Wednesday, June 24, 2009

6/24 Political Championship Wrestling: PCW Extreme Political TV

Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Ron Paul's New Libertarian Army) vs. The Total Eliminators
PCW CEO Barack Obama's "State of PCW" Address
Replay: O'Beck Bahama vs. Starz N. Stripes for the PCW Title- November 4th, 2008 at PCW Extreme Election Night


Last week on PCW Extreme Political TV:

Red Shirt Guy vs. Andy Dooney
This match gets spread out throughout the show. Red Shirt Guy is a Star Trek knock off. He takes control of the match and then inexplicatively leaves the ring. He’s last seen getting in a limo.

A quick special announcement about PCW re-signing with P-SPAN for their Sunday night shows.

Keith Olbermann’s Super Special Comment
Olbermann comes out and vents his spleen over the whole David Letterman/Sarah Palin matter. Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop’ suddenly plays and PCW’s answer to ECW’s 911, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, comes out and chokeslams Olbermann. Then for good measure, WTF puts KO through a table.

Red Shirt Guy exits the limo and boards a waitIng plane.

Trailer Park Sweetheart’ Tanya Hardy w/The White Trash Posse and Trailer Trash Barbi def. Hallie Burton w/’The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance)
Burton controls the early part of the match. But outside interference from Trailer Trash Barbi and the White Trash Posse turn the match around. Hardy takes advantage of some well place baton shots by the WTP and gets the submission win with a figure four leglock.
Red Shirt Guy’s plane takes off for some unknown destination.

Quadruple R w/The God Squad (Dick Cheney’s Extreme Neo-Con Alliance) def. Al Cahall w/Nic Koteen and ‘The Princess of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria (American Heartland Coalition)
Quadruple R is in born again mode with the God Squad ringside. In a match that features interference from Rev. Robertson (using the ribbon you’d find in a hymnal to keep your place to choke Cahall), Rev. Rick Warren (uses his book ‘Purpose Driven Life’ as a weapon), and Rev. Falwell Jr. (distracts Cahall), Quad R hits the Quadruple Plex and gets the win.
Red Shirt Guy’s plane lands at Cape Canaveral. He quickly boards a NASA vehicle and it speeds away.

Joe Biden Promo/THE ULTIMATE HIGH SPOT complete with special cameo by High Octane Wrestling’s Hellcat Kirsta Lewis
Biden addresses the High Octane Television situation and comments made by Lee Best on HOTv’s site. He then offers up a defiant defense of PCW stating that ‘in PCW, titles aren’t won, they’re earned.”

Jake Tapper asks him a question and then Biden’s train goes off the rails. He references Best’s 40 foot fall from a helicopter at High Octane Wrestling’s War Games PPV last week and said that PCW could do one better. Apparently, the Red Shirt Guy vignettes were a set up to what Biden terms ‘the ultimate high spot’- from the space shuttle.

Red Shirt Guy jumps from the shuttle and burns up in the atmosphere. There’s a pretty light show and a cameo appearance by HOW’s Kirsta Lewis. The show ends with everyone going out for a beer.


LOCATION: Hack's Rusty Nail Saloon, Wauseon, OH
HOST: Johnny Suave

Crowd: "PCW!...PCW!...PCW!..." S
uave: "Good evening and welcome to P-C-W Extreme...Political TV! I am Johnny Suave and we weren't supposed to be live right at this moment. But a couple hours before show time, this took place..."

Obama finishes up reviewing tonight's 'State of PCW' address. The door bursts open and Cadillac, Jaguar, Jack Schett, and Bull Schett barge in. Obama: "Um...can I help you?" Cadillac: "Mr. CEO. Now that Cadillac, Jaguar, Mercedes, and Porsche Lexus have formed our new group- The New Eliminators, we think it's not fair to show a match from a couple weeks back when we weren't...the New Eliminators." Obama: "I see. And what is your solution to this?" Cadillac: "We want to wrestle the Schetts tonight, live. Like it's supposed to be. In front of a crowd screaming for or against you." Obama turns to the Schetts. Obama: "Jack? Bull? Is this okay with you?" Jack: "We kicked their asses two weeks ago. If you don't think that the Schett Brothers can kick their asses again, then you don't know Jack Schett." Obama: "Got it." He nods his head toward Cadillac. Obama: "Gentlemen. You've got your match tonight."

Suave: "Sooo, it'll be the Schetts versus The New Eliminators live right here...right after this."


From our good friends at High Octane Wrestling....

Card TBA


"Wake up...wake up
Wake up...wake up"

Suave: "AND HERE COMES THE SCHETT BROTHERS!" Ron Paul and Aimee Allen lead Jack, Bull, Horst, and Hans Gruber down the aisle.

"Good morning America! Rise and Shine....
"Ron Paul! Save our constitutional rights Ron Paul! We're not gonna give up the fight Ron Paul! Start a revolution and break down illegal institutions

The Schetts climb into the ring.

The opening riffs of ZZ Top's 'Sharp Dressed Man' plays. The original ZZ Top Eliminator arrives at the front of Hack's Rusty Nail Saloon. The door opens and Mercedes exits. She helps Porsche Lexus out of the car.

"Clean shirt, new shoes And I dont know where I am goin to. Silk suit, black tie, I dont need a reason why. They come runnin just as fast as they can Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man."

Mercedes and Porsche Lexus reach into the car and pull out Cadillac and Jaguar. They lead him to the ring.

"Top coat, top hat, I dont worry coz my wallets fat. Black shades, white gloves, Lookin sharp and lookin for love. They come runnin just as fast as they can Coz every girl grazy bout a sharp dressed man"

JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett and their pet dog- Hans Gruber, the Extreme German Schnauzer (Ron Paul's New Libertarian Army)
CADILLAC and JAGUAR w/Mercedes and Porsche Lexus (The New Eliminators)
"All right! Here we go." Crowd: "TOTAL ELIMINATION! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) TOTAL ELIMINATION! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)..." Suave: "Apparently, they are calling the move 'Total Elimination' tonight. There's the bell. Jack Schett and Cadillac will start." Crowd: "LET'S GO SCHETTS! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap) LET'S GO SCHETTS! (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)" Suave: "Jack jabs at Cadillac. Cadillac ducks two haymakers and slides behind him. Gutwrench suplex...nicely executed. Headscissors now by Cadillac! But Jack powers out...he turns right into the path of a missile drop kick by Jaguar. Scoop slam by Cadillac. Jaguar's back up on the top ropes...diving headbutt! Cadillic covers. One...two...Jack kicks out." Jack quickly to the corner and tags Bull in. Suave: "Bull in now. He goes for the Irish Whip...Cadillac reverse and sends Bull for the ride...inverted atomic drop by Cadilliac! Russian leg sweep! Caddy covers again. One...two...and Bull kicks out.

Bull backs into the corner and tags Jack back in. Cadillac tags in Jaguar. Suave: "Jack charges...single leg takedown by Jaguar. Double foot stomp...that'll get Jack's attention. Bull rolls out and discusses strategy with Jack. Jaguar runs at both men." Jaguar goes for a hurricanrana. Jack moves. Bull grabs Jaguar's legs while he's upside down and slams them on the ringpost. Suave: "Jaguar's he's in the tree of woe! Bull sets up the chair...there's goes Jack..." *CLANG* Suave: "HOLY CRAP!" Jaguar topples down. Jack covers. One...two...NO! There's Cadillac to make the save. Rights by Cadillac and Jack escapes through the ropes to think things over. Unfortunately, he's giving Jaguar precise time to recover." Jack back in. Tag to Bull. Jaguar tags Cadillac back in. Suave: "Lockup, Bull powers Cadillac to the corner. Kick to the gut. That'll knock your wind out. Another big shot." Cadillac wobbles in the corner. Jaguar in and runs the ropes. He goes for a high crossbody and eats a big boot to the face. Suave: "HOLY CRAP! JAGUAR CAUGHT THAT ONE FLUSH! Cadillac with a clothesline...ah no go. Bull sends him for the ride...Cadillac ducks a clothesline...flying forearm! Cadillac landed it perfectly. He's raining punches down on Bull...Jack's in...OH! BIG slap to the chest sends Cadillac flying."

Cadillac holds his chest. Jaguar crawls out of the ring. Suave: "The Schetts in control right now. Bull tries a right...blocked by Cadillac. He tries some of his own. Bull shakes them off. Cadillac tries a kick...Bull's got the leg. OW! ATOMIC DROP! GERMAN SUPLEX! CADILLAC LANDED HARD ON HIS NOGGIN AND HE'S IN TROUBLE! COVER! ONE...TWO...HOLY CRAP!" Jaguar hits a Missile drop kick that snaps Bull's head back. Cadillac goes down on all four behind Bull. Suave: "HERE IT COMES..." Jaguar whips around and nails Bull on the button with a kick and sends him over Cadillac. Suave: "TOTAL ELIMINATION! CADILLAC COVERS! ONE...JACK SCHETT'S BACK IN THE RING AND PULLS HIM OFF! *CRACK* JAGUAR WITH A SPINNING BACK KICK! JACK'S DOWN! CADILLAC PULLS BULL'S LEGS APART....OH MY! LEGDROP TO THE JEWELS! COVER! ONE...TWO...HORST SCHETT MAKES THE SAVE AND NOW IT'S THREE AGAINST TWO!"

Horst throws Cadillac out of the ring to the floor. Hans Gruber pounces and latches on to Cadillac's hand with its jaws. Suave: "HANS GRUBER- THE EXTREME GERMAN SCHNAUZER HAS CADILLAC'S HAND IN HIS JAWS. JACK AND BULL LIFT JAGUAR UP...DOUBLE CHOKE SLAM!" Jack pulls Jaguar towards the corner. Suave: "IT'S TIME! BULL'S ON THE TOP ROPE AND HE'S PUTTING A BRICK IN THE BACK OF HIS TRUNKS!" Bull leaps backwards in a sitting position and lands on Jaguar's chest. Suave: "SCHETT-BRICK! SCHETT-BRICK! BULL COVERS. ONE...TWO...THREE!"


"THE SCHETT'S PULL IT OUT IN THE END! BUT GOING INTO OUR NEXT SEASON, YOU'D BETTER KEEP AN EYE ON THE NEW ELIMINATORS...Oh, comes Hans Gruber...uh...we'll be right back...(to dog)...go away!...shoo!...shoo!..."



E-Wresting Torch- E-Fed Television, Pay-Per-View, and Classic show reviews

E-Wrestling Magazine- The home for all the latest e-federation news throughout the country

E-Wrestling Nexus- The newest E-Wrestling hotspot to catch up on the latest news, cards, and e-wrestlers in the e-wrestling world


*flute and clarinet flourish*

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands and lets out a loud ovation as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears. Behind Obama, two aides wheel out a portable closet that presumably has his Aide de Camp Joe Biden inside.

"Thank you. Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, I am here tonight to reassure everyone that the state of PCW is strong!" Standing ovation follows- especially enthusiastic is the Progressive Alliance side and their supporters. Obama: "However. That doesn't mean that we don't face some challenges. But we'll get to that in a moment.

"Over the past nine months, PCW has produced over 85 televised wrestling shows. Our viewership is up dramatically over the past six months. That is a testiment to the hard work that goes on behind the scenes. Give it up for our PCW Competition Committee-"

Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Steny Hoyer (Progressive Alliance) and Mitch McConnell, John Boehner (American Patriots) stand. Pelosi, in particular, looks regal as she turns to the audience. Crowd: "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pelosi- not so regal looking after the reaction.

Obama: "And most importantly, the people who actually do the dirty work and book the shows. Head Booker Enrico Palazzo and until recently, Dawn McGill-" A roaring ovation interrupts Obama. Crowd: "BRING DAWN BACK! BRING DAWN BACK!" Obama: "I acknowledge the years that Dawn McGill faithfully served PCW and-" Crowd: "BRING DAWN BACK! BRING DAWN BACK!" Obama: "All right...all right. Let's talk about our financial situation...for the first time ever, PCW faces a significant financial deficit. And that is why you saw the releases that took place yesterday."

-PCW Security Director Dawn McGill
-Former PCW Women’s Champion Hallie Burton
-’Trailer Park Sweetheart’ Tanya Hardy and the White Trash Posse
-Trailer Trash Barbi
-Blue Dog D
-Average Joe
-Joe the Plumber
-Jimmy from SoCal
-Snott Flemmstein
-Dr. Ivan Rectum-Fighting Proctologist

American Trucker (American Heartland Coalition) stands up. AT: "Excuse me, Mr. CEO. But why the mass cuts? It seems a little odd that the smaller factions took the brunt of it. Why Average Joe?" Obama: "Look, we had to make some tough choices. No doubt about it. We also let go Dawn McGill-" Crowd: "BRING DAWN BACK! BRING DAWN BACK!" Obama: "...After Domination Inc. fell apart, we felt we didn't need a Security Director any more and she came with a hefty price tag-" Crowd: "BRING DAWN BACK! BRING DAWN BACK! BRING DAWN BACK! BRING DAWN BACK!" Pelosi stands up and faces the crowd. Pelosi: "Would you all just knock it off! You're lucky we even decided to let you in to see this in the first pla-" Crowd: "SHUT THE **** UP! SHUT THE **** UP! SHUT THE **** UP!" Suave: "Yeah. Nice one, Nancy." Pelosi quickly sits back down.

Obama: "Look, it's not just..." A fly buzzes around Obama's face. He waves his hand at it. Obama: "'s not just personnel..." The fly continues to bother Obama. He waves at it again. Obama: "'s not just personnel per se who's going...excuse me." Obama reaches down and produces a fly swatter. *SHWACK* Obama: "Got him!" An earth-shattering shriek drowns out everything else. Peta from PETA shoots up from her seat. Peta: "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" She runs up and begins to give the fly mouth to mouth resuscitation. She scoops it up in her hand and runs out of the bar. Obama: "O-kay. Not just personnel will be affected. PCW will probably have to drop a division-" Crowd: "BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Andrea Doria (American Heartland Coalition) stands. Andrea: "I have a question. Just how much did that little stunt last week with the Space Shuttle cost us?" Obama: "Candidly, millions. From paying NASA to paying the family of Red Shirt Guy for his death, PCW is in a bit of financial trouble right now." Andrea: "And just who authorized the idea?" Obama: "The PCW Competition Committee. But-" Andrea: "So typical. The rank and file pay the price for the poor decision making of leadership."

PCW Women's Champion Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) stands next. KRC: "You released Dawn McGill. You released Hallie Burton- a former PCW Women's champion. You released 'Trailer Park Sweetheart' Tanya Hardy not one week after a breakthrough victory. I see the writing on the wall, Mr. Obama, and it's a shame. PCW is one of the few federations that actually takes women's wrestling seriously and operated it as a legitimate, competitive division." Obama: "Kathryn, we have NOT made any decisions on any division. McGill, Burton, and Hardy's release, through regrettable, were prudent business-"

Movie Classic (Island of Misfit Wrestlers) stands. Movie Classic: "Mr. Obama. I'M MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE!" Obama: "Movie, I appreciate your passion and assure you that I will comtemplate-" Movie Classic: "I'M IN CONTEMPT! YOU'RE IN CONTEMPT!" Obama: "No, no. Comtemplate. Not contempt-" Movie Classic: "AND YOU'RE IN CONTEMPT! AND YOU'RE IN CONTEMPT! AND YOU'RE IN CONTEMPT!" Obama: "I did NOT say you were in contempt! I understand-" Movie Classic: "But, Mr. Obama. You can't hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals..." Obama: "Fraternity? What are you talking about?" Movie Classic: "...For if you do, then shouldn't we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn't this an indictment of our educational institutions in general?..." Obama: "Okay, that's enough." Movie Classic: "...I put it to you, Mr. Obama - isn't this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we're not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!" Movie Classic leads the Island of Misfit Wrestlers out of the building, all humming the Star-Spangled Banner.

Obama: "O-kay. As I was saying, I understand everyone's passion and we will all have to work together to get through this. Yes, what Joe did last week has caused major headaches for all of us. But he also said something that I completely agree with."

Our wrestlers may not do death defying, literally unrealistic stunts disguised as extreme spots. We may not have the fancy websites and such. But we have heart. And we put out a damn good product week in and week out. While some federations literally switch off their belts every week, we here in PCW have a different idea. Belts mean something here. O'Beck Bahama, God bless him, chased the former PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes for nine ****ing months before he finally won the PCW Title. Here in PCW, titles aren't won. They're earned."

Obama: "That part of the speech is right on. The rest of Biden's speech...ah...never mind. So, I ask everyone to hang in there and-" Man's voice: "WHERE IS HE?" Suave: "HOLY CRAP! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! THAT'S HIGH OCTANE WRESTLING OWNER LEE BEST, ALL BANDAGED UP AND OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, AND HERE AT HACK'S RUSTY NAIL SALOON!" Best: "WHERE THE **** IS HE?" Obama: "Who?" Best: "Don't play games with me. Kirsta Lewis told me everything about Biden's speech. Now, where is he?"

Everyone in the building points at the portable closet. Biden's voice: "Say, why has it gotten all quiet?" Best goes over and pushes the closet towards the edge of the stage. Biden's voice: "Hey! What's going on?" Suave: "HE'S NOT GOING TO...HE IS!" With a mighty push, Best shoves the portable closet off the stage. The closet slams into and destroys a front row table. Suave: "HOLY CRAP!" Crowd: "HOLY ****! HOLY ****! HOLY ****!..." Obama throws up his hands. Obama: "Lee, how about a beer?" Best: "Don't mind if I do."


6/26- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
7/1- PCW Extreme Political TV
No Newsline or shows until 7/15
7/15- PCW Extreme Political TV
7/17- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
7/22- PCW Extreme Political TV
7/24- PCW Newsline with Gina Ramsey
7/29-PCW Night of Champions
9/27-PCW Lock and Load 4
11/9-PCW Night of Champions
12/27-PCW Christmas
1/27-PCW Night of Champions
3/7-PCW Weapons of Mass Political Destruction 3
4/21-PCW Night of Champions
6/6-PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 6

(PCW Extreme Election Night 2008, November 4th, 2008)


Suave: “Of course, that’s the unmistakable calling card of one, ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean.” Dean, Nancy Pelosi, Steny Hoyer and Harry Reid (Progressive Alliance) come to the ring. O’Beck Bahama and Barack Obama follow. Suave: “We are minutes away from the PCW Title match. O’Beck Bahama is here. Now, we wait for the PCW Champion.”

George W works on paperwork. He aide de camp Dick fumes. Dick: “I still say there’s no reason why we shouldn’t be out there for this match. We are the leaders of the American Patriots.” W.: “Dick, I’m not worried about it. This is what John McCain wanted.” Dick: “John McCain can kiss my ass!” Dick stomps out.

Suave: “Well. Dick seems a little bent.” American Patriots John Boehner and Mitch McConnell lead the way for McCain and the PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes. Suave: Starz N. Stripes’ title reign is over eight months. Can he extend it even further tonight? We will find out soon enough.”

Both men in the ring now. Charlene Ann Beckworth climbs in to do the ring announcing. Charlene Ann: “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. THIS MATCH IS FOR THE PCW CHAMPIONSHIP! IN THIS CORNER, SECONDED BY ‘THE NATURAL’ BARACK OBAMA, HE’S THE ‘NEW ROOKIE SENSATION’ O’BECK BAHAMA!” Roughly half the crowd stands and cheers on Bahama. Charlene Ann: “AND IN THE OTHER CORNER, SECONDED BY ‘STRAIGHT SHOOTIN’’ JOHN McCAIN, HE’S THE ‘ORIGINAL ROOKIE SENSATION’ AND THE CURRENT PCW CHAMPION- STARZ N. STRIPES!” The other half stand and cheer. Suave: “You can feel the buzz in the air. We could have history in the making here tonight.”

PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office. The two Westville city policeman stand in place.

Suave: “Okay, still no change with Bubba. We’re about ready to go. Starz and Bahama for the PCW Title.

MATCH #9 PCW Championship Match-11/4/08
O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
vs. STARZ N. STRIPES © w/John McCain (American Patriots)
The referee calls for the bell. Suave: “Here we go!” Staredown as O’Beck and Starz circle each other. Starz smiles and they finally lock up. Starz goes for a bodyslam. Bahama reverses and pushes Starz to the ring ropes. Starz holds on to the ropes. Circling and staring again. Another lockup. O’Beck shoots Starz’s leg and takes him down. Arm drag into a wrist lock by Bahama. Into the corner. Starz unleashes a right hand that glances off Bahama. Bahama with a side headlock. Irish whip into the ropes. Back body drop by Bahama. Bahama shoots him into the ropes again but this time Starz hangs onto them. Starz slides out of the ring and takes a walk to confer with McCain. .Starz back in and they lock up yet again. Bahama monkey-flips Starz and delivers the boots to the gut. Out of nowhere, Starz slaps on the American Star and Fuji Arm Bar submission hold. Suave: “THIS COULD BE IT!” Bahama grabs the ropes and hold on to them for dear life. The referee breaks the hold.

Starz confers with John McCain. Bahama slingshots himself across the ring and crushes Starz against the steel barricade. Irish whip into the barricade on the other side. Another Irish whip from Bahama. He ducks for a backdrop but Starz kicks him in the mush. Starz starts laying in right hands and pushes Bahama out through the ropes. Bahama quickly climbs back up on the apron. Starz charges. Bahama ducks and back body drops the PCW champion over the ropes and through a ring table. Suave: HOLY CRAP!” O’Beck wastes no time in climbing the top rope and splashing Starz on the floor. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Starz crawls out of the wreckage but Bahama follows up with an Irish whip into the steel guardrail. Bahama grabs a chair and waffles Starz with it. Starz slumps to the ground. Bahama climbs the ring steps. Suave: “MISSILE DROP KICK FROM THE STEPS! STARZ CAUGHT IT FLUSH ON HIS JAW AND HE IS DAZED!” Bahama pulls Starz up. Superkick! Starz falls backwards and hits the floor hard. Barack Obama urges Bahama on. Bahama presses the attack, grabbing another steel folding chair and pastes the champion in the face with it. He throws the chair on the floor. Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! THE PCW CHAMPION IS IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE. HE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE HE’S AT!” Bahama drags Starz back into the ring. Bahama goes for the win. Suave: “1...2…NO! BAHAMA GAVE HIM TOO MUCH TIME AND STARZ KICKS OUT!” Bahama goes for another cover. Suave: “NO! STARZ KICKS OUT AGAIN! BAHAMA MAY HAVE MADE A HUGE MISTAKE IN NOT TRYING TO PIN THE CHAMPION ON THE FLOOR!” Starz tries to fight back. Bahama lifts him for a jack-knife power bomb. Starz flips through and shoves the New Rookie Sensation into the ropes. Wild right by Starz misses badly. Bahama trips Starz and he lands throat first on the top ring rope. Running splash takes the air out of Starz. Bahama covers. Suave: “1...2...McCAIN SAVES HIM! McCAIN RAN OVER AND PUT THE CHAMPION’S FOOT ON THE ROPES!” Bahama drives Starz to the canvas with a running power bomb. The crowd begins to anticipate a possible title change. Suave: “THIS COULD BE THE NIGHT! BAHAMA COVERS…” A huge roar erupts. Suave: “IT’S SARAH PALIN! SHE’S IN THE RING! *THWACK* HOLY CRAP! *THWACK* OH! SHE NAILED BAHAMA WITH HER HOCKEY STICK!” Bahama staggers. Suave: “TINA FEY! TINA FEY’S OUT HERE! SHE GOES UP TO PALIN…SHE TAKES THE HOCKEY STICK AWAY. AND NOW, FEY’S LEAVING! PALIN’S CHASING HER.”

Standing drop kick by Starz drives Bahama into the corner. Suave: “SARAH PALIN HAS TOTALLY CHANGED THE COMPLEXION OF THE MATCH!” An newly energized Starz throws lefts and rights. Snap mare take down. Enzuigiri by Starz and then a backpack stunner. Bahama blocks a suplex attempt but eats a flying knee. Starz charges and shoulder blocks Bahama into the ropes. Bahama walks right into a Ricola bomb. Cover. 1…2.. Bahama gets the shoulder up. Bahama gets crotched on the top rope and schoolboyed for another two. Starz goes for a Texas Cloverleaf but Starz rolls through it. Starz hits a Michinoku Driver. Starz hits a fireman’s carry takedown and then a chinlock. Bahama escapes the hold and pushes Starz back. Right by Bahama. Right by Starz. Right by Bahama. Right by Starz. Irish whip by Starz reversed by Bahama followed by another reversal. Bahama misses a leg drop. Starz back suplexes Bahama. Bahama wildly charges. Starz sidesteps. Bahama bounces off the ropes and Starz delivers a Death Valley Driver. Cover. Suave: “One…Obama breaks the count this time.” Starz hits a tilt-a-whirl suplex. Starz goes for a piledriver; Bahama kicks him low. Suave: “That’ll stop your momentum in a big hurry.” Bahama with rights. Irish whip into the ropes. Bahama ducks the lariat. Lou Thesz Press by Starz. He pummels Bahama on the canvas. Irish whip by Starz. Belly to belly suplex. Bahama bounces off the canvas. Suave: “STARZ WITH THE MOMENTUM AND…HE WANTS A TABLE!” McCain slides a table into the ring and Stara sets it up. Rights by Starz. Then he sets Bahama up. Suave: “HE’S LINING BAHAMA UP…” The PCW crowd roars again. Suave: “SARAH PALIN! .SARAH PALIN’S BACK OUT!…OR IS IT TINA FEY?” Palin climbs up to the ring apron. Suave: “I DON’T THINK STARZ’S SURE IF IT REALLY HER OR NOT.” McCain’s confused. Suave: “STARZ PULLS BAHAMA UP AND HOLDS HIM…HE’S TELLING PALIN OR FEY OR WHOMEVER TO GO AHEAD.” Palin swings. Bahama ducks. Starz catches the stick with his hand. He throws Bahama out of the ring. Suave: “STARZ IS PISSED. HE FLIPS HER INTO THE RING!” The crowd stands and cheers. Suave: “HE’S NOT! YES HE IS.” Starz powerbombs her through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Tina Fey runs out dressed as Palin. She winks at Starz and leaves. Suave: “OH MY GOD! STARZ JUST POWER-BOMBED SARAH PALIN THROUGH A TABLE!” Starz looks at the unconscious Palin lying among the ruins of the table in abject disbelief. McCain is stunned. Starz checks on her. Bahama claws his way back into the ring and blindsides the distracted Starz from behind.

Suave: “BAHAMA BACK ON THE ATTACK!” Kicks to the stomach. Rights by Bahama. Irish whip. Suave: “SOMERSET PLANCHA BY BAHAMA! BULLDOG BY BAHAMA! HE’S CALLING FOR A LADDER!” Obama slides a ladder in. Suave: “Bahama with Starz. DDT ONTO THE LADDER!” Crowd: “PCW…PCW!” Bahama puts the ladder over him and spins like a propeller and decks Starz. Bahama throws the ladder at Starz. Suave: “STARZ IS HURT AGAIN! HE FALLS BACK INTO THE CORNER!” Bahama places the ladder on Starz and goes to the opposite corner. He sprints across and plasters the ladder into the champ. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THIS COULD BE IT!” Crowd: “This match rocks! This match rocks!” Suave: “BAHAMA GOING FOR THE PIN……IT’S JOE THE PLUMBER! JOE THE PLUMBER!” Joe the Plumber runs down and climbs on the ring apron. Bahama steps away from Starz and walks towards Joe the Plumber. Suave: “WHAT IS HE DOING? BAHAMA IS THIS CLOSE TO BECOMING THE PCW CHAMPION…WAIT A MINUTE! SOMEONE JUST RAN UP TO JOE THE PLUMBER!” A guy pulls Joe the Plumber off the edge of the ring and swings a tire iron at him. Suave: “IT’S KGO-SAN FRANCISCO RADIO HOST CHARLES KAREL BOULEY! HE SAID ON THE RADIO THAT HE WANTED TO KILL JOE THE PLUMBER. GUESS WHAT? HE’S TRYING TO KILL JOE THE PLUMBER!”

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares*

A deafening noise drowns out the music. Suave: “YES! IT’S PCW’S EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!” Crowd: “WHAT THE F***! WHAT THE F***!” Suave: “HE RUNS UP AND GRABS BOULEY!” WTF lifts and chokeslams Bouley on the floor. Suave: “CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! JOE THE PLUMBER DOWN. SARAH PALIN DOWN. STARZ IS ABOUT DONE!” Bahama rolls up Starz. Suave: “ONE…TWO…NO! McCAIN BREAKS THE COUNT! McCAIN LITERALLY LEAPED ACROSS THE RING TO STOP THE REFEREE FROM COUNTING OUT STARZ!” Bahama climbs up the corner turnbuckle. 450 Splash on Starz. Again, he covers. Suave: “ONE…TWO…AGAIN! McCAIN AGAIN STOPS THE COUNT!” McCain stumbles back to his corner. Bahama picks up Starz and power bombs him. Cover. Suave: “ONE…TWO…NOOOOO! McCAIN AGAIN SAVES STARZ! UNBELIEVEABLE!” Obama pounds on the ring canvas. Everyone is standing up in the building. Suave: “THIS CROWD IS GOING NUTS! JOHN McCAIN HAS SAVED THREE PINFALLS! HOLD ON. BAHAMA WANTS A TABLE SET UP OUTSIDE THE RING.” Obama quickly sets up a table. Bahama picks up Starz. He runs towards the ropes and heaves him over. Starz destroys the table. Suave: “AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! AWESOME BOMB! BAHAMA TO THE TOP ROPE. 45O SPLASH! HE COVERS. ONE…WAIT! WHAT’S DICK CHENEY DOING. HE RUNS INTO McCAIN…” The bell rings. Suave: “THAT WAS THE BELL? WAIT A MINUTE…CHARLENE ANN BECKWORTH IN THE RING.”


PCW Owner Bubba Jackson’s office. Bubba leaves the office and heads towards the ring escorted by the Westville police. Suave: “HERE’S COMES BUBBA JACKSON! IT’S TIME!”

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW…” Obama, Bahama, and the rest of the Progressive Alliance celebrate in the ring. Bahama holds up the PCW title belt. Suave: “WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MATCH! THIS MAY HAVE BEEN THE BEST MATCH IN PCW HISTORY! O’BECK BAHAMA DEFEATS STARZ N. STRIPES AND BECOMES THE NEW PCW CHAMPION”

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