Blackwell: “Look in the mirror, Deb.  The desperation must be setting in the DNC and the facts just keep getting in your way.  You claim to be for ordinary Americans but your smear campaign against the Tea Party shows that you have to be in control no matter how many lies the DNC must invent against the Tea Party to delegitamize it.”

Wasserman-Schultz calls Blackwell is ‘symptomatic of the lack of civility in politics.’

Blackwell retorts that the Democrats are in the same big bed with their big time special interest groups as the Republicans are.  Priebus tries to interrupt but Blackwell cuts him off.  Blackwell accuses both parties of being responsible for the extreme incivility and that the American Heartland movement stands with the Tea Party for sticking up for average Americans.

Blackwell challenges any Republican and Democrat to a match…

Occupy Wall Street:
-Nate, HOME: Minneapolis, MN
-Shane, HOME: Newark, NJ
-Adam, HOME: New York City, NY

The OWS answer the call.  Nate, Shane, and Adam attack Blackwell.  Mike the Mechanic (American Heartland), Tequila Sheila, and the Tea Partiers in the ring make the save.

BACKSTAGE
Big Labor (D) and PCW Television Champion “The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) hold Valora Salinas while PCW Executive Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) stare at her.
Reid is about to strip her of the PCW Women’s title when PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) appeared in the ring and told them to stop.

Daniel-San: “All she wants is a chance at the PCW title.  And as the PCW Champion, I’m willing to give her a shot.”

Reid and Pelosi are stunned.  Daniel-San sets the match for next Saturday’s PCW South Carolina Slaughter show and says “may the best man…or woman win.”  Valora escapes from Big Labor and Chism and low bridges both men.  Reid and Pelosi run for it.

In the ring, Daniel-San soaks up the crowd’s applause- not seeing that John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives are sneaking up on him.  Creese signals his gang and they attack Daniel-San.  The Cobra Cons deliver a vicious beatdown of the PCW Champion until Valora hits the ring and makes the save.

Suave: “It’s set.  PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas will meet PCW Champion Daniel-San next Saturday for the PCW Title!

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