Saturday, October 29, 2011

OWS: I am the 99%…no…wait…the 98.5%….huh?…the 75%?…the 50%?….the 25%…: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1




PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
Ohio University Convocation Center
Athens, OH
Friday October 28th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave


The PCW ‘American Heartland Tour’ continues in Athens, OH.  Suave welcomes everyone to the show.

MATCH #1
Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters vs.
Andy Riley (D) of the Bureaucrats w/Jordan Metzger (D)

Magnum returns to PCW and dispatches Riley.  Great opening match and Magnum is his usual P.O.’d self.  No help for the Bureaucrat as it seems a lot of people are P.O.’d with the government these days.

WINNER: Magnum P.O.’d @ 9:52

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave in the ring with the members of the OWS (Occupy Wall Street): Nate, Shane, and Adam and asks them about their recent tour of rich people.

Shane tries to redirect the conversation away from the tour.  He says the ‘I am the 99%’ movement is gaining
strength all over the country.   Adam adds that it’s unfair that CNN’s Piers Morgan tried to link Michael Moore as being part of the 1%.

Suave: “Does he make more than $343,927 per year?”

Adam repeated Moore’s talking point that the only reason he was able to earn that much money. and ride in plush jets and limos, was because it was ‘profitable for large corporations.’

Suave: “Yeah but, does Michael Moore make more than $343,927 per year?”

Shane again attempted to redirect the conversation away from Moore’s yearly income- rumored to be more than $343,927 per year…much more.  He claims the OWS represents   all those who’ve been disenfranchised by the 1%.  Suave says he doesn’t agree with the OWS and he’s not one of the 1%- what does that make him?  The .1%?  That means the OWS needs to change their slogan to ‘I am the 98.9%.’
Adam and Shane sputter “Oh yeah?” and walk over to a group of people to ask them if they feel the same way.  They do and the OWS has to redo their slogan again to ‘I am the 97.1%.’  Even angrier now, they stomp out of the building.

MATCH #2
‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor/James the Jeep Worker (D) w/Richard Trumka vs. Charlie Blackwell/Mike the Mechanic (I) vs.
Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)
The American Heartland Party’s Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic reject the Republican and Democrat stranglehold on the PCW Political structure.  But it’s Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker’s ties to Big Unions that takes center stage in this match.  They ignore Blackwell and Mike and focus their energies on Paul Ryan (R-WI) and his Raiders.

…Big Labor hits a big neckbreaker and goes for the cover.  Ray kicks out much to Trumka’s chagrin at ringside.  Collins goes to the top rope but James the Jeep Worker crotches him.   Big Labor superplexes him off the top rope and makes the cover.  It’s a close two count.  Back on his feet, Ray is fired up and…

The Longshoremen (D) hit the ring.

Ray gets waylaid by the Longshoremen and then there’s a commotion on the outside.   It’s…

Joe the Plumber (R)!  JTP hangs James over the top rope and then leaps off the apron slingshooting James the Jeep Worker backwards across the ring.  He hits Ray head to head and knocks out the Paul Ryan Raider.  Big Labor throws James out of the way and makes the cover- except Paul Ryan is arguing with the referee.   Big Labor drives the point home with some hard knees to Ray.  Trumka gets into the ring and delivers a big boot to Ray; then another big boot to Kevin Collins and sends him to the floor.

Joe the Plumber takes a swing at Big Labor and he scrambles back into the ring for a pin attempt to Ray. 1…2..No.  Big Labor hits a knee to the stomach of Nick Ray.  Big Labor whips Ray to the corner.  One back elbow and a heel kick later, Big Labor steps aside and lets James the Jeep Worker hit a shining wizard like maneuver.  Again,  Big Labor capitalizes and makes the pin…1…2…NOPE!  JTP put his foot on the ropes!  RAY OUT OF NOWHERE with a crucifix then rolls down into a pin for 1…2..NO!  SAVE by Trumka.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

…back from break.  Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic battle with the other two teams and all six are in the ring. Then…

Joe Biden, Vice President of the United States.
Image via Wikipedia

Joe Biden (D) comes out with a mic and interrupts the match.  Biden took aim at GOP targets from former PCW CEO George W. Bush to Florida’s Rick Scott and “obstructionist” Republicans and in between shouting out “We Can’t Wait!”  implored Blackwell and Mike to drop the third party nonsense and come home to the Democrats.

Oh..and that “We Can’t Wait.”

Biden: “Just as we’re turning the corner on our economy, we can’t wait, these guys (Republicans) started playing roulette with the national debt, we can’t wait, playing brinkmanship. They didn’t want to just stop, we can’t wait, what we were doing. They wanted to undo everything, we can’t wait, we had done,  I know one thing, we can’t wait, it doesn’t matter which it is. They’re standing, we can’t wait, in the way of progress.”
Suave: “Hmmm, I wonder what the underlying message here is?”

Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- Wall Street Market Analyst w/the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R) walk out with Texas Tex and his golden money belt.  Big Oil scoffs at Biden and asks if this is the same obstructionist GOP that continues to send bills to the Democrat controlled PCW Executive Committee where Harry Reid (R) won’t bring them to the floor for a vote?

Walstreit accuses Biden of sucking up to the alleged ‘I am the 99%-’

Suave: “I think it’s down to about 62% now.”

Walstreit accuses Biden of sucking up to the alleged ‘I am the whatever percent crowd is.’

Biden begins to respond and gets jumped from behind.  Suave wonders who it is?

Jason Mattera of Human Events pushes Biden to the ground and starts hitting him with ‘ambush’ questions setting off a huge free for all that empties out both Republican and Democratic locker rooms.  Even in the ring, Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) and Paul Ryan and his Raiders (R) abandon the match and join the fray leaving Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic,  Sheila the Secretary, and Joe the Plumber inside.

WINNER BY COUNT-OUT: Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic (I) @ 23:05

END OF HOUR ONE

New Title- New Champion: 10/25-PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
Charles Koch Arena
Wichita, KA
Monday October 24th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave





Night one of the PCW American Heartland Tour before the beginning of the PCW CEO Campaign in January




PCW Tag Team Champions Jack and Joe Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX) defeated Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Kevin Collins and Nick Ray (R) w/Paul Ryan (R-WI)




PCW CEO Barack Obama is backstage.  He plans to announce sweeping changes to programs and bypass the PCW Executive and Competition Committees.  The initiatives are allegedly going to be revealed during PCW shows starting this month.  Obama tried to meet with Democrats but for some strange reason, they walked away before he could reach them.




PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) walks out with Mrs. Miyagi.  Suave interviews him in the ring and congratulates him on achieving the #1 in the Championship Wrestling Council rankings.   Daniel-San thanks Suave and the PCW fans.  He hopes that the fact he is an Independent will inspire others to walk away from extreme partisanship and walk their own path.




‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) comes out holding a belt of his own.  Suave asks Chism what this is about.  Chism says that because of his party affiliation and loyalty to Barack Obama, he’s been rewarded with a new title belt- the PCW Men’s Champion.  Suave mocks Chism for winning a belt without winning it in the ring.  Chism responds that Obama is the PCW CEO and thus has the right to bypass the Executive and Competition Committee if need be.  Suave objects- Chism knocks Suave aside and attacks Daniel-San.





Charlie Blackwell (I) and his Les Miserables make the save.  PCW Competiton Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) made a title match right on the spot.




Blackwell defeats PCW Men’s Champion Stone Chism by count-out.  Chism refused to wrestle and walked back to the dressing room.




Main Event: PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) destroyed Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) in a non-title handicap match.




Thursday night, PCW hits the Ohio University Convocation Center in Athens, OH for PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Dan Patrick v. Colin Cowherd, John Kasich v. Big Unions: 10/20 PCW Politics is War

 
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PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
Green’s Arena
Wakarusa, Kansas
Thursday October 20th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

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Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!!!”
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Suave comes out and starts singing Maroon 5‘s big hit, “She Will Be Loved” from the record Songs About Jane.
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Then Adam Levine, the lead singer of Maroon 5, came out.  “Dear PCW,” he said.  “Don’t Play Our Music On Your Evil ****-ing Channel Ever Again”
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*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop’ plays*
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Suave: “IT’S EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!”
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Levine throws the mic and motions to WTF to ‘bring it on.’  WTF does.  Kick to the groin.  Lift.  Chokeslam.  Middle finger salute.
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Suave announces that tonight’s main event is a four way dance between ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA), Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX), ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA), and ‘The Right Reverend’ Randy Richardson (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)- taped Tuesday night at a PCW House show in Las Vegas.  Then he sends it to the ring.
-

Brooklyn Decker, honorary ring announcer
-
Suave: “HELLO!”
-
MATCH #1

Dan Patrick NBC/Premiere Radio Network w/The Dannettes vs. Colin Cowherd ESPN aka…the Mothership w/Michelle Beadle

A match up of two of the giants in the sportstalk radio industry.  Patrick, the old grizzled veteran, and Cowherd, the fiery newcomer in big corporate ESPN, face off more often than not on various sports stations all across the country.
-
…Patrick has Cowherd trapped in the corner and delivers lefts and rights…dare we say, Dan is en fuego?
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Suave: “HEY!  THAT’S MY LINE…I MEAN, THAT’S MY LINE TO STEAL!”
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The Dannettes (Fritzy, McLovin, Seton,and Pauly) grab a table from under the ring and sets it up in the corner.  Patrick back-drops Cowherd through the table and sets off another ‘PCW!…PCW!” chant.
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Suave: “Apparently, The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) taught him how to do that.”
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Patrick climbs the top turnbuckle…he tries for the swanton bomb off the top, but Cowherd moves at the last second and Patrick ‘whiffs!’
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
…Cowherd tells Beadle, his co-host on ESPN SportsNation, to grab him a garbage can from under the ring.  He takes the can and shouts, “THIS IS FOR ALL YOU BOOGER EATERS!”  and blasts Patrick with it.   Cowherd out of the ring now and grabs a second table and sets it up himself in the ring.   Cowherd to the top…Swanton from the top rope on the way…but Cowherd overshoots him…badly… and the table doesn’t even slightly break.  Huge boos and then a ‘YOU ****ED UP” chant from the crowd.
-
Both men down…and here comes…Corporate Might?  Big Oil (R) and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R), come down to the ring and destroy the Danettes.  More boos and now debris flying into the ring.  Walstreit drags Patrick up and sets him for the Stock Market Plunge.  And all of a sudden, Tim Tebow of the Denver Broncos and Boise State quarterback Kellen Moore run to the ring.
-
Tebow ducks a Walstreit right hand and low bridges the Wall Street Market Analyst.  Then Tebow turns to Big Oil and did the same thing.    Cowherd gets off the mat and stumbles right back into Moore.  Moore takes off his Boise State helmet and conks it over Cowherd’s noggin.   Adam Sandler and his posse then swarm the ring and run Corporate Might off.
-
Patrick rolls over and covers Cowherd…1…2..3.
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WINNER: Dan Patrick @ 18:19
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
BACKSTAGE
Lindsay Lohan, doing her community service, pushes a bucket of water and a map to the ladies’ room.   LiLo doesn’t look happy at all and doesn’t acknowledge the lady entering the bathroom.
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MATCH #2
Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic (I) w/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido.  Kenzie Blackwell, and Blackwell’s Les Miserables vs. Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R) w/ Paul Ryan (R-WI)

Before the match, Suave announced that Blackwell’s former tag team partner Chris Escondido had retired due to his balky knee.  Escondido will stay on as Blackwell’s manager.
-
As ‘Man in a Box’ by Alice in Chains plays, ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh comes out before the match.  Limbaugh addresses Blackwell and his Les Miserables and tells them they’re on the wrong track.  Independents are realizing that the Republicans are the true ‘party of reform’- see Herman Cain’s 9-9-9 plan.  Blackwell interrupts Limbaugh.
-
Blackwell: “Cain’s plan would establish a flat 9% tax on every American. No loopholes. No exemptions. Now we’re hearing how middle class America will end up paying more in taxes than before. This is an easy fix –exempt the first $25,000 of income if you are a single taxpayer; $35,000 if you’re married.
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Also, I believe that a straight flat tax would not be totally fair when applied to someone with an income of $500,000 and up. So I would also put in a 15% flat tax- no exemptions, no loopholes, for that income bracket…”
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Limbaugh shouts ‘that’s outrageous!’
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Blackwell addresses the 9% national sales tax. Here’s the simplest way to defuse it- exempt food products from being taxed. That takes away the argument that the poor will exponentially take a hit.
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Ryan’s Raiders attack and the match is on.
-
…Blackwell set up in the corner with a ladder in his face.  Collins set for the Van Terminator…Escondido sneaks in with a kendo stick and whacks Collins in the balls.
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Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
-
Collins falls off the turnbuckle.  Here comes Corporate Might again.  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R).  They fight with Blackwell and Mike.
-
Here comes Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D).  They go after Corporate Might.  The match dissolves into chaos from there.
-
WINNER: No contest @ 6:52
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
Former Women’s Champion Callie Urban confronts fellow Democrats Code Pink and Emily List.  Urban blames both for costing her the Women’s title when she told them to stay out of the match.
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Code Pink says that Callie thinks she can walk right back into the main event slot after blowing the Women’s title like nothing happened.    Code Pink gives her a chance to leave for good, or suffer the consequences.  Callie busts out laughing and teases leaving.  Then she throws down the mic and takes both Pink and List down with a double clothesline.  Security hits the ring to break things up. They do a poor job as usual, and referees are out. Well then shit just got real, but they fail as well and more brawling. Agents hit the ring, and Sarah Mae Smith joins them and looks to fight, which allows Urban to attack again.
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Urban gets on the mic and tells Smith that the next time she gets her hands on ‘The American Girl’ this is what’s going to happen.
-
Urban systematically takes Pink and List apart and then points at Smith.  Sarah Mae wisely retreats to the back at that point.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
Suave reviews hour one of PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN:
-Maroon 5′s Adam Levine comes out and complains about PCW using their music.  PCW’s Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot comes out and complains about Levine’s actual existence.   Kick to the groin.  Grab to the throat.  ChokeslamMiddle finger salute.
-Brooklyn Decker serves as ring announcer for the Dan Patrick/Colin Cowherd match.  After the Mothership (ESPN) tries to use Corporate Might (R) to squash Patrick and his Danettes, Tim Tebow and Boise State QB Kellen Moore come to the rescue along with Adam Sandler‘s posse.
-Lindsay Lohan, doing her community service, pushes a bucket of water and a map to the ladies’ room.
-Independent Charlie Blackwell stands up to both Republican and Democratic partisans
-Callie Urban (D) shows ‘American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith just what she’s going to do to her when they meet next- and uses Women for Women’s Code Pink and Emily List to get her point across.
*
BACKSTAGE
Lindsay Lohan exits the ladies’ room and bumps into PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I).  Lohan tells her to ‘watch it, bitch’ and skulks off.
*
MATCH #3
Women For Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) vs.
The Pinups: Sabrina James and Alicia Rowe (I)
…Pink and List, already softened up by former PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban, are no match for The Pinups.
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WINNER: The Pinups @ 3:03
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
An angry Nancy Pelosi comes out and calls Callie Urban (D) to the ring.  She demands an explanation for what she did to Women for Women.  Urban comes out with a microphone and tells Pelosi she made it explicitly clear that she did not want their assistance at PCW Lock and Load in her title defense against Valora Salinas.
-
From PCW Lock and Load 6:
Whip by Urban into the corner…here’s Code Pink and Emily List.  Urban sees them and doesn’t look too happy.   She whips Valora across the ring a second time.  Then walks over to the edge and tells them to get lost.  Valora roars out the corner towards Urban.  Irish Whip by Valora…no, reversal by Urban and she whips Valora hard face first into the corner.  Code Pink and Emily List climb up onto the apron.  Urban comes in for a splash.  GLITTER BOMB BY CODE PINK!  But who got it?  Valora is sitting on the floor.  Urban staggers back and she can’t see.  Valora swoops in behind her…TEQUILA SUNRISE!  Arm trap single leg Boston crab!   Urban’s trapped…SHE TAPS!

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Pelosi tells her that she has every right to do what she sees fit to defend the Democrats and their titles.  Callie’s response…”Keep them out of my way and I will bring back the PCW Women’s title.”
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BACKSTAGE
John Kasich (R-OH) stands with Paul Ryan (R-WI) and his Raiders and Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- The Wall Street Market Analyst with the huge mancrush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.  Kasich addresses Independent Charlie Blackwell directly and calls on him to ‘do the right thing’ and support SB5.
“Can You Hear the People Sing?” from Les Miserables begins to play and Blackwell, his wife- Kenzie, and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido make their way over.  Again, Kasich implores Blackwell to support his plan.  But before he can answer, Big Labor (D), James the Jeep Worker (D), The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty, and the Longshoremen attack Kasich and his supporters.
-
Blackwell and his charges lay back and watch as the Big Union group lay out Kasich and his group.  Then Blackwell motions and out streams the Tea Party and they all attack the Big Union forces.
-
Blackwell gets on the mic and says ‘both sides are wrong.’  PCW is headed in the wrong direction and it’s high time someone came in to address the issues and bring people together.  He announces the return of the…AMERICAN HEARTLAND PARTY!  The crowd rises and roars as Blackwell and company clean out the ring.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
Women’s champion Valora Salinas drags a bound and duct tape gagged Lindsay Lohan to the ring.  She rips off the duct tape and unties her.  Then she demands that someone rings the bell and a referee runs out…
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MATCH #4 PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) vs. (Li-Lo) Lindsay Lohan
…Valora slaps Lohan twice and slaps on the Tazzmission.  Lohan taps out and that’s that.
-
WINNER: Valora Salinas @ :15
-
Valora grabs Li-Lo by the hair and whips her through the middle ropes.  She climbs to the top turnbuckle and hits an Aztec Moonsault on Lohan for good measure.
-
Suave: “Main event, next.”
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
MATCH #5
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
vs.
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX)
vs.
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA)
vs.
‘The Right Reverend’ Randy Richardson (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

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Jackson finds himself under attack from the other three contestants in the ring.
-
…Jackson hits a jumping enziguri on Texas Jack out of nowhere.  Springboard flying forearm follow up by Jackson.  He tries for the Pizza Cutter.  Texas Jack counters into a side-slam and nails a bulldog on Jackson.  He covers Jackson and 1…2…3.  Josh Jackson eliminated.
-
…down to Rev. Richardson and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott.  Rev. Richardson grabs a tool box from under the ring and tosses a wrench at Scott.  Then he grabs a screwdriver and tries to gouge Scott’s face with it.  Rev. Richardson lunges forward with the screwdriver but misses and stabs the turnbuckle instead.
Scott whips Richardson into the turnbuckle and the Right Reverend catches the wider end of the tool right between the eyes. 
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Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
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White Russian Legsweep by Scott and he covers…1…2…3.
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WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) @ 11:31
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Thursday, October 20, 2011

10/13- PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN + 10/17 PCW Extreme Political TV

*10 Bell Tribute in Memory of Indy Car Racer Dan Wheldon*
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PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
Stroh Center
Bowling Green, OH
Taped Thursday October 13th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

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Hour two of PCW Politics is War gets under way with Suave at the broadcast desk.
-
Suave: “After a wild first hour of PCW Politics is War where Nevada, South Carolina, and Florida attempted to barge ahead of Iowa and New Hampshire and hold their PCW events earlier, Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-IL)advocated that CEO Obama declare martial law in PCW because the Republicans won’t pass Obama’s bills, and Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) won his biggest match to date, pushing himself and Herman Cain (R-GA) into the forefront of the Republican race for PCW CEO.”  Suave starts to talk some more but is interrupted by the video screen…
-
Occupy Wall Street members Nate, Shane, and Adam going to protest at the homes of the rich and powerful.  Except in this case, Shane and Adam are trying to direct Nate away from a sprawling mansion in Nashville, Tennessee.  Shane is protesting the disparity of income between the haves and have nots when…
-
*Fleetwood Mac‘s ‘Don’t Stop’ begins to play*
-
Opening the door is no other than the ‘Hardcore Environmental Icon himself- Al Gore (D-TN).  Gore demands to know what the O.W.S. is doing at his palatial mansion that uses the equivalent of electricity to power 22 regular sized houses.  Shane and Adam apologize profusely and try to pull Nate away.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
MATCH #2
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Extreme Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R) w/Texas Tex
vs.
‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

-
Once again, the California Teacher’s Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) interfere in the match and it’s a four on two beatdown.
-
…Big Labor lifts Walstreit up…SCABBUSTER!  He rolls Walstreit out of the ring and goes after Big Oil.  But Texas Tex whaps Big Labor in the knee and tags him in the kisser with his golden money belt.  A double shoulderblock from Golatta and Malibu Dusty lifts Texas Tex off the ground and onto the mat.  Golatta pulls Texas Tex up and winds up…FOUL POLE!  FOUL POLE!  Tex turns ghost white and crumples to the mat holding his groin.
-
James the Jeep Worker sends Big Oil into the corner and lays in some hard rights, taking the count to four and then pushing the referee away.  Big Labor hits a the boot to Big Oil’s face as the ref is distracted by James.   Big Oil fights off both and then kicks Big Labor in the gut.  He  sends Malibu Dusty to the corner and she stumbles back to a Superkick to the face!  Big Oil with a bulldog and as an added treat clotheslines James at the same time!!!  Big Oil goes for the Oklahoma Driller…Big Labor is rising and Punk sets James up.  WHOA!  JOE BIDEN (D)?  In the ring?  Biden kicks Big Oil in the gut and the double team doesn’t stop.
Biden, Golatta, Malibu, Big Labor, and James attack Big Oil like mad men.  Then the crowd roars…
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Suave: “JOSEPH WURZELBACHER?  JOE THE FREAKIN’ PLUMBER.  FOR REAL?
-
Here comes JTP.  He attacks Big Labor with a plumber’s wrench to the knee.   Malibu Dusty over to break it up…
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Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  DID YOU SEE THAT?  DID YOU SEE JOE THE PLUMBER CRACK THAT WRENCH OVER MALIBU DUSTY’S HEAD?”
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Malibu Dusty falls to the mat and blood seeps out from a cut on top of her head.  Big Labor decides to get out while the getting’s good  and runs into Kirk Walstreit.  Walstreit blasts Big Labor over the head with his autographed, framed picture of ESPN star Kirk Herbstreit.  Joe the Plumber sends James the Jeep Worker out to the outside.  He holds up the plumber’s wrench and hops on him from the apron.
-
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
-
JTP catches the fleeing JJW and sends him into the steps then into the barricade!
-
RESULT: No contest at 10:54
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
The OWS is in Flint, Michigan and Nate tries to break into some rich guy’s mansion there.  He attempts to scale the fence surrounding the property sets off the alarms.  The OWS don’t abandon their third member and soon a portly gentlemen…wearing a baseball cap.
-
Michael Moore: “Ah, what are you guys up to?”
-
Shane: “Oh…man.”
-
Shane and Adam again apologize for Nate’s intrusion into the Moore Estate and try to leave…
-

Callie Urban (D) Promo
From what Callie understands, new PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) has an open challenge to anyone in the locker room who has their gear on.  She looks around and observes that no one wants to step into the ring with her.  With good reason, she adds.
-
Replay: Callie Urban vs. Valora Salinas at PCW Lock and Load.
German suplex by Urban gets two.  Series of kicks by Urban.  Valora reverses a whip and charges into a tornado DDT.  Urban covers…Valora kicks out at the two-count.  Whip by Urban into the corner…here’s Code Pink and Emily List.  Urban sees them and doesn’t look too happy.   She whips Valora across the ring a second time.  Then walks over to the edge and tells them to get lost.  Valora roars out the corner towards Urban.  Irish Whip by Valora…no, reversal by Urban and she whips Valora hard face first into the corner.  Code Pink and Emily List climb up onto the apron.  Urban comes in for a splash.  GLITTER BOMB BY CODE PINK!  But who got it?  Valora is sitting on the floor.  Urban staggers back and she can’t see.  Valora swoops in behind her…TEQUILA SUNRISE!  Arm trap single leg Boston crab!   Urban’s trapped…SHE TAPS!
-
WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Valora Salinas (I) @ 14:45
-
So, what should she do?  Should she walk away?  Should she quit?  The crowd says no.  She considers the option before saying she’s never been a quitter.  Callie says she will not be intimidated and she will not quit.  Come hell or high water, she is going to work to give the fans what they want- a third match.  The crowd roars and then John Boehner (R) comes out. Boehner reminds Callie that he is the leader of the PCW Competition Committee- not her.   He says she is not the only one who’s deserving of a Women’s PCW title shot and ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith walks out.
-
Boehner makes a match for right now and Callie confidently waves Smith into the ring.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
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PCW Extreme Political TV
Monday October 17th, 2011
Agora Theater
Cleveland, OH
Host: Johnny Suave

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MATCH #3
Callie Urban (D) vs. ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R)

Smith pulls Urban’s shirt over her head as a distraction.  But it doesn’t work thanks to a stomp to the foot and then a spinning heel kick that didn’t quite connect all the way but enough to break the hold.  Urban up in the corner,  ‘Queen of Her Doublewide Trailer’ Lani Harlot (R) rolls in and drops Urban with a stiff chairshot to the back.  Lani is about to put Urban in some serious pain with her White Trash Compactor submission hold​, but Code Pink and Emily List (D) also race down.  Suave reminds everyone what happened the last time Code Pink and Emily List tried to help Callie…
-
Replay: Callie Urban vs. Valora Salinas at PCW Lock and Load.
GLITTER BOMB BY CODE PINK!  But who got it?  Valora is sitting on the floor.  Urban staggers back and she can’t see.  Valora swoops in behind her…TEQUILA SUNRISE!  Arm trap single leg Boston crab!   Urban’s trapped…SHE TAPS!
-
Suave: “Don’t think for a second that Callie Urban hasn’t forgotten that.”
-
Callie realizes that both Code Pink and Emily List are in the ring.  She doesn’t go after Smith.  Instead she chases Emily List out of the ring.  Then she turns to Code Pink who tries to explain what happened.  This distraction allows Smith to hit a Spear and she pins Urban for the 1…2..3!!!
-
WINNER: ‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith @ 8:54
-
Post match, Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) come out and rough up Code Pink and Emily List.  The M.O.D. toss them out of the ring and turns their sights on Urban.  Harlot puts Urban in the White Trash Compactor.  The M.O.D. take turns slapping Urban across the face.  Then…
-
*’Meaning of Life’ by Disturbed plays*
-
The PCW Women’s champion Valora Salinas (I) hits the ring with an Asai Moonsault that breaks the hold on Urban and sends the three Republicans scattering.  Valora hits the Implant DDT to Angel Casey and then Angel Scott gets a gutwrench powerbomb!  Valora tosses Casey hard into the ringpost and then Scott.  Lani Harlot tries to Pearl Harbor Valora with a chairshot but out of nowhere, the women’s champion superkicks the chair into Harlot’s face.
-
The PCW Clean Up Crew, led by Nurse Nellie, hits the ring to sort out the damage caused by Valora.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
Scott Brown Interview
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews Scott Brown (D-MA).  Bernstein asks about the campaign, Brown says it’s going good so far.   In fact, he wants to share his new campaign slogan with everyone- Bernstein agrees.
-
Scott Brown: “Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You- Ask What You Can Do For Your Country.”
Bernstein does a doubletake.  Brown thinks he’s got something there.  Bernstein tells him that line was from a John F. Kennedy speech.
-
Brown: “Huh?”
-
Bernstein repeats the line was from JFK’s inaugural speech in 1960.  Brown blames his staff for the mix up and exits quick.
-
OWS’ s Final Destination
-
The OWS has reached their third and final destination.  New York City.  Again, Nate has run off from the others and charged past a guard inside a ritzy high rise apartment complex.  Once upstairs, Nate pounds on the door until it opens…
-
Nate: “Alec?  Alec Baldwin?  You’re rich, too?”
-
An embarrassed Shane and Adam wheel Nate out of harms way before Baldwin’s prestigious temper erupts and he starts leaving nasty phone messages.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
MAIN EVENT
The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) and the God Squad
vs.
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA)

Suave marvels at the rebirth of one Newt Gingrich over the past few weeks and compares it to Cain’s meteoric rise.
-
…Jackson with a bottle of Gatorade and smacks Quad R with it.  Jackson throws Quad R into the timekeeper’s table. Chairshot…no…Richardson escapes and he throws Jackson into the table.   He’s got a chair-  chairshot.   Jackson staggers away but Quad R catches up to him and hit an atomic drop on the guardrail.
-
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
-
Jackson takes a drink of someone’s beer and spits Quad R in the eyes with it.   They go back into the ring and Jackson fires off a number of head butts.  Both trade chops back in the ring. Quad R hits a drop toe hold to send Jackson face first onto a chair.  Richardson calls for more chairs.   But ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin steps in.  Spinning toe hold to Rev. Flambe.   PIZZA CUTTER! to Rev. Hinnrich.  Now Sister Mary Marlboro in the ring to confront Martin…Martin grabs the oversized pizza box and plasters her with it.
Suave: “OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX OF DOOM!  OVERSIZED PIZZA BOX OF DOOM!
Jackson small packages Richardson out of nowhere.   1…2…3.
-
WINNER: Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) @ 16:30
-
Post match, Quad R knocks out the referee.
-

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Primary Season: Who’s Up First? I Don’t Know!-10/13-PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1



-
PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN (2 hrs)
Stroh Center
Bowling Green, OH
Thursday October 13th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

-
Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”
-
Suave welcomes everyone to  PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.  Tonight, PCW is at the brand, spanking new Stroh Center on the campus of Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio.  He announces that PCW is embarking on a Midwest tour over the next several weeks leading up to the official start of the 2012 PCW CEO season.
-
Suave states that the first PCW show of the 2012 campaign season would be Drama in Des Moines (Iowa).  Next, Manchester Mayhem (NH) in February-  Suave is interrupted by Florida House Speaker Dean Cannon.  ”I believe January 31st is the right day for Florida’s Tallahassee Tussle.”
-
New Hampshire’s Secretary of State Bill Gardner comes out and he’s not too happy.  “Fine, then in keeping in the tradition of New Hampshire being one of the first to have a show in 2012, Manchester Mayhem is going to take place on January 24th.
-
Iowa’s State Republican Party Chairman Matt Strawn walks out- he ain’t too happy either.   He gruffly announces Iowa’s moving Drama in Des Moines back to Mid-January.
-
Suave: “Okay.  So it looks like the date’s been set and-”
-
“Wait a second…hold on!”  Out walks Chad Connelly, South Carolina GOP Chairman and he’s steaming mad.   “Last Friday, a nine-person committee brought chaos to the 2012 calendar.  Tonight, South Carolina is making things right.  South Carolina Republicans have a 30-year track record of picking the eventual Republican CEO nominee.  We will continue that historic tradition on Jan. 21, 2012.”

-
Suave: “South Carolina moves Columbia Chaos up to January 21st!”
-
Bill Gardner of NH exhales loudly and gets back on the microphone.  He announces that New Hampshire will now hold Manchester Mayhem on January the 14th.
-
Iowa’s Matt Strawn rolls his eyes and take the microphone from Gardner.  “Well, I guess that means we’ll have to move Drama in Des Moines back to early January.”
-
Suave: “Okay.  I think we’ve got it all straightened out now-”  Nevada Governor Brian Sandoval then walks out to the great shock of everyone in the building.
-
Suave: “Oh, oh…”
-
Sandoval announces that Nevada will have Chaos in Carson City on January 14th.  Connelly (SC) immediately objects on the grounds that South Carolina has already named their event Columbia City Chaos. 
-
“We named it first.”
-
Sandoval states that Nevada will keep Chaos in Carson City because it’s going before South Carolina.  “Besides, a caucus is not the same as a primary,” Sandoval declares.   Connelly tells Sandoval that he’s full of it.
-
Then Jon Huntsman (R-UT) comes out.   He threatens to boycott the Nevada show unless it’s postponed to accommodate the New Hampshire show.  Sandoval shrugs.  “So?”  The squabble continues.   Newt Gingrich (R-GA), who’s slowly played his way back into contention, also sharply criticizes Nevada.  Sandoval shrugs again.  Gingrich waves to the back and a man dressed in all black runs to the ring.
-
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  IT’S THE RIGHT REVEREND RANDY RICHARDSON (R) and the God Squad.!”
-
Richardson whacks Sandoval in the back and pulls him away from Gingrich.  The other Republican contenders show up with their wrestlers and we’ve got a major showdown as PCW heads to a long, overdue commercial…
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
MATCH #1
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX)
vs.
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/’Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Herman Cain (R-GA)
vs.

The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
vs.
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
vs.
Average Joe (Tea Party) w/Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
vs.
Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman (R-UT)

vs.
Brad Company (R) w/Rick Santorium (R-PA)
-
….joined in progress.  Average Joe, Walker, and Texas Jack already eliminated.
-
Rev. Richardson and Scott throw haymakers back and forth on the floor.  Jackson and Company are in the ring.  Company goes low on Jackson.  That brings in the ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin.  Company sees her and swings.  Martin slides to the mat and propels her feet straight up into Company’s groin.
-
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
-
Company drops to his knees and covers his balls.  Martin drags Company over to the ropes and drapes him over the second one.  Jackson grabs two ropes and swings out and around 270 degrees to hit the head of Company with two feet.
-
Suave: “9-9-9!  9-9-9!  Jackson just debuted his new finisher- the 9-9-9!”
-
Company’s done and gets pinned by Jackson.  Brad Company eliminated.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
The referee turns to Scott and Rev. Richardson and they’re no where to be found.  Then on the screen, Scott and Richardson turn up in the crowd.  They start back towards the ring and get jumped by Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-IL)???
-
Suave: “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?”
-
Triple J blasts both Scott and Richardson in the back with a 2 x 4 and knocks them out.  Then, ironically, Jackson Jr. has a microphone in hand and right out of the block calls the Republicans ‘in rebellion’ for their opposition to PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) policies.  “While Republicans, in co-hoots with the racist Tea Party, are determined to destroy PCW, CEO Obama still has an obligation to rule…wait, did I say rule?  I mean, govern.”
-
Suave incredulously muses that Triple J wants PCW CEO Obama to “declare a national emergency” and use “extra-constitutional” measures to create jobs?  As a representative of the PCW Competition Committee, you don’t give up when you hit a roadblock and throw all the rules out the window — you keep working to get something done.
-
Herman Cain races over and tackles Triple J.  Richardson gets up first and pulls out the brass knuckles.  He tries to knocks out Scott!   Tessa Martin to the floor.  PIZZA CUTTER TO RICHARDSON.  Scott makes the cover on the floor 1….2…3!!!!  The Right Reverend Randy Richardson is eliminated.
-
Scott back to the ring.  He slaps on the American Stars and Fuji-Armbar on Jackson and he’s in trouble.  Jackson reverses and covers.  1…2…no!  Scott rolls Jackson back over and covers…1…2…Jackson kicks out and grabs a chair.  Chairshot to Scott sends him over the middle rope.   Jackson hits the 9-9-9!   Cover…1…2…3.
-
WINNER: ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) @ 33:12
-
Suave calls it Josh Jackson’s biggest win in PCW and pronounces Herman Cain (R-GA) a legitimate threat for PCW CEO.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
…Hour 2 to come…
-

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Ron Paul (R-TX) Stands Tall at PCW Value Voters Event: 10/10-PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV
Laconia Ice Arena
Laconia, New Hampshire
Monday October 10th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

-
Suave: “This past weekend at the PCW Value Voters show in Washington, D.C., not one week after the Chris Christie (R-NJ) and ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) announcements, another HUGE four-way free-for-all went down.  Let’s go to the Charles E. Smith Athletic Center for all the action…”
-
MATCH #1
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX) vs. ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA) and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin vs. Jack Schmidt (R) w/Joe Schmidt and Ron Paul (R-TX)
vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/’The Massachusetts’s Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
-
…Texas Jack and Kevin Scott throw shot after shot at each other.  Texas Jack with the poke to the eyes.  He calls for a chair.   Rick Perry starts to oblige but gets cut off by Mitt Romney.   Perry and Romney fight over the chair.  Someone runs up from behind.
-
Suave: “THAT’S THE REVEREND ROBERT JEFFRESS!
-
Jeffress, a pastor at a Dallas mega-church, swipes the chair and bashes Romney over the head with it.  Jeffress grabs a microphone and asks if the Republicans need a candidate who’s a good, moral person or one who’s a born-again follower of Jesus Christ?  Scott slides out of the ring and confronts Jeffress.  Jeffress puts his hands up and tells Scott the choice here is between a born-again Christian and someone who belongs to a religious cult.  Scott grabs Jeffress by the shirt and wants to know just what exactly he means by that.  Meanwhile, the referee is in the process of counting Scott out of the match.  Jeffress defiantly tells him that Mormonism is a ‘cult.’
-
The count reaches fifteen and the crowd urges Scott to re-enter the ring.  Scott turns to the crowd.  Texas Jack, in the ring, climbs up to the top turnbuckle.  Jeffress raises the chair and swings just as Texas Jack leaps.  Scott dives to the floor at the last second and Jeffress ends up plastering Texas Jack in the kisser with the chair.  The referee reaches 20 and Scott is counted out.  ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott eliminated.
-
Perry, hands clasped behind his head, can’t believe that Jeffress just knocked out Texas Jack.  The referee does the perfunctionary 20 count and Texas Jack is also counted out.  Texas Jack eliminated…
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
…’Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin heads up to the second buckle.  But Jack Schmidt grabs her leg and throws her across the ring.  Martin hits her head hard on the mat. Jackson blasts Schmidt from behind and starts laying in the boots.  Jackson lifts Jack up for a Pizza Cutter.  Schmidt dropped down and rolled to his corner.  His brother Joe Schmidt hands him a brick.  Jack takes the brick and smashes it over Jackson’s head.  He drops to the mat and Schmidt makes the cover…1…2…3.
-
WINNER: Jack Schmidt (R) w/Joe Schmidt and Ron Paul (R-TX) @ 22:36
-
Suave calls it another ‘big win’ for Jack Schmidt, who’s more of a tag team wrestler than a singles, and Republican/Libertarian Ron Paul.  He adds that it appears the Rick Perry forces need to do a little soul searching at this point with the first PCW show of 2012, Drama in Des Moines (IA) less than three months away.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
Suave discusses the recent Occupy Wall Street (OWS) phenomenon that’s spread across PCW in the past week.  Tonight’s main event is scheduled to be the OWS vs. The Tea Party in what is expected to be a wild match.
-
Last Thursday on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
into the ring. Big Labor DDTs Walstreit.  Dropkick by James.  There’s a commotion…three men…no, three students do a nutcracker suite from the top rope on Walstreit.
Suave: “What the hell???
-
The student pull off their hooded jackets…their shirts read “Occupy Wall Street.”  One student, Nate, has a chair.  Another nutcracker suite on Walstreit.  Shane and Adam, the other two, set the table on fire.  Powerbomb by Big Labor through the table.  Cover…1…2…3.
-
BACKSTAGE
The OWS stand with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.  Before Bernstein can even get a question out, Shane complains that the local corporate pigs across the street wouldn’t let them use the bathroom.  Bernstein asks if he’s referring to the local truck and equipment repair shop that’s owned locally.  Shane says yes.  He then adds that the shop has a sign posted that says ‘restrooms for use by customers only.’  Bernstein asks what Shane’s point is.  Shane says ‘It’s discriminatory!”
-
Bernstein then asks the OWS about advertising on Craigslist for protesters.  All three feign ignorance over the Craigslist ads and then Charlie Blackwell (I) and his Les Miserables walk out to confront the OWS.
Blackwell and the OWS exchange verbal shots.
-
Blackwell: “Those on the far left and unions alike began this because people are waking up to the scare tactics of those on the left & would have voted them out come 2012.”
-
The OWS of course disagree.
-
Adam: “Democratic Party has always been the party of the people. The Republican Party is the party, of the wealthy, and the big corporations. I happy that the battle lines have been drawn. Occupy Wall Street is a populace movement, and the Democrat Party is the champion of the people. Attention corporate fat cats, and the ultra wealthy. This is only the tip of the ice burg. You’re going down, and you’re going to go down hard. Your greed is going to be your undoing.”
-
Blackwell again objects to the notion that the Democrats are the party of the ‘people.’   He says the Democrats have already tarnished the OWS by bussing in union thugs to parrot Democratic philosophy.  The only way the OWS can remain valid is to be non partisan.
-
Now, Blackwell and the OWS are screaming at each other.  The Tea Party: ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Mike the Mechanic and Sheila the Secretary, and Average Joe walk out.  Average Joe offers to give their spot in the main event to Blackwell and his tag team partner ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) so they can have the privilege of watching them destroy the OWS.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
MAIN EVENT:
Charlie Blackwell (I) and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) w/Kenzie Blackwell and Blackwell’s Les Miserables vs. The OWS: Adam and Shane w/Nate (D)

…Blackwell has Adam in a side headlock.  Nate up on the apron to distract Blackwell.  Blackwell breaks the hold and goes after Nate.
-
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) races to the ring.  Walstreit slides into the ring and bulldogs Nate.  Blackwell ducks a clothesline and hits a hand spring enziguiri to Adam.  Big Oil whips Shane across the ring so hard that he flies over the turnbuckle and onto the floor.  Then Big Oil throws Blackwell out of the ring.  Walstreit heaves Escondido through the ropes leaving Corporate Might the last two in the ring.
Suave: “Corporate Might stands tall and who knows what’s going to happen next.  See you Thursday night for PCW Politics is War in P-SPAN!”
-

Friday, October 07, 2011

Corporate Might Under Attack: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN


-
PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN (2 hrs)
Spengler Arena
Wauseon, Ohio
Thursday October 6th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

-
*10 bell tribute to Steve Jobs*
-
Suave: “It’s been a busy past couple of days in the world of political extreme.  First, came Chris Christie‘s (R-NJ)  final pronouncement on his PCW CEO aspirations…
-
Christie: “I have a commitment to New Jersey that I simply will not abandon.”
-
Jake Tapper of ABC: “Sir, is that your final answer?”
-
Christie: “Yes.”
-
Carol Lee, Wall Street Journal: “How about a lifeline?  Don’t you want to try a lifeline first?”
-
Christie: “No.  I’ve made my decision.  It’s never changed.”
-
Doug Mills, The New York Times: “Phone-a-friend?”
-
Christie: “Again, no.”
-
Julie Mason, Politico: “Fifty-fifty?”
-
Christie: “No.”
-
Michael Sherer, Time: Ask the Audience?”
-
Christie: “NO!”
-
Suave: Then, yesterday Sarah Palin (R-AK) stunned her followers by announcing that she would not run for PCW CEO…
-
Palin: After much prayer and serious consideration, I have decided that I will not be seeking the 2012 GOP nomination for President of the United States
-
Followers: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
-
Palin: As always, my family comes first and obviously Todd and I put great consideration into family life before making this decision. When we serve, we devote ourselves to God, family and country. My decision maintains this order.
-
Followers: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
-
Palin: So, my friends, the notion that I’m going to jump into this race late like an oversized Godzilla and just win, is not realistic.  I will support the Republican nominee in 2012 and work to help him win.
-
Followers: “NOOOOOOOOO-huh?”
-
Japanese Followers: “Wait!  What did she say?”
-
Follower: “Um…she’s not going to jump into the race late…”
-
Japanese: Followers: “No, no…later on…”
-
Follower: “I will support the nominee in-”
-
Japanese Follower: “No…before that.”
-
Follower:  “Oversized Godzilla?”
-
Japanese Follower: “WHAT?  Did she say…Godzilla?”
-

Japanese Followers: “ARRRRRRRGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHHH!  OH, NO!……”
-
Suave: “Yes…thank you Bob and Tom.  So, with Christie and Palin out, where would the press go next?”
-
Rudy Guiliani‘s House
-
Guiliani stands on the porch wearing a robe and holding a newspaper.  In the yard, a whole passo of press people waiting to see if Rudy decides to jump into the race.
-
Rudy: “Would you all just get the hell off my lawn?…”
-

COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
MATCH #1
‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA) and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin vs. Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX)

-
…Jackson sends Texas Jack into the corner turnbuckle.  He sends Texas Jack back across to the other corner.  Jackson up for the mounted punches.  The crowd counts along to 10.  Jackson drops back down right into a Texas Jack’s boot.  Two people hit the ring…
-
Suave: “What the hell is Janeane Garofalo and Samuel L. Jackson doing here?”
-
Garofalo and S. Jackson attack J. Jackson.  ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin slides in with her oversized Pizza Box of Doom.  *WHAP*  Down goes Garofalo.  *WHAP* Down goes Samuel L. Jackson!
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  WHO’S THAT?”
-
A mechanic runs down to the ring with his secretary and a portable generator with jumper cables and climbs into the ring.  He goes over to Samuel L. Jackson and zaps him with the jumper cables.
-
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  So that’s how he looked when Emperor Palpatine shocked him with his electric beamy bolty things…”
-
J. Jackson grabs the back of Texas Jack’s back and hits the Pizza Cutter.  Cover…1…2…3.
-
WINNER: ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) @ 15:46
-
Cain, Jackson, and Martin celebrate in the ring.  Cain tosses Garofalo and S. Jackson over the top rope to the floor.
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
Mark Kelly escorts Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) into the ring.  The crowd gives her a five minute standing ovation.
-
MATCH #2
Charlie Blackwell (I) w/Kenzie Blackwell and Blackwell’s Les Miserables vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Courtney, and Chloe

-

Chism, coming off a loss on Monday night to PCW Champion Daniel-San, doesn’t bring his A-List game tonight.
-
…Chism whips Blackwell to the corner.  Hollywood Blockbuster coming…NO!  Blackwell reverses…KATAHAJIME!!!  Chism struggles briefly and then taps out.
-
WINNER: Charlie Blackwell (I) @ 5:26
-
BACKSTAGE
Sarah Palin is backstage with her family.  The Rogue author Joe McGinniss barges in and confronts her.
McGinniss: “Will you have the courage to walk through it, and enter the race? I knew you wouldn’t.  And it’s not because The Big Guy in The Sky is telling you not to.  It’s because you can’t face the scrutiny.  As vice presidential nominee, you got a free pass in 2008 from mainstream media.  And MSM has allowed you to become a multi-millionaire celebrity ever since. They are complicit, tacitly agreeing not to show you up as a fraud as long as you give them ratings, web hits, and newspaper circulation.”
-
Todd Palin stood up and started towards McGinniss just as Bill Keller, editor of the New York Times, walks in.
-
Keller: “Dude.  You may have taken this a little too far.”
-
Sarah tells him to stand down and let McGinniss finish.
-
McGinniss: “Alaskans, certainly, are not surprised. After all, you not only quit as their governor when a more lucrative opportunity from Fox News came along, but in 2004 you quit her appointed position on the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission because you duties bored and confused her, and you didn’t like the hour-long daily commute from her home in Wasilla to her Anchorage office. The only job you ever had that she didn’t quit was being mayor of Wasilla, and she stuck that out for six years because you was able to hire a deputy administrator, John Cramer, a fellow evangelical Christian, to do the work for you…We dodged a bullet in 2008. An uninformed, incurious, emotionally unstable religious extremist used dazzle and dash to get within 7 percentage points of being a heartbeat away from the presidency.  In our 235 years as a nation, that might have been—other than the Civil War—the gravest threat our republic has ever faced.  Not only was she the most unqualified candidate in our history, she might have been the most mentally fragile, and you was certainly the only one ever who flirted openly with the notion of ending the separation of church and state.  Your venality and lack of gumption assure that we’ll not have to face the same threat next year. For that, we should give thanks to-”
(see Daily Beast- Joe McGinniss, for more…)
-
*WHACK*
-
Suave: “SHE SLAPPED HIM.  THERE’S GUMPTION FOR YOU!”
-
McGinniss, shocked, shoves Palin down.  Palin grabs the hockey stick and blasts McGinniss right in the ol’ package.
-
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
-
McGinniss starts hopping around.  Palin winds up and then cracks the hockey stick in McGinniss’s face.  He’s down and bleeding.
-
Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!…”
-
COMMERCIAL BREAK
-
BACKSTAGE
Democrat Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about the possibility of meeting Scott Brown (R-MA) next year.
-
Warren: “Well, at least kept my clothes on.”
-
Brown just happens to walk by.  Bernstein grabs him and brings him over.  He asks if he has an official response to what Warren said.
-
Brown: “Yeah.  Thank God.”
-
Suave: “HEY-OOOO!  Probably not the nicest thing to say but…HEY-OOOOOO!”
-
MATCH #3
Kathryn Randall Collins (D) vs. Jackie Daniels (I) w/Jill Berg, CEO of JBI

Back and forth match breaks down when Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) come in and interfere.  KRC has Daniels locked in the Personal Politic Destructer submission…
-
…Berg in the ring…SPINNING HEEL KICK TO CODE PINK!  KARATE THRUST KICK TO CODE PINK!  KRC charges…SPEAR!  SPEAR BY JILL-BERG!
-
Crowd: “JILLLL-BERGGGG…JILLLLL-BERGGGG…”
-
Berg lifts KRC…JACKHAMMER SLAM!  Daniels covers…Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) runs down and pulls the referee out of the ring.  Pelosi tries to drag the referee to the back…Jill Berg goes up top…MISSILE DROP KICK TAKES OUT BOTH PELOSI AND THE REFEREE!
-
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
-
Daniels and Berg head to the back.
-
BACKSTAGE
Margie J. Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church is with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.
Phelps: Westboro will picket Steve Jobs’s funeral.
-
Bernstein asks why.
-
Phelps: “He gave God no glory and taught sin.”
-
Bernstein wants to know how.   Phelps starts to walk away…
-
Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ begins.
-
The crowd roars as the Extreme Equalizer, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, makes his way down to the ring.
-
You got the look of a howlin’ wolf
I like it
The kind of eyes that could start a fire
Yes, I like it
A streetwise dynamo
I switch you on and I watch you go
A thrill to touch, you’re so hot
I’m coming for you ready or not
-
I’m gettin’ ready
Livin’ on the edge of a dream
Gettin’ ready, I’m gettin’ ready
Oh, switch on your lovin’ machine
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Crowd: What the #$##!  What the #$##!
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Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
I can’t wait another day
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Phelps gets grabbed by the neck…powerbomb to the floor.
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WTF flips her off.
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Suave: “Did I mention I love it when bigots get theirs.”
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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MATCH #4
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
vs. Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)
into the ring. Big Labor DDTs Walstreit.  Dropkick by James.  There’s a commotion…three men…no, three students do a nutcracker suite from the top rope on Walstreit.
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Suave: “What the hell???
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The student pull off their hooded jackets…their shirts read “Occupy Wall Street.”  One student, Nate, has a chair.  Another nutcracker suite on Walstreit.  Shane and Adam, the other two, set the table on fire.  Powerbomb by Big Labor through the table.  Cover…1…2…3.
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WINNER: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) @ 9:09
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BACKSTAGE
Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit talk with Woodward Bernstein.  Walstreit says that if PCW is now an unsafe place to work if they continue to allow thugs like the Occupy Wall Street goon to camp on his lawn and interfere in his matches.  He says that he is no longer going to take it and he feels that the Republicans won’t take it anymore.  Big Oil with the mic!  He says this is no conspiracy, this is a fact.  “Tonight, Corporate Might was a victim of reckless and negligent actions on the part of PCW and we demand that someone takes action to make this right.”
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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Johnny Suave’s Universe’s Biggest Douchebag of the Week Awards:
Martin Bashir- MSNBC: because nothing says giving tribute to Steve Jobs- a man who’s vision moved the computer world forward in leaps and bound, by tacking on it a gratuitous cheap shot at Sarah Palin.  Nice one, Marty.
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http://www.mediaite.com/tv/staying-classy-martin-bashir-exploits-steve-jobs-death-to-slam-sarah-palin/
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And then there’s…
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Ed Schultz- MSNBC vis a vis Palin’s announcement.   The IQ Of The Republican Field Remained The Same.  Sure Ed.  And thank God Elizabeth Warren didn’t take her clothes off.  Stay classy, Ed.
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http://www.mediaite.com/tv/ed-schultz-on-sarah-palin-announcement-the-iq-of-the-republican-field-remained-the-same/
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Next, Suave walks through what happened at PCW Lock and Load 6 between then PCW Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) and Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D)
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Women for Women, Union Maid, and  Kathryn Randall Collins drop Scott to the mat. Kelly and Korey set up…KORVER KRUSHER!  Angel Casey gets mad.  She runs in and nails Kelly with a monstrous elbow.  But then she loses the numbers battle as Code Pink, Emily List, Union Maid, and KRC quadruple team her.  Finally, the Triple Threat: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R), Sarah Mae Smith (R), and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)hit the ring to even the odds.  Jones tees off on Union Maid and gives her an Eskimo Pieface.  With all hell breaking loose in the ring, Korey makes the cover on Scott…1…2…3.
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WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Korver Sisters (D) @ 15:20
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MAIN EVENT:
Merchants of Death: ‘Lethal Weapon’ Angel Casey and ‘The Terminatrix’ Angel Scott (R) vs. Women for Women
: Code Pink and Emily List (D)
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Pink and List had already had a run-in earlier in the night with JBI CEO Jill Berg.  Casey and Scott took turns methodically tore Women for Women apart while WfW waited for the new PCW Tag Team champions Kelly and Korey Korver (D) to come to their aid.
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Halfway through the match, the screen came on and The Triple Threat ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) were in the middle of a brawl with the Korver Sisters.  List saw it first and pointed it out to Code Pink.  They’ve had enough of being abused by the MoD and sprinted to the back to help out the Korvers.
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The MoD followed and a full-out eight woman battle breaks out as the show ends.

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

No, Really. Chris Christie…um, I mean, Sarah Palin (R-AK) is NOT Running

At a press conference in Trenton, New Jersey Washington, DC this afternoon, one night after speculation ran rampant about whether Republican Chris Christie would jump into the PCW CEO contest, Christie, with the tag team Jersey Boyz (R) standing behind him, Mark Levin announced today that “now is not my time” , she’s not running.
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Palin, thru Levin, said this: “After much prayer and serious consideration, I have decided that I will not be seeking the 2012 GOP nomination for President of the United States. As always, my family comes first and obviously Todd and I put great consideration into family life before making this decision. When we serve, we devote ourselves to God, family and country. My decision maintains this order.  My decision is based upon a review of what common sense Conservatives and Independents have accomplished, especially over the last year. I believe that at this time I can be more effective in a decisive role to help elect other true public servants to office – from the nation’s governors to Congressional seats and the Presidency. We need to continue to actively and aggressively help those who will stop the “fundamental transformation” of our nation and instead seek the restoration of our greatness, our goodness and our constitutional republic based on the rule of law.”
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Afterwards, Steve Krakauer of CNN asked Levin, “BUT does the fact that Sarah Palin isn’t running for president open the door for Chris Christie?”
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Backstage, Erick Erickson of Red State told anyone who’d listen, “I told you she wasn’t running, I told you.”
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In fact, the press was kind of down because with Palin and Christie out of the race, who else were they going to cover?
-
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein wonders the same thing.  Then it came it him.  “What about Rudy Giuliani?”
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Silence.
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“RUDY!”
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Tuesday, October 04, 2011

No, Really. For the Last Time, Chris Christie (R-NJ) is NOT Running!: PCW Extra

At a press conference in Trenton, New Jersey this afternoon, one night after speculation ran rampant on PCW Extreme Political TV about whether Republican Chris Christie would jump into the PCW CEO contest, Christie, with the tag team Jersey Boyz (R) standing behind him,  made it clear that “now is not my time.”
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Christie: “I have a commitment to New Jersey that I simply will not abandon.”
 -
The Jersey Boyz seemed disappointed at Christie’s decision along with several Republican fans who’s overwhelming call for him to join the race caused him to at least give it one last look.
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Christie’s exit leaves ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin as the final shoe to drop before January.
 -
The press conference was marred when a fight broke out between restaurant competitors Twin Peaks CEO Randy DeWitt and Mike McNeil, Hooter’s Vice President for Marketing.  In the middle of the scuffle, a third person jumped in.  He grabbed the microphone and said he was Hugh Mungus-Mound and his new restaurant chain- Big Honkin’ Tetons, was going to kick both of their plastic boobs.
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Monday, October 03, 2011

Independents Make Statement/No Word from Palin or Christie on CEO Run: PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV
Red Bull Arena
Harrison, NJ
Monday October 3rd, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

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Suave: “Johnny Suave here.  Last Sunday night at PCW Lock and Load 6, we crowned a brand new PCW champion.”
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Replay: PCW Title Match: Daniel-San (I) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)
Tanaka powerbombs Andy Golatta through the ring table and then jackhammer slams Malibu Dusty through Suave’s broadcast table.  James the Jeep Worker runs up to Tanaka.  Tanaka grabs him by the throat, lifts, and choke slams him on top of Golatta.  Next, the Longshoremen.  Tanaka ducks a doubleteam clothesline.  He jumps both men and hits a bulldog on the floor.   Big Labor back up.  Kick to the groin doubles him over.  Power bomb on top of the Longshoremen.
Tanaka then leaves to a standing ovation from the crowd.
Back to the match, Bahama hits a superkick and flips him with a LARIATO! Cover gets 1, 2, –2.9.  More kicks from Bahama and he gives Daniel-San a second Lariato and an ENZUIGIRI!  He follows it up with a Doctor Driver.  Cover gets 1, 2,–2.999.  Daniel-San with a drop toehold and hangs Bahama in the Tree of Woe.  Daniel-San to the top rope… DOUBLE FOOT STOMP OFF THE TOP!  Daniel-San covers…1…2…  Daniel-San with another BuckleBomb and a superkick.  Cover…1…2…2.99999.   Daniel-San spreads his arms and lifts a leg up…CRANE KICK!  COVER…1…2…3!
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WINNER AND NEW PCW CHAMPION: Daniel-San (I) @ 24:20
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Daniel-San walks out with Mrs. Miyagi to a standing ovation from the crowd.  Daniel-San thanks the fans of
PCW for standing behind him.  He says he will be a champion they can be proud of.
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‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) appears with the Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Courtney, and Chloe.   Chism says now that Tanaka is gone and there’s an independent holding the PCW title because O’Beck Bahama couldn’t get the job dine, it’s a whole new ballgame.   Chism reminds Daniel-San that he, too, has held both the PCW Title and the TV belt.  The difference is that Chism says he’s more charismatic than Daniel-San.  Besides…
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The SRB rip off their tops.  Suave: “WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!”
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Daniel-San responds that he has a special guest in the building who’ll top the SRB.  Chism is skeptical.  Daniel-San introduces…
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Nancy Grace
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Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
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Chism: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  MY EYES!”
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Daniel-San attacks Chism.  Grace and Mrs. Miyagi take out the SRB.
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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MATCH #1- PCW Title Match
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi and Nancy Grace vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim, Courtney, and Chloe

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Match in progress…
-
…Chism sits in the corner.  Daniel-San puts a chair on his groin and gets ready to swing another chair. 
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*CLANG*
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Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
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Chism jumps up and hops all around the ring.  He reaches down to make sure he’s still ‘intact.’
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Suave: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.  Keep looking, you’ll find them eventually.”
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The SRB tries to pull Chism out of the ring.  Daniel-San pulls them back in.  Chism spun around.  Daniel-San spreads his arms and lifts up his leg…CRANE KICK!  Chism down…Daniel-San sets…CATTLE MUTILATION!  Kim and Courtney try to pull Chism free.  Nancy Grace runs in…BIG SPLASH TO KIM!  Mrs. Miyagi decks Courtney with a spinning heel kick.  Chism taps…that’s it.
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WINNER AND STILL PCW CHAMPION: Daniel-San (I) @ 11:12
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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BACKSTAGE
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein is stationed right outside Republican Chris Christie‘s dressing room just in case Christie decides to make his announcement tonight about his PCW CEO plans.
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Down the hall, Paige McGillicutty waits outside ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin‘s dressing room in the event she makes her announcement tonight.
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Suave says time is getting short for both Christie and Palin.
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In the ring is Independent Charlie Blackwell and his wife Kenzie.   Blackwell notes the protests going on at Kirk Walstreit’s house aka #occupywalstreit.  Blackwell says ‘we are the 99% my ass.  Really? Snobby rich elite boys and girls going to school on Mommy and Daddy’s dime play acting as ‘populists’ and protesting against snobby rich elitist Kirk Walstreit?
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Blackwell: “I’m sorry, when there’s genuine issues out there concerning the degradation of middle class America I’ll skip this play and move on.”
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Several of the protestors suddenly show up and start yelling at Blackwell.
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Blackwell: “Let me say that it must be nice to be in your world. I mean, really. You’re in college. You’ve got no real responsibilities except your schoolwork. You’ve got no family to support. No real bills to pay. All you’ve got to worry about is studying, buying your next six of beer, and getting laid.”
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The protestors get up on the ring apron.  Blackwell dares them to get into the ring.
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Blackwell: “With all due respect, who the hell are you to tell me or anyone else for that matter what the ‘real world’ is? Have you actually held a real job? Do you have a family to support? Bills to pay? House to keep up? Have you spent sleepless nights wondering how you’re going to make ends meet? Those of us who live in the ‘real world’ know this because we live it each and every day. If you haven’t than you have no friggin’ clue what the ‘real world’ really is. When you know how it feels to carry the stress, the responsibility, and the burden of being a provider for not only yourself but for a family on a daily basis– then maybe you can talk to us about the ‘real world.’ If the only thing you have to worry about is books, beer, and broads– then quite frankly you don’t know jack.”
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COMMERCIAL BREAK
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MAIN EVENT:
Jersey Boyz: Vinnie and Frankie (R) w/Chris Christie (R-NJ) vs. Massachusetts Bluebloods: Jay F. Kennedy and Ray F. Kennedy w/John F’n Kerry (D-MA)

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…JFK and RFK double team Frankie.  Now they hold him for Kerry,  Kerry drops an F-Bomb on Frankie.  JFK covers…1…2…Vinnie makes the save.
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Christie in the ring.  He rams right into Kerry and sends the Massachusetts Blueblood across the ring and over the top rope.
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All four men in the ring.  The crowd roars as Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) comes to the ring.   Vinnie heaves JFK from the ring.  Frankie and Vinnie have RFK set for the Boardwalk Blast.  Warren in the ring.  DOUBLE LOW BLOW!  The Boyz drop RFK and stagger around the ring.  JFK goes up top.   HERE COMES SCOTT BROWN (R-MA)!
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Brown races up and pushes JFK off the corner turnbuckle through a table.  Frankie and Vinnie again set RFK for the Boardwalk Blast.  Warren heads over, but Brown grabs her by the ankle and pulls her from the ring.  BOARDWALK BLAST!  Vinnie covers…1…2…3!
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WINNER: The Jersey Boyz (R)
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Suave: “Still no word on Christie or Palin jumping into the Republican contest.  Big win though for the Jersey Boyz tonight.  Thursday night, it’s PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.  See you then.
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