Winter Sports Ice Arena
Willow Grove, PA
Monday January 11th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave
MATCH #1- joined in progress.
PCW Tag Team Title Match
‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) © vs. John and Ronnie Walker
This is a rematch from last Thursday when Big Union obliterated the Walker Brothers and then offered them a rematch.
Big Labor cuts a disingenuous heel promo about how, as the Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class, he hated to deliver the Scabbuster to a fellow middle class member. Of course, if the Walkers were part of a union- that class A, asskicking, they just received would never had happened. Big Labor says he’ll give Walkers a rematch any time, anywhere.
Big Labor lays out Ronnie Walker with a Scabbuster and then turns to John Walker and smiles. He lifts Ronnie up a second time and hits him with a second Scabbuster.
Suave: “JUST PIN HIM ALREADY!”
Big Labor makes the cover…1…2…NO! Big Labor pulls Ronnie up at the last second. He calls for a microphone and tells the Walkers they showed some guts in showing up here to get their ass handed to them a second time. Big Labor tells John to pledge his allegience to the true Savior of the Middle Class…
Suave: “That’s Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class.”
…or else he’ll spike his brother a third time. John turns to the crowd for help.
Big Labor: “You don’t put your faith in the hands of some rabbling scabs. You put your faith in me.”
John is about to answer when…
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition)
HT: 6′ 4″ WT: 215 HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)
MGR: Kenzie Blackwell
Mike the Mechanic (American Heartland Coalition)
HT: 5’10” WT: 202 HOME: Cleveland, OH
FIN: Jumper Cables
MGR: Tequila Sheila
Bobby Bare‘s ‘Pour Me Another Tequila, Sheila’ plays as Tequila Sheila leads Blackwell and his Les Miserables along with Mike the Mechanic hit the ring to battle Big Union. Sheila hands Mike the Mechanic the jumper cables and he knocks out James the Jeep Worker (D) with them.
Blackwell ducks a right hand by Big Labor and puts him in the Katahajime.
Suave: “BLACKWELL’S CHOKING OUT BIG LABOR!”
Down comes the California Teacher’s Union…
’The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta (D)
HT: 6’5″ WT: 245, HOME: Warsaw, Poland
FIN: Foul Pole
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown
Malibu Dusty (D)
HT: 5’9, WT: 195 HOME: Bakersfield, CA
FIN: Picket Line
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown
…but they’re intercepted by the Tea Party…
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 220, HOME: Defiance, OH
FIN: Average Slam
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 269, HOME: Richmond, IN
FIN: Gun Rack (modified torture rack)
‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay
HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 185, HOME: Salome, TX
MGR: Tromeo and Dr. Molly Greenwald
…The Tea Party brawls with the CTU until…
Occupy Wall Street (D)
HT: 5′ 10″ WT: 190 HOME: Minneapolis, MN
HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 185 HOME: Newark, NJ
HT: 6’0″ WT: 200 HOME: New York City, NY
…shows up…the referee for their scheduled match appears and clears out the ring.
MATCH #2- Six Man Tag Team Match
The Tea Party (R) vs. Occupy Wall Street (D)
[...Average Joe rolls onto Nate connecting with a knee. NRA tags in McAvay. McAvay rolls onto Nate connecting with a knee. Nate gets up. Nate springboard DDT's McAvay onto the mat! Nate locks McAvay in the Occupy Grapevine submission. The referee checks for a tap out. ... ... McAvay is fighting the hold. Blackwell in the ring with a double axe handle and Nate breaks the hold. Nate sends McAvay out of the ring. McAvay is in the wrong part of town as Shane swings a Steel chair and blasts him with it. McAvay is bleeding as a result. Nate does a handspring and hits McAvay with a bodyblock, what a move! McAvay with a Salome suplex on Nate that drives him to the floor. McAvay bites Nate's arm. ]
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
[Back in the ring, McAvay hits the cobra clutch suplex. He follows with an arm wrench and Nate is in trouble. McAvay with a frog splash on Nate. He picks Nate up and hits a stomachbreaker. Tromeo tells McAvay to finish him off and throws him the seven iron. *WHACK* Seven iron shot on Nate! McAvay covers...1 ...2 ...3 ]
WINNER: The Tea Party @ 16:06
Leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) charges down the ramp with the Democrats in tow and they attack the Tea Party. O’Beck Bahama, PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism, Big Union, The CTU, Axel Rodd, ’New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor obliterate the Tea Partiers.
Finally, the Republicans respond in kind and send their wrestlers to the ring. PCW Security tries to sort it all out as PCW goes to commercial.
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein reports that Jon Huntsman (R-UT) is dropping out of the Republican race to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama in November.
Huntsman: “This race had degenerated into an onslaught of negative and personal attacks not worthy of PCW and not worthy of this critical time in American history.”
Huntsman endorsed the Massachusetts Redblood Mitt Romney (R-UT) and then took a shot at current PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) for engaging in “class warfare” and added that he felt it contributed to the divisiveness in PCW.
This leaves five main contenders left in the race to be the Republican to challenge PCW CEO Obama (D-IL):
Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Ron Paul (R-TX)
Rick Perry (R-TX)
Suave: “Last week, Valora Salinas finally got her wish- a title match against PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) which will take place this Saturday at South Carolina Slaughter. Here’s how it came about.”
Last Thursday on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
Daniel-San: “All she wants is a chance at the PCW title. And as the PCW Champion, I’m willing to give her a shot.”
Reid and Pelosi are stunned. Daniel-San sets the match for next Saturday’s PCW South Carolina Slaughter show and says “may the best man…or woman win.” Valora escapes from Big Labor and Chism and low bridges both men. Reid and Pelosi run for it.
In the ring, Daniel-San soaks up the crowd’s applause- not seeing that John Creese and the Cobra Conservatives are sneaking up on him. Creese signals his gang and they attack Daniel-San. The Cobra Cons deliver a vicious beatdown of the PCW Champion until Valora hits the ring and makes the save.
PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) talks with Woodward Bernstein. He explains that the reason he is giving Valora a title match is because he’s obligated to defend the title and she deserves as much as anyone else. Mrs. Miyagi adds that he’s not going to take her lightly before getting cut off by the champion. Daniel-San then adds that Valora has won titles before and it’s time to see just how she’ll handle a big time match.
Bernstein then asks about the sneak attack on him last week by John Creese and the Cobra Cons. Daniel-San evades answering the question and walks away leaving Mrs. Miyagi puzzled.
Suave: “That was weird. And totally out of character for Daniel-San. What’s going on?”
MATCH #3- PCW Television Title #1 Contender’s Match w/Special Referee: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Special Enforcer: ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs. New Age Sensitive Guy Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D)
The match is delay when Chism grabs the microphone from ring announcer Kimber Marshall and rants about the fact that he holds a title but O’Beck Bahama is considered the Democrat’s number one wrestler. Chism says he’s getting tired of being disrespected and demands that Bahama relinquish his #1 slot to him.
Bahama, of course, tells Chism to stick it in his ear. Chism attacks Bahama while ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor tries to play peacemaker. Thomas-Taylor gets a Hollywood Blockbuster from Chism for his troubles.
Then Tanaka attacks both Chism and Bahama and there’s a three way brawl in the ring. Finally, PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid (D-NV) and former PCW Competition Committee Chief Nancy Pelosi (D-NV) rush down to the ring to separate the three.
Suave: “There is no love lost between Chism and Bahama or Tanaka. None at all. Chism’s responsible for costing both Bahama and Tanaka the PCW title at one time or the other.”
Finally, PCW Security hits the ring and tears Tanaka, Bahama, and Chism away from each other.
Suave: “For all the stuff about the Republicans squabbling, don’t forget that the Democrats have their loony wing as well that doesn’t get along with the others.”
Suave references the Andrew Sullivan article in Newsweek which has on the cover this week the caption “Why are Obama’s critics so dumb?” and then turns it over to Steve Hunter for a new feature on PCW…
Steve Hunter’s Three Sentence Political Commentary- because three sentences is all you need to get your point across.
TOPIC: Andrew Sullivan’s Newsweek article
Sullivan’s article in Newsweek is thoughtful and well worth the read. The same can’t be said for the idiotic caption on the cover that could have come from the editorial department of MSNBC. Really Newsweek, I thought only Fox did stupid stuff like this…allegedly.
Snooki aka Nicole Polizzi of Jersey Shore fame tells PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein that Donald Trump should be the next President of the United States.
Snooki: “I thought Trump was gonna run. But he’s not, right? I would endorse him and vote for him.”
Snooki continued to ramble on until PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) ran in and decked her with a steel chairshot.
Bernstein: “Thanks…I think.”
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Texas Jack w/Rick Perry (R-TX)
Jim Schmidt w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)
K-Roy w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Richardson, urged on by Santorum, starts the match on fire and nearly eliminates K-Roy right out of the box.
Schmidt is sluggish from the get-go and ends up being the first one eliminated. Not a good night for the Ron Paul-ites in the audience.
After Richardson’s hot start, it’s Texas Jack who gets it in gear for the first time in months and starts to kick serious ass all over the ring. He hooks up with K-Roy and they brawl from one side of the ring to the other.
Like Mitt Romney, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott plays it cool and stays out of trouble for the most part.
Richardson runs out of gas and gets tossed by K-Roy. Newt Gingrich cheers while Rick Santorum does not look pleased.
Towards the end of the match, Romney is talking with Johnny Suave at ringside and calls Gingrich super PAC flick the ‘biggest hoax since Bigfoot. Then Romney calls ‘McCain-Feingold a disaster. Suave then reminds Mitt that McCain is his biggest, high profile endorsement and sure enough, McCain comes out.
In the end, Kevin Scott gets distracted and allows K-Roy to push him over the top rope and out of the match.
McCain and Romney talk as they head to the back. Scott is not pleased.
Down to K-Roy vs. Texas Jack; Newt vs. Perry.
Texas Jack on his game but K-Roy is even more sharp tonight. Texas Jack misses a Texas Lariat and K-Roy hits a K-Bomb and makes the cover. Newt jumps in the ring and assists the referee in making a proper 1-2-3 and K-Roy wins the match.
Winner: K-Roy @ 11:26
Suave: “Not the greatest night for Romney. Newt gets a little momentum headed into Saturday’s match at South Carolina Slaughter. We’ll see you Thursday night for PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.”