PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV– May 26th from the Palace of Political Extreme aka PCW Hall in Eagle Rock, OH/ Host: Johnny Suave
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PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
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PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
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Crowd: “PCW...PCW!” Johnny Suave: We are live at the Palace of Political Extreme and the PCW Television champion Big Oil is already in the ring with Wall Street Market Analyst, and owner of a man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, Kirk Walstreit. He is steaming hot over what happened last week on PCW Extreme Political TV.
INCIDENT AT THE END OF LAST WEEK’S PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV INVOLVING BIG OIL, THE AMERICAN TRUCKER, AND AVERAGE JOE
Texas Tex comes down with the wheelbarrow overflowing with cash. Big Oil again brags about the price of oil reaching $134 per barrel and thanks the American people for continuing to line his pockets with their cash. Big Oil: “Money equals power. There’s people like you who are nothing more than common sheep. Then there’s people like me- powerful people who lead sheep like you. You can all…hey!” Suave: “IT’S THE AMERICAN TRUCKER AND AVERAGE JOE!” American Trucker pushes Texas Tex into the ring apron. Big Oil: “What are you doing? Get…get away from my money!” American Trucker: “You say that money equals power. I say that this can of lighter fluid and this match is a big equalizer.” American Trucker soaks the money with lighter fluid. Texas Tex tries to stop him but Average Joe tackles him. Enraged, Big Oil starts to climb out of the ring when a whip wraps around his ankle and then takes out the feet from under him. Suave: “DUH-DA-DA DUUHHHHH! IT’S INDIANOLA JONES!” Big Oil falls face first to the canvas. American Trucker lights the match and throws it into the wad of cash inside the wheelbarrow. *POOF* Big Oil: “NOOOOOOOOOO!” Big Oil tries to get up but Indianaola Jones won’t let him. He helplessly watches as his money burns up in a fiery inferno.
Big Oil calls the crowd ‘ingrates’ for cheering the American Trucker and Average Joe when they set his money on fire. Big Oil: “You should all be kissing my ass because I provide the fuel you need to drive your cars. If you thought $4 per gallon was a lot, just wait until it hits $5 per gallon you filthy peasants. Choke on that for awhile.” Then he turns his attention to American Trucker and Average Joe. Big Oil calls them both out and introduces a video shot by Exploding Sheep Productions and paid for by Kirk Walstreit.
EXPLODING SHEEP PRODUCTIONS FILM
The film starts with Big Oil narrating over a shot of a rather average house located on an average street in an average neighborhood- Average Joe’s house. Then the American Trucker’s semi-truck is shown. Big Oil appears on screen and he drives the truck into Average Joe’s front yard. Big Oil then puts the truck in gear and jumps out. The truck than slams into the house and then explodes.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” The crowd boos and throws debris into the ring. Big Oil tells American Trucker and Average Joe not to bother calling the authorities for destroying AT’s truck and blowing up AJ’s house. Big Oil has power and money; AT and AJ are insignificant. People like Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit are important. Money talks. Money makes the rules. Money makes might.
More debris is lobbed into the ring. Suave: “What a complete a-hole! Taking away a man’s livelihood and his house just because you think you can.” American Trucker and Average Joe look on in complete horror at the scene on the screen. *CRACK!* The crowd stands to cheer. Suave: “IT’S INDIANOLA JONES! HE’S BACK AGAIN THIS WEEK! LAST WEEK, HE SHOWED UP ON PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV AND WAS INSULTED BY BIG OIL. BUT, INDIANOLA JONES GOT THE LAST LAUGH WHEN HE USED HIS WHIP TO HELP AMERICAN TRUCKER AND AVERAGE JOE SET FIRE TO BIG OIL’S WHEELBARROW FULL OF MONEY!”
Big Oil tells Jones to go back to the rest home where he belongs before he gets hurt. The 65 year old Jones, who last set foot inside a wrestling ring 19 years ago, climbs into the ring and stands face to face with the 6 foot 11 inch behemoth. Big Oil tells Jones to back off. Jones stands his ground. Kirk Walstreit attempts to move Jones away. Jones takes his whip and pulls Walstreit’s legs out from under him. Big Oil tries the same thing and Jones lashes his chest with the whip. Big Oil challenges Jones to a match. Jones says he’ll do it for the television title. Big Oil agrees. Suave: “WOW! INDIANOLA JONES, BACK IN ACTION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 19 YEARS, TONIGHT AGAINST BIG OIL!”
BACKSTAGE- PCW CEO GEORGE W’S OFFICE
‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann pays another visit to George W to try and get his job back. W looks at him and asks about what happened last week.
REPLAY- MR. McMANN vs. ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN MATCH
Suave explains that Mr. McMann tried to ‘let bygones by bygones with the woman whom he stalked and then had hypnotized into doing a striptease routine on the old BCEW show. Here’s what happened:
Mr. McMann extends his hand. Tessa kicks him in the balls. Daisy Cutter-Bomb then tosses Tessa the oversized pizza box and she blasts Mr. McMann in the kisser with it. She puts her foot on McMann’s chest and gets the pin.Tessa turns and leaves Mr. McMann unconscious in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Well, if that’s not a feel good moment, I don’t know what is.”
George W laughs. He then tells Mr. McMann that someone else is getting a tryout tonight. Mr. McMann: “Someone else? Who? No one has my ability to create compelling, must see, sports entertainment on TV.” George W: “It’s Vince Rousseau.” Suave: “VINCE ROUSSEAU? OH NO!” Mr. McMann’s jaw drops.
MATCH #1 ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO (Independent) vs. FUBAR (Jobber)
Suave: “After losing to Escondido last week, for some reason FUBAR demanded a rematch tonight.” FUBAR’s sometime tag team partner, SNAFU, watches on the outside. Suave wonders if FUBAR can change his luck.
Unfortunately, no. Same match- same result. FUBAR is overmatched against the former PCW Television champion. Escondido scoop slams into the Crossface chicken wing. FUBAR quickly taps out.
WINNER: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO
Frustrated, FUBAR grabs the microphone from PCW Ring Announcer Charlene Ann Beckworth and vents about always losing. FUBAR ticks off all the things he’s done to try and improve himself. He hired Coach Bobby Petrino. Petrino lasted a match before taking a better paying job. Then he enlisted legendary basketball coach Bob Knight. Knight threw a chair at FUBAR in the middle of a match and walked off. SNAFU: “You know, maybe this is our lot in life- talent enhancement. This is what we do.” But FUBAR wants more than that. He’s won some matches but now he wants to take it to the next level.
Finally, Escondido tires of listening to FUBAR vent and gets on the mic himself. Escondido: “Look, you’ve been bitching for two weeks about losing. If you’re that distraught and upset over it, go hire yourself a life coach and get over it.” FUBAR: “A……life coach?” The light suddenly turns on.
PCW HALL PARKING LOT
Vince Rousseau describes his exciting new gimmick match to PCW Tag Team champions Jack Schett and Bull Schett and their opponents A. Tom and Hy Drogen Bomb. The camera pulls back to reveal……a giant ‘Mousetrap’ game board in the parking lot (based on the children’s board game). Suave: “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” Rousseau: “The team that can trap their opponent underneath the giant cage wins the match. That means one team member must turn the crank that rotates the gears that causes the lever to move and push the stop sign against the shoe. The shoe then tips over the bucket holding a metal ball that rolls down some rickety stairs into the rainpipe down to the helping hand rod. This causes a bowling ball on top of the helping hand rod to fall through a thing-a-mig-jig through the air into the bathtub and land on a diving board which then catapaults a diver through the air into a wash tub causing the cage to fall from the post and trap the unsuspecting wrestler inside.”
Rousseau asks each team if they understand the rules. Both teams: “No.” Rousseau: “Well, okay then. Good luck to you both.” Both the Schetts and Bombs look at Rousseau as if he’s crazy.
Suave: “Lots of controversy right now about some phone calls between Nick and Hulk Hogan that have been released to the public. Let’s listen in…”
NICK HOGAN’S TAPED PHONE CALL TO HIS FATHER, LEGENDARY WRESTLER HULK HOGAN
Nick and the Hulkster discuss the accident, say that John Graziano got what he deserved because he was a ‘negative’ person, and then talked about their plans to elicit sympathy from the judge to get Nick out of jail early. Then Nick and Hulk talked about a reality show for Nick after he got out of jail.
Then the muffled tones of Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock, Til You Drop’ were heard over the phone line. Suave: “YES! IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!” Nick screams in the tape. Hulk tells Nick to man up. Then the sound of mayhem and destruction ensues as Whiskey Tango Foxtrot-mania runs wild and Nick screams like a little girl.
MATCH #2 VINCE ROUSSEAU SPECIAL GIMMICK ‘MOUSETRAP BOARD GAME’ MATCH FOR THE PCW TAG TEAM BELTS: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT © w/Horst Schett and his Extreme Schnauzer Hans Gruber (Progressive Alliance) vs. A. TOM BOMB and HY DROGEN BOMB w/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
The bell rings. Jack and A-Bomb and Bull and H-Bomb match up. A-Bomb whips Jack into and over the rain pipe. Bull Schett and H-Bomb slug it out by the wash tub. A-Bomb climbs up on the rickety steps and delivers an elbow drop to Jack Schett. He drags Jack to where the cage hangs. Atomic Power Bomb! A-Bomb runs for the crank on the other side. Bull whips H-Bomb into the helping hand rod and pulls Jack out from under the cage. A-Bomb sees this and comes back.
Bull Schett lariats A-Bomb and chokes him on the rain pipe. H-Bomb grabs Bull from behind and tears him off. Jack hits a DDT out of nowhere on H-Bomb and then drags him underneath the hanging cage. Bull runs back to the crank but A-Bomb drop toe hold Jack Schett and pulls H-Bomb out.
Jack Schett whips A-Bomb into the wash bin and stomps a Schett hole into H-Bomb. Again, H-Bomb is drug underneath the cage and Bull, again, runs to the crank. A-Bomb, again, blasts Schett out of the way, pulls H-Bomb out, and then puts Jack Schett in. Then A-Bomb runs for the crank and passes Bull Schett who runs back, pushes H-Bomb aside, and pulls Jack Schett out. This sequence repeats as both team isolate one of their opponents, puts them underneath the cage, and tries to turn the crank before the other opponent can pull him out.
Suave: “This could go on forever. We’ll check back in on the match after this…”
BILL CLINTON PROMO
Clinton is in the ring and not very happy. Triple R and Emily List are with him. Clinton says he went along with not saying anything last week out of deference to the Progressive Alliance. But he can’t stay silent anymore. Clinton: “I can’t #$#@ing believe it. It’s frantic how there are some who are pushing the Progressive Alliance to choose their nominee now.” He accuses them of ‘push and pressure and bullying’ to get them to make up their minds ‘prematurely.’ Triple R then says that there’s a cover up to the plot to keep him away from what is rightfully his- the PCW World Title belt. Triple R: “Hillary Clinton won’t come out and say it but I will- but of us have not been given the respect we deserve.” Clinton states the Progressive Alliance is trying to get her to cry uncle. Triple R demands another match with the ‘New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama- managed by Barack Obama. Triple R states they’re going to stand right here in the ring until he gets his match.
Suave: “That’s okay. We have to go back outside anyways.
CONCLUSION: VINCE ROUSSEAU SPECIAL GIMMICK MATCH
Jack Schett is lying below the cage. A-Bomb turns the crank and rotates the gears that causes the lever to move and push the stop sign against the shoe. The shoe then tips over the bucket holding a metal ball that rolls down some rickety stairs into the rainpipe down to the helping hand rod. This causes a bowling ball on top of the helping hand rod to fall through a thing-a-mig-jig through the air into the bathtub and land on a diving board which then catapaults a diver through the air into a wash tub causing the cage to fall from the post and trap the unsuspecting wrestler inside. Except for the fact that Bull Schett had more than enough time to drag Jack out of the way before the cage falls. Once the cage hits the ground, everything stops. Both the Schetts and the Bombs are unsure what to do next.
The referee calls the match a draw.
Suave: “Well, that was a freakin’ waste.”
WINNER: NO ONE
Back in the ring, Triple R is still filibustering about his ‘title shot.’ Big Oil comes out for his match with Texas Tex pushing the wheelbarrow full of cash. Triple R sees him and launches himself over the rope at him. Big Oil catches him and then power slams him on the floor. He glares at Clinton and List in the ring. Both wisely vacate the premises.
MATCH #3 PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH: BIG OIL © w/Texas Tex (American Patriots) vs. INDIANOLA JONES (Hall of Fame Wrestler)
The bell rings. They lock up. Test of strength. Big Oil takes the early advantage but Jones powers back up. Suave: “Wow. Even at age 65, Jones is still strong as an ox. We’re going to find out real fast just how much Indianola Jones has left in the tank after 19 years away from pro wrestling.” Jones goes on the offensive. He rains down chops on Big Oil and drives him back into the corner. Boot to the stomach. Jones climbs on the turnbuckle and does the 10 punch countdown spot. Big Oil suddenly pushes him off and sends him bouncing across the ring. Snap mare suplex by Big Oil. Jones tries to fight back but Big Oil tosses him into the corner like a rag doll. Then Texas Tex wraps the golden money belt around Jones’s neck and tries to choke him out.
Jones flips Tex into the ring and starts beating on him. Big Oil clotheslines Jones from behind. Double stomp on Jones who appears to be sucking wind. 2 successive vertical suplexes by Big Oil really take the starch out of Jones. Big Oil covers. 1…2…NO! Jones kicks out at 2 ¾. The crowd goes crazy. Texas Tex slides in a table and sets it up. Big Oil pulls Jones up and power bombs him through the table. Suave: “Well, I think we’re seeing the beginning of the end. No way that Jones takes that…Big Oil covers. One…two…thr-NO! HE KICKED OUT! HOLY CRAP!” Big Oil can’t believe it.
American Trucker and Average Joe now ringside and eyeing Texas Tex. Jones is in trouble. Big Oil with heavy, clubbing right hands. Jones on the canvas. Big Oil covers. 1…2…NO! Again, Jones kicks out. Big Oil yanks him up and clotheslines him back down. Blatant choke hold now. The referee tries to break the hold but Big Oil shoves him away. Jones in the ring ropes. Big Oil chokes him again over the second rope. Big Oil charges and splashes Jones across the second rope again. Jones down. Suave: “Jones is game. But he’s 65 years old. He can’t keep taking this punishment.” Scoop slam by Big Oil. Big leg drop. Second scoop slam. Jones isn’t moving much now. Big Oil drags him up yet again. Whip to the corner. Big Oil for the big splash. Jones somehow slips out and Big Oil posts himself. Stumble backwards. Jones whips around. Suave: “KATAHAJIME! KATAHAJIME!” Jones cinches in a half nelson choke and locks his legs in a body scissors and pulls Big Oil off his feet. Suave: “HE TAPPED OUT! BIG OIL TAPPED OUT TO THE KATAHAJIME! HOLY CRAP! JONES DID IT! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”
WINNER AND NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: INDIANOLA JONES
Jones gets a standing ovation from the crowd who serenades him by humming the ‘Indiana Jones’ theme. Suave: “HE DID IT! SIXTY-FIVE YEAR OLD INDIANOLA JONES IS THE NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION!”
Big Oil skulks out of the ring. He finds Texas Tex lying in a pool of blood on the floor and the wheelbarrow of cash gone.
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J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW/PCW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at http://www.bucklandcounty.com/ or at these online bookstores:
Lulu.com
Crowd: “PCW...PCW!” Johnny Suave: We are live at the Palace of Political Extreme and the PCW Television champion Big Oil is already in the ring with Wall Street Market Analyst, and owner of a man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, Kirk Walstreit. He is steaming hot over what happened last week on PCW Extreme Political TV.
INCIDENT AT THE END OF LAST WEEK’S PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV INVOLVING BIG OIL, THE AMERICAN TRUCKER, AND AVERAGE JOE
Texas Tex comes down with the wheelbarrow overflowing with cash. Big Oil again brags about the price of oil reaching $134 per barrel and thanks the American people for continuing to line his pockets with their cash. Big Oil: “Money equals power. There’s people like you who are nothing more than common sheep. Then there’s people like me- powerful people who lead sheep like you. You can all…hey!” Suave: “IT’S THE AMERICAN TRUCKER AND AVERAGE JOE!” American Trucker pushes Texas Tex into the ring apron. Big Oil: “What are you doing? Get…get away from my money!” American Trucker: “You say that money equals power. I say that this can of lighter fluid and this match is a big equalizer.” American Trucker soaks the money with lighter fluid. Texas Tex tries to stop him but Average Joe tackles him. Enraged, Big Oil starts to climb out of the ring when a whip wraps around his ankle and then takes out the feet from under him. Suave: “DUH-DA-DA DUUHHHHH! IT’S INDIANOLA JONES!” Big Oil falls face first to the canvas. American Trucker lights the match and throws it into the wad of cash inside the wheelbarrow. *POOF* Big Oil: “NOOOOOOOOOO!” Big Oil tries to get up but Indianaola Jones won’t let him. He helplessly watches as his money burns up in a fiery inferno.
Big Oil calls the crowd ‘ingrates’ for cheering the American Trucker and Average Joe when they set his money on fire. Big Oil: “You should all be kissing my ass because I provide the fuel you need to drive your cars. If you thought $4 per gallon was a lot, just wait until it hits $5 per gallon you filthy peasants. Choke on that for awhile.” Then he turns his attention to American Trucker and Average Joe. Big Oil calls them both out and introduces a video shot by Exploding Sheep Productions and paid for by Kirk Walstreit.
EXPLODING SHEEP PRODUCTIONS FILM
The film starts with Big Oil narrating over a shot of a rather average house located on an average street in an average neighborhood- Average Joe’s house. Then the American Trucker’s semi-truck is shown. Big Oil appears on screen and he drives the truck into Average Joe’s front yard. Big Oil then puts the truck in gear and jumps out. The truck than slams into the house and then explodes.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” The crowd boos and throws debris into the ring. Big Oil tells American Trucker and Average Joe not to bother calling the authorities for destroying AT’s truck and blowing up AJ’s house. Big Oil has power and money; AT and AJ are insignificant. People like Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit are important. Money talks. Money makes the rules. Money makes might.
More debris is lobbed into the ring. Suave: “What a complete a-hole! Taking away a man’s livelihood and his house just because you think you can.” American Trucker and Average Joe look on in complete horror at the scene on the screen. *CRACK!* The crowd stands to cheer. Suave: “IT’S INDIANOLA JONES! HE’S BACK AGAIN THIS WEEK! LAST WEEK, HE SHOWED UP ON PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV AND WAS INSULTED BY BIG OIL. BUT, INDIANOLA JONES GOT THE LAST LAUGH WHEN HE USED HIS WHIP TO HELP AMERICAN TRUCKER AND AVERAGE JOE SET FIRE TO BIG OIL’S WHEELBARROW FULL OF MONEY!”
Big Oil tells Jones to go back to the rest home where he belongs before he gets hurt. The 65 year old Jones, who last set foot inside a wrestling ring 19 years ago, climbs into the ring and stands face to face with the 6 foot 11 inch behemoth. Big Oil tells Jones to back off. Jones stands his ground. Kirk Walstreit attempts to move Jones away. Jones takes his whip and pulls Walstreit’s legs out from under him. Big Oil tries the same thing and Jones lashes his chest with the whip. Big Oil challenges Jones to a match. Jones says he’ll do it for the television title. Big Oil agrees. Suave: “WOW! INDIANOLA JONES, BACK IN ACTION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 19 YEARS, TONIGHT AGAINST BIG OIL!”
BACKSTAGE- PCW CEO GEORGE W’S OFFICE
‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann pays another visit to George W to try and get his job back. W looks at him and asks about what happened last week.
REPLAY- MR. McMANN vs. ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN MATCH
Suave explains that Mr. McMann tried to ‘let bygones by bygones with the woman whom he stalked and then had hypnotized into doing a striptease routine on the old BCEW show. Here’s what happened:
Mr. McMann extends his hand. Tessa kicks him in the balls. Daisy Cutter-Bomb then tosses Tessa the oversized pizza box and she blasts Mr. McMann in the kisser with it. She puts her foot on McMann’s chest and gets the pin.Tessa turns and leaves Mr. McMann unconscious in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Well, if that’s not a feel good moment, I don’t know what is.”
George W laughs. He then tells Mr. McMann that someone else is getting a tryout tonight. Mr. McMann: “Someone else? Who? No one has my ability to create compelling, must see, sports entertainment on TV.” George W: “It’s Vince Rousseau.” Suave: “VINCE ROUSSEAU? OH NO!” Mr. McMann’s jaw drops.
MATCH #1 ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO (Independent) vs. FUBAR (Jobber)
Suave: “After losing to Escondido last week, for some reason FUBAR demanded a rematch tonight.” FUBAR’s sometime tag team partner, SNAFU, watches on the outside. Suave wonders if FUBAR can change his luck.
Unfortunately, no. Same match- same result. FUBAR is overmatched against the former PCW Television champion. Escondido scoop slams into the Crossface chicken wing. FUBAR quickly taps out.
WINNER: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO
Frustrated, FUBAR grabs the microphone from PCW Ring Announcer Charlene Ann Beckworth and vents about always losing. FUBAR ticks off all the things he’s done to try and improve himself. He hired Coach Bobby Petrino. Petrino lasted a match before taking a better paying job. Then he enlisted legendary basketball coach Bob Knight. Knight threw a chair at FUBAR in the middle of a match and walked off. SNAFU: “You know, maybe this is our lot in life- talent enhancement. This is what we do.” But FUBAR wants more than that. He’s won some matches but now he wants to take it to the next level.
Finally, Escondido tires of listening to FUBAR vent and gets on the mic himself. Escondido: “Look, you’ve been bitching for two weeks about losing. If you’re that distraught and upset over it, go hire yourself a life coach and get over it.” FUBAR: “A……life coach?” The light suddenly turns on.
PCW HALL PARKING LOT
Vince Rousseau describes his exciting new gimmick match to PCW Tag Team champions Jack Schett and Bull Schett and their opponents A. Tom and Hy Drogen Bomb. The camera pulls back to reveal……a giant ‘Mousetrap’ game board in the parking lot (based on the children’s board game). Suave: “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” Rousseau: “The team that can trap their opponent underneath the giant cage wins the match. That means one team member must turn the crank that rotates the gears that causes the lever to move and push the stop sign against the shoe. The shoe then tips over the bucket holding a metal ball that rolls down some rickety stairs into the rainpipe down to the helping hand rod. This causes a bowling ball on top of the helping hand rod to fall through a thing-a-mig-jig through the air into the bathtub and land on a diving board which then catapaults a diver through the air into a wash tub causing the cage to fall from the post and trap the unsuspecting wrestler inside.”
Rousseau asks each team if they understand the rules. Both teams: “No.” Rousseau: “Well, okay then. Good luck to you both.” Both the Schetts and Bombs look at Rousseau as if he’s crazy.
Suave: “Lots of controversy right now about some phone calls between Nick and Hulk Hogan that have been released to the public. Let’s listen in…”
NICK HOGAN’S TAPED PHONE CALL TO HIS FATHER, LEGENDARY WRESTLER HULK HOGAN
Nick and the Hulkster discuss the accident, say that John Graziano got what he deserved because he was a ‘negative’ person, and then talked about their plans to elicit sympathy from the judge to get Nick out of jail early. Then Nick and Hulk talked about a reality show for Nick after he got out of jail.
Then the muffled tones of Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock, Til You Drop’ were heard over the phone line. Suave: “YES! IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!” Nick screams in the tape. Hulk tells Nick to man up. Then the sound of mayhem and destruction ensues as Whiskey Tango Foxtrot-mania runs wild and Nick screams like a little girl.
MATCH #2 VINCE ROUSSEAU SPECIAL GIMMICK ‘MOUSETRAP BOARD GAME’ MATCH FOR THE PCW TAG TEAM BELTS: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT © w/Horst Schett and his Extreme Schnauzer Hans Gruber (Progressive Alliance) vs. A. TOM BOMB and HY DROGEN BOMB w/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
The bell rings. Jack and A-Bomb and Bull and H-Bomb match up. A-Bomb whips Jack into and over the rain pipe. Bull Schett and H-Bomb slug it out by the wash tub. A-Bomb climbs up on the rickety steps and delivers an elbow drop to Jack Schett. He drags Jack to where the cage hangs. Atomic Power Bomb! A-Bomb runs for the crank on the other side. Bull whips H-Bomb into the helping hand rod and pulls Jack out from under the cage. A-Bomb sees this and comes back.
Bull Schett lariats A-Bomb and chokes him on the rain pipe. H-Bomb grabs Bull from behind and tears him off. Jack hits a DDT out of nowhere on H-Bomb and then drags him underneath the hanging cage. Bull runs back to the crank but A-Bomb drop toe hold Jack Schett and pulls H-Bomb out.
Jack Schett whips A-Bomb into the wash bin and stomps a Schett hole into H-Bomb. Again, H-Bomb is drug underneath the cage and Bull, again, runs to the crank. A-Bomb, again, blasts Schett out of the way, pulls H-Bomb out, and then puts Jack Schett in. Then A-Bomb runs for the crank and passes Bull Schett who runs back, pushes H-Bomb aside, and pulls Jack Schett out. This sequence repeats as both team isolate one of their opponents, puts them underneath the cage, and tries to turn the crank before the other opponent can pull him out.
Suave: “This could go on forever. We’ll check back in on the match after this…”
BILL CLINTON PROMO
Clinton is in the ring and not very happy. Triple R and Emily List are with him. Clinton says he went along with not saying anything last week out of deference to the Progressive Alliance. But he can’t stay silent anymore. Clinton: “I can’t #$#@ing believe it. It’s frantic how there are some who are pushing the Progressive Alliance to choose their nominee now.” He accuses them of ‘push and pressure and bullying’ to get them to make up their minds ‘prematurely.’ Triple R then says that there’s a cover up to the plot to keep him away from what is rightfully his- the PCW World Title belt. Triple R: “Hillary Clinton won’t come out and say it but I will- but of us have not been given the respect we deserve.” Clinton states the Progressive Alliance is trying to get her to cry uncle. Triple R demands another match with the ‘New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama- managed by Barack Obama. Triple R states they’re going to stand right here in the ring until he gets his match.
Suave: “That’s okay. We have to go back outside anyways.
CONCLUSION: VINCE ROUSSEAU SPECIAL GIMMICK MATCH
Jack Schett is lying below the cage. A-Bomb turns the crank and rotates the gears that causes the lever to move and push the stop sign against the shoe. The shoe then tips over the bucket holding a metal ball that rolls down some rickety stairs into the rainpipe down to the helping hand rod. This causes a bowling ball on top of the helping hand rod to fall through a thing-a-mig-jig through the air into the bathtub and land on a diving board which then catapaults a diver through the air into a wash tub causing the cage to fall from the post and trap the unsuspecting wrestler inside. Except for the fact that Bull Schett had more than enough time to drag Jack out of the way before the cage falls. Once the cage hits the ground, everything stops. Both the Schetts and the Bombs are unsure what to do next.
The referee calls the match a draw.
Suave: “Well, that was a freakin’ waste.”
WINNER: NO ONE
Back in the ring, Triple R is still filibustering about his ‘title shot.’ Big Oil comes out for his match with Texas Tex pushing the wheelbarrow full of cash. Triple R sees him and launches himself over the rope at him. Big Oil catches him and then power slams him on the floor. He glares at Clinton and List in the ring. Both wisely vacate the premises.
MATCH #3 PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH: BIG OIL © w/Texas Tex (American Patriots) vs. INDIANOLA JONES (Hall of Fame Wrestler)
The bell rings. They lock up. Test of strength. Big Oil takes the early advantage but Jones powers back up. Suave: “Wow. Even at age 65, Jones is still strong as an ox. We’re going to find out real fast just how much Indianola Jones has left in the tank after 19 years away from pro wrestling.” Jones goes on the offensive. He rains down chops on Big Oil and drives him back into the corner. Boot to the stomach. Jones climbs on the turnbuckle and does the 10 punch countdown spot. Big Oil suddenly pushes him off and sends him bouncing across the ring. Snap mare suplex by Big Oil. Jones tries to fight back but Big Oil tosses him into the corner like a rag doll. Then Texas Tex wraps the golden money belt around Jones’s neck and tries to choke him out.
Jones flips Tex into the ring and starts beating on him. Big Oil clotheslines Jones from behind. Double stomp on Jones who appears to be sucking wind. 2 successive vertical suplexes by Big Oil really take the starch out of Jones. Big Oil covers. 1…2…NO! Jones kicks out at 2 ¾. The crowd goes crazy. Texas Tex slides in a table and sets it up. Big Oil pulls Jones up and power bombs him through the table. Suave: “Well, I think we’re seeing the beginning of the end. No way that Jones takes that…Big Oil covers. One…two…thr-NO! HE KICKED OUT! HOLY CRAP!” Big Oil can’t believe it.
American Trucker and Average Joe now ringside and eyeing Texas Tex. Jones is in trouble. Big Oil with heavy, clubbing right hands. Jones on the canvas. Big Oil covers. 1…2…NO! Again, Jones kicks out. Big Oil yanks him up and clotheslines him back down. Blatant choke hold now. The referee tries to break the hold but Big Oil shoves him away. Jones in the ring ropes. Big Oil chokes him again over the second rope. Big Oil charges and splashes Jones across the second rope again. Jones down. Suave: “Jones is game. But he’s 65 years old. He can’t keep taking this punishment.” Scoop slam by Big Oil. Big leg drop. Second scoop slam. Jones isn’t moving much now. Big Oil drags him up yet again. Whip to the corner. Big Oil for the big splash. Jones somehow slips out and Big Oil posts himself. Stumble backwards. Jones whips around. Suave: “KATAHAJIME! KATAHAJIME!” Jones cinches in a half nelson choke and locks his legs in a body scissors and pulls Big Oil off his feet. Suave: “HE TAPPED OUT! BIG OIL TAPPED OUT TO THE KATAHAJIME! HOLY CRAP! JONES DID IT! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”
WINNER AND NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: INDIANOLA JONES
Jones gets a standing ovation from the crowd who serenades him by humming the ‘Indiana Jones’ theme. Suave: “HE DID IT! SIXTY-FIVE YEAR OLD INDIANOLA JONES IS THE NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION!”
Big Oil skulks out of the ring. He finds Texas Tex lying in a pool of blood on the floor and the wheelbarrow of cash gone.
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J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW/PCW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at http://www.bucklandcounty.com/ or at these online bookstores:
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…or order it direct from: Prairie Depot Press
P.O. Box 25
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Prairie Depot Press- Adventures in Low Budget, Small Time Book Publishing
PCW is online at:
Borders
Books A Million
…or order it direct from: Prairie Depot Press
P.O. Box 25
Wauseon, Ohio 43567
Official Press Release from Prairie Depot Press
Prairie Depot Press- Adventures in Low Budget, Small Time Book Publishing
PCW is online at:
