Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Bill Maher Drops C-Word on Sarah Palin: PCW House Show in Toledo Results

PCW House Show in Toledo, Ohio Results
1) Jordan Metzger (D) defeated Josh Jackson (R).  Jackson was setting up for the finish when New York Democrat Anthony Weiner ran out and hit Jackson in the leg with a wrench.
This brought out Donald Trump (R) and his hair and he challenged Weiner to choose a wrestler and they would meet in the main event tonight.  Weiner accepted.
2) The Axis of Evil: ‘Iran’s Weapon of Mass Destruction’ Khalid-El, Byung Hyung Kang, and Fernando Venezuela w/Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Song-Il, and Hugo Chavez defeated Guys With Unfortunate First Names Given Their Surnames: Mike Hunt, Richard Headd, and Alan Cada when Kang hit the Five Star Splash on Headd.
Post match, Chavez said “On Mars, I’ve always said, heard, that it would not be strange if on Mars there had been civilization.  But maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived, and finished off that planet.”  He then blamed capitalism for heavy rains and bad weather that washed away shanty towns in Venezuela on capitalism as well along with the blemishes on his face.
Moving on…
PCW CEO Barack Obama addressed the PCW nation about why he was working with the Utopian Nations and France’s Nicolas Sarkosy against Libya’s Colonel Khadafy.  The sold out crowd wanted to know where Sarkosy’s wife, Carla Bruni, was.  Sarkosy sneered in his usual French way that his wife was disrespected the night before and she wasn’t going to show up tonight.
3) The Air Force defeated Colonel Khadafy’s Minion # 1 and #2.  Again, Khadafy was able to escape.  Again, the crowd called for Carla Bruni (who wasn’t there) to show them her ****.  Again, Sarkosy skulks off.
4) Average Joe (Tea Party)w/’The Princess of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria beat Nick Ray (R) with an Average Slam.
5) ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott rebounded from losing the PCW title the night before by defeating Andy Riley (D)  via pinfall.   Riley tried to channel his inner-Zbyzsko and stalled for several minutes before locking up with Scott.
Bill Maher came out and dropped the C-word on The Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin.  Palin, who’s said she wouldn’t respond to the Mahers et al any more, surprisingly did not come out.   Who did?
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The crowd roared.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.
Policeman – Ms. Berg.   It’s time.
The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman, her male assistant, Jerry, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb.

Jill Berg (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb
The crowd chants “JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder.  He flips it on.
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
Jill Berg and Daisy Cutter-Bomb in the ring.  Berg launches herself at Maher and spears him.   Berg Jackhammer Slams Maher to the mat.
Then Daisy gets her hands on him.  Daisy lifts Maher up- Daisy Cutter PowerBomb!
Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”
6) The Schmidt Brothers w/ Ron Paul (R)  defeated Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former policemen fired for their extreme brand of justice.
Post match, Big Labor and Triple R (D) came out and attacked the Schmidts.   Then…
*Do You Hear the People Sing? from the musical Les Miserables begins to play*
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
All action stops in the ring area as more people walk out and join the Blackwells.  ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido also walks out.

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland)
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!
Blackwell motions to the group, now about fifty strong, and they begin to march towards the ring.
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Ken Worth- The American Trucker and Tequila Sheila (American Heartland)

Worth and Sheila also join the procession.
Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Blackwell and the group chase off Big Labor and Triple R and pile into the ring.

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
7) Big Oil (R) w/ Texas Tex defeated The Bi-Partisan Dream Team’s Blue Dog D (D) w/RINO- The Wonk Machine (R) via Big Oil’s Oklahoma Driller on Blue Dog D.
Post match, Big Oil bragged to the crowd about the $4 gas prices in some parts of the country.  Then he brought out Donald Trump who announced his wrestler for the main event- ‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ Kirk Walstreit!
Anthony Weiner came out with the new PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka.
8) PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka(D) beat Kirk Walstreit (R) with the Japanese SuperDestroyer at 17:25.  Good match that Walstreit acquitted him well.  The match turned when Walstreit was going to hit Tanaka with the Stock Market Drop.  Weiner ran into the ring and hit Walstreit from behind.  Walstreit turned for one split second and allowed Tanaka to take control of the match.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Tanaka (D) Becomes a 3-Time PCW Champion: PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction- Part Three

Suave announces there’s a commotion backstage.
BACKSTAGE

The God Squad: Revs. Oral Hinnrich and Buddy Flambe w/Sister Mary Marlboro

The God Squad attack the Skanky Rich Bimbos.  Rev. Hinnrich bends Kim Carr-Skank-Sheehan over his knee and starts spanking her.  Rev. Flambe does the same with Courtney Carr-Skank-Sheehan.  Sister Marlboro holds Chloe.
Suave quotes a line from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. “Spank me…and me…and me.  And then, the oral sex.  Yes, yes…the oral-”
The God Squad suddenly depart from the scene.  A few seconds later, they arrive at the broadcast table.
Suave: “Oh, crap.”
Sister Mary Marlboro smacks his hand with a ruler.
BACKSTAGE
A closet.  Orlando Sentinel Reporter Scott Powers is knocking on the door from inside.
Voice: “Ah, Joe?  Joe?  Did you forget about me?   Hello?…HELLOOOOOOO!”
*The opening to Aimee Allen’s Ron Paul Song begins*
Wake up! Wake up!
Good morning America!
Rise and Shine.



Rise and Shine!


Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions



We don’t want no war no more
bring our boys home to our shores
We don’t want big government
Or the Bilderberg group that pays for it
The Federal ID means a police state
And Mr. Jefferson’s rolling in his grave
When our names turn to numbers like 666
According to the gospel on implantable chips


Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions



The Patriot Act took our liberties
And there’s no judge and no jury
Tapping our phones, breaking down our doors
Waging on the people a civil war!
We work 3 jobs and bring home no pay
The IRS takes it all away
And we struggle, slave to pay the rent
So, Ron Paul for President


Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions


Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions

Two time PCW Tag Team Champions Republicans Jack and Joe Schmidt walk to the ring led by Ron Paul and Aimee Allen.  Jack holds up a brick and nods in confidence.
Suave: A clear reference to the Schmidt-brick that Jack and Joe hope to drop on the PCW Tag Team champions…and here they come…
*The opening riffs to BTO’s Sledgehammer begin to play*

For days I have tried to forget you
And not care where you are
No matter where you are

But fables are not made from memories
I got to try to find
A way to ease my mind


You’re like a sledgehammer
Clickin’, clickin, on my mind
You’re like a sledgehammer baby
You been beating on my mind

You’re like a sledgehammer
You been sneakin’ all the time, woooow
You’re like a sledgehammer baby
You been beating on my mind

The International Hit Squad comes out.
MATCH #5 FOR THE PCW TAG TEAM TITLE
Jack and Joe Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul and Aimee Allen
vs.

International Hit Squad: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Daniel-San (I) (c) w/Mrs. Miyagi

Golatta and Jack vie for the advantage.  Golatta backs Jack to the corner and tags in Daniel-San.  After reaching a stalemate with Daniel-San, Jack tags in Joe. Golatta tags in and takes him down with a shoulder block.  Joe hits him with a hip toss and dropkick. Golatta regroups on the floor.  Golatta comes back in and lights up Joe with uppercuts. Joe comes back with some chops and Golatta again regroups on the floor.  Jack looks anxious to fight.  He tags in and hits a double back elbow with Joe for one.  Jack delivers a running kick to the chest and Daniel-San breaks the count.  Joe misses a chop allowing Golatta to throw him face first into a boot from Daniel-San.  Jack becomes antsy as he watched Joe be beaten down by the Hit Squad across the ring.  Joe escapes their beating by taking Daniel-San down with a huracanrana, superkicking Golatta, and giving Daniel-San an enzuigiri.
Jack tags in and hits Daniel-San and Golatta with kicks.  Jack escapes a German suplex.  He hits a running forearm and knee strike to Golatta.  Jack follows with a top rope dropkick for two.  Joe nails a flying knee strike to Golatta.  Daniel-San dropkicks Joe to the floor.  Jack headbutts Daniel-San away as he waits on the top rope.  Golatta catches him as he comes off the top rope and Big Swings him into a dropkick from Daniel-San for two.  Daniel-San brings Jack to the floor and kicks his head into the guardrail.  Daniel-San pis him for two.  Joe chops Daniel-San in the back to break a half crab.  Golatta and Daniel-San now isolate Jack from his partner.  Jack leg becomes the Hit Squad’s target.
Jack ducks an elbow allowing Joe to kick Daniel-San from the apron.  Joe tags in.  He kicks Golatta from the apron on the floor.  He comes into the ring with a crossbody to Daniel-San for two.  Joe comes off the second rope with a Codebreaker for two.  He transitions into a half crab.  Golatta breaks the hold.  Joe sends The Hit Squad to the apron. The Schmidt’s knock them down with stereo kicks and follow up with suicide dives.  Jack kicks Golatta in the face on the apron.  Joe double stomps Golatta on the apron.  Daniel-San boots Jack and Jack responds with a sole butt.  Joe double stomps Daniel-San in the back.  The Schmidt’s nail tandem kicks to the head and Golatta breaks the count.  Golatta hits Joe with right cross for two.  Golatta and Joe exchange boots. Golatta hits a pop-up European uppercut and Jack breaks the count.  Jack lights up Golatta in the corner with kicks.  Golatta knocks him and Joe down with clotheslines.
Joe hits an avalanche huracanrana on Golatta.  Jack springboards into Golatta’s U.F.O.  Jack sunset flips to avoid a Ricola Bomb for two.  Jack rolls Golatta into an ankle lock. Daniel-San breaks it.  Golatta stops Jack on the top rope and brings him down with a superplex.  Daniel-San hits a top rope moonsault and Joe breaks the pin.  Daniel-San superkicks Jack for two.  Daniel-San hits a rolling elbow and a cradle suplex and again only gets two.  Jack and Daniel-San exchange strikes.  Daniel-San hits a boot. Jack hits a rolling clothesline for two.  Joe delivers a tiger suplex to Daniel-San.  Daniel-San lands a big boot.  Jack sends Daniel-San to the floor, but then gets cut off by a boot from Golatta.  Joe clotheslines Golatta to the floor.  Joe hits Daniel-San with two superkicks and lands a suplex for two.  The Schmidt’s hit a double team alarm clock on Daniel-San. They follow up with the superkick/German suplex combo and Golatta breaks the count.  Joe and Jack hit a lungblower/powerbomb on Daniel-San for two. Daniel-San blocks a 2k1 Bomb and hits a rolling yakuza kick for two. Daniel-San then hits the Death Blow for two.  Joe tries a few roll-ups and only gets two. Daniel-San tags him with three crane kicks and slaps on the Cattle Mutilation.  That gets Daniel-San the pin at 36:15.
WINNER: The International Hit Squad (I) @ 36:15
Sledgehammer comes on again as the Hit Squad celebrate in the ring.
BACKSTAGE
Back to the closet.  Orlando Sentinel Reporter Scott Powers is still inside and Joe Biden is long gone.
Powers (from inside): “Okay…I think I’ve waited long enough.  Let me out…(he tries to open the door but it’s locked)…very funny.  Unlock the door and let me out…”
REPLAY: PCW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION- MARCH 2010
PCW Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (I) vs. Khalid-El (AoE)

Suave: “CHISM IS STILL OUTSIDE THE RING!  THE AXIS OF EVIL IS TRIPLE TEAMING TANAKA!”
Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Suave: “IT’S McGILL!  AND CHARLIE BLACKWELL?”
[Dawn McGill, with Singapore Cane in hand, and Dream Wrestling's Charlie Blackwell race down.]
Suave: “Blackwell with a drop toehold on Kang.  He throws him over the top rope.  McGill…HOLY CRAP!  SHE JUST PUNTED VENEZUELA’S TESTICLES TO THE MOON!”
[Blackwell and McGill heave Venezuela over the top rope.  McGill then takes her Singapore cane and starts filleting Khalid-El's back with it.]
Suave: “TANAKA UP!  BLACKWELL ON THE TOP ROPE.  TANAKA SWEEPS THE LEGS; BLACKWELL WITH THE MISSILE DROPKICK- TOTAL ELIMINATION!”
[Tanaka covers.  One...two...three.]
Suave: “KHALID-EL HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!”
Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Suave: “AHMADINEJAD IS NOT HAPPY!  HE’S ARGUING WITH THE REFEREE!  CHISM IS UP!  HE CRAWLS BACK INTO THE RING.  HE GOES FOR THE BODY BLOCK…TANAKA CATCHES HIM IN MID-AIR!  FACEBUSTER!”
[Tanaka climbs the top rope with Chism.]
Suave: “Get the paramedics ready…Tanaka has him set…JAPANESE SUPER DESTROYER!  CHISM IS DOWN.  TANAKA FOR THE PIN…ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT!”
Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Kimber: “The winner of this match, and the new PCW- Yamamato Tanaka!!!
Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Suave: “NEW PCW CHAMPION!  NEW PCW CHAMPION!  TANAKA WITH HELP FROM DAWN McGILL AND CHARLIE BLACKWELL, IS YOUR NEW PCW CHAMPION!”
Suave notes it’s been over a year since Tanaka first won the PCW title. Can he do it again tonight?
MATCH #6 FOR THE PCW TITLE

‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D) w/Reika

vs.

‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) (c)

Tanaka and Scott trade holds on the mat, coming to a stand-off.  Scott takes Tanaka down with a headscissors and leg lariat for two.  Scott knocks Tanaka down with a back elbow for two.  Tanaka and Scott trade forearms as the fans cheer on.  Scott wins the exchange and snapmares Tanaka into a running boot.  Tanaka crucifix pins him for two.  Tanaka regroups on the floor.  Scott follows out and eats a sole butt.  Tanaka throws Scott head first multiple times into the barricade.  Scott is busted open as Tanaka chops him.  In the ring, Tanaka vigorously punches Scott’s open wound.  Tanaka takes pleasure in his chest and hands being covered in Scott’s blood.  Tanaka hits a piledriver.  It looks over already but the crowd is stunned to see…

PCW Hall of Famer ‘Not Just Unbearable…not just untolerable…Justin Sufferable

…run out wielding a Singapore cane.   He makes the save at two.  Now Tanaka turns to Sufferable and both men trade punches. Tanaka puts on a Guillotine choke on Sufferable. Scott kicks him in the head and makes the cover.  Tanaka kicks out at two.  Tanaka punches his wound some more and drops him with a Death Valley Driver.  Tanaka hits a boot in the corner.   He heaves Scott into the second turnbuckle and big boots him for two.  Scott tries a sunset flip for two.  Tanaka hits a knee lift and a forearm strike.  Tanaka hits an enzuigiri and a gut buster for two.  Tanaka boots Scott and hits a Tiger Driver for two.  He transitions into a Boston Crab.  Scott grabs the ropes to escape.
Tanaka tries to give Scott a Tiger Driver from the apron and through a table.  Scott blocks and gives Tanaka a DDT through the table.  Scott brings Tanaka back in and pins him for two.  Tanaka and Scott exchange chops.  Scott hits a superkick and a clothesline for two. Scott victory rolls Tanaka for two.  He hits another DDT and Tanaka grabs the bottom rope to break the count.  Scott slaps on the Dragon Sleeper but Tanaka escapes and hits a backbreaker for two.  Tanaka hits a second for another two.  Scott rolls up Tanaka for two.  Tanaka suplexes Scott into a back breaker and drags the PCW Champion up to the top rope.  Again, Justin Sufferable whacks Tanaka in the back with the Singapore cane.  This time, Reika comes in a hits the Tiger Driver on Sufferable.  Tanaka executes the Super Japanese Destroyer and we have a new PCW Champion at 25:00.
WINNER AND NEW PCW CHAMPION: Yamamoto Tanaka (D) @ 25:00
The referee hands Tanaka the belt and raises his hand.  Tanaka is now a three time PCW Champion.
BACKSTAGE
Orlando Sentinel
Reporter Scott Powers is still stuck inside the closet.  A janitor walks by and ignores the banging on the closet door.  He switches off the light and everything goes black.
Powers (from inside): “Hello?   Hello!…”

Air Force vs. Colonel Khadafy’s Minions: PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction- Part Two

And now, the debut single by new Internet sensation Rebecca Black. The music video for “Friday” received over 1 million plays on Youtube in its premiere day.

(Yeah, Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah-Ark)
Oo-ooh-ooh, hoo yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah-ah-ah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin’ down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend-
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The crowd roars.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The video screen goes to just outside a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.
Policeman – Ms. Berg.   It’s time.
The door opens and four large male bodybuilding types walk out of the dressing room surrounding a petite woman, her male assistant, Jerry, and Daisy Cutter-Bomb.

PCW Champion Jill Berg (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb
Suave: “IT’S  JILL BERG!”
The crowd chants “JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
The procession emerges from the back and starts their way down the ramp. The male assistant has a microphone and a portable tape recorder.  He flips it on.
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
The group then continues towards the ring leaving the police escort behind.
THUMP
THUMP
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP
“JILL-BERG…JILL-BERG…”
Jill Berg and Daisy Cutter-Bomb in the ring.  Berg launches herself at Black and spears her.   Suave notes that Berg shares the same feelings about her music that most people seem to.   But he still thinks this is a little harsh- especially after Berg Jackhammer Slams Black to the mat.
Then Daisy gets her hands on the young singer.  Suave protests that this is going way too far.  Daisy lifts her up- Daisy Cutter PowerBomb!
Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”
BACKSTAGE
Aide de camp to PCW CEO Barack Obama…

Joe Biden

…Joe Biden walks in with Orlando Sentinel Reporter Scott Powers.  Powers is surprised to be directed to a closet while Biden hangs with the Utopian Nation’s Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon…

…and French President Nicolas Sarkosy…

…and his wife…

Carla Bruni

Reluctantly, Powers goes inside the closet.
After cleaning up the ring after Rebecca Black, Suave announces they’re ready for the next match.  And that, of course, brings out PCW’s lovely ring announcer, Kimber Marshall.

Kimber Marshall
The crowd unloads on the first team who’s introduced as Libya’s Colonel Khadafy and his masked Minions #1 and #2 make their way to the ring.
Kimber next introduces the Minion’s opponents- from the Air Force:  Sgt. Tyler Johnson and Sgt. Joaquin Gonzales.  They receive a standing ovation from the PCW Hall faithful as they run to the ring and go after the masked Minions before the bell even rings.
MATCH #3
Minions #1 and #2 w/Colonel Khadafy

vs.
The Air Force w/Joe Biden, the Utopian Nation’s Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon, French President Nicolas Sarkosy, and his wife, Carla Bruni
After the referee makes the other two wrestlers leave, Minion #1 and Sgt. Johnson lock up.  Go behind by Minion #1, off the ropes and a kick to the face.  Monkey flip follows. Tag to Minion #2, Air Minion #2 off of the back of Minion #1. Whip Sgt. Johnson into a spin kick from Minion #1, and Minion #2 covers for 2.  Colonel Khadafy claps approvingly.
Crowd (to Carla Bruni): “Take your top off! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)  Take your top off! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)”
While Biden tries to get the crowd to stop, Bruni looks only mildly offended.
Eye poke by Sgt. Johnson, Sgt. Gonzales tags in, rights by Minion #2. Clothesline by Minion #2, slides into Sgt. Gonzales’s legs, to the corner and a clothesline by Minion #2 for 2.  Sgt. Gonzales with the clothesline, Minion #2 falls awkwardly, and Sgt. Gonzales slams him to the corner. Tag to Sgt. Johnson, rights to Minion #2. Tag back to Sgt. Gonzales, off the ropes and they were going to do a double team, but Minion #2 fell on his ass during the atomic drop. Knee drop by Sgt. Gonzales and a cover for 2. Sgt. Gonzales rakes the eyes, tag to Sgt. Johnson, rights to the ribs of Minion #2. To the corner they go, Sgt. Johnson rakes the eyes and Colonel Khadafy gets on the ring apron to complain.
Minion #2 fights back with the boot and tornado DDT. Tag to Sgt. Gonzales and Minion #1, Minion #1 cleans house with kicks and clotheslines. Tosses Minion #2 onto Sgt. Gonzales, standing moonsault by Minion #1 gets 2. Slams Sgt. Gonzales, calls for Minion #2, and they get a roiling thunder, sling shot splash combo for 2. Sgt. Johnson breaks that up, spinebuster by Sgt. Gonzales on Minion #1 for 2. Sgt. Johnson back in, 3-D try, Minion #1 escapes, and thenblows beer into Sgt. Gonzales’s face. Minion #1 rolls up Sgt. Gonzales for 2.  Minion #2 has a chair and THROWS it into Minion#1′s face as Sgt. Gonzales ducked.  Sgt. Johnson tosses Minion #2 and Sgt. Gonzales pins Minion #1 for the win.
WINNER: The Air Force @ 5:35

Post match, Sgts. Johnson and Gonzales chase after Colonel Khadafy who makes his escape through the crowd.
Then Bill Maher…

…appears on the video screen.  The crowd boos him as Maher explains that he’s doing this from a remote location so the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot won’t run in and choke slam him.  Then Maher sticks his thumb in his ears and says in a sing-song voice, “Palin is a dumb twat!  She and Michele Bachmann are idiots!  Nyah, nyah-nyah nyaaah-”
*Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ blares*

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
You got the look of a howlin’ wolf
I like it
The kind of eyes that could start a fire
Yes, i like it
A streetwise dynamo
I switch you on and i watch you go
A thrill to touch, you’re so hot
I’m coming for you ready or not
Maher’s in shock.  He can’t believe WTF tracked him down.
I’m gettin’ ready
Livin’ on the edge of a dream
Gettin’ ready, i’m gettin’ ready
Oh, switch on your lovin’ machine
WTF grabs Maher by his neck and powerbombs him to the floor.
Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
I can’t wait another day
Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
If only you could stay
All night long
Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”
Suave comes back on and talks about the first Weapons of Mass Political Destruction PPV that took place in 2008.  Kevin Scott was known as Starz N. Stripes in those days and his opponent in the main event was one PCW Hall of Famer Justin Sufferable.
REPLAY FROM PCW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION 2008
PCW WORLD TITLE MATCH:
Champion “Not just intolerable. Not just unbearable. He is…” JUSTIN SUFFERABLE (Progressive Alliance)
VS.
Former ‘Rookie Sensation’ STARZ N. STRIPES w/ ‘Straight Shootin’ John McCain (American Patriots)

Suave: “Here’s our main event. Is it Starz N. Stripes time? Or will Justin Sufferable hang on to the title?” The bell rings and we’re off. Starz shoulderblocks Sufferable down and then paintbrushes the back of his head. Sufferable reverses with a running elbow followed by pair of back breakers. Sufferable goes for a Spicolli driver but Starz backdrops him instead. Quick chain mat wrestling sequence follows and the crowd expressed their appreciation. Both Sufferable and Starz nod at each other. Lock up. Power by Starz drives Sufferable back against the ropes. Irish whip all the way across the ring by Starz. Sufferable evades the lariat and counters with an atomic drop. Quick roll up from behind gets Sufferable a one count. Sufferable hits a Half-Nelson backbreaker. Sufferable than whips out a Splash Mountain neckbreaker and covers again. Two count. Sufferable sets for a suplex but Starz surprises him with a jawbreaker lariat. Sufferable tries a sunset flip but Starz sits on him and gets out of it. The ref slips on something in one corner but keeps his feet.
Suave: “Good action so far!” The crowd agrees and chants, “PCW…PCW!” Both men circle each other warily. Lock up. Armdrag by Starz, reversed into an arm bar by Sufferable. Springboard Ace crusher by Sufferable and again gets a two count. Starz gets a surprise roll up and he gets a two count. Sufferable kicks out and springs back to his feet. Body slam by Starz. Elbow drop misses when Sufferable rolls away. Leg scissors by Sufferable but his attempt to modify it into a figure four meets with a swift kick to the mush by Starz. Starz lines up Sufferable in the corner, climbs up on the turnbuckle, and hits the 10 punch sequence. Sufferable slumps down to a sitting position. Starz retreats to the opposite corner and then goes for the big splash. Sufferable moves at the last possible moment and Starz crotches himself on the ringpost. Sufferable takes control with power slams. Bulldog in the middle of the ring and Starz looks ready to go. Sufferable lifts him up for a brainbuster. Drifting back into a corner, Sufferable suddenly loses his footing and Starz falls hard to the canvas. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT WAS A BAD FALL FOR STARZ N. STRIPES! BUT…SUFFERABLE’S HURT. IT’S HIS KNEE…HIS SURGICALLY REPAIRED KNEE.”
The referee signals to the back. Sufferable grabs his knee and rolls back and forth in excruciating pain. Starz is groggy. He finally pulls himself up to a sitting position and realizes how much trouble Sufferable is in. Suave: “Does he go for the pin?” Starz tells the ref the match is over. The ref calls for the bell.
WINNER: STARZ N. STRIPES @ 16:49 because Justin Sufferable can’t go on. The title remains with Sufferable.

Starz checks on Sufferable. Triple R suddenly hits the ring with a chair. Chairshot to Starz. Chairshot to the referee. Chairshot to Sufferable’s injured knee. Suave: “TRIPLE R IS TRYING TO END JUSTIN SUFFERABLE’S CAREER!” A second chairshot to the knee. Starz tries to get back and eats another chairshot. Triple R winds up again. This time, a second pair of hands stops him from delivering another chairshot to Sufferable. Suave: “IT’S JOHN McCAIN! McCAIN’S WRESTLING TRIPLE R FOR THE CHAIR!” McCain wrests the chair away and then blasts Triple R with a chairshot to the face. Triple R stumbles backwards through the ring ropes and out to the floor. Paramedics reach the ring and attend to Justin Sufferable.
Suave calls it a classic moment and notes that it would take two more months before Scott/Starz N . Stripes finally won the PCW title for the first time.
Kimber Marshall in the ring and introduces the next match.
MATCH #4- PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH

‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) w/Kim, Courtney, and Chloe Carr-Skank Sheehan aka The Skanky Rich Bimbos and Charlie Sheen
vs.

Ken Worth- The American Trucker (American Heartland) w/Tequila Sheila

Suave thinks this should be a good one.
Chism uses his power advantage to drive Worth into the corner.  He gets angry when Worth shoves him back and gives Worth the Snake Eyes.  Chism boots Worth down. Worth drives Chism’s arm into his knees.  Worth targets his attack onto Chism’s arm. Chism regains control by choking Worth on the ropes.  But he’s too close to The American Trucker’s corner and Tequila Sheila gets a blender shot in on Chism.  Worth leg locks Chism’s head onto the top rope twice.  Worth takes Chism out to the floor with a huracanrana. Worth goes for a second one on the floor, but Chism catches Worth and swings him into the barricades.  Charlie Sheen wanders over and gets a couple cheap shots in.  Worth is drug back to the ring where Chism lays in some strikes.  Chism powerslams Worth and makes the cover…1…2…kickout by Worth.  Worth cradles Chism to avoid a second slam and he gets a quick 2 count.
Chism boots Worth in the face. Chism pops Worth up, and Worth counters mid-air into a DDT.  Worth connects with an enzuigiri and an STO.  He covers and Sheen gets involved again by pulling Worth off of Chism.  Tequila Sheila hits the ring and charges towards Sheen.  She swings her blender at him, Sheen ducks, and Sheila ends up in the wrong corner as the Carr-Skank-Sheehan girls grab her.   Sheen smirks and walks over towards Sheila.  Worth clutches Chism’s wrists and stomps down on his chest.  He makes the cover but Sheen sees it in time and makes the save at 2.  Chism counters a sunset flip by deadlifting Worth into an overhead throw.  Chism hits an uppercut and a running knee strike for two. Worth blocks the U.F.O. with a victory roll for two. Chism counters and successfully nails the U.F.O. for two. Chism uppercuts Worth. Chism flies off the second rope and Worth catches him and hits the Jake Brake.  Worth covers and clearly has a 3 count but the Carr-Skank-Sheehans distracts the referee by abusing Tequila Sheila.  Worth runs over and knocks all three Carr-Skank-Sheehan girls off the apron.  Chism hits a pop-up European uppercut for two.

Code Pink and Emily List (D)

Pink and Emily hit the apron and distract the referee.  Sheen passes the TV belt to Chism. Chism blasts Worth with the belt.  Hollywood Blockbuster follows and Chism makes the pin at 18:10.
WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) @ 18:10

Chism celebrates in the ring with Sheen and the Skanky Rich Bimbos.  Sheen holds up a sign that says ‘WINNING!’ 

Olbermann vs. Beck Starts the Show: PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction- Part One


*1o bell salute in memory of Geraldine Ferraro*

The sold-out crowd then starts to chant: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW

Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain
Suave is in the ring and welcomes everyone to PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction.  He starts running down the card when…

Former MSNBC Left Wing Commentator Keith Olbermann

…a smirking Olbermann walks out and climbs into the ring.  Olbermann has a microphone and he calls the PCW World Arguing Champion Glenn Beck out.  Suave wants to know what he’s up to seeing as they’re supposed to wrestle momentarily.  Beck…

Glenn Beck (Fox News)

…comes out and wonders what the heck is going on.
Olbermann then informs him that it’s useless and counterproductive for him to match up against a conservative and since he’s clearly superior to Beck- could Beck just leave the belt in the ring for him and leave?
Beck busts out laughing which infuriates Olbermann.  Olbermann calls Beck ‘Lonesome Rhodes’ and demands he turn over the PCW WAC belt.  Beck refuses and tells Olbermann to come take it from him.  Olbermann yells something to the back and then…
Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play. The crowd explodes as a spotlight shines on a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha in his hands.
Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…

The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore

The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.
The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring.  He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.
Gore immediately goes over to Beck and starts caning the ever-livin’ crap out of him.  Then…


David Shuster, Shannyn Moore, and Andrea Mitchell

…the FOK News All-Stars come out and join Gore in the beat down of Glenn Beck.  Olbermann urges them on.  Moore rips the PCW ‘WAC’ title away from Beck and hands it to Olbermann in the ring.
Olbermann holds the belt up high and…

Rush Limbaugh, ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, and Michelle Malkin

…gets blindsided by ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter.  The WAC belt goes flying as Olbermann sprawls to the mat.  Coulter and Limbaugh stomp away at the former MSNBC commentator.  Malkin climbs to the top turnbuckle and splashes Moore and Mitchell while O’Reilly throws Shuster into the steel guardrail.  Gore canes O’Reilly.

Andrew Breitbart and Sean Hannity

Breitbart and Hannity race down and tackle Gore…

Rachel Maddow, Arianna Huffington, Markos Moulitsas, and Professor Paul Krugman

…the Angry Left-Wing Bloggers wade in and it’s an all-out free for all now.   This goes on for a couple minutes until the lights goes down.
Suave wonders what’s going on.  A spotlight illuminates the back.

Charlie and Kenzie Blackwell (American Heartland)

Blackwell and his wife simply stand in the back and watch the brawl going on.  Then a piano playing singlets is heard and…
*Do You Hear the People Sing? from the musical Les Miserables begins to play*
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
All action stops in the ring area as more people walk out and join the Blackwells.  ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido also walks out.

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland)
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Then join in the fight
That will give you the right to be free!
Blackwell motions to the group, now about fifty strong, and they begin to march towards the ring.
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

Ken Worth- The American Trucker and Tequila Sheila (American Heartland)

Worth and Sheila also join the procession.
Will you give all you can give
So that our banner may advance
Some will fall and some will live
Will you stand up and take your chance?
The blood of the martyrs
Will water the meadows of France!
Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!
Blackwell and the group chase off the partisan pundits and pile into the ring.

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of a people
Who will not be slaves again!
When the beating of your heart
Echoes the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes!

‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and Triple R (D) w/Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired for their extreme brand of justice.
Blackwell and Escondido see Big Labor and Triple R coming to the ring and don’t wait.  They meet the Democrats in the aisle and it’s on.
MATCH #2- NO DISQUALIFICATION, FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
HARDCORE KINETIC MILITARY ACTION MATCH
Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland)
vs.
‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and Triple R (D)

Both teams eventually make it into the ring and the brawl continues.

Blackwell and Big Labor (Green shirt) hook up.  Triple R and Escondido (on the ropes) hook up.  The Democrats take control early on Big Labor clocks Blackwell with a lariat. Triple R works Escondido’s arm and then uses his own European Uppercuts.

The referee gets speared by Triple R and the Democrats take it up a notch.  Big slam by Big Labor plants Escondido.  Triple R lays in the chops on Blackwell before hitting a belly to belly suplex.  Triple R makes the cover but Blackwell kicks out easily.

The referee slowly gets back into it.  Big Labor slams Escondido again while Triple R assaults Blackwell with lefts and rights.   Escondido flips over another Big Labor lariat but gets winged with a superkick by Triple R and then lariat by Big Labor.  Triple R makes the cover…for 2.

Escondido rolls out of the ring and tries to regain his bearings.  Triple R follows leaving Big Labor and Charlie Blackwell in the ring alone.   Triple R suplexes Escondido ONTO the steel guardrail and nearly snaps him in half.  Blackwell and Big Labor engage in a verbal jousting match.

Big Labor and Blackwell continue their debate as Escondido gets mugged by Triple R.

Finally, Big Labor snaps and slugs Blackwell.  Big Labor lifts him by the throat and drives him to the mat.  Cover…Blackwell out at two.

Triple R takes a run at Blackwell so Big Labor takes after Escondido.  The Democrats remain firmly in control of the match as it enters the seventh minute.

Finally, in the eighth minute, Escondido makes his move and cinches in a Full Nelson on Big Labor.  Blackwell has had enough abuse at the hands of both Triple R and Big Labor so he goes out and gets himself a steel folding chair.

Triple R has Escondido in the Abdominal Stretch until Blackwell hits him with the chair.  Blackwell lays out Big Labor and then repeatedly drills Triple R over and over with the steel chair.

Now it’s the American Heartlanders who seize control of the match.  Blackwell continues to rain down chairshots on Big Labor who tries to cover up as best he can.

Dazed, Big Labor staggers right into an Escondido swinging neckbreaker.  Escondido covers…Big Labor with the big kick out at 2.

Then Escondido gets into the act with a Singapore cane and whips Big Labor with it.   Another chairshot by Blackwell on Triple R sends the Democrat to the mat.  Blackwell and Escondido have all the momentum on their side now.

Escondido continues to rain down cane shots on Big Labor.   Triple R tries to re-establish some momentum but a spinebuster is countered right into a DDT.   Blackwell takes his time going up top, a huge mistake, and allows Triple R to hit Bicycle Kick for 2.  Triple R with an European Uppercut and covers…he gets 2.  Triple R tries a power move but Blackwell counters with a rana on the way down.

Blackwell and Triple R continue to brawl.  Escondido helps Charlie doubleteam Triple R and then Big Labor wakes back up and lumbers over.  He calls for a ladder and goes out and back to get one.  Blackwell finds another chair to use.

Here we go.  Blackwell waffles Triple R with the chair.  Big Labor misses Escondido with the ladder and cuts Triple R down by mistake.

Blackwell makes sure Triple R stays down while Escondido lays the chops in on Big Labor.  Standing drop kick sends Big Labor to the mat.  Escondido whips around and slaps on an ankle lock.  That takes whatever starch was left in the big man.
Escondido covers…1…2…3.
WINNER: Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland) @ 14:53

Suave looks around for Rough Justice and finds that they’re trapped and surrounded by the fifty people who came down to the ring.
Blackwell climbs out of the ring and takes the PCW ‘WAC’ belt from his wife Kenzie.  He lays it down on the floor outside the ring.  Escondido douses it with lighter fluid.  Blackwell sets it on fire and tosses it in a burn barrel.  The group of fifty who came down with them follows Blackwell, his wife, and Escondido as they head back up the aisle after the match.
*Finale from Les Miserables begins to play*
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes!
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes…
Tomorrow comes!