Sunday, March 27, 2011

Tanaka (D) Becomes a 3-Time PCW Champion: PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction- Part Three

Suave announces there’s a commotion backstage.
BACKSTAGE

The God Squad: Revs. Oral Hinnrich and Buddy Flambe w/Sister Mary Marlboro

The God Squad attack the Skanky Rich Bimbos.  Rev. Hinnrich bends Kim Carr-Skank-Sheehan over his knee and starts spanking her.  Rev. Flambe does the same with Courtney Carr-Skank-Sheehan.  Sister Marlboro holds Chloe.
Suave quotes a line from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. “Spank me…and me…and me.  And then, the oral sex.  Yes, yes…the oral-”
The God Squad suddenly depart from the scene.  A few seconds later, they arrive at the broadcast table.
Suave: “Oh, crap.”
Sister Mary Marlboro smacks his hand with a ruler.
BACKSTAGE
A closet.  Orlando Sentinel Reporter Scott Powers is knocking on the door from inside.
Voice: “Ah, Joe?  Joe?  Did you forget about me?   Hello?…HELLOOOOOOO!”
*The opening to Aimee Allen’s Ron Paul Song begins*
Wake up! Wake up!
Good morning America!
Rise and Shine.



Rise and Shine!


Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions



We don’t want no war no more
bring our boys home to our shores
We don’t want big government
Or the Bilderberg group that pays for it
The Federal ID means a police state
And Mr. Jefferson’s rolling in his grave
When our names turn to numbers like 666
According to the gospel on implantable chips


Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions



The Patriot Act took our liberties
And there’s no judge and no jury
Tapping our phones, breaking down our doors
Waging on the people a civil war!
We work 3 jobs and bring home no pay
The IRS takes it all away
And we struggle, slave to pay the rent
So, Ron Paul for President


Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions


Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights
Ron Paul! We’re not gonna give up the fight
Ron Paul! Start a revolution
and break down illegal institutions

Two time PCW Tag Team Champions Republicans Jack and Joe Schmidt walk to the ring led by Ron Paul and Aimee Allen.  Jack holds up a brick and nods in confidence.
Suave: A clear reference to the Schmidt-brick that Jack and Joe hope to drop on the PCW Tag Team champions…and here they come…
*The opening riffs to BTO’s Sledgehammer begin to play*

For days I have tried to forget you
And not care where you are
No matter where you are

But fables are not made from memories
I got to try to find
A way to ease my mind


You’re like a sledgehammer
Clickin’, clickin, on my mind
You’re like a sledgehammer baby
You been beating on my mind

You’re like a sledgehammer
You been sneakin’ all the time, woooow
You’re like a sledgehammer baby
You been beating on my mind

The International Hit Squad comes out.
MATCH #5 FOR THE PCW TAG TEAM TITLE
Jack and Joe Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul and Aimee Allen
vs.

International Hit Squad: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Daniel-San (I) (c) w/Mrs. Miyagi

Golatta and Jack vie for the advantage.  Golatta backs Jack to the corner and tags in Daniel-San.  After reaching a stalemate with Daniel-San, Jack tags in Joe. Golatta tags in and takes him down with a shoulder block.  Joe hits him with a hip toss and dropkick. Golatta regroups on the floor.  Golatta comes back in and lights up Joe with uppercuts. Joe comes back with some chops and Golatta again regroups on the floor.  Jack looks anxious to fight.  He tags in and hits a double back elbow with Joe for one.  Jack delivers a running kick to the chest and Daniel-San breaks the count.  Joe misses a chop allowing Golatta to throw him face first into a boot from Daniel-San.  Jack becomes antsy as he watched Joe be beaten down by the Hit Squad across the ring.  Joe escapes their beating by taking Daniel-San down with a huracanrana, superkicking Golatta, and giving Daniel-San an enzuigiri.
Jack tags in and hits Daniel-San and Golatta with kicks.  Jack escapes a German suplex.  He hits a running forearm and knee strike to Golatta.  Jack follows with a top rope dropkick for two.  Joe nails a flying knee strike to Golatta.  Daniel-San dropkicks Joe to the floor.  Jack headbutts Daniel-San away as he waits on the top rope.  Golatta catches him as he comes off the top rope and Big Swings him into a dropkick from Daniel-San for two.  Daniel-San brings Jack to the floor and kicks his head into the guardrail.  Daniel-San pis him for two.  Joe chops Daniel-San in the back to break a half crab.  Golatta and Daniel-San now isolate Jack from his partner.  Jack leg becomes the Hit Squad’s target.
Jack ducks an elbow allowing Joe to kick Daniel-San from the apron.  Joe tags in.  He kicks Golatta from the apron on the floor.  He comes into the ring with a crossbody to Daniel-San for two.  Joe comes off the second rope with a Codebreaker for two.  He transitions into a half crab.  Golatta breaks the hold.  Joe sends The Hit Squad to the apron. The Schmidt’s knock them down with stereo kicks and follow up with suicide dives.  Jack kicks Golatta in the face on the apron.  Joe double stomps Golatta on the apron.  Daniel-San boots Jack and Jack responds with a sole butt.  Joe double stomps Daniel-San in the back.  The Schmidt’s nail tandem kicks to the head and Golatta breaks the count.  Golatta hits Joe with right cross for two.  Golatta and Joe exchange boots. Golatta hits a pop-up European uppercut and Jack breaks the count.  Jack lights up Golatta in the corner with kicks.  Golatta knocks him and Joe down with clotheslines.
Joe hits an avalanche huracanrana on Golatta.  Jack springboards into Golatta’s U.F.O.  Jack sunset flips to avoid a Ricola Bomb for two.  Jack rolls Golatta into an ankle lock. Daniel-San breaks it.  Golatta stops Jack on the top rope and brings him down with a superplex.  Daniel-San hits a top rope moonsault and Joe breaks the pin.  Daniel-San superkicks Jack for two.  Daniel-San hits a rolling elbow and a cradle suplex and again only gets two.  Jack and Daniel-San exchange strikes.  Daniel-San hits a boot. Jack hits a rolling clothesline for two.  Joe delivers a tiger suplex to Daniel-San.  Daniel-San lands a big boot.  Jack sends Daniel-San to the floor, but then gets cut off by a boot from Golatta.  Joe clotheslines Golatta to the floor.  Joe hits Daniel-San with two superkicks and lands a suplex for two.  The Schmidt’s hit a double team alarm clock on Daniel-San. They follow up with the superkick/German suplex combo and Golatta breaks the count.  Joe and Jack hit a lungblower/powerbomb on Daniel-San for two. Daniel-San blocks a 2k1 Bomb and hits a rolling yakuza kick for two. Daniel-San then hits the Death Blow for two.  Joe tries a few roll-ups and only gets two. Daniel-San tags him with three crane kicks and slaps on the Cattle Mutilation.  That gets Daniel-San the pin at 36:15.
WINNER: The International Hit Squad (I) @ 36:15
Sledgehammer comes on again as the Hit Squad celebrate in the ring.
BACKSTAGE
Back to the closet.  Orlando Sentinel Reporter Scott Powers is still inside and Joe Biden is long gone.
Powers (from inside): “Okay…I think I’ve waited long enough.  Let me out…(he tries to open the door but it’s locked)…very funny.  Unlock the door and let me out…”
REPLAY: PCW WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION- MARCH 2010
PCW Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (I) vs. Khalid-El (AoE)

Suave: “CHISM IS STILL OUTSIDE THE RING!  THE AXIS OF EVIL IS TRIPLE TEAMING TANAKA!”
Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Suave: “IT’S McGILL!  AND CHARLIE BLACKWELL?”
[Dawn McGill, with Singapore Cane in hand, and Dream Wrestling's Charlie Blackwell race down.]
Suave: “Blackwell with a drop toehold on Kang.  He throws him over the top rope.  McGill…HOLY CRAP!  SHE JUST PUNTED VENEZUELA’S TESTICLES TO THE MOON!”
[Blackwell and McGill heave Venezuela over the top rope.  McGill then takes her Singapore cane and starts filleting Khalid-El's back with it.]
Suave: “TANAKA UP!  BLACKWELL ON THE TOP ROPE.  TANAKA SWEEPS THE LEGS; BLACKWELL WITH THE MISSILE DROPKICK- TOTAL ELIMINATION!”
[Tanaka covers.  One...two...three.]
Suave: “KHALID-EL HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!”
Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Suave: “AHMADINEJAD IS NOT HAPPY!  HE’S ARGUING WITH THE REFEREE!  CHISM IS UP!  HE CRAWLS BACK INTO THE RING.  HE GOES FOR THE BODY BLOCK…TANAKA CATCHES HIM IN MID-AIR!  FACEBUSTER!”
[Tanaka climbs the top rope with Chism.]
Suave: “Get the paramedics ready…Tanaka has him set…JAPANESE SUPER DESTROYER!  CHISM IS DOWN.  TANAKA FOR THE PIN…ONE…TWO…THREE! THAT’S IT!”
Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Kimber: “The winner of this match, and the new PCW- Yamamato Tanaka!!!
Crowd: “RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
Suave: “NEW PCW CHAMPION!  NEW PCW CHAMPION!  TANAKA WITH HELP FROM DAWN McGILL AND CHARLIE BLACKWELL, IS YOUR NEW PCW CHAMPION!”
Suave notes it’s been over a year since Tanaka first won the PCW title. Can he do it again tonight?
MATCH #6 FOR THE PCW TITLE

‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D) w/Reika

vs.

‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) (c)

Tanaka and Scott trade holds on the mat, coming to a stand-off.  Scott takes Tanaka down with a headscissors and leg lariat for two.  Scott knocks Tanaka down with a back elbow for two.  Tanaka and Scott trade forearms as the fans cheer on.  Scott wins the exchange and snapmares Tanaka into a running boot.  Tanaka crucifix pins him for two.  Tanaka regroups on the floor.  Scott follows out and eats a sole butt.  Tanaka throws Scott head first multiple times into the barricade.  Scott is busted open as Tanaka chops him.  In the ring, Tanaka vigorously punches Scott’s open wound.  Tanaka takes pleasure in his chest and hands being covered in Scott’s blood.  Tanaka hits a piledriver.  It looks over already but the crowd is stunned to see…

PCW Hall of Famer ‘Not Just Unbearable…not just untolerable…Justin Sufferable

…run out wielding a Singapore cane.   He makes the save at two.  Now Tanaka turns to Sufferable and both men trade punches. Tanaka puts on a Guillotine choke on Sufferable. Scott kicks him in the head and makes the cover.  Tanaka kicks out at two.  Tanaka punches his wound some more and drops him with a Death Valley Driver.  Tanaka hits a boot in the corner.   He heaves Scott into the second turnbuckle and big boots him for two.  Scott tries a sunset flip for two.  Tanaka hits a knee lift and a forearm strike.  Tanaka hits an enzuigiri and a gut buster for two.  Tanaka boots Scott and hits a Tiger Driver for two.  He transitions into a Boston Crab.  Scott grabs the ropes to escape.
Tanaka tries to give Scott a Tiger Driver from the apron and through a table.  Scott blocks and gives Tanaka a DDT through the table.  Scott brings Tanaka back in and pins him for two.  Tanaka and Scott exchange chops.  Scott hits a superkick and a clothesline for two. Scott victory rolls Tanaka for two.  He hits another DDT and Tanaka grabs the bottom rope to break the count.  Scott slaps on the Dragon Sleeper but Tanaka escapes and hits a backbreaker for two.  Tanaka hits a second for another two.  Scott rolls up Tanaka for two.  Tanaka suplexes Scott into a back breaker and drags the PCW Champion up to the top rope.  Again, Justin Sufferable whacks Tanaka in the back with the Singapore cane.  This time, Reika comes in a hits the Tiger Driver on Sufferable.  Tanaka executes the Super Japanese Destroyer and we have a new PCW Champion at 25:00.
WINNER AND NEW PCW CHAMPION: Yamamoto Tanaka (D) @ 25:00
The referee hands Tanaka the belt and raises his hand.  Tanaka is now a three time PCW Champion.
BACKSTAGE
Orlando Sentinel
Reporter Scott Powers is still stuck inside the closet.  A janitor walks by and ignores the banging on the closet door.  He switches off the light and everything goes black.
Powers (from inside): “Hello?   Hello!…”

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