PCW Newsline: Gina Ramsey reviews the week's transactions:
Movie Classic signed on with PCW and will manage the Island of Misfit Wrestlers.
Also coming in:
All three will join Movie Classic in the Island of Misfit Wrestlers
Halitosis- 'The Luchador with the Insanely Foul Breath' will be taking a leave to go overseas for a few months.
Also leaving PCW for awhile:
-The American Bikers: Little Paulie and Big Paulie
NRA jumps from Politically Incorrect to join SarahPAC.
Also moving within PCW:
-Politically Incorrect ('The Princess of Political Incorrectness' Andrea Doria, Al Cahall, and Nic Koteen) has joined up with the American Heartland Coalition
Match #2: 'No Frills' Chris Escondido with 'Rahm-bo' Rahm Emanuel (Progressive Alliance) retains the PCW Television Title over Newt Tron Bomb with S.M. Art Bomb, Hy Drogen Bomb, and A. Tom Bomb. Escondido broke out some new moves in this match including his new finisher- the Cattle Mutilation, that finished N-Bomb off at the fourteen minute mark.
Post match: Former Domination Inc. member Daisy Cutter-Bomb again comes out and seeks the Bomb's forgiveness after saving H-Bomb from a Redneck 4-D deathblast...
Replay: 4/22-PCW Extreme Political TV- HY DROGEN BOMB and INCENDIARY BOMB w/S.M. Art Bomb (American Patriots) vs.'The Raving Rednecks' LOCKE AND LOADE (SarahPAC)
Suave: "Meanwhile...LOADE'S GOT A SUNSET FLIP! One...Two...NO! Just barely kicked out. LOCKE'S IN THE RING! YESSSSS! REDNECK 4-D DEATH BOMB! COVER. ONE...TWO...IT'S DAISY CUTTER-BOMB! SHE'S IN THE RING AND...HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST KICKED THE CRAP OUT OF LOADE! HOLD ON! I-BOMB HAS LOCKE ON THE TOP ROPE...YES! BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA! BLUNT FORCE TRAUMA! COVER. ONE. TWO. THREE!
Again, the Bombs are hesitant to let her back in.
PCW would like to highlight the other e-federations who are out there. Please feel free to check them out:
April 26, 2009 from 9pm to 11pm – WTF Headquarters
King of Xtreme
May 3, 2009 all day – XWW arena
May 3, 2009 from 9pm to 11pm – Energy Solutions Arena
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Match #3 Steel Cage Grudge Match:
Janeane Garofalo (Progressive Alliance) vs.
PCW Women's Champion 'Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl' Tessa Martin
Suave: "Johnny Suave along with P-SPAN Brian Lamb in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Last week on PCW on P-SPAN, Nancy Pelosi attempted to interfere in Tessa's match with Emily List of the Progressive Alliance and ended up getting smooshed by KRC and a steel folding chair. Last Wednesday on PCW Extreme Political TV, the feud went to another level."
Replay 4/22-PCW Extreme Political TV: Nancy Pelosi and Janeane Garofalo
...Pelosi: "Last week, that trailer trash redneck Andrea Doria and Politically Incorrect interfered with Emily List and Code Pink as they were trying to win the PCW Women's Title. As a result, the extremists from the American Heartland Coalition won." Garofalo: "Let’s be very honest about what this is about. It’s not about bashing the Progressive Alliance. The American Heartland Coalition doesn't support PCW CEO Barack Obama because they're straight up racists. They're nothing more but a bunch of teabagging rednecks just like former CEO George W was.” Suave: "WOW! Where did THAT come from? She has a right to her opinion but come on, that was hate filled bile." PCW Women's Champion 'Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl' Tessa Martin comes out. Suave: "I wonder what the PCW Champion is going say about this." Tessa looks at Garofolo and Pelosi distainfully. She mouths 'you're not worth it' and leaves...
Suave: Later in the show, the situation escalated after W's Image Rehab and Truth Squad attacked Garofalo backstage...
Daily Kos: "American Heartland Coalition. Get your asses out here right now! W's flunkies! You, too." Suave: "Whoa. He's calling out both the A.H.C. and W's Image Rehab and Truth Squad." PCW Women's Champion 'Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl' Tessa Martin leads out the American Heartland Coalition. 'The Mastermind' Karl Rove comes out with Andrew Card, Dana Perino, and Ari Fleischer. Daily Kos: "All right. You, Tessa Martin, are in co-hoots with Rove and his band of extremists." Tessa: "You know, I've just about had enough of you and your whacked out friends. You've come out here the last two weeks and accused the American Heartland Coalition of things that are flat out lies. You guys make me sick. You can take your-" Suave: "THAT'S JANEANE GAROFALO! SHE JUST TACKLED TESSA MARTIN AND WE HAVE OURSELVES A CAT-FIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! ALL HELL'S BROKEN LOOSE! THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS AND THE AMERICAN HEARTLAND COALITION ARE GOING AT IT!" PCW Security Director Dawn McGill comes in again to restore order.
Suave: "Garofalo already in the ring. Here comes the PCW Women's champion 'Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl' Tessa Martin and she looks intense." Tessa climbs inside the cage. Suave: "Garofalo walks up to her and they are nose to nose." The bell rings. Lamb: "I must comment that these two ladies don't seem to like each other." Suave: "I think that's an understatement Brian. They lock up in the middle of the ring. AND GAROFALO PUSHES TESSA DOWN!" Tessa jumps right back up and gets back in Garofalo's face. Suave: "Tessa's not backing down...AND SHE PUSHED GAROFALO DOWN!" Garofalo lands in her corner and bounces off the turnbuckle. Tessa gestures to her to 'get up and come here.' Suave: "As I said, Tessa looks incredibly intense and focused. Garofalo with a wild swing! Tessa ducks under. Kick to the mid-section. Suplex! Tessa pulls her back up. SHE SLINGS HER RIGHT INTO THE CAGE!" Garofalo bounces off the steel cage and right back to Tessa who slings her into the other side of the cage. Garofalo bounces off the steel cage and right back to Tessa. Suave: "AGAIN INTO THE SIDE OF THE CAGE WITH GAROFALO!" Garofalo bounces off the cage and collapses in a heap.
Dick Cheney, carrying a barbed wire covered baseball bat, 'The Mastermind' Karl Rove, Dana Perino, Andrew Card, and Ari Fleischer aka W's Image Rehab and Truth Squad walk down to the ring. Suave: "What the hell are they doing here?" Tessa sees them and backs up. 'The Mastermind' Rove points to his temple to make sure everyone in the building knows he's a freakin' genius. Card produces a steel bolt cutter and snips off the lock to the cage. Cheney, Rove, etal then go inside. Suave: "THEY CUT THE LOCK OFF AND NOW THEY'RE INSIDE. WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?" Garofalo looks up and sees Dick. She immediately jumps up from the canvas and lunges at Cheney. *WHAP* Suave: "HOLY CRAP! GAROFALO CHARGED DICK AND HE JUST BUSTED HER WIDE OPEN WITH THAT BARBED WIRE BAT!" Garofalo on the canvas bleeding profusedly from the forehead. Suave: "WHAT? DICK'S MOTIONING TO TESSA TO PIN GAROFALO?" Tessa bends down to check on her. She uses her shirt to wipe off some of the blood. Suave: "SHE'S NOT GOING ALONG WITH THIS. THE PCW WOMEN'S CHAMPION IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP GAROFALO. SHE'S TRYING TO REVIVE HER."
Garofalo revives, sees Tessa, and kicks her across the ring. Suave: "WAIT A MINUTE. SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO H-...TESSA'S PISSED. Kick to the mid-section. PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! COVER. ONE...TWO...THREE! THAT'S IT!"
Winner: 'Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl' Tessa Martin
Suave: "TESSA MARTIN GETS THE WIN AND...NOW WHAT? DICK CHENEY WANTS TO SHAKE TESSA'S HAND NOW? IS HE NUTS?" Dick thrusts his hand out to Tessa. Tessa looks around the crowd and gauges their response. Dick: "Shake my f***ing hand!" Tessa's eyes widen. Then she Pizza Cutters Dick. The crowd explodes. Suave: "PIZZA CUTTER! PIZZA CUTTER! TESSA JUST PIZZA CUTTER'D DICK...NOW SHE'S BEING ATTACKED BY W'S IMAGE REHAB AND TRUTH SQUAD!" Card, Perino, Fleisher, and Rove beat down Tessa. 'The Queen of Political Extreme' Ann Coulter and former PCW Women's Champion Hallie Burton enter the cage. Coulter grabs Garofalo and handcuffs her to the side of the cage. Suave: "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? THE QUEEN OF POLITICAL EXTREME ANN COULTER HAS HANDCUFFED JANEANE GAROFALO TO THE CAGE. AND NOW, ARI FLEISCHER AND ANDREW CARD HAVE BROUGHT IN A BARREL FULL OF WATER? AND A BOARD? Oh...no." Burton pulls Tessa up and drapes her on the board. Perino handcuffs Tessa's arms behind her back around the board and Fleischer and Card lower her into the water. Suave: "NO! STOP THEM! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!" Lamb: "My God. Are they actually...waterboarding her?" Suave: "WHAT THE HELL DOES IT LOOK LIKE, BRIAN?" Suave jumps on top of the announcer's table. Suave: "DICK, THIS IS WRONG! STOP IT!" Dick sneers at Suave and has a microphone.
Dick: "Of course you would think that way, Suave. Because you're weak. You all are weak! When you face an enemy, do you worry about piddly little minute details such as the Geneva Convention?" Coulter takes a steel chair and blasts Garofalo with it. Suave: "HOLY CRAP! SHE'S KNOCKED OUT!" Dick: "F*** no! You do what you have to do to win. To project strength and to deter those who would harm you." Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Steny Hoyer run to the ring. Dick flips them off. Suave: "THIS IS JUST WRONG!" The board is pulled out of the barrel of water and laid on the canvas. Cheney, Card, Rove, Perino, etal then exit the cage. Dick again flips off Pelosi etal as they smugly walk to the back. Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew quickly enter the ring and attend to Garofalo and Tessa.
The E-Wrestling Magazine is the home for all the latest news on e-federations all across the country. Check out the latest stories:
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4/29- PCW Extreme Political TV
5/1- PCW Newsline
5/3- PCW on P-SPAN
5/6- PCW Extreme Political TV
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5/13- PCW Extreme Political TV
6/7- PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed IV
Match #4-Hardcore Barbed Wire Deathmatch:
NORM COLEMAN w/ 'Rahm-bo' Rahm Emanuel (American Patriots)
vs. AL FRANKEN w/ Eric Cantor (Progressive Alliance)
Suave: "If you want a recap on how the Franken/Coleman situation came to be, check out yesterday's PCW Extra with Gina Ramsey for the low-down on this highly volitile feud." Lamb: "It has been quite extradinary to say the least. We've never seen anything like it before and may never see anything like it again." Suave: "Very true, Brian. Very true. Both men are in the ring and they're already chirping back and forth at each other. A quick update on Janeane Garofalo and PCW Women's Champion 'Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl' Tessa Martin. Both have been taken to the hospital but it looks like they're going to okay. I will say this, we've seen some extradinary things take place here in PCW. We've seen chloroform, hypnosis, tasers, extreme flatulence, weaponry of all sorts, jumper cables, and a powerful drug transmitted by human touch that causes temporary paralysis in the recipient. As extreme as these finishers may seem, we've never seen waterboarding used here in PCW. It'll be interesting to see how this shakes out in the next few weeks."
The bell rings. Suave: "And there's the bell. COLEMAN CHARGES! OH! FRANKEN WHIPS HIM INTO THE BARBED WIRE ROPES!" Coleman's face contorts with pain. Lamb: "Johnny, that seemed almost like a desperation move on Coleman's part." Suave: "I agree, Brian. It seems Coleman is incredulous that he's in this situation in the first place. He's unestimated Franken from the beginning and now I believe desperation has set in." Franken overpowers Coleman and pounds away on him. Rahm Emanuel pulls out a metal ladder and throws it in the middle of the ring. Franken sets up the ladder behind Coleman. Suave: "Franken going for a spear...GOT IT!" Coleman flies backfirst into the ladder! Franken gets the ladder and sets it up in the middle of the ring. Suave: "Franken's going to try to put Coleman away quickly...WAIT! IT'S TEXAS SENATOR JOHN CORNYN!" Cornyn pushes the ladder over with Franken on it. Suave: "HOLY CRAP! FRANKEN HIT THE BARBED WIRE ROPES CHEST FIRST! RAHM EMANUEL IN THE RING. F-BOMB ON CORNYN! EMANUEL GRABS COLEMAN! F-BOMB! EMANUEL DROPS A PAIR OF F-BOMBS AND HELPS FRANKEN OFF THE ROPES!"
Eric Cantor digs under the ring and produces a barbed wire covered board. Suave: "Franken covers. One...two... *WHAP* CANTOR BREAKS THE COUNT! AND HE JUST PORCUPINED FRANKEN WITH THAT BARBED WIRE COVERED BOARD...THERE'S EMANUEL AGAIN! CANTOR SWINGS AND MISSES. F-BOMB! F-BOMB!" Emanuel grabs the barbed wire board and grinds Cantor's face into it. Cantor screams in pain! Suave: "Holy crap! Whoa. Cantor's face is a freakin' mess." Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew arrive and help Cantor to the back. Lamb: "I think Coleman's fired all his weapons now." Suave: "And now, Franken has the barbedwire bat. Well, this can't be good for Coleman." Franken swings and nails the crotch of Coleman. Lamb: "Yes. I see what you mean. May I?" Suave: "Certainly." Lamb: "Holy crap!" Suave: "That was pretty good."
Emanuel is back underneath the ring and he pulls out a 2x4 with barbed wire wrapped around it. Emanuel lights the 2x4 on fire! Suave: "Okay, that's definitely not good for Coleman." Franken swings and nails Coleman with the board! Suave: "HOLY CRAP! Coleman's on fire! EMTs rush in and put the fire out. Franken rolls Coleman over. Suave: "ONE...TWO...THREE!"
WINNER: AL FRANKEN
Suave: "HOLY CRAP! I THINK WE JUST ABOUT SAW EVERYTHING TONIGHT! WEDNESDAY NIGHT- PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV. WE'LL START SORTING ALL THIS OUT AND LOOK FORWARD TOWARDS JUNE 7TH AND PCW'S LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 5!"