Last Week at PCW Night of Champions:
-The PCW Competition Committee updated the PCW rules to close a loophole found by Domination Inc’s Corporate Attorneys Felcher and Felcher. The Committee ruled that PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins (Domination Inc) and PCW Tag Team Champs Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (Domination Inc) had to put their title on the line tonight.
-Another look at the new PCW Jersey as modeled by Sarah Palin
-PCW Owner Bubba Jackson stumbled a bit but managed to give Barack Obama the oath and he becomes the new PCW CEO.
-Domination Inc comes out and demands that Obama veto the PCW Competition Committee’s plan to close the loophole. Obama refuses. Domination Inc threatens to walk out. Obama tells them to leave their belts because a no-show automatically forfeits the title.
-Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen and Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin (American Patriots) wrestle to no-decision with Code Pink and Emily List (Progressive Alliance) when Keith Olbermann, Arianna Huffington, and Professor Paul Krugman and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers interfere causing the ‘Queen of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria and Politically Incorrect to come out to even the odds.
-Domination Inc meet in their suite. Quadruple R goes crazy and wants to kick some butt. Mr. McMann turns him loose to do so.
-PCW Television Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Progressive Alliance) defeats Dave the Mechanic (Joe SixPacks) when Rahm Emanuel aka…Rahmbo debuts and helps Escondido get the ankle lock on Dave.
-PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins aka…KRC (Domination Inc) pinned ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Joe SixPacks) when Quadruple R hit Tessa with a steel folding chair from behind. A huge brawl broke out between Domination Inc and Joe SixPacks and PCW Security Director Dawn McGill came out and cleaned house. She nailed Big Oil in the groin with her 4 inch stilettos and takes out most of Domination Inc with her Singapore cane. Mr. McMann is not pleased.
-PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit retained their title after losing by count out to Jack Schett and Bull Schett. When the bell rung, Big Oil and Walstreit simply walked out with the rest of Domination Inc.
-Former PCW CEO George W is jeered by Obama fans as he leaves Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon for the final time.
-PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance) pinned a weakened Kevin Scott (Joe SixPacks). Scott had been tasered by Rough Justice (Domination Inc) during the big brawl earlier.
PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: January 27th from The Alhambra Arena in Philadelphia, PA
PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
Johnny Suave stands in the ring with his life-sized cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain. Crowd: “PCW!...PCW!...PCW! Suave: “Tonight, we are live from the Alhambra Arena in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…the old ECW Arena. Only for one night only, we’re going to call it the…P-C-W Arena!” Crowd: “PCW!...PCW!...PCW!” Suave: “I am Johnny Suave, the voice of PCW. This hot piece of cardboard is the one and only Shania Twain...
...Tonight, we’re embarking on the most ambitious tour Political Championship Wrestling has ever done. We are hitting all the former ECW haunts in the East and Midwest as PCW leads up to March 8th at the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City. That’s right, PCW’s Weapons of Mass Political Destruction pay per view will be held at the Madhouse of Extreme!” Crowd: “PCW!...PCW!...PCW!” Suave: Tonight, we’ve got-”
*“WITH TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD!”*
The crowd immediately boos as ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh and the “Queen of Political Extreme” Ann Coulter appear in the spotlight and both begin to walk towards the ring. Suave: “Well, this is not a surprise. Limbaugh has been sparring publicly with the new PCW CEO Barack Obama in the news the last week. And I know Ann Coulter is never for a loss of words.” Crowd: “OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap) OX-Y CONT-TIN! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)…” Limbaugh joins Suave in the ring. Rush: “That’s right. It is I…” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “…El Rushbo…” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “…The Maharushbie…” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “…With talent on loan from-” Crowd: “ROB!” Limbaugh pauses. Rush: “GOD!” Suave: “What can I do for you, Mr. Limbaugh?” Rush: “We’re both here tonight to say…we told you so. That’s right. It’s taken less than a week for the new PCW CEO Barack Hussein Obama to show his true colors. I don’t care what anybody else thinks. I…WANT…OBAMA…TO…FAIL. Period. I hope he fails.” More boos. Ann Coulter nods in agreement. Ann: “We don’t need socialism in PCW.” Crowd: “She’s a crack whore…(clap clap clap-clap-clap) She’s a crack whore…(clap clap clap-clap-clap) Suave: “Okay, that’s just not nice to say. Besides, it’s an insult to crack whores.” Coulter ignores the chants. Ann: “That’s what the Progressive Alliance want.” Suave: “Crack whores?” Ann: “No! Socialism. Obama wants socialism. The Progressive Alliance wants socialism.”
“Straight Shooting Maverick” John McCain comes out. John: “Rush. Ann. My friends. Look, the American Patriots can’t be obstructionist. We need to work together with CEO Obama as much as possible but still stand on principle when we need to.” Rush: “John. You’ve singlehandedly destroyed the American Patriots.” Yet more boos. Rush: “Remember both Ann and I said last year that you running for the PCW CEO for the American Patriots would destroy us. We were right. Look what’s happened to the American Patriots. Who’s left? Starz N. Stripes is gone. The Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade- they’re gone. Who’s leading the ship? Who’s in charge? No one. The American Patriots are dead in the water and it’s all YOUR fault. Had the American Patriots listened to me, El Rushbo, with talent on loan from-” Crowd: “BOB!” Rush: “GOD…you idiots. GOD! Had the AP listened to me, they wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.”
*flute and clarinet flourish*
Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands and lets out a loud ovation as PCW CEO Barack Obama appears with his Aide de Camp Joe Biden by his side. Obama goes to the ring to join the conversation. Barack: “Rush, I just have two words for you……I won.” The crowd stands and cheers. Rush is not amused. Barack: “The American Patriots have a choice to make. Will they follow Rush Limbaugh, travel down the road into irrelevance, and we’ll never get anything done? Or will they follow the lead of John McCain?” Rush: “What? Is this the great unifier? The one who’s going to unify everyone and usher in a new era of bipartisanship and love? What’s clear here, Mr. Obama, is that YOU are afraid of ME. You are clearly more frightened of me, El Rushbo, with talent on loan from-” Crowd: “MOM!” Rush: “SHUT UP! IT’S GOD YOU IDIOTS…GOD, GOD, GOD! *clears throat* Now, as I was saying in a manner that only I, with my years of broadcast excellence, can say, you are more frightened of me then you are of Mitch McConnell and John Boehner- and they sit on the PCW Competition Committee.” Obama smiles. Barack: “All right, Rush. Tell you what. You bring your best wrestler to the ring. I’ll bring the PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama to the ring. And we’ll settle this there. You tell me by the end of the night who you want in the ring and we’ll do this next week on PCW Extreme Political TV.”
Suave: “THERE IT IS! NEXT WEEK, PCW CHAMPION O’BECK BAHAMA WILL DEFEND HIS TITLE AGAINST AN OPPONENT OF RUSH LIMBAUGH’S CHOOSING! WHO WILL IT BE?”
Rahm Emanuel Named Leader of the Progressive Alliance
Tim Kaine, Executive Director of the Progressive Alliance, announced that Rahm Emanuel aka…Rahmbo will become the new leader of the Progressive Alliance group. Emanuel will be responsible for all wrestling activities and will report directly to Kaine.
REPLAY: PCW CEO Barack Obama’s Swearing In Last Week at PCW Night of Champions
PCW Owner Bubba Jackson and PCW Director of Security Dawn McGill climb into the ring. Bubba prepares to administer the oath. Bubba: “All right…all right.” He tries to get the crowd to quiet down. Bubba: “Barack, are you ready?” Barack: “Yes.” Bubba: “Okay. Do you swear that you’ll…do the best possible job possible to…help PCW prosper…and get…” Barack: “Big?” Bubba: “Yeah. Big.” Barack: “Yes.” Bubba: “Congratulations Mr. CEO.” The crowd stands and cheers. Suave: “And that’s it? Barack Obama is now the PCW CEO…and maybe Bubba ought to write something out ahead of time before trying to administer the oath- such as it was.”
PCW CEO OBAMA GIVEN OATH OF OFFICE A SECOND TIME BY PCW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON…JUST IN CASE
This time, Bubba wrote them down ahead of time. Big difference.
DAVE THE MECHANIC w/Tequila Sheila (Joe SixPacks) vs.
SNOTT FLEMMSTEIN (Independent)
Suave: “Last week, Dave the Mechanic lost a very close match with PCW Television Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido with a little help from the new Leader of the Progressive Alliance Rahm Emanuel. This week, he gets Snott Flemmstein.” The bell rings. Dave the Mechanic starts fast. Arm wringer followed by Irish Whip into the ropes to a Back Body Drop. Snott off the ropes for a high crossbody block. Dave catches him in mid-air and slams him to the canvas. Snott goes to his oversized prosthetic nose and shoots out green ‘snot.’ Dave ducks and then tackles Flemmstein. Dave whips him into the ropes again. Flying clothesline. Flemmstein shoots out brown boogers from his nose. Dave again ducks and dives. Single leg takedown. Slingshot into the ropes. Flemmstein catches a neck full of ring rope and shoots backwards to the canvas. Tequila Sheila throws him her trusty blender. Snott staggers up. *WHAP* Snott goes right back down. Dave covers. 1…2…3.
WINNER: DAVE THE MECHANIC
Suave: “An impressive victory for Dave the Mechanic as he- *eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* Suave: “Oh no. That sound could only mean one person.” Dr. Bill drives up in his motorized wheelchair. One of his ankle casts has been removed but his other ankle and both arms are still in casts. Dr. Bill: “Dave, in life we teach people how to treat us. For too many years, the so-called jobbers, the cannon fodders on the PCW roster have been treated as the lowest of the low on the totem pole. Sometimes, you’ve just gotta give yourself what you wish you were getting from someone else. In this case, they need to give themselves respect. And they’re going to get it by kicking your ass in the ring right now.”
Flemmstein shoots out a green stream of snot that encases Dave the Mechanic. Jimmy from So Cal, Ivan Rectum-Fighting Proctologist, Pirate Dave, and Tanya Hardy and the White Trash Posse pounce. The White Trash Posse clip Tequila Sheila’s knee with a baton. Suave: “What in the world is going on here?”
Kevin Scott, Average Joe, American Trucker, and PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin arrive. The jobbers quickly exit stage left behind their new leader Dr. Bill.
SCHETT BROTHERS PROMO
Suave: “Jack Schett, Bull Schett, Horst Schett, and the Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber don’t look very happy. And with good reason. Let’s go back to last week…”
REPLAY: PCW Tag Team Title Match from last week’s PCW Night of Champions:
BIG OIL w/Texas Tex and KIRK WALSTREIT- Wall Street Market Analyst with Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit © (Domination Inc.) vs.
JACK SCHETT and BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance)
The bell rings. Big Oil takes one step forward and then climbs out of the ring. Big Oil, Walstreit, and the rest of Domination Inc walk back to the locker room. Again, the crowd craps all over it. Jack Schett stands in the ring with his arms outstretched. The referee starts to count Big Oil and Walstreit out. Suave: “They’re going back to the locker room. And of course, the title won’t change hands unless it’s a pin or submission so Big Oil and Walstreit will keep the belts. And PCW can’t say they no-showed because they were here. But the crowd is not happy.”
Jack: “Big Oil. Walstreit. You can run but at some point, you will have to face us in the ring. If you don’t think for one second that we will hunt you down and get back what is rightfully ours- the PCW Tag Team titles- then you don’t know Jack Schett. Bull: “That’s right! The way we lost the titles was a bunch of Bull Schett. I can guarantee you that with our new leader, Rahmbo Emanuel, in charge that the Bull Schett that happened at PCW Extreme Election Night will never happen again. Big Oil and Walstreit- start counting down the days because we will be the PCW Tag Team champions again. And that’s no Bull Schett.”
Suave: “Okay. The Schett Brothers want the PCW Tag Team Title back. The question is when they will get a crack at it. Big Oil is out for two more weeks after taking PCW Security Director Dawn McGill’s 4 inch stiletto heel in the balls.
AVERAGE JOE (Joe SixPacks) vs.
QUADRUPLE R (Domination Inc.)
Suave: “I don’t see any of the others from Domination Inc. Quadruple R has got a ton of talent but he can’t always control his emotions. He wants a shot at the PCW Title. Let’s see what he can do tonight.” Quad R starts quickly with a gutwrench suplex and locks in a half nelson crossface. Quad R hits a high knee and bulldogs Average Joe to the canvas. He drags him up and tosses him out of the ring. Quad R finds a chair. *CLANG* He drags Average Joe back into the ring holding the chair. Suave: “Quadruple R setting him up…DDT ON THE CHAIR! THAT’LL DO IT. ONE. TWO. THAT’S IT.”
WINNER: QUADRUPLE R
Suave: “An impressive victory for Quadruple R and NO INTERFERENCE FROM DOMINATION INC! After everything that happened last week, that’s a bit of a surprise.”
Emergency Domination Inc. Board Meeting
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein reports that Domination Inc. did indeed hold an emergency board meeting over the weekend. Topic #1 was dealing with the new PCW Security Director Dawn McGill. While breaking up a huge brawl, between the Joe SixPacks and Domination Inc., McGill kicked one half of the PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil in the balls with her 4” stilettos for the second time in a month.
After PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins had just pinned challenger ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin after Quadruple R smacked Tessa over the head with a chair, all hell broke loose…
REPLAY: Aftermath of KRC/’PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Match from 1/20-PCW NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS
Suave: “THIS SUCKS! THIS IS SUCH A BULL CRAP ENDING! NO FREAKIN’ WAY…HOLD ON!” Joe SixPack hits the ring. Kevin Scott tackles Quad R and they start to brawl. ‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade join in and triple team Quad R. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! REDNECK 4-D DEATH BLAST ON QUADRUPLE R! AND HERE COMES DOMINATION INC.!” Rough Justice…aka D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired for their over the top extreme style of justice, wade in with Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit. Ruff and Justice taser the hell out of Locke and Loade- they’re out. Big Oil and Walstreit lock up get into a wild brawl with Average Joe and the American Trucker- an old grudge match from a few months back. Joe the Plumber tries to help out but Daisy Cutter-Bomb kicks him in the balls. Suave: “Ah…poor Joe. DAISY CUTTER POWERBOMB! DAISY CUTTER POWERBOMB!” Daisy leaves Joe in a heap. Ruff and Justice duel with Kevin Scott. Justice gets the taser on Scott and takes him down. Suave: “HERE COMES DAVE THE MECHANIC!” Dave, still a bit winded from his TV Title match, wheels his battery charger down with him. He grabs the jumper cables and *ZZZZZAP* down goes Ruff. Justice lunges at him *ZZZZZAP* down goes Justice. Walstreit Stock Market Plunges American Trucker. Big Oil choke slams Average Joe. Suave: “HE’S GOT HIM! *WHAM* OKLAHOMA DRILLER! OKLAHOMA DRILLER!...” The crowd suddenly cheers. Suave: “HERE COMES PCW SECURITY DIRECTOR DAWN McGILL!”
McGill, with Singapore Cane in hand, runs up to Walstreit. *THWACK* *THWACK* Walstreit staggers into the steel guardrail. Big Oil rips the jumper cables away from Dave the Mechanic and choke slams him. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Dave bounced up about six inches off the canvas!” Big Oil goes for the jumper cables, McGill plants her 4 inch stiletto heels in his groin. Big Oil to his knees. *THWACK* Big Oil topples over. Daisy Cutter-Bomb attacks McGill from behind and knocks the Singapore cane away. McGill instinctively whirls around with an open hand and smacks Daisy in the face. She stumbles all the way across the ring. McGill picks up the Singapore cane but gets blindsided by the PCW Women’s champion Kathryn Randall Collins. KRC drives McGill to the corner. McGill kick to the groin with her stilettos stops KRC in her tracks. She takes two steps back and turns around to see ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin standing there- with her oversized pizza box. *WHAP* Suave: “HELLO! and GOODNIGHT! TESSA COVERS KRC! SHE COUNTS OUT HER OWN PINFALL.” An angry Tessa yells at KRC. Then she takes the pizza box and Arabian Facebusters KRC for good measure.
Big Oil is now out for the next three weeks to heal. Topic #2 was a discussion about the PCW Competition Committee changing the rules before last week’s Night of Champions.
REPLAY: PCW Competition Committee Announcement Concerning Title Defenses from PCW Night of Champions
Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and Steny Hoyer of the Progressive Alliance are joined by American Patriots’ John Boehner and Mitch McConnell. Pelosi: “Last week, Domination Inc. announced that they found a loophole in the PCW competition rules that allowed their wrestlers, PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, not to put their title belts up in matches tonight. After a long consultation between all five members of the PCW Competition Committee, PCW CEO George W, and PCW CEO-designate Barack Obama, we have come up with a solution.” Pelosi produces a sheet of paper and reads from it. Pelosi: “We, the PCW Competition Committee, by unanimous vote, hereby change the PCW Rules and By-Laws as follows: ‘Each champion must put their title up in competition at Pay Per View shows, PCW Night of Champions, and otherwise, at least once a month. Therefore, the PCW Competition Committee decrees that tonight’s matches between Jack and Bull Schett vs. Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit WILL be for the PCW Tag Team belts. Tonight’s match between ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Kathryn Randall Collins will be for the PCW Women’s title.”
Bernstein did not gleam any specifics from the meeting. But it appears Domination Inc. is itching for a fight.
‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews and Newsweek’s Jonathan Alter Attack Sarah Palin at PCW House Show
Just when it appeared that the Sarah Palin/Keith Olbermann, Arianna Huffington, Paul Krugman conflict was dying down, ‘Hardball’ Matthews and Jonathan Alter launched a sneak attack on the Alaskan Pitbull Saturday night at a PCW House Show in Bowling Green, Ohio.
REPLAY: KALEE JONES w/ ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (American Patriots) vs. EMILY LIST w/ Arianna Huffington (Progressive Alliance) from PCW House Show in Bowling Green, Ohio.
…Jones hits a press slam on List. Big leg drop. Jones lifts her up for the Eskimo Pieface. WHAM! She covers. 1…2…3. Bell rings. ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews and Jonathan Alter run up and attack Palin from behind. Matthews and Alter try to drag Palin to the back. Politically Incorrect (NRA, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen, and Hunter the Hunter) w/the Queen of Political Incorrectness Andrea Doria. Jones goes after Matthews and Alter from the front. She leaps and clotheslines Alter to the floor. Cahall, Koteen, and NRA gang up on ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews. Jones lifts Alter up…ESKIMO PIEFACE on the floor! Alter rolls over and his face is a mess. Cahall and Koteen whip Hardball to the ring post. Hunter the Hunter then sets up his finisher…the bear trap. NRA pushes him towards Hunter. *SNAP* BEAR TRAP! Matthews screams and tries to pry the steel trap off his foot.
KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen w/Elisabeth Hasselbeck from ‘The View’ (American Patriots) vs.
CODE PINK w/Joy Behar from ‘The View’ (Progressive Alliance)
Suave: “Code Pink is still hobbled a bit from her injury last week on PCW Night of Champions when she accidently drop kicked a steel guardrail and severely sprained her ankle. The ankle is heavily wrapped. Kalee Jones just looks ready to kill someone.” Hasselbeck and Behar spar with each other from across the ring. Bell rings. Jones scoop slams Code Pink right out of the box. Jones works Code Pink’s bad ankle. Then she drags Code Pink up by the hair. Suave: “There she goes. *WHAM* ESKIMO PIEFACE! ESKIMO PIEFACE!” Jones doesn’t bother to cover. She sticks her boot on Code Pink. 1…2…3.
WINNER: KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen
Suave: “I don’t think Code Pink should have even been in the ring with her. Clearly, she’s injured. Hasselbeck and Behar get into it. Behar shoves Hasselbeck. Hasselbeck shoves Behar. THERE THEY GO! CAT-FIIIIIIIIIGHT! CAT-FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!” Hasselbeck and Behar roll around the ring. Suave: “HERE COMES THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS!” Professor Paul Krugman leads Daily Kos, Eric Alterman, Media Matters for America, and News Hounds out and they attack Hasselbeck. Suave: “AND HERE COMES POLITICALLY INCORRECT!” ‘The Queen of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria charges out in her fur coat, bikini top and bottom, her heeled shoes, cigarette, and holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, with Nic Koteen, Al Cahall, and Hunter the Hunter. The referee tries to separate the two groups. He gives up and grabs a microphone. Referee: “Screw it. You guys want to kill each other. Then go ahead. RING THE BELL!”
POLITICALLY INCORRECT- Al Cahall, Nic Koteen, NRA, and Hunter the Hunter w/ ‘The Queen of Political Incorrectness’ Andrea Doria vs.
THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS- Daily Kos, Eric Alterman, Media Matters for America, and News Hounds w/Professor Paul Krugman
Hasselbeck and Behar brawl to the back. All eight men in the ring. Complete chaos. They just start punching each other! Al Cahall slams Daily Kos to the floor. Andrea Doria sets up two chairs. Cahall hits a side slam on the two set up chairs. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Nic Koteen gets a chair wrapped round his neck by Eric Alterman. He fights back with strikes. Chair shot for the Koteen! A THIRD CHAIR SHOT!” Alterman covers…no! Hunter the Hunter yanks him off. NRA SENTONS ALTERMAN ONTO THE CHAIR!" Crowd: “HOLY S***!...HOLY S***!” News Hounds and NRA go at it. News Hounds with a pair of vicious chair shots. NRA bleeds from the head. Cahall and Daily Kos take it into the bleachers and get in a few more shots in on each other. Cahall gets a back mount and wails away with punches. Daily Kos flips him over his head and Cahall lands hard on the floor. Daily Kos gets a couple of chair shots in.
NRA laid out on a table. Alterman sentons…and hits it! Crowd: “PCW!...PCW!...PCW! Suave: “This has just been brutal. Alterman sentons NRA through the freakin’ table. Another table is set up in the ring. Koteen and Cahall brawl with Media Matters and News Hounds. Cahall throws News Hounds on the table. But News Hounds hangs onto Cahall and pulls him on as well. The table can’t take the weight of them and it collapses. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! They both landed badly.” Media Matters grabs a chunk of table and breaks it over Nic Koteen’s back. Back into the ring. Suave: “ALTERMAN THROWS A CHAIR AT HUNTER THE HUNTER!” Hunter goes to walk away and but Alterman picks the chair up again. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE THREWS THAT AT THE BACK OF HUNTER THE HUNTER’S HEAD!” Hunter staggers. Alterman goes for powerbomb through yet another table. Hunter somehow reverses it. Suave: “PILEDRIVER! PILEDRIVER THROUGH THE FREAKIN’ TABLE! HOLY, HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “HOLY S***!...HOLY S***!” Hunter covers but News Hounds dives in for the save.
Outside in the back, right below Suave’s broadcast position. Al Cahall has Daily Kos draped over a table and he has climbed up to where Suave is. Suave: “WHAT IN THE HELL IS HE DOING? HE’S GOING TO PUT KOS THROUGH THE TABLE FROM TWENTY FEET UP!” Cahall looks really tired. He’s ready to jump. Suave: “IT’S THE GREEN WORLD ORDER!” ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee runs over and pushes Cahall over the edge. Below, GreenPete pulls Daily Kos off the table. *CRUNCH* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! CAHALL JUST DESTROYED THAT TABLE!” Crowd: “THIS MATCH ROCKS! THIS MATCH ROCKS!” GreenPete to the ring. Suave: “PETA FROM PETA IS TRYING TO CHOKE OUT ANDREA DORIA!” Peta, furious at Doria for wearing fur, has a choke hold on her. Doria flips her over her head and Peta from PETA lands on the floor. PeaceNick comes in from behind and slaps a handkerchief full of chloroform on her. Suave: “CHLOROFORM! CHLOROFORM!” Andrea fades out and falls to the floor. Peta from PETA strips her of the fur coat and lays it down. She soaks it in lighter fluid and sets it on fire.
*SNAP* Paul Krugman: “AAARGHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Suave: “WHAT THE- BEAR TRAP! BEAR TRAP! KRUGMAN’S LOCKED INTO HUNTER THE HUNTER’S BEAR TRAP!” Media Matters and News Hounds go over and desperately try to pry the trap open. Suave: “OH, OH. THEY DON’T SEE HUNTER THE HUNTER!” Chairshot to Media Matters. Chairshot to News Hounds. Chairshot to GreenPete. In the ring, NRA has Brock Cole Lee in the Gun Rack. Peta from PETA hops in the ring and low blows NRA. Hunter the Hunter now in the ring. He grabs Peta by the hair and body slams her. Daily Kos is back in the ring and HE low blows Hunter the Hunter. Bulldog. Cover. 1…2… Suave: “NO! Hunter kicks out. WAIT A MINUTE! NRA HAS A SHOTGUN!” NRA: “YOU’LL HAVE TO PRY THIS FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS” *WHAP* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE JUST BLASTED DAILY KOS WITH THE BUTT OF THE SHOTGUN! NRA COVERS. ONE…TWO…THREE!”
WINNER: POLITICALLY INCORRECT- Al Cahall, Nic Koteen, NRA, and Hunter the Hunter
Suave: “They’re still trying to get Krugman out of the Bear Trap. There’s bodies littered all over the hall. Wow!-”
*“WITH TALENT ON LOAN FROM GOD!”*
LIMBAUGH ANNOUNCES HIS CHOICE
‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh comes out. He walks around the assorted bodies in and around the ring. Suave: “Well? I guess it’s time to find out who’ll represent Rush Limbaugh next week against the PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama.” Rush: “Yes, it is I, again...” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “…El Rushbo…” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “…The Maharushbie…” Crowd: “WHO?” Rush: “With talent on loan from-” Crowd: “TODD!” Rush: “…GOD!...At this time, I’d like to introduce my choice to represent me, Rush Limbaugh, next week against PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama.”
*‘Domination Inc. will completely takeover Political Championship Wrestling by any and all means*
Suave: “Okay. I’m not sure if this is good or bad.” Limbaugh watches as the members of Domination Inc file into the arena. Rush: “Quadruple R!” The crowd erupts into boos. Quadruple R steps forwards and raises his hands. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! Has Rush Limbaugh allied himself with Domination Inc.? What does that mean for the American Patriots? Next week, Quadruple R finally gets his title shot against the PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama. I’m Johnny Suave- see you next week.”
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