Quarterfinals of the Extreme March Mayhem Tag Team Tournament:
#8 GRIZZLY ADAM and HUNTER the HUNTER w/ ‘The Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin (SarahPAC) DEF. #1 A. TOM BOMB and HY DROGEN BOMB w/ ‘The Straight Shootin’ Maverick’ John McCain (McCain’s Marauders) when A-Bomb stepped in Hunter the Hunter's bear trap and tapped out.
#15- DRUNKEN LUCHADORS- THE FLYIN’ MARTINI BROTHERS (Independent) DEF. #7- NEWT TRON BOMB and INCENDIARY BOMB (McCain’s Marauders) when Don Martini passes out on top of Newt Tron Bomb for the pin.
#13- SNAFU and DVD (Dr. Bill’s Island of Misfit Wrestlers) DEF. #5 ‘Extreme Vegan’ BROCK COLE LEE and GREENPETE (Green World Order). SNAFU continues to show that he's learning from watching endless hours of Sabu matches by nailing GreenPete with the Arabian Facebuster to score the upset win.
#3 JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance) DEF. #11 THE DIXIE CHUCKS – Chuck-mily and Chuck-artie w/Chuck-atalie (Progressive Alliance). Guest Color Commentator Bob Knight becomes upset when the Dixie Chuck suplex Jack Schett through the announcer's table. Knight throws a chair and KO's Chuck-mily and Bull Schett clotheslines Chuck-artie to gain the pin.
Quarterfinals of the Extreme March Mayhem Women's Tournament:
#4 MIA MARGARITA (Domination Inc.) DEF. #5 CODE PINK (Progressive Alliance). Mia thrills the crowd...well, mainly the guys...by giving Code Pink the Long Kiss Goodnight before getting the pin.
#1 KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (Domination Inc.) DEF. #8 “Trailer Park Sweetheart’ TANYA HARDY (White Trash Posse) with the Politics of Personal Destruction finisher.
#6 DAISY CUTTER-BOMB (Domination Inc.) DEF #14 DR. ANNABEL LECKTOR aka…Annabel the Cannibal (Independent) by forfeit.
#2 KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen w/Sarah Palin (SarahPAC) DEF. #7 “Queen of All Media” OPAL WINFREE w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom (Progressive Alliance). Jones overcomes the interference of Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy to deliver an Eskimo Pieface to Winfree and advance to the semi-finals.PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: March 31th from the Elmwood High School Gymnasium in Bloomdale, Ohio
HOSTS: Johnny Suave and his life size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain
Crowd: "PCW!...PCW!...PCW!" Suave: "WELCOME TO P-C-W!" Huge cheer from the crowd. Suave: "I'M JOHNNY SUAVE! THIS HOT PIECE OF CARDBOARD IS SHANIA TWAIN. WE ARE LIVE AT THE ELMWOOD HIGH SCHOOL GYMNASIUM AND WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. AS YOU KNOW, SUNDAY NIGHT'S PCW ON P-SPAN WINNOWED THE TAG TEAM AND WOMEN'S TOURNAMENT DOWN TO THE FINAL TWO."
REPLAY FROM PCW ON P-SPAN: MATCH #1- SEMI FINAL #1 OF THE WOMEN'S TOURNAMENT
#6 DAISY CUTTER-BOMB w/Domination Inc. (Domination Inc.) vs. #2 KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen w/'The Alaskan Pitbull' Sarah Palin (SarahPAC)
Kalee came out on fire and controlled the match until Domination Inc. got involved. Kathryn Randall Collins through powder in Jones's face. That prompted 'The Alaskan Pitbull' Sarah Palin to intervene. Palin took a swipe at KRC but was restrained by Rough Justice aka...D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former policemen fired because of their extreme methods of dispensing justice. Rough Justice handcuffed Palin to the ring ropes and Television Reality Show Star Mia Margarita delivered a 'Long Kiss Goodnight' on the Eskimo Queen. Daisy added a Daisy Cutter Power Bomb for good measure and that was that.
WINNER: DAISY CUTTER-BOMB
Post match Domination Inc. CEO 'Sports Entertainment Genius' Mr. McMann entered the ring to gloat over the fact that two Domination Inc. wrestlers were guaranteed to meet Tuesday night for a shot at the PCW Women's title. McMann downplayed the controversy over KRC meeting with Hillary Clinton and declared the Domination Inc. is back. McMann taunted Palin, bringing out the Executive Director of the American Patriots, Michael Steele.
Steele pleaded with McMann to stop. McMann sent the Corporate Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot over and WTF chokeslammed Steele. Mia went over to give The Alaskan Pitbull her own special Long Kiss Goodnight before SarahPAC's Hunter the Hunter and Grizzly Adam along with the PCW Women's champion 'PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl' Tessa Martin cleared the ring.
REPLAY: MATCH #2- SEMI FINAL #1 OF THE TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT
#13 SNAFU and DVD w/Dr. Bill (Dr. Bill's Island of Misfit Wrestlers) vs. #8 GRIZZLY ADAM and HUNTER the HUNTER (SarahPAC)
The Cinderella run of SNAFU and DVD came to a crashing end. DVD crotched himself early in the match attempting a guillotine leg drop on the guardrail and was no factor. Hunter the Hunter whipped SNAFU into the corner and trapped him with the Bear Trap Submission hold. SNAFU tapped out.
WINNER: GRIZZLY ADAM and HUNTER the HUNTER (SarahPAC)
REPLAY: MATCH #3- SEMI FINAL #2 OF THE TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT
#15 DRUNKEN LUCHADORS DAN and DON MARTINI (Independent) vs. #2 JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance)
In a battle of former PCW Tag Team champions, the Schetts looked as if they would cruise easily to victory. Then Domination Inc. hit the ring in the form of the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Mancrush on ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit. Rough Justice again got involved and tasered both Schetts. Dan Martini passed out on Jack to give the Martinis the win.
WINNER: DRUNKEN LUCHADORS DAN and DON MARTINI
Again, 'Sports Entertainment Genius' Mr. McMann walks out. He states the corporation always get their way and tonight that meant bad news for Jack and Bull Schett. McMann knows that pound for pound the Schetts are the best tag team in PCW- but they aren't the smartest. He calls the Martinis 'washed up' and 'irrelevant' and says he'll do what it takes to make sure the Martinis make it to the PCW Tag Team title match on 4/7's PCW Night of Champions.
Suave: And it sets up this match. Over the past few days, the tension between Domination Inc. and former 2 time PCW Women's Champion Kathryn Randall Collins has nearly reached critical mass. It all started with the firing of Quadruple R after PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction.
REPLAY: 3/19-PCW NEWSLINE
Domination Inc. Suite
Quadruple R charges into Mr. McMann’s office. ‘Corporate Enforcer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, former PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, and Rough Justice are also there. Quad R: “YOU!” He lunges at McMann. WTF grabs him and starts for the door. McMann: “Hold on. Let him have his exit interview.” WTF sets him down. Quad R: “I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE #$## THAT WAS ALL ABOUT LAST NIGHT!” Mr. McMann: “Your inability to act as a team player. We gave you chance after chance to win the PCW Title. You wanted to do it on your own and I granted your request. And at the precise moment where the title was there to be won, you lost your composure and took out the referee. You are a liability that I no longer can afford to keep.” Quad R: “YOU PROMISED ME THE PCW TITLE! AND ALL YOU DID WAS HOLD ME BACK.” McMann: “I see. So that’s why you told someone in authority that I had four hired hands coming in at PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction.” Quad R: “What are you talking about?” McMann: “Don’t insult my intelligence. You’re the mole. You sold out Domination Inc. in order to get your preference. You told someone about the hired hands. You betrayed everything we’ve been working for.” Quad R: “LIKE HELL I DID!” McMann: “Really, now? Who else would have done it? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Rough Justice? No. You had the motive. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have plans to finalize for-” Quad R leaps over the desk and drives McMann and his chair backwards. WTF immediately races around the table and grabs Quad R by the neck and yanks him off Mr. McMann. McMann: “GET HIM OUT OF HERE!” WTF drags Quad R towards the exit. Quad R kicks him in the balls and lunges again towards McMann. Enraged, WTF again clutches Quad R’s neck and pulls him back. He puts him in the powerbomb position and turns him towards a glass table. KRC comes over. KRC: “WHISKEY! NO!” WTF stops. McMann climbs over the table and hits Quad R in the chest. WTF lets go and Quad R goes through the glass table.
Suave: PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein later reported that Quad R had significant internal injuries. KRC was very upset about what happened and since then, the relationship between Domination Inc. and KRC has gone downhill quickly. Sunday night, things finally blew apart...let's go back..."
MATCH #1 from 3/29-PCW on P-SPAN Special:
MIA MARGARITA (Domination Inc.) vs.
KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (Domination Inc.)
-Johnny Suave and P-SPAN's Brian Lamb commentating
The rest of Domination Inc. circles the ring. Suave: "Well? I wonder how long this match will go for?" Lamb: "What do you mean?" Suave: "It means that they're both on the same team. Last time, KRC poked Mia in the chest with her finger and won the match." Lamb: "Well she must have a very strong finger." Suave: "Actually, Brian-...ah, never mind." The bell rings and Mia circles around KRC. She stops. KRC pokes her with the finger. Mia just stands there. KRC pokes her again. Mia doesn't fall. KRC pokes her a third time causing Mia to take a step back. But she doesn't go down. Suave: "I KNEW IT!" Lamb: "Knew what? She didn't fall down." Suave: "I just knew that there was something up and Mia might not go down to the fingerpoke of doom and...never mind...LONG KISS GOODNIGHT! LONG KISS GOODNIGHT!" Mia launches herself forward and liplocks KRC. Suave: "KRC STARTS TO FADE!" She drops to one knee, then two. Suave: "MR. McMANN'S IN THE RING!" Mia pulls back and then goes over and holds KRC upright. Mr. McMann gets right in her face. McMann: "Look. I didn't want to do this. You're too good of a wrestler to let go. But, I found out something about you that I can't tolerate- weakness. That's right. Your reaction to what happened to Quadruple R shows weakness. I don't give a damn what happened to him. And as an intregal and important part of this corporation, neither should have you. I can't tolerate weakness in Domination Inc. I wasn't afraid to discharge Quadruple R and I'm certainly not afraid to turn you loose either. Mia! Finish it, NOW!"
Mia bends down and again mashes lips with KRC. KRC's arms and legs go limp. Mia throws her down on the canvas and sticks a foot on her chest. Suave: "I DON'T BELIEVE IT. ONE. TWO. TH-NO! HOLY CRAP! KRC JUST PULLED HER SHOULDER UP AND THEN SWATTED MIA'S LEGS OUT FROM UNDER HER! MR. McMANN CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" Mia hits head first and stays down. KRC motions and a mic is thrown to her. KRC: "Hey Mr. McMann! I've got my own little surprise for you tonight." She pulls off a protective band-aid type strip from her lips. KRC: "I guess Quad R definitely wasn't the mole because he wasn't the one who told me ALL about your little plan tonight." Mr. McMann's face turns flush red. He gestures to the other members of Domination Inc. McMann: "GET HER! TAKE HER OUT NOW!" Daisy Cutter-Bomb hops in the ring. KRC and her start to slug it out. Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the PCW Tag Team Champions, also make a move towards the ring. Walstreit gets clobbered from behind. Suave: "IT'S RAHM-BO...RAHM EMANUEL OF THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE- F-BOMB! EMANUEL DROPS AN F-BOMB ON KIRK WALSTREIT!" Hillary Clinton runs down with the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Paul Begala, and the former PCW Tag Team Champions Jack and Bull Schett. Emanuel F-Bombs both D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice of Rough Justice and chase Corporate Legal Counsel Felcher and Felcher around the ring. Carville and Begala run Mr. McMann and Corporate Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot back to the locker room area. The Schetts go right for Walstreit and Big Oil. Suave: "THERE THEY GO! THE SCHETTS HAVE WAITED A LONG TIME TO GET THEIR HANDS ON THE PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!"
KRC and Daisy continue to brawl. Mia begins to move. She gets up and sneaks behind KRC. Suave: "MIA'S UP! AND KRC DOESN'T SEE HER!" Mia gets ready to pucker up. KRC whirls around, grabs her, and throws her into Daisy Cutter-Bomb. Mia's lips hit Daisy's skin and the drug that causes temporary paralysis takes it effect. Daisy staggers forward. KRC grabs both and sticks their heads underneath her armpits. Suave: "DOUBLE DDT! KRC LIFTS MIA UP! POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION!" KRC covers. 1...2...3.
WINNER: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS
Suave: "HOLY CRAP! WHAT A TURN OF EVENTS! FIRST, DOMINATION INC. TURNS ON KRC. THEN MIA DELIVERS THE LONG KISS GOODNIGHT...BUT KRC IS READY FOR IT. THEN THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE COMING DOWN TO HELP KRC. IS SHE BACK IN THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE?" Hillary Clinton enters the ring and holds KRC's arms up. Suave: "YES! KRC BACK IN THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE. BRIAN! WHAT DO YOU THINK? BRIAN! BRIAN?" Suave looks down. Lamb's fainted and on the floor. Suave: "Apparently, too much girl on girl contact got to him."
American Patriots Infighting Continues...
Insiders within the American Patriots report that Executive Director Michael Steele continues to struggle to bring together the disparate elements of the American Patriots. Steele has enlisted the help of a young American Patriot- Eric Cantor- to help bridge the gap and make the American Patriots relevant again. But with so many strong personalities heading up the various splnter groups, Steele's and Cantor's job could continue to be complicated at best.
McCain's Marauders headed up by 'The Straight Shootin' Maverick' John McCain continue to stay out of the American Patriots. 'The Alaskan Pitbull' Sarah Palin is busy promoting SarahPAC. RINO (Republican in Name Only) just arrived on the scene with Arlen Spector, Olympia Snowe, and Susan Collins and promises to throw another monkey wrench into the mix.
Steele's challenge over the next few months is to find a way to pull the American Patriots back togetherTHE LATEST ON QUADRUPLE R
Quadruple R is now listed in good condition and should be released from the hospital in the next couple days.
W REHABILITATION TEAM FORMS
Suave: "Okay. We're back live here on PCW Extreme Political TV and-" A huge chorus of boos erupts. Suave: "Okay. Ari Fleischer, Dana Perino, and Andrew Card are headed to the ring. Why? I guess we're going to find out shortly." Fleischer takes the mic. Fleischer: "That's fine. Go ahead and boo. We don't care. We've taken harder shots than that. We can take it." Perino: "After the shabby way former PCW CEO George W was treated on his final night here and as a result of the continued cheap shots by certain members of the Progressive Alliance at him, we're here to make clear if we find out that anyone, that means ANYONE, who continues to bash George W. then they're going to have to deal with us." Card: "That's right. George W. continues to take a bad rap after a couple months of being out of office and we're going to set the record straight. You can call us- the W Rehabilitation Team." Card drops the mic and the three leave. Suave: "Okay. It's okay to stick up for your boss...even if he royally screws up- OW! OW! STOP IT! LET GO OF ME.."
MATCH #2- PCW EXTREME MARCH MAYHEM TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT CHAMPIONSHIP
#15 DRUNKEN LUCHADORS DAN and DON MARTINI (Independent) vs.
#8 GRIZZLY ADAM and HUNTER the HUNTER w/'The Alaskan Pitbull' Sarah Palin (SarahPAC)
Suave: "Sunday night, Sarah Palin found herself handcuffed to the ring ropes with Mia Margarita ready to give her the Long Kiss Goodnight SarahPAC's Kalee Jones was taken down by Domination Inc. Tonight, can SarahPAC rebound and gain a shot at the PCW Tag Team Title? Will Domination Inc. interfere in the match?" The Martinis inbibe in their usual pre-match ritual. Both Martini Brothers chug down a bottle of Jack Daniels and then break the bottle over their heads. Suave: “Yes, it’s a little unorthodox. But what the hell, they used to be the champions. They can do whatever they want.”
The bell rings. Dan Martini and Hunter the Hunter to start. Palin cheers her team on outside the ring. Lock up in the middle of the ring. Hunter goes for an armdrag takedown but Dan stumbles over his own two feet and falls anyways. Hunter with kicks. Dan gets up and inadvertently headbutts Hunter in the balls. Dan stumbles back to the corner- tags Don in. Don attempts to climb in but gets hung up in the ring ropes. Hunter senses an opportunity and charges. Don flops in just as Hunter arrives and eats the corner turnbuckle. Hunter wobbles back and falls over Don. Crowd chants for the Drunken Luchadors. A brief lock up and an attempted knee by Hunter that whiffs when Don staggers out of the way. Hunter tries rights, and then the boots…and misses again. Disgusted, Hunter turns and tags in Grizzly Adam.
Suave: "Well, let's see if Grizzly Adam has better luck with the Drunken Luchador." Another lock up. Grizzly picks up Don...press slam. Grizzly picks him up again...bear hug! Grizzly squeezes the hell out of Don. *BRRRACCCKKK!* Suave: "HOLY CRAP! DON MARTINI JUST...BURPED...IN GRIZZLY'S FACE!" Grizzly waves his hand in front of his face to get the smell away. Don staggers back and tags Dan back in. Dan attempts a missile drop kick and misses. Grizzly picks up him and power slams him to the canvas. Dan somehow pulls himself back up. Grizzly charges for a lariat. Dan loses his footing and drops on his seat. Grizzly misses and slams into the turnbuckle. He, too, falls over Dan to the canvas. Dan tries to climb up the corner turnbuckle. He makes it to the top...and falls out of the ring through a table. Suave: "HOLY CRAP! You know? It's bad enough when someone puts you through a table. But when you put yourself through a table....sheesh."
Grizzly up on the top of the turnbuckle. Don Martini crawls up to the top rope as well. Martini loses his footing and crotches himself. The movement causes Grizzly to lose his footing and he crotches himself on the other turnbuckle. Don falls back into the Tree of Woe. Hunter the Hunter in the ring. He goes for a baseball slide. Don suddenly tumbles back and his feet connect with Hunter's forehead as he flips backwards. Suave: "HOLY CRAP! WHAT A MOVE!" Palin can't believe it. Palin: "OH, COME ON!" Don lands on top of Hunter. 1...2...Hunter kicks out. Dan Martini is back on his feet and trying to climb back into the ring. Palin over. *WHACK* Suave: "She just nailed Dan Martini with the hockey stick!" Dan falls back right into the 'Alaskan Pitbull' and steamrolls her over.
Grizzly hits another press slam on Don Martini. Lift and BEAR HUG! Suave: "HE'S GOT IT CINCHED IN! COULD THIS BE...oh, oh." Don starts to violently wretch. Grizzly squeezes harder. Don wretches and then... Suave: "GREEN SLIME!...no...PROJECTILE VOMIT!" A solid stream of vomit hits Grizzly and he loses his footing. Don passes out on top of him. 1...2...3.
WINNER OF THE TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT: DRUNKEN LUCHADORS DAN and DON MARTINI
Suave: "I DON'T BELIEVE IT! THE DRUNKEN LUCHADORS, OUT OF PCW FOR OVER A YEAR, COME BACK AND TAKE THE PCW MARCH MAYHEM TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT. They're trying to give them the trophy...but they're both passed out. Okay...congratulation Martinis and here's the WRRRRRAHH! Beer Gratuitous Vomiting Moment of the Night."
REPLAY: THE WRRRRRRRRRAH! BEER GRATUITOUS VOMITING MOMENT OF THE NIGHT
Don wretches in slow motion. He opens his mouth and a stream (think water from a fire hose) of vomit hits Grizzly in the face. He loses his footing. Don passes out. Game over.
Suave: "Well, as they clean up the ring, we'll be back after this commercial break."
Suave: "Okay...we're back and ready for our main event. After what happened Sunday night between Domination Inc. and Kathryn Randall Collins, this could be a real wild ride."
MATCH #3 PCW EXTREME MARCH MAYHEM WOMEN'S TOURNAMENT CHAMPIONSHIP
#6 DAISY CUTTER-BOMB w/Domination Inc. (Domination Inc.) vs.
#2 KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls (Progressive Alliance)
Suave: "Here we go!" The bell rings. Suave: "Both women cautiously come out. They lock up in the middle. KRC pushes Daisy down." Daisy shoots KRC a glare and pops right back up. Suave: "Lock up. OW! Kick to the gut by Daisy Cutter-Bomb. She's got an arm wringer on now. KRC tries to reverse...and she does. WHOA! BACK KICK BY DAISY AND KRC IS IN SOME SERIOUS PAIN!" KRC doubles over. Then she snaps and rams Daisy's head into the turnbuckle. Suave: "KRC ramming the head of Daisy Cutter-Bomb over and over and over into the turnbuckle." Mr. McMann, flanked by his Corporate Enforcer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, looks on with some concern. Suave: "Body slam by KRC. KRC turns it o-verrrr...into a Boston Crab! ROUGH JUSTICE IN THE RING! HOLY CRAP! D.B. RUFF CLOTHESLINES KRC!" Rahm Emanuel gets on the ring apron and yells at Ruff. The Clinton Political Pitbulls walk to the other end of the ring causing Ruff and Connor Justice to retreat back to their corner.
Suave: "Daisy on offense now. Scoop slam. Off the ropes...elbow drop." Daisy calls for a chair. Kirk Walstreit obliges. Suave: "She's got a chair...BUT RAHM EMANUEL TAKES IT AWAY FROM HER!" The crowd cheers. Suave: "HERE COMES ROUGH JUSTICE AGAIN! *CLANG* CHAIRSHOT TO RUFF! *CLANG* CHAIRSHOT TO JUSTICE!" Emnauel turns and faces Daisy Cutter-Bomb. KRC swoops in from behind. Suave: "ROLL-UP! ONE...TWO...NO! DAISY KICKS OUT AT TWO. Front face-lock by KRC. Ruff and Justice crawl from the ring. KRC turns it around...Neckbreaker! Cover. One...two...Daisy kicks out. KRC pulls her up by the hair. That can't feel good. She drapes her over the ropes." KRC splashes Daisy from behind driving her throat into the ring ropes. Daisy slingshots off and lands back first on the canvas. Suave: "Nasty move there by KRC. Now Emanuel hands her a chair. *CLANG* HOLY CRAP!" Daisy wobbles and falls into the ropes. *CLANG* Suave: "RIGHT TO THE BACK!" KRC puts the chair down. Suave: "Headlock...DDT ON THE CHAIR! COVER. 1...2...HERE WE GO! IT'S THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME ANN COULTER!" Coulter attacks KRC with lefts and rights. Suave: "LAURA INGRAHAM IN THE RING TOO! THEY'RE DOUBLE TEAMING KRC AND RAHM EMANUEL BREAKS IT UP! HERE COMES THE CLINTON POLITICAL PITBULLS! CARVILLE AND BEGALA WADE IN AND WE'VE GOT EVERYONE IN THE RING! THE RIGHT WING BRIGADIERS ATTACKED KRC AND NOW IT'S A FREE FOR ALL. EMANUEL DROPS AN F-BOMB ON D.B. RUFF! OHHHH. COULTER JUST KICKED HIM IN THE NETHER REGIONS. HOLY CRAP! NOW WHO'S COMING DOWN? IT'S THE PCW SECURITY DIRECTOR DAWN McGILL! McGILL GRABS INGRAHAM BY THE HAIR AND FLINGS HER OVER THE TOP ROPE!" The ring slowly clears. Suave: "McGILL KICKS EMANUEL OUT OF THE RING AND TELLS THE DOMINATION INC CONTINGENT THAT THEY'D BETTER STAY RIGHT WHERE THEY ARE."
McGill and Mr. McMann engage in a conversation. Suave: "Dawn McGill restoring some order to this very important match. The winner meets PCW Women's Champion 'PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl' Tessa Martin next week for the title. RAKE TO THE EYES BY DAISY CUTTER-BOMB!" Daisy lowers her head and pushes KRC back hard into the corner turnbuckle. Suave: "That'll knock the wind right out of you." Daisy does it again. And again. And again. The fifth time, KRC sidesteps and then pushes Daisy headfirst into the turnbuckle. Suave: "KRC rings Daisy's bell with that move. Daisy staggers back. DIAMOND CUTTER! DIAMOND CUTTER! KRC COVERS. ONE...TWO...NO! DAISY SOMEHOW GETS HER LEFT SHOULDER UP. NOW SHE'S GOT HER UP...AND...YES! POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION! KRC COVERS AND COULTER AND INGRAHAM ARE IN THE RING AGAIN!" Coulter tackles KRC and they start rolling around the ring. Suave: "CAT-FIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIGHT! AND HERE COMES THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS!" Daily Kos, Media Matters for America, Paul Krugman, and Arianna Huffington hit the ring. Suave: "AGAIN, THE MATCH BREAKS DOWN AND DAWN McGILL WADES IN. KRC HAD THIS MATCH WON UNTIL THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME ANN COULTER TACKLED HER AND STOPPED THE COUNT. McGILL THROWS COULTER THROUGH THE ROPES...WHOA...HUFFINGTON JUST POSTED DAISY CUTTER-BOMB. KRC WITH A SECOND POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION FINISHER. SHE COVERS. ONE...TWO...THREE.
WINNER OF THE PCW EXTREME MARCH MAYHEM WOMEN'S TOURNAMENT: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS
Suave: "KRC GETS THE WIN AND THE TITLE SHOT. BUT THIS THING ISN'T OVER YET. AND NOW! WHO? YES IT IS! IT'S BLUE DOG D AND RINO! THESE TWO MAY NOT SHARE THE SAME AFFILITATION BUT THEY'RE COMMITTED TO WORKING TOGETHER. RINO WITH A SPEAR! SPEAR! SPEAR! HE NEARLY TOOK KIRK WALSTREIT'S SKIN OFF HIS BODY. BLUE DOG D TOSSES INGRAHAM. HE TOSSES OUT COULTER. NEXT WEEK, PCW NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS! FOUR TITLE MATCHS AND A WHOLE LOT MORE! I'M JOHNNY SUAVE AND WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!"