Tuesday, January 20, 2009

1/20-PCW Night of Champions-Hour 1: Barack Obama Becomes the PCW CEO, Sarah Palin and the Eskimo Queen vs. Keith Olbermann and Arianna Huffington


-‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Joe SixPacks) defeated Daisy Cutter-Bomb (Domination Inc.)
-‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin confronts Keith Olbermann, Arianna Huffington, and Professor Paul Krugman over their attacks at PCW House shows. Code Pink debuts and attacks Palin. She gets Eskimo Piefaced by Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen.
-Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Progressive Alliance) become the #1 contenders for the PCW Tag Team belts after beating ‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade (Joe SixPacks)
-Domination Inc. announces that their Corporate Counsel Felcher and Felcher found a loophole in the PCW rules that state the only time title defenses are mandatory is at Pay Per View shows. Therefore, the PCW Tag Team and Women’s title matches at PCW Night of Champions will be non-title bouts.
-SNAFU was to have met PCW Television Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido for the TV belt. But Dave the Mechanic took him out in revenge for SNAFU interfering in his title matches against Escondido. Dave warns SNAFU to stay out of his match at PCW Night of Champions against Escondido.

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV: January 20th from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, Westville, OH.
HOST: Johnny Suave

PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)

Huge lines of people formed early this morning in front of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon to see PCW Night of Champions and to watch the installment of Barack Obama as PCW CEO. Tonight’s card is as follows:

-‘The Eskimo Queen’ Kalee Jones and ’The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (American Patriots) vs. Code Pink and Emily List (Progressive Alliance)

-PCW Television Title Match: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido © (Progressive Alliance) defends against Dave the Mechanic (Joe Sixpacks)

-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Oil w/Texas Tex and Kirk Walstreit ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with a man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ © (Domination Inc.) vs. Jack Schett and Bull Schett w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer

-PCW Women’s Title Match: Kathryn Randall Collins © (Domination Inc.) vs. ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Joe Sixpacks)

-PCW Title Match: O’Beck Bahama w/‘Not Just Unbearable…not just intolerable…he is’ Justin Sufferable © (Progressive Alliance) vs. Kevin Scott (Joe Sixpacks)

Last week, Domination Inc. stated that the PCW Tag Team and Women’s Title matches involving their wrestlers will be non-title matches thanks to a loophole found in the PCW rules. Last night, the PCW Competition Committee worked late into the night to hammer out a change in the rules. Tonight, they announce their decision.

Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and Steny Hoyer of the Progressive Alliance are joined by American Patriots’ John Boehner and Mitch McConnell. Pelosi: “Last week, Domination Inc. announced that they found a loophole in the PCW competition rules that allowed their wrestlers, PCW Tag Team Champions Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins, not to put their title belts up in matches tonight. After a long consultation between all five members of the PCW Competition Committee, PCW CEO George W, and PCW CEO-designate Barack Obama, we have come up with a solution.” Pelosi produces a sheet of paper and reads from it. Pelosi: “We, the PCW Competition Committee, by unanimous vote, hereby change the PCW Rules and By-Laws as follows: ‘Each champion must put their title up in competition at Pay Per View shows, PCW Night of Champions, and otherwise, at least once a month. Therefore, the PCW Competition Committee decrees that tonight’s matches between Jack and Bull Schett vs. Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit WILL be for the PCW Tag Team belts. Tonight’s match between ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Kathryn Randall Collins will be for the PCW Women’s title.”

“There you have it! The PCW Competition Committee has overruled Domination Inc. We will have FOUR title matches tonight! All right, as we get set up for the Obama installment, let’s look at the new PCW Jersey that’s being modeled by no other than the Alaskan Pitbull Sarah Palin.

*sighs* All I’m going to say about that jersey is this…

The off-key strains of George W’s mariachi band playing the opening notes of “Hail to the Chief’ signal the entrance of the outgoing PCW CEO. George W and his aide de camp Dick, strained his back so he’s being wheeled up to the ring, somberly head towards the ring. The crowd gives him a middling ovation. Suave: “Well, one nice thing about W retiring. I won’t have to listen to that God-awful tone deaf mariachi band butcher ‘Hail to the Chief’ anymore.

*flute and clarinet flourish*

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet to the ring steps. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…we’re still not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. The crowd stands and lets out a loud ovation as PCW CEO-designate Barack Obama appears with his Aide de Camp to be Joe Biden by his side. Suave: “AND HERE COMES THE PCW CEO-DESIGNATE BARACK OBAMA! LISTEN TO THIS CROWD!” PCW Owner Bubba Jackson and PCW Director of Security Dawn McGill climb into the ring. Bubba prepares to administer the oath. Bubba: “All right…all right.” He tries to get the crowd to quiet down. Bubba: “Barack, are you ready?” Barack: “Yes.” Bubba: “Okay. Do you swear that you’ll…do the best possible job possible to…help PCW prosper…and get…” Barack: “Big?” Bubba: “Yeah. Big.” Barack: “Yes.” Bubba: “Congratulations Mr. CEO.” The crowd stands and cheers. Suave: “And that’s it? Barack Obama is now the PCW CEO…and maybe Bubba ought to write something out ahead of time before trying to administer the oath- such as it was.”

“My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank George W. for his service to PCW, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition period. Today, I say to you that the challenges PCW faces are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this- they will be met.” The crowd claps. Barack: “We must-”

*‘Domination Inc. will completely takeover Political Championship Wrestling by any and all means*

Suave: “
Well? I wondered how long it was going to take Domination Inc. to come out. They can’t be the least bit happy about the PCW Competition Committee’s ruling. CEO ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann, CFO Gordon Guyko, Corporate Counsel Felcher and Felcher, and Whiskey Tango Foxtrot come to the ring. Suave: “Yep. McMann- not happy.” McMann: “All right Mr. PCW CEO. Earlier tonight, your competition committee did a grave disservice to Domination Inc. by making tonight’s matches involving Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit and Kathryn Randall Collins title matches. This is unacceptable and totally unfair. My wrestlers did not prepare for a title defense tonight.” Barack: “I haven’t signed the official proclamation yet, Mr. McMann. What are you asking?” McMann: “I’m not asking, I’m demanding. You either tear that piece of paper up and keep those matches non-title, or else Domination Inc will walk out of here and you’ll have no matches at all.” Suave: “WHOA! MR. McMANN IS THREATENING THE NEW PCW CEO!” Joe Biden leans into Obama’s ear. Biden: “See, I told you you’d face a challenge within 6 months.” Barack: “Oh, shut up.” Obama looks at McMann. Then he looks at the sheet of paper. Suave: “What is he going to do? Will Obama sign off on it? Or will he give in to Mr. McMann’s demands?”

“Well? What’s it going to be?” Obama again glances at McMann. Then he reaches into his suit pocket, pulls out a pen, and defiantly signs off on the proclamation. The crowd explodes. Mr. McMann goes ballistic. McMann: “FINE! THAT’S IT. DOMINATION INC- WE’RE OUT OF HERE!” McMann turns to leave. Barack: “Before you all leave the premises, make sure you give the title belts to Ms. McGill here.” McMann stops and turns around. McMann: “What?” Barack: “You see, there’s a clause in the PCW rules that state if a wrestler deliberately no-shows a match without giving notice or cause, then he or she automatically forfeits whatever title he or she has. So, if you want to walk out of here- be my guest. Just leave the belts behind before you go.” Again, the crowd cheers. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! MR. McMANN CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” Obama produces a PCW rulebook and turns it to the appropriate page and points to it. Barack: “So…what’s it going to be?” McMann spins on his heels and walks out with the other members of Domination Inc. in tow.

“WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW? WILL DOMINATION INC SHOW UP FOR THEIR MATCHES?” Backstage, McMann, Guyko, WTF, and Felcher and Felcher file into Domination Inc’s suite. Two Buckland County Sheriff’s Deputies guard the door to intercept them if they attempt to leave Hack’s with the title belts.



But this time, The Alaskan Pitbull gets a little back up…


KALEE JONES w/Sarah Palin (American Patriots) vs.
‘Trailer Park Sweetheart’ TANYA HARDY w/The White Trash Posse (Independent)
Jones Eskimo Piefaces Hardy and pins her. Sarah Palin enters the ring and holds up Jones’ hand in victory.

Code Pink hits the ring and confronts Palin. Olbermann, Huffington, and Krugman climb into the ring as well and join Code Pink. Kalee Jones stands next to Palin. Emily List of the Progressive Alliance sneaks in behind Palin and grabs her. She starts choking her. Jones turns around and moves towards List. Code Pink leaps on her back and locks in a sleeper hold. Jones spins around briefly and slowly succumbs to the sleeper. Code Pink then pulls out a pair of handcuffs and cuffs Palin to the ring post. Both List and Code Pink start whaling away on Palin. Huffington joins in as Olbermann and Krugman smugly look on.

Then a woman wearing a fur coat, a bikini top underneath, a mini-skirt, and stiletto heels, smoking a cigarette and swilling from a bottle of Jack Daniels runs in with Politically Incorrect (NRA, Nic Koteen, Al Cahall). NRA, Koteen, and Cahall hit the ring. Huffington, Olbermann and Krugman quickly exit. Koteen yanks Code Pink off of Palin and throws her across the ring. Cahall lifts up Emily List and holds her for a now revived Kalee Jones. Jones Eskimo Piefaces List. Then she Eskimo Piefaces Code Pink.


From left to right: R Felcher, D.B. Ruff, B Felcher, Connor Justice, Quad R, Richard Emerson Brantley III, CEO 'Sports Entertainment Genius' Mr. McMann, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Kathryn Randall Collins...aka KRC, CFO Gordon Guyko, Kirk Walstreit (holding up picture of ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit), Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Big Oil, Bradley Scott Wilson Esq, Texas Tex

From left to right: American Trucker, PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin, Average Joe, Tequila Sheila, Dave the Mechanic, Kevin Scott, Gary Locke of Locke and Loade, Earl Loade of Locke and Loade

MATCH #1 KALEE JONES- The Eskimo Queen and ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ SARAH PALIN (American Patriots) vs.
CODE PINK and EMILY LIST w/Keith Olbermann, Arianna Huffington, and Professor Paul Krugman (Progressive Alliance)
“Well, well, well. After two weeks of withering sneak attacks by Olbermann, Huffington, and Krugman, Palin may get her hands on them tonight. Kalee Jones is going to be a force in the PCW Women’s division very soon.” Jones and Code Pink to start. They lock up and Jones shoves Code Pink to the canvas. Code Pink back up and hits a single leg takedown on the Eskimo Queen. They roll around a bit before dropping out of the ring to the floor. Code Pink drop kicks Jones who barely budges. She tries again. Jones move and Code Pink kicks the steel barricade. Jones goes for a table but Emily List comes around and stops that. List is then heaved into the barricade by Jones and she again goes for a table. Code Pink tries to get up. Suave: “I think Code Pink hurt her ankle. She’s not moving very well.” Code Pink can barely walk. Jones grabs List by the hair and drags her to the table. List rakes the eyes and manages to escape. Jones, temporarily blinded, grabs the injured Code Pink and sets her up for the Eskimo Pieface. Suave: “Oh, no…*WHAM* HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “PCW!...PCW!...PCW!” List missile dropkicks Jones and drives her into the remnants of the table on top of Code Pink.

Arianna throws a chain to List and she busts Jones open with it. List grinds the chain into the Eskimo Queen’s open cut. List whips Jones with the chain across the back several times. Then she wraps it around her neck and tries to choke her out with it. Jones manages to power out and escape. Jones lands a right but List takes her legs out and she slams back to the mat. List finds a chair and sets Jones in it. Then she climbs back into the ring. Suave: “THIS COULD BE IT! WAIT! SARAH PALIN’S IN THE RING!” List sees her and turns around. Palin charges and spears List. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “HOLY S***!...HOLY S***!...HOLY S***!” Both ladies tumble to the floor! Jones puts List in the chair. She goes back in and DIVES through the ropes and destroys List. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! KALEE JONES JUST SPEARED LIST ON THE CHAIR-…HERE COMES THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS!” Olbermann and Krugman doubleteam Jones and throw her into the steel barricade. Huffington waves Eric Alterman, Daily Kos, and Media Matters for America to Palin and they attack her. Huffington pulls out a table. Suave: “THEY’RE GOING TO PUT SARAH PALIN THROUGH A TABLE!” Daily Kos and Alterman lift Palin up.

“IT’S POLITICALLY INCORRECT!” Nic Koteen, Al Cahall, NRA, and the mysterious woman wearing a bikini top covered by a lush, fur coat, smoking a cigarette and swilling from a bottle of Jack Daniels. *CLANG* *CLANG* Suave: “KOTEEN AND CAHALL PLASTER DAILY KOS AND ALTERMAN WITH CHAIR SHOTS!” NRA low blows Olbermann. Then he lifts him up across his shoulders. Suave: “GUN RACK! GUN RACK! GUN RACK!” Krugman shoves NRA. NRA drops Olbermann and locks in on Krugman. Suave: “Big mistake there, Paul. Guess you’re not as smart as you think you are.” Krugman tries to beg off. NRA lifts him up and… Suave: “GUN RACK! GUN RACK! GUN RACK!” Arianna’s in the ring and backing away from the mysterious woman. Arianna: “Who…who the hell are you?” Woman: “You can call me the Queen of Anti-Political Extreme- Andrea Doria.” Suave: “The Queen of Anti-Political Extreme. Interesting choice of name.” Andrea: “You know, I may not agree with everything Sarah Palin stands for. But I can’t sit back and watch the way she’s been treated without doing something. Just because she's a woman and doesn't spout the NOW line, just because she lives in Alaska and they have a different way of going about things, and just because she doesn't kow tow to the political correctness dogma, does not give you carte blanche to tee off on her like that. An eye for an eye. If you keep attacking Sarah Palin, Politically Incorrect and I will be there and return the fire in spades.” Suave: “WHOA! ANDREA DORIA AND POLITICALLY INCORRECT ARE COMING TO SARAH PALIN’S AID! WE’VE GOT FOUR TITLE MATCHES COMING UP IN JUST A MINUTE!”


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