Monday, November 15, 2010

Lisa Murkowski vs. Joe Miller 2, Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub: 11/15 PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW Extreme Political TV (1 hr)
The Former ECW Arena
Philadelphia, PA
Monday November 15th (Taped Monday November 8th)
Hosted by Johnny Suave

Suave is in the ring at the Sullivan Arena in Anchorage Alaska. He reviews the Lisa Murkowski-Joe Miller-Scott McAdams match from PCW Extreme Election Night 2010 and announces that the rematch will take place live in 30 minutes.
MATCH #1- PCW Television Title Match
Jordan Metzger (D)
vs.

Ken Worth- The American Trucker (American Heartland) (c) w/

VALET: Tequila Sheila
End Match Summary
…Metzger gets a school boy for two.  Worth hits a drop toe hold onto a chair and busts Metzger wide open.  He rolls through for a sunset flip.  Cover.  1…2…Metzger gets the shoulder up.  Worth with a knee to the gut and punches away.  He covers again…1…2…

Road Rage Randy (Triple R)  (D)
…Triple R pulls Worth off.  He springs over the TV Champion and hits an arm drag takedown.   Triple R then kicks at Worth’s arm over and over.  The crowd roars when…

Yamamoto Tanaka and Reika Kisaurgi (D)
…when Tanaka and Reika sprint down to the ring.  Tanaka charges right at Triple R and starts throwing bombs at him.  He gets a double underhook and lifts up Triple R and crotches him on the top rope.  From the top rope, Reika missile dropkicks Triple R to the floor.  Democrat leaders Tim Kaine and Steny Hoyer race down to break up the fracas.
Worth off the top rope with a flying elbow and rolled up Metzger for another two count.  Worth electrifies the crowd with a Burning Hammer and a slingshot senton.  Worth with a school boy and gets a two count.  Tequila Sheila nails Metzger upside the head with a blender shot from the apron and Worth hits the Jake Brake for the three count at 11:01.
WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Ken Worth- The American Trucker (American Heartland) @ 8:42

Kaine and Hoyer continue to attempt to separate Triple R and Tanaka as they brawl up the aisle.  Suave notes that the Democrats will need to work on some TLC for former 2-time PCW Champion Tanaka as it was a Democrat who cost him the title.
Backstage, Cecil Newton…

Cecil and Auburn QB Cam Newton
…meets with PCW representatives about bringing his son, Auburn quarterback Cam Newton to a PCW show.  Newton informs the rep that there’s no way that his son would set foot at a PCW event for less than a half a million dollars.  In fact, Cecil Newton wants his parking paid for and a generous stipend for coming to a bingo hall in Philadelphia to negotiate.  Newton demands payment and then…
*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop’ blares*

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot
Suave goes nuts as the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot races down to the ring with Boise State quarterback Kellen Moore and TCU quarterback Andy Dalton.  Suave notes that it’s Boise and TCU who will probably get screwed out of this whole affair.  WTF grabs Newton by the throat, lift, chokeslam.  Moore and Dalton spray paint their respective team names on Newton.
Back in the ring, ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove…

Karl Rove (R)

…points to his temple to make sure everyone realizes that he’s a freakin’ genius.  Rove says he meant every word he said about the Tea Party not being very sophisticated.  He adds that the ‘country club set’ of the Republican side is very unhappy about the fact that Dick Cheney, a man with a serious heart condition, was booked to face the new PCW Champion Jill Berg (R)…

PCW Champion Jill Berg (R)

…tonight.  Then Rove hawks former PCW CEO George W. Bush’s new book, Decision Points.
Cut to backstage, the Democrats who’ve been provided copies of W’s book throw it in a pile and then set fire to it.
MATCH #2- PCW Title Match

Dick Cheney (R)

vs.

Jill Berg (R) (c) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb

End Match Summary
…Berg with a grounded headlock.  ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove and W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad (‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Andrew Card, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer) finally act.  Card and Fleischer get into the ring and shove Berg off of Cheney.  Perino pushes Berg out of the ring while Dick gets up and staggers to the corner.  Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps in and decks Card, Perino, and Fleischer with a series of shoulder blocks.  Rove motions to the back for help.  Daisy heads up quickly to the top turnbuckle when…

Big Oil
…Big Oil, Big Electric, and Kirk Walstreit run in and push Daisy off the top rope through a table just outside the ring.  And now it’s on.  The crowd stands and cheers when…

‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) and the ‘Delaware Diva’ Christine O’Donnell (R)

…lead the Tea Party (‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness Andrea Doria, Nic Koteen, Average Joe, NRA, Al Cahall, Grizzly Adam, and Hunter the Hunter) down to the ring.  Koteen hits a missile dropkick on Walstreit.  Big Electric charges Average Joe and somehow Joe’s able to backdrop the big guy to the floor from the ring apron! Suave:  “HOLY CRAP!”
Big Oil sends NRA and Cahall into the steel steps and then drops Grizzly Adam over the guardrail.  Republican leaders Michael Steele and Eric Cantor frantically climb into the ring and try to quell the battle.   Big Oil throws Hunter the Hunter over the guardrail and plays to the crowd booing as he takes too much time.  Palin sneaks in from behind and cracks Big Oil across the back with her hockey stick.  Big Oil turns and grabs Palin by the neck and then Christine O’Donnell connects with a huge elbow to his nether regions.  Average Joe follows with a chairshot to Big Oil and drops him.
WINNER: No contest @ 3:40
Suave then introduces a special edition of Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub- live from Bangkok, Thailand where he’s filming a cameo role in the upcoming flick The Hangover 2.

Bill Clinto
n (D)
Clinton lounges in the hot tub and welcomes everyone to another edition of ‘Bill Clinton’s Hot Tub.  He’s relaxing after shooting his cameo.  Clinton asks if anyone gets the irony of him being in a hot tub in a city called Bangkok?  ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin was supposed to be his guest to discuss her latest book, but apparently she now has her own reality show on TLC.   Clinton was hoping that two of the stars in The Hangover II, Juliette Lewis and Jamie Chung, were going to stop over for a few minutes.
After a few minutes of rambling on about the state of the country, Clinton asks one of his aides about Juliette and Jamie coming on to the show.  The aides scurry about and in the end, the only one they can dredge up is…

Keith Olbermann
Clinton is notably deflated at the prospect of sharing a hot tub with Olbermann.  Keith climbs in and they discuss his recent suspension from MSNBC.  Clinton: “Staffers use phrases like “scorched-earth policy” and “totally narcissistic response” to describe how you’ve dealt with criticism of your political donations.”  Olbermann replies he feels misunderstood and unfairly singled out.  Yet he’s buoyed by a wave of support from his liberal fans, who view him as a courageous champion for their cause.
An aide comes up to Clinton and whispers something in his ear.  Clinton smiles and tries to wrap up the interview but Olbermann keeps going on.  He complains that management doesn’t understand that his personal problems was  affecting his work and that’s why he looked angrier on the air.  Clinton politely agrees and again tries to wrap things up so Juliette Lewis and Jamie Chung can join him in the hot tub.
But Olbermann continues on.  he laments that some of his own team confronted him and said that his actions had hurt the network and the incoming bosses at Comcast, which will soon close a deal to buy NBC from General Electric, who are a more buttoned-down crowd than he’s been working with.  Clinton nods and again tries to end the interview with Lewis and Chung in the wings but Olbermann keeps going on and on and on…
Suave comes back on and he feels Bill Clinton’s pain.   Murkowski v. Miller- next.
———————
Championship Wrestling Council- Episode 12
Live from the Middle of Nowhere Arena, NV
November 27th, 2010
Match 1
Pure Challenge – CWC Showcase Championship
Alexia(c) (VWF) vs. Tweeder (PWX)
– Tweeder makes his long awaited CWC debut against the sultry Showcase Champion.
Match 2
Fatal 6 Way – CWC Turkey Bowl
Joey K vs. Trey Willett (SHOOT) vs. Scott DiBiase (VWF) vs. Aaron Rupp (TGW) vs. Alex Brooks (SHOOT) vs. TD Alexander (VWF)
– The first ever CWC turkey bowl, the name of the game is not losing. The winner earns a $10,000 purse, while the loser becomes the CWC turkey!
Match 3
Single – CWC Hardcore Championship
Jeremiah Belmont (PWX) vs. Brandon Watkins (PWR)
– Brandon Watkins was victorious over Belmont at Destiny, can he strike twice, this time for gold?
Match 4
Tag Team – #1 Contenders Match
Alexander StarrZoe and Devon Chaney (PrYde) vs. Lucy Johnson and First Degree (CWA)
– In our first of two #1 Contendership matches tonight, Lethal Attraction takes on Starr and The Rage.
Match 5
Single – No DQ
Typhoon Vance (VWF) vs. Black Death w/MDK (PWR)
– At Destiny, MDK screwed Typhoon Vance in his match. Now Vance looks for revenge, but first he has to go through MDK’s partner, AND one of the ninja’s…Black Death
Pre-Main Event
Single – CWC North American Championship
Thatcher Rex (X3) vs. Emma McIntyre (CWA)
– Emma McIntyre makes her long awaited return to CWC, and she hopes to make it a victorious one.
Main Event
Triple Threat – Special Referee – #1 Contendership
Tyler Graves (VWF) vs. Rick Rampage vs. Cobra (6CW)
Special Referee: Jinx
– Three men vying for some World Championship action have to go through each other…and the Champ, who is the referee. Will Jinx call it down the middle? Or will he simply hand select his opponent himself?
———————————–
Lisa Murkowski is already in the ring as Kimber Marshall…

Kimber Marshall
…does the ring introductions. 


Lisa Murkowski (I)

Kimber- Her opponent is in the red corner tonight.  Representing the Republicans- JOE MILLER!

Joe Miller (R)

Suave – We are live at the Sullivan Arena in Anchorage, Alaska for tonight’s rematch between Lisa Murkowski and Joe Miller.  Miller is looking for a little revenge after Murkowski defeated him at PCW Extreme Election Night 2010.
The bell rings.
Murkowski runs right out with a knee to the gut of Miller.
Suave- Lock-up attempt by Miller…he hammers Murkowski down with forearm shots to the back.
Big forearm uppercuts from Miller in the corner.  He lays in more big forearms before following that up with some knife-edge chops.  Miller whips Murkowski across into the corner.
Suave- Miller sends Murkowski for the ride…Murkowski flips over a backdrop attempt and…
Murkowski drops Miller with a dropkick to the groin.
Suave- Murkowski low-bridges him!
Miller fights back to his feet and stops the momentum with a knee to Murkowski’s gut.
Suave- Miller catches Murkowski coming in…rolling Russian legsweep by Miller… into a modified backbreaker!
Crowd- PCW!…PCW!…PCW!
Suave- Nice combo from Joe Miller there!  He starts laying in the boots to Murkowski, now…into the ropes…short elbowdrop by Miller.  Cover…he’ll get just a one-count.
Murkowski with a shot to the gut and another, but Miller cuts her off with a knee to the head.
Suave- Big boot by Miller knocks Murkowski against the second rope.  Miller chokes Murkowski across the rope.
Miller talks to the crowd.
Suave- Bad idea.  He can’t give Murkowski time to recover like that.  They trade forearm strikes.  Miller with a whip into the corner…he catches Murkowski coming out with a Bulldog.
Miller whips her to the other side and drops Murkowski with a sidewalk slam.
Suave- Cover….1…………..2………..Murkowski kicks out!
Miller argues about the count.  He tries to whip Murkowski into the corner, but she  reverses it and hits a big boot to the face.
Suave- Murkowski on the offense now.  Boot to the gut…spinning neckbreaker off the ropes!   Murkowksi fires up the crowd and blocks a right hand from Miller!  She whips him into the ropes…back elbows by Murkowski…BIG scoop slam!
Murkowski off the ropes with a HEAVY back senton!! 1………….2………….
Suave- NO!  Miller barely gets a shoulder up!  Murkowski whips Miller into the ropes…Miller ducks the clothesline…HUGE MODIFIED POWERBOMB BY MILLER!!
Crowd- RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Suave- Cover…1……………..2……………..NO!  Murkowski rolls the shoulder just in the nick of time!

Big Oil
And here comes Big Oil with a chair followed by Big Electric, Kirk Walstreit, and Rough Justice- D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired for their extreme brand of law enforcement.
Suave- IT’S THE REPUBLICAN ESTABLISHMENT!
Big Oil throws the chair at Miller’s head.  Thrust kick off the top by Walstreit.  All three now stomping Miller in the corner.
Suave- FOUR AGAINST ONE!  Walstreit holds the chair…
Murkowski dropkicks the chair into Miller’s face.
Crowd- PCW!  PCW!  PCW!
W’s Image Rehab and Truth Squad (‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove, Andrew Card, Dana Perino, Ari Fleischer with Dick Cheney) walk to the ring and look very pleased.
Rove points to his temple again to make sure everyone knows that he’s a friggin’ genius.
Suave- Miller rolls to the outside. Baseball slide to the outside by Murkowski.
Miller jumps at her.  She moves and Miller lands throat first on the guardrail.
Suave- HOLY CRAP!
Murkowski grabs a chair and blasts Miller in the back with it.  Big Oil and Big Electric hold Miller up…Murkowski nails him again with the chair.

PCW Champion Jill Berg, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, and Christine O’Donnell

Suave- HERE COMES THE TEA PARTY!
Berg, Daisy, Palin, and O’Donnell race out with…

‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria

Average Joe
…and Nic Koteen, NRA, Al Cahall, Grizzly Adam, and Hunter the Hunter.

Suave- HERE WE GO!
Rough Justice starts tasering everyone in sight.

Suave- DOWN GOES NIC KOTEEN!  DOWN GOES AL CAHALL!  DOWN GOES GRIZZLY ADAM!
Card, Perino, and Fleischer brawl with Palin, O’Donnell, and Berg.
D.B. Ruff grabs Daisy Cutter-Bomb.  Connor Justice goes to tase her…Daisy moves and Ruff gets tased by mistake.
Suave- Daisy has Justice up…DAISY CUTTER-POWERBOMB THROUGH THE BELL TABLE!
Crowd- PCW!  PCW!  PCW!
Suave- THEY’RE STILL BRAWLING OUTSIDE THE RING.  MURKOWSKI AND MILLER ARE BACK IN THE RING AND THE WEAPONS HAVE COME OUT!
Murkowski is beating Miller with a trash can lid.  Miller lifts Murkowski and crotches her on the guardrail.
Suave- Miller sets up a chair in the corner.  OH!  TRASH CAN SHOT BY MURKOWSKI!…AND ANOTHER!
Sarah Palin climbs into the ring.
Suave- SARAH PALIN IN THE RING!
Murkowski turns and clocks Palin with a trash can shot.
Suave- HOLY CRAP!
Murkowski sidewalk slams Palin onto the trash cans.  Miller hits Murkowski in the head with a cooking sheet.  Big Oil hits Miller with a kendo stick.
Suave- YOW!
Chin lock by Big Oil on Miller.  The referee tries to get him out of the ring.  Jill Berg climbs into the ring and she has a special surprise for Big Oil.
Suave- THE PCW CHAMPION IN THE RING!  SHE’S GOT ONE OF THE TASERS…HOLY CRAP!  SHE JUST TASED BIG OIL!
Miller fights out.  Rakes Murkowski’s eyes.  Murkowski fights off the chokeslam and runs the ropes.
Suave- Crossbody by Murkowski!  Cover…NO!  Miller out at two.
Elbow in the corner by Murkowski and she throws Miller head first into the chair.  Murkowski puts a chair on top of Miller and goes to the top rope.
Suave- AIR MURKOWSKI ON THE WAY!  BIG LEG DROP ON MILLER!
Murkowski hooks the legs…one…two…Miller kicks out at 2.8.   Murkowski pulls Miller up.  She crotches him on the top and Miller is tied to the tree of woe.
Suave- Oh no.  Murkowski has the kendo stick.
Murkowski hits Miller in the nuts.
Suave- HOLY CRAP!
Miller tumbles off the turnbuckle into a crumpled heap.
Suave- MILLER’S NOT MOVING MUCH!  WHAT’S MURKOWSKI DOING?
Murkowski leaves the ring and grabs something from underneath the ring.  Then she comes back in.
Suave- WHAT THE- PLIERS?  SHE’S GOT A PAIR OF PLIERS?  WHAT DOES SHE NEED WITH A PAIR OF PLIERS?
Murkowski clamps the pliers on Miller’s balls.
Crowd- HOLY #$#$!  HOLY $#$#!…
Suave- HOLY CRAP!
The referee calls for the bell.
Suave- THAT’S IT!  BUT MURKOWSKI’S NOT LETTING UP.
She bats the referee away and keeps the pliers clamped on.  Sarah Palin, bleeding from a cut above the eye, jumps in and picks up the kendo stick.
Suave- THE ALASKAN PITBULL’S BACK IN THE RING!  *THWACK* HOLY CRAP!  SHE JUST FILETED MURKOWSKI’S BACK.  *THWACK*  ANOTHER KENDO SHOT!  IT’S BEDLAM HERE IN ANCHORAGE!  LISA MURKOWSKI GETS THE WIN!  THAT’S ALL FOR TONIGHT!  I’M JOHNNY SUAVE AND WE’LL SEE YOU AFTER THANKSGIVING!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Jill-Berg New PCW Champion- Extreme Election Night Recap

Republican Jill-Berg…

Jill Berg
…stunned PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka…

Yamamoto Tanaka
…in forty-one seconds to become the first woman to win the PCW Title late last night at Extreme Election Night 2010.
The match itself was held up for forty-five minutes last night for some unknown reason.  Berg waited patiently in the ring with her personal bodyguard Daisy Cutter-Bomb…

Daisy Cutter-Bomb (R)
…and her security detail until Tanaka finally came out looking as if he’d been hit by a truck.   It was clear from the outset that something had taken place in the back before the match from the sluggish manner Tanaka moved in the ring.  Jill-Berg hit a couple spinning heel kicks to the legs and then put a sleeper hold on the 350 pound Tanaka that sealed the deal.
Post match, Triple R…

Road Rage Randy (Triple R) (D)
…and the ‘One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism along with ‘The Genius’ Stephen Hawking…

Stephen Hawking
…came out and took responsibility for attacking Tanaka in his dressing room prior to the match.  Both men wanted to take him out because defeating Berg would be much easier and demanded a title shot at the next PCW show on November 15th.
We’ll have more on this story as it develops…
The recap of last night’s PPV (winners in bold):
Delaware: Chris Coons (D) vs. Christine O’Donnell (R)
Alaska: Joe Miller (R) vs. Scott McAdam (D) vs. Lisa Murkowski (I)
Ohio: Lee Fisher (D) vs. Rob Portman (R)
Florida: Charlie Crist (I) vs. Marco Rubio (R) vs. Kendrick Meek (D)
Pennsylvania: Pat Toomey (R) vs. Joe Sestak (D)
Kentucky: Rand Paul (R) vs. Jack Conway (D)
Connecticut: Richard Blumenthal (D) vs. Linda McMahon (R)
California: Carly Fiorina (R) vs. Barbara Boxer (D)
Nevada: Harry Reid (D) vs. Sharron Angle (R)
Also:
PCW Tag Team Title Match: The Kings of Old School: Ricky Michaels/Marty Lane (D) vs. The International Hit Squad: Andy Golatta and Daniel-San (I)
PCW Title Match: Jill-Berg (R) vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
If Berg wins, she will become the first woman ever to be the PCW Champion.  But the road will be perilous.  The National Organization of Women want to stop her.  Does the 95 pound Berg have a sniff of a chance against the 350 pound PCW Champion?
Nancy Pelosi was fired as the Leader of the PCW Competition Committee.

AND Charlie Blackwell (I-American Heartland) got married.

Harry Reid vs. Sharron Angle, Murkowski vs. Miller vs. McAdams: 11/2 PCW Extreme Election Night 2010- Part 5

BACKSTAGE
Harry Reid (D-Nevada) exits his dressing room and slowly makes his way down the hall.
Suave- Harry Reid is wrestling for his job tonight.  Nancy Pelosi was fired earlier in the evening.  Reid could suffer the same fate if he does not defeat Sharron Angle here tonight.

Harry Reid (D)
vs.

Sharron Angle (R-Nevada)

End Match Summary
…Angle tries to go up and over.  Reid catches her and throws her to the outside…her face hits the steps!
Suave- Both Angle and Reid have thrown everything but the kitchen sink at each other.
Back inside, Reid with a series of rights and a flying forearm, then a side slam. Reid wants the body slam…he connects 1…2…no. Reid whips Angle into the ropes…Lou Thesz Press?   1…2…2.89!   Spinning Tombstone by Reid…got it! 1…2…3!
WINNER: Harry Reid (D-Nevada) @ 8:23
Suave- We’ll I’ll be…Reid pulls it off and keeps his job.  We’ve got the big Alaska showdown and the PCW title match coming up next.
Kimber in the ring for the next match.
Kimber- Our next match is a three-way dance.  From the great State of Alaska, in the white corner, Independent- LISA MURKOWSKI!

Lisa Murkowski (I)

Kimber- Her opponent is in the red corner tonight.  Representing the Republicans- JOE MILLER!

Joe Miller (R)

Kimber- And their opponent in the blue corner, Democrat SCOTT McADAMS!

Scott McAdams (D)
Suave- Well?  This one could be very interesting.
The referee tries to give the wrestlers some instructions about the match but Murkowski apparently heard them before so she hits Miller in the nuts.
Suave- And we’re off…
The bell rings.  To the floor they go.  Miller Russian leg sweeps Murkowski into the barricade.
Suave- That’ll screw up your complexion.  Kick to the head by Miller.  He’s got someone’s glass of beer.
Miller piefaces Murkowski with the beer.
Suave- Seems like a waste of a perfectly good glass of beer.
Back inside the ring, McAdams just watches.
Miller props a chair in the corner of the barricade.  He tries to whip Murkowski, she’s reverses it and Miller goes head first into the chair.   Murkowski rams Miller into the barricade and spits in his face.  She takes someone’s can of pop and smacks Miller with the can.
Suave- And Miller’s busted open.
Murkowski sets up two chairs on the floor and tries to suplex Miller onto them. Miller counters and gets the drop toehold into the chairs!  Murkowski staggers up and gets blasted with a chair shot.
Suave- HOLY CRAP!
Miller pulls a bloodied Murkowski up and whips her into the steps. She finally rolls into the ring.
Suave- MURKOWSKI IS BUSTED OPEN BIG TIME!
Miller stomps on her.  Then he sets up a chair.  Miller sends Murkowski for the ride, she reverses and drop toeholds Miller into the chair with a sickening whack!
Suave- HOLY CRAP!
Murkowski grabs a sign from the crowd.  She blasts Miller with it.  Now she throws the sign down and grabs Miller by the head.
Suave- BULLDOG ON THE SIGN!
Murkowski pulls him up again and bulldogs Miller on to the sign a second time.  She goes to the outside and fetches a ladder!
Suave- Oh, no, no, no…
Murkowski puts the ladder up over the top rope and goes to the ring apron.  Miller drags himself up.  Murkowski jumps to the floor and the ladder slingshots up and slams into Miller’s jaw.  Ow.
Suave- HOLY CRAP!  I THINK MILLER’S GOING TO NEED TO ACTIVATE HIS DENTAL PLAN AFTER THAT!
Murkowski doesn’t cover.  Instead, she hangs Miller in the tree of woe.  Then she climbs up the turnbuckle and stands on his nuts.
Suave- OW!  OW!  OW!
Murkowski puts the sign in front of Miller’s face.  She steps back and hits the basement dropkick into the sign.  Miller slides off the turnbuckle and melts into the mat.
Suave- Murkowski has Miller in la la land.  She goes for the cover…one…two…NO!

‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R)
Suave- IT’S THE ALASKAN PITBULL, SARAH PALIN!  SHE JUST KILLED MURKOWSKI WITH A HOCKEY STICK SHOT.
Hockey stick shot number two to Murkowski from Palin. Hockey stick shot to McAdam’s (remember him?) back by Palin.  Palin creams Murkowski with a trash can lid and then blasts her with a Teflon Skillet shot.  McAdams gets up and Palin piefaces him with the skillet.  The referee finally gets Palin out of the ring.
Suave- Murkowski is down.  Miller is down.  McAdams is down.  How the hell is this going to end?
Miller is the first to move.  He crawls over to McAdams and covers him.
Suave- MILLER!  ONE…TWO…THREE!
ELIMINATED: Scott McAdams (D)
Suave- NOW, CAN HE MAKE IT OVER TO MURKOWSKI?
Miller pulls himself up and stumbles towards Murkowski.  Out of nowhere, Murkowski’s up and she spears Miller.
Suave- GORE!  GORE!  GORE!
Palin tears towards the ring  Murkowski hooks the leg.  One…two…three.
Suave- MURKOWSKI PULLS IT OFF!
Palin’s too late to save Miller.  But she and Murkowski start up again.
WINNER: Lisa Murkowski (I) @ 12:33
Murkowski and Palin brawl all the way to the back.

Pat Toomey vs. Joe Sestak, Blackwell’s Wedding: 11/2 PCW Extreme Election Night- Part 4

PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) warms up in his dressing room.
Suave- The PCW Champion getting ready for his title defense tonight against Jill-Berg.  Also tonight, PCW Tag Team Champions The Kings of Old School (D) put their belts on the line against the International Hit Squad (I).  Paige McGillicutty has the Kings backstage.  Paige?
Backstage, Paige McGillicutty has Ricky Michaels and Marty Lane aka The Kings of Old School with her.
Paige- Ricky, you have a tough one tonight against the-
Ricky- Hold it, Paige.  We all know why you’re out here.
Paige- You…do?
Marty- You’re out here to apologize in advance for the International Hit Squad and the colossal ass-kicking they’re about to receive.
Ricky- Instead, I think you should apologize for you bad taste in men, music and hair extensions.
Paige- Excuse me?
Marty- No, no.  She is here to say that everyone in the building knows that the International Hit Squad are nothing more than a flash in the pan, brainless, laughable, half witted, uninspired, frog faced losers.
Ricky- Are you a frog face loser, Paige?
Paige just shoots a glare at Ricky.
Marty- ARE YOU? ARE YOU? ARE YOU?  Well, I’ve been hearing all this stuff about how the Republicans are going to win this and that and these International Hit Squad title belt wearing wannabes.  Listen, let’s get a couple things straight.  The Cincinnati Bengals suck.  The Detroit Lions suck.  And the Cleveland Browns aren’t going to the super bowl anytime soon because they are losers.
Ricky- And they suck.  The International Hit Squad is the furthest thing from awesome that PCW has ever seen.  And, they’re ugly.
Marty- Let’s go Ricky.  This interview sucks too.
The Kings of Old School depart.
——————–
Suave- Well?  I guess that pretty much sucked.  All right, there’s been a slight delay in the Charlie Blackwell wedding so we’re going to go ahead with the next match.  Back to you, Kimber Marshall.
Kimber raises the microphone to speak.
Kimber- Our next match is a one fall, thirty minute time limit.  In the blue corner, from the Keystone State- Pennsylvania, representing the Democrats- JOE SESTAK!

Joe Sestak (D-Pennsylvania)
Kimber- And his opponent in the red corner, Republican- PAT TOOMEY!

Pat Toomey (R-Pennsylvania)
Suave- Toomey versus Sestak for Arlen Spector’s old spot.
The bell rings and Toomey and Sestak lock up.  Sestak takes Toomey down with a deep arm drag.
Suave- Arm drag takedown by Joe Sestak.  Toomey’s right back up and both men circle each other.
Toomey gets the single-leg takedown.
Suave- Single leg takedown by Toomey…but Sestak regains control…and he locks in an arm ringer.  Now he drags Toomey to the ropes…and wraps his arm around the rope and wrenches away on it.
Sestak gets a head lock on Toomey.
Suave- Sestak now with a head-…roll-up pin…no.  Toomey kicks out.  Now Sestak with a backslide…no.  Another two count as Toomey just kicks out and now another roll-up…one…two…no!…this time, Toomey gets a shoulder up.
Sestak pulls Toomey and hits a drop kick.
Suave- Sestak with the cover…one…two…AGAIN, TOOMEY KICKS OUT!  Joe Sestak has started very aggressively in this match.
Toomey pokes Sestak in the eyes and regains control.  He pounds away on Sestak in the corner.  Toomey for a face wash in the corner.  Sestak gets back to his feet and connects with a drop kick.
Suave- Good action back and forth.  And now, we’ve got a brawl in the ring.
Toomey and Sestak maul at each other in the middle of the ring.  Sestak connects with a springboard cross-body.
Suave- Sestak hooks the legs…no…another two count.  Sestak hits the ropes, but…watch out…Toomey just dropped him with a spinning back elbow.
Toomey pulls Sestak back to his feet and rips at the face.  He rakes the back and drops Sestak with a knee to the gut.
Suave- Toomey getting rough…he’s got Sestak up…exploder suplex!  Cover…two count.  Toomey sends Sestak for the ride…overhead belly-to-belly suplex…cover…another two count.
Toomey delivers a knee to the face and then snaps him with a neck breaker.  He covers…again, Sestak out at two.  Toomey kicks Sestak in the head, but Sestak fights back with a volley in the corner.  Toomey goes low with a kick and Sestak goes down in the middle of the ring.
Suave- Hello!  Toomey with a top rope swinging DDT…NO!  Sestak slips out and scores with a top rope missile drop kick!…now a hurricanrana…Sestak is on fire…kick to the head…Toomey’s down.  Sestak covers.  Two count.   Now what he doing?  Sestak is climbing to the top rope.
Sestak goes for a splash, but Toomey rolls out of the way.
Suave- No one home!  Toomey pulls Sestak up…chop to the chest and you could hear that slap very clearly.  A second chop by Toomey.  He sets…DIAMOND CUTTER!  DIAMOND CUTTER BY PAT TOOMEY.  HE COVERS…ONE…TWO…I DON’T BELIEVE IT!  SESTAK KICKED OUT!
Toomey can’t believe it either and has words with the referee.
Suave- Toomey’d better start paying attention to the match.
Sestak trips Toomey and rolls him up.
Suave- ROLL UP BY SESTAK…NO!
Toomey gets the shoulder up at two.  Sestak goes up top for a split-leg moonsault.
Suave- Here he goes…NO!  TOOMEY GOT THE KNEES UP!  TOOMEY GRABS SESTAK…SCORPION DEATH DROP!  GOOD NIGHT…ONE…TWO…THREE!
WINNER: Pat Toomey (R) @ 10:47
Suave- THE REPUBLICANS CONTINUE TO PILE UP THE WINS HERE AS PAT TOOMEY HOLDS OFF JOE SESTAK.
———————
Backstage

Mrs. Miyagi

Mrs. Miyagi doesn’t look very happy, but smiles to make the fans cheer.
Mrs. Miyagi- Mrs. Miyagi heard the things that Ricky Michaels and Marty Lane said earlier.   Let’s get this straight.  I don’t think there’s a tag team in PCW that can beat the ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Daniel-San when they are at their best.   BUT, if someone did defeat us, even tonight, we wouldn’t be happy, but we could accept it.  Why, because we respect the sport.  We respect PCW.  Tonight, Golatta and Daniel-San will  join an elite group of people who’ve worn the PCW Tag Team Title Belts.  Michaels and Lane…stop us if you can.
———————-
Suave- Well?  I guess it’s that time.  The wedding party has assembled in the ring and now we’re just waiting for the ceremony to begin.  Inside the ring is one Charlie Blackwell…

Charlie Blackwell (I-American Heartland)

…standing next to his best man and tag team partner, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido
An organ plays a fanfare.  Blackwell and Escondido turn around and face the aisle.
Suave- Here we go…
‘The Wedding March’ plays as Kenzie Blair…

Kenzie Blair
…is escorted down the aisle by Tequila Sheila…

Tequila Sheila
Kenzie is dressed in a white wedding dress and looks radiant as she walks up onto the stage of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon. 
Suave- Okay.  They’ve got the bride and the groom.  Where’s the pastor?
A trumpet fanfare interrupts Suave followed by a dense, layered note on a synthesizer.
Announcer- Ladies and gentlemen.  I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the gods and all-father of creation.  He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day.  He is the great, fiery globe in the sky who is usually a welcome, nurturing presence and to honor the season.  He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the ’50s.  And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego’s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends.  But that’s not important.
Suave- RAH?
A bright spotlight illuminates a door in the back.
Announcer- Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight.  I give to you…the God of Sunshine…RAAAAAAAAH!
Nine bikini-clad, and tanned, females aka the Coppertone Tanning Bikini Team emerge from the door followed by two men carrying a golden sedan chair with a man dressed in long flowing robes.  He’s followed by his minions- Bob Nye, Foot Fetish Guy, Lisa the Disgruntled Grocery Clerk, his new official spokesperson Michelle Hardaway, Missy Andrews, and Happy Mango, children’s show host.  The procession makes its way to the ring where it stops at the ring apron.  Rah then climbs out of his golden sedan chair and stands on the apron.  Two of the bikini girls open the ropes and allow Rah to pass through.
Suave- RAH?  THEY GOT RAH?
Rah moves to the middle of the ring and is surrounded by the Coppertone Tanning Bikini Girls, two golden sedan chair carrying guys, Lisa, Michelle, Nye, Missy, and Happy Mango.  At a signal, his followers drops to their knees and bows to Rah.
Suave- FREAKIN’ RAH?
Rah- SILENCE!  Today, we are here with Rah, the Sun-God, me, to join this man and this woman in the bonds of holy matrimony.  Charlie and Kenzie have asked me, Rah, and so on and so on, to officiate tonight’s ceremony.  So let’s get right down to it.  Do you, Charlie Blackwell, take-
Cindy the Coppertone Tanning Bikini Girl suddenly begins to throw up. 
Bambi- the Coppertone Tanning Bikini Girl- Ewwwwwwww. 
Destiny- the Coppertone Tanning Bikini Girl- She’s been doing that for the past two days.
Rah does not look happy.
Cindy does not look very steady.  Two of the Coppertone girls hold her up.
Cindy- I’m sorry, Rah. 
Rah: Rah is not pleased about this interruption.
Lisa goes over and checks on her.
Lisa the Disgruntled Grocery Clerk- She’s sick, Rah.
Cindy throws up again.
Rah- Rah has noticed that you haven’t felt well…Rah would like to know is going on?
One of the ring techs throws a towel up and Lisa wipes off Cindy’s mouth. 
Cindy- Rah?
Rah- Yes, my child.
Cindy(quietly)- I’m pregnant.
Rah bends down as if he didn’t quite hear what she said.
Rah- Rah is sorry.  Rah didn’t quite understand-
Cindy- I SAID, I’M PREGNANT!
The crowd gasps.
It’s takes a few seconds for Rah’s entourage to follow comprehend what she said.  Then they all turn to Rah.
Rah puts his hands up and backs away.
Cindy: It’s okay, Rah.  It’s not yours. 
Happy Mango- Then who’s is it?
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy meekly raises his hand. 
Happy Mango- No way!
Rah- No way.
Suave- She must have some good looking feet.
Happy Mango: Him?
Rah seems shocked.
Bob Nye-Foot Fetish Guy walks up to Cindy who still doesn’t look very good.
Bob Nye- Cindy.  I promise that I’ll be the best father ever.  Just think of the great looking feet our child will have.
Suave- Ain’t that the truth.
Cindy- Bob, you don’t have to worry about a thing.
Bob Nye- And why is that?
Cindy- Because.  It’s not your baby!
Crowd- WHOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Suave- Okay, this is getting good.
Bob Nye becomes very upset.
Bob Nye- It’s not my baby?
Cindy shakes her head no.
Bob Nye- Then whose is it?
Again, everyone turns to Rah.
Rah- It is NOT Rah’s child!  Stop looking at me.
Suave- If it’s not Bob Nye’s or Rah’s kid…thank God…then who?
Man’s Voice: Come to me, my darling! Come and kneel before Zod!
Rah looks as if he’s seen a ghost.

The Mighty General Zod

2008 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE
Rah- ZOD!
Suave- Oh, you’ve got to be kidding.
To Rah’s great consternation, General Zod, former candidate for President of the United States in 2008, saunters down the aisle.  He climbs through the ropes and goes over to Cindy. 
General Zod- Today begins a new order. Your possessions, your very life, (Zod looks down at her breasts) your huge tracts of land, will gladly be given in tribute to me, General Zod. In return for your obedience, you will enjoy my generous protection.
Rah- Wait!  This simply cannot be true.  You, (points at General Zod) who’s seventy three years old and without your superpowers since Superman II, and her?  (points to Cindy)
General Zod- Yes.  Cindy and I have been exclusive for several weeks now.
Cindy looks sheepishly away.
Cindy- Well?  Not exactly.
The crowd gasps.
Suave- This keeps getting better.
Cindy: I’ve…I’ve been having an affair.
Charlie and Kenzie back up and lean against the ropes.  Both watch this whole thing play out with wonderment.
General Zod- This is mockery and treachery of the highest order. I dare say that I promise swift and ruthless executions of those responsible.
Again, everyone turns to Rah.
Rah- Enough of the looking at Rah.  For the last time, Rah is not the father of her child nor is Rah having an affair with Cindy!
General Zod- General Zod demands to know who!
Lisa the Disgruntled Grocery Clerk steps forward.  Cindy motions her towards her and they passionately kiss each other and make out in the middle of the ring.
Suave- YES!  YES!  HOT LESBIAN ACTION!…oh, sorry.  Well, I can’t believe I’m about to say this but…what will General Zod do?
General Zod slowly and methodically walks over to Lisa and Cindy.  He suddenly grabs both by the hair.
General Zod: General Zod is hardcore!  I’ll take them both!
Rah facepalms himself as Zod pulls Lisa and Cindy to his white haired chest and they both begin to kiss it.
The crowd begins to chant, “ZOD!  ZOD!”
General Zod: Behold my power!  All of you shall kneel before Zod’s mighty intergalactic jackhammer!
Suave- Okay, now I think I’m going to be sick.
General Zod- VOTE FOR ME IN 2012…OR DIE!
Kenzie- HEEEYYYYYYYYY!
Everyone turns to Kenzie.
Kenzie- Are you going to marry us or what?
Rah sheepishly comes forward.
Rah- All right, Kenzie, do you?
Kenzie- Yes.
Rah- Charlie, do you?
Charlie- Hell, yes.
Rah- Then by the power invested in me, blah-blah-blah, man and wife.  Kiss the bride.  This bit’s taken long enough as it is.
Charlie and Kenzie kiss and the crowd cheers.
Suave- So it’s official, Charlie Blackwell and Kenzie Blair are married…
———————
Backstage

Nancy Pelosi (D)
…and Harry Reid…

Harry Reid (D)
…sit in their office.
Pelosi- Well?  This could be it.
Reid- At least you don’t have to wrestle tonight.  Tonight is my last stand.  Hopefully, when all is said and done, the calvary will come for me if I need it.
Pelosi- Harry, it’s a shame that we’re not given the due we deserve for what we’ve done for the country.  I’ve decided if I’m going out, I’m going out big.  If I can help keep the PCW Tag Titles and PCW Title in our camp, then I’ve at least accomplished something tonight.
Reid and Pelosi fist pump.
Reid and Pelosi- Good luck.
—————————-

The International Hit Squad walks to the ring.

The International Hit Squad: Andy Golatta and Daniel-San w/Mrs. Miyagi (I)

Suave- HERE COMES THE INTERNATIONAL HIT SQUAD!
Golatta, Daniel-San, and Mrs. Miyagi climb into the ring.
Kimber- And their opponents, the reigning P-C-W Tag Team Champions, representing the Democrats…RICKY MICHAELS, MARTY LANE…THE KINGS OF OLD SCHOOL!
Suave- AND HERE COMES THE PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, KINGS OF OLD SCHOOL.  THE PCW TAG TEAM TITLE IS ON THE LINE!
Nancy Pelosi also accompanies Michaels and Lane to the ring.
Suave- There’s the bell…Michaels and Daniel-San to start.
Daniel-San drop toe-holds Michaels as he ran across the ring.
Suave- THEY’RE FIGHTING OUTSIDE TOO.
Galatta throws Lane into the barricade and follows with a Yakuza kick.  Michael’s on the floor now.  He hammers Golatta in the back and puts a boot to his throat.
Suave- Double team work on Golatta outside.  Daniel-San down and tosses Lane into the guardrail.  Michaels kicks Daniel-San.  All four men outside the ring.
Daniel-San and Golatta go to shove the Kings head first into the barricade but are blocked.  Running forearms by the Tag Team Champions.  Lane gets shoved into the barricade by Golatta.  Lane dodges a whipped Michaels and gets Daniel-San with chops.  Michaels hits a nice flying crossbody on the Hit Squad.
Suave- Feverish action outside the ring.  The battle goes back and forth.  Michaels back in the ring now…and so is Daniel-San.
Michaels charges Daniel-San in the corner.  Daniel-San side-steps.  Michaels head first into the turnbuckle.  Golatta in the ring now and Michaels is still down in the corner.  Golatta and Daniel-San charge and drive Lane face-first into the corner turnbuckle.  Michaels is up and tries to get the advantage on Daniel-San, but he’s backed into a corner.  Golatta has Lane trapped in another corner.  Golatta winds up with his right hand…
Suave- HEAD’S UP!
Golatta throws a thunderous right hand…that misses…low.
Suave- FOUL POLE!  FOUL POLE!
Lane crumples up in the corner and lays in the fetal position.  Michaels fights out and powerbombs Daniel-San.  Michaels charges Golatta and the Foul Pole winds up again.   Golatta again lands a low shot to the groin and Michaels is bent over.
Suave- HOLY CRAP!  DANIEL-SAN!
Daniel-San takes Michaels’s legs out and launches himself up and over.
Suave- CATTLE MUTILATION!  CATTLE MUTILATION!
Michaels frantically taps out.
Suave- THAT’S IT!  WE’VE GOT NEW PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!
Female voice- WAIT A MINUTE!  WAAAAAIT A MINUTE!
Nancy Pelosi climbs into the ring.
Pelosi- I don’t think so.  Like it or not, I’m still the head of the PCW Competition Committee and I declare this match null and void.
Crowd- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Suave- WHAT?
Pelosi- That’s right!  The Kings of Old School are still the Tag Team Champions and this match never took place!
Crowd- BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Suave- Oh, the crowd is not happy.  This is crap!

The crowd explodes when the owner of PCW, Bubba Jackson…

Bubba Jackson on far left.
…walks out. holding up a piece of paper.
Suave- OH, OH!
Bubba- Just hold on one second, Nancy.  Now, I told you last week that you had one week to convince me that you should stay on as the head of the PCW Competition Committee.
Pelosi- And acting in my capacity as the Leader of the PCW Competition Committee, I am well within my rights to call things as I see fit until you formally remove me from power.  So there’s nothing you can do.
Bubba- Well, actually…there is.
Bubba again holds up the piece of paper.
Bubba- I signed off on your termination papers…dated it…and most importantly, put the TIME on it.  It says here I signed this about fifteen minutes ago- BEFORE you overturned the results of this match.
Crowd- RAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Bubba- So, the new PCW Tag Team Champions are, Andy Golatta and Daniel-San- THE INTERNATIONAL HIT SQUAD!
Crowd- RAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Pelosi fumes and throws a fit.
Bubba- And Nancy, you’re fired!
Crowd- RAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Suave- SHE’S GONE!  PCW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON JUST FIRED NANCY PELOSI!
Crowd- NAH-NAH, NAH, NAH…NAH-NAH, NAH, NAH…HEY, HEY, HEY…GOOD-BYE!
Suave- Back with more after this…
Crowd- NAH-NAH, NAH, NAH…NAH-NAH, NAH, NAH…HEY, HEY, HEY…GOOD-BYE!