Wednesday, May 28, 2008

5/26- PCW Extreme Political Wrestling

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV– May 26th from the Palace of Political Extreme aka PCW Hall in Eagle Rock, OH/ Host: Johnny Suave
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PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
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Crowd: “PCW...PCW!” Johnny Suave: We are live at the Palace of Political Extreme and the PCW Television champion Big Oil is already in the ring with Wall Street Market Analyst, and owner of a man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, Kirk Walstreit. He is steaming hot over what happened last week on PCW Extreme Political TV.

INCIDENT AT THE END OF LAST WEEK’S PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV INVOLVING BIG OIL, THE AMERICAN TRUCKER, AND AVERAGE JOE
Texas Tex comes down with the wheelbarrow overflowing with cash. Big Oil again brags about the price of oil reaching $134 per barrel and thanks the American people for continuing to line his pockets with their cash. Big Oil: “Money equals power. There’s people like you who are nothing more than common sheep. Then there’s people like me- powerful people who lead sheep like you. You can all…hey!” Suave: “IT’S THE AMERICAN TRUCKER AND AVERAGE JOE!” American Trucker pushes Texas Tex into the ring apron. Big Oil: “What are you doing? Get…get away from my money!” American Trucker: “You say that money equals power. I say that this can of lighter fluid and this match is a big equalizer.” American Trucker soaks the money with lighter fluid. Texas Tex tries to stop him but Average Joe tackles him. Enraged, Big Oil starts to climb out of the ring when a whip wraps around his ankle and then takes out the feet from under him. Suave: “DUH-DA-DA DUUHHHHH! IT’S INDIANOLA JONES!” Big Oil falls face first to the canvas. American Trucker lights the match and throws it into the wad of cash inside the wheelbarrow. *POOF* Big Oil: “NOOOOOOOOOO!” Big Oil tries to get up but Indianaola Jones won’t let him. He helplessly watches as his money burns up in a fiery inferno.

Big Oil calls the crowd ‘ingrates’ for cheering the American Trucker and Average Joe when they set his money on fire. Big Oil: “You should all be kissing my ass because I provide the fuel you need to drive your cars. If you thought $4 per gallon was a lot, just wait until it hits $5 per gallon you filthy peasants. Choke on that for awhile.” Then he turns his attention to American Trucker and Average Joe. Big Oil calls them both out and introduces a video shot by Exploding Sheep Productions and paid for by Kirk Walstreit.

EXPLODING SHEEP PRODUCTIONS FILM
The film starts with Big Oil narrating over a shot of a rather average house located on an average street in an average neighborhood- Average Joe’s house. Then the American Trucker’s semi-truck is shown. Big Oil appears on screen and he drives the truck into Average Joe’s front yard. Big Oil then puts the truck in gear and jumps out. The truck than slams into the house and then explodes.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” The crowd boos and throws debris into the ring. Big Oil tells American Trucker and Average Joe not to bother calling the authorities for destroying AT’s truck and blowing up AJ’s house. Big Oil has power and money; AT and AJ are insignificant. People like Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit are important. Money talks. Money makes the rules. Money makes might.

More debris is lobbed into the ring. Suave: “What a complete a-hole! Taking away a man’s livelihood and his house just because you think you can.” American Trucker and Average Joe look on in complete horror at the scene on the screen. *CRACK!* The crowd stands to cheer. Suave: “IT’S INDIANOLA JONES! HE’S BACK AGAIN THIS WEEK! LAST WEEK, HE SHOWED UP ON PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV AND WAS INSULTED BY BIG OIL. BUT, INDIANOLA JONES GOT THE LAST LAUGH WHEN HE USED HIS WHIP TO HELP AMERICAN TRUCKER AND AVERAGE JOE SET FIRE TO BIG OIL’S WHEELBARROW FULL OF MONEY!”

Big Oil tells Jones to go back to the rest home where he belongs before he gets hurt. The 65 year old Jones, who last set foot inside a wrestling ring 19 years ago, climbs into the ring and stands face to face with the 6 foot 11 inch behemoth. Big Oil tells Jones to back off. Jones stands his ground. Kirk Walstreit attempts to move Jones away. Jones takes his whip and pulls Walstreit’s legs out from under him. Big Oil tries the same thing and Jones lashes his chest with the whip. Big Oil challenges Jones to a match. Jones says he’ll do it for the television title. Big Oil agrees. Suave: “WOW! INDIANOLA JONES, BACK IN ACTION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 19 YEARS, TONIGHT AGAINST BIG OIL!”

BACKSTAGE- PCW CEO GEORGE W’S OFFICE
‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann pays another visit to George W to try and get his job back. W looks at him and asks about what happened last week.

REPLAY- MR. McMANN vs. ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN MATCH
Suave explains that Mr. McMann tried to ‘let bygones by bygones with the woman whom he stalked and then had hypnotized into doing a striptease routine on the old BCEW show. Here’s what happened:

Mr. McMann extends his hand. Tessa kicks him in the balls. Daisy Cutter-Bomb then tosses Tessa the oversized pizza box and she blasts Mr. McMann in the kisser with it. She puts her foot on McMann’s chest and gets the pin.Tessa turns and leaves Mr. McMann unconscious in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Well, if that’s not a feel good moment, I don’t know what is.”

George W laughs. He then tells Mr. McMann that someone else is getting a tryout tonight. Mr. McMann: “Someone else? Who? No one has my ability to create compelling, must see, sports entertainment on TV.” George W: “It’s Vince Rousseau.” Suave: “VINCE ROUSSEAU? OH NO!” Mr. McMann’s jaw drops.

MATCH #1 ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO (Independent) vs. FUBAR (Jobber)
Suave:
“After losing to Escondido last week, for some reason FUBAR demanded a rematch tonight.” FUBAR’s sometime tag team partner, SNAFU, watches on the outside. Suave wonders if FUBAR can change his luck.

Unfortunately, no. Same match- same result. FUBAR is overmatched against the former PCW Television champion. Escondido scoop slams into the Crossface chicken wing. FUBAR quickly taps out.

WINNER: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO

Frustrated, FUBAR grabs the microphone from PCW Ring Announcer Charlene Ann Beckworth and vents about always losing. FUBAR ticks off all the things he’s done to try and improve himself. He hired Coach Bobby Petrino. Petrino lasted a match before taking a better paying job. Then he enlisted legendary basketball coach Bob Knight. Knight threw a chair at FUBAR in the middle of a match and walked off. SNAFU: “You know, maybe this is our lot in life- talent enhancement. This is what we do.” But FUBAR wants more than that. He’s won some matches but now he wants to take it to the next level.

Finally, Escondido tires of listening to FUBAR vent and gets on the mic himself. Escondido: “Look, you’ve been bitching for two weeks about losing. If you’re that distraught and upset over it, go hire yourself a life coach and get over it.” FUBAR: “A……life coach?” The light suddenly turns on.

PCW HALL PARKING LOT
Vince Rousseau describes his exciting new gimmick match to PCW Tag Team champions Jack Schett and Bull Schett and their opponents A. Tom and Hy Drogen Bomb. The camera pulls back to reveal……a giant ‘Mousetrap’ game board in the parking lot (based on the children’s board game). Suave: “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.” Rousseau: “The team that can trap their opponent underneath the giant cage wins the match. That means one team member must turn the crank that rotates the gears that causes the lever to move and push the stop sign against the shoe. The shoe then tips over the bucket holding a metal ball that rolls down some rickety stairs into the rainpipe down to the helping hand rod. This causes a bowling ball on top of the helping hand rod to fall through a thing-a-mig-jig through the air into the bathtub and land on a diving board which then catapaults a diver through the air into a wash tub causing the cage to fall from the post and trap the unsuspecting wrestler inside.”

Rousseau asks each team if they understand the rules. Both teams: “No.” Rousseau: “Well, okay then. Good luck to you both.” Both the Schetts and Bombs look at Rousseau as if he’s crazy.

Suave: “Lots of controversy right now about some phone calls between Nick and Hulk Hogan that have been released to the public. Let’s listen in…”

NICK HOGAN’S TAPED PHONE CALL TO HIS FATHER, LEGENDARY WRESTLER HULK HOGAN
Nick and the Hulkster discuss the accident, say that John Graziano got what he deserved because he was a ‘negative’ person, and then talked about their plans to elicit sympathy from the judge to get Nick out of jail early. Then Nick and Hulk talked about a reality show for Nick after he got out of jail.

Then the muffled tones of Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock, Til You Drop’ were heard over the phone line. Suave: “YES! IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!” Nick screams in the tape. Hulk tells Nick to man up. Then the sound of mayhem and destruction ensues as Whiskey Tango Foxtrot-mania runs wild and Nick screams like a little girl.

MATCH #2 VINCE ROUSSEAU SPECIAL GIMMICK ‘MOUSETRAP BOARD GAME’ MATCH FOR THE PCW TAG TEAM BELTS: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT © w/Horst Schett and his Extreme Schnauzer Hans Gruber (Progressive Alliance) vs. A. TOM BOMB and HY DROGEN BOMB w/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
The bell rings. Jack and A-Bomb and Bull and H-Bomb match up. A-Bomb whips Jack into and over the rain pipe. Bull Schett and H-Bomb slug it out by the wash tub. A-Bomb climbs up on the rickety steps and delivers an elbow drop to Jack Schett. He drags Jack to where the cage hangs. Atomic Power Bomb! A-Bomb runs for the crank on the other side. Bull whips H-Bomb into the helping hand rod and pulls Jack out from under the cage. A-Bomb sees this and comes back.

Bull Schett lariats A-Bomb and chokes him on the rain pipe. H-Bomb grabs Bull from behind and tears him off. Jack hits a DDT out of nowhere on H-Bomb and then drags him underneath the hanging cage. Bull runs back to the crank but A-Bomb drop toe hold Jack Schett and pulls H-Bomb out.

Jack Schett whips A-Bomb into the wash bin and stomps a Schett hole into H-Bomb. Again, H-Bomb is drug underneath the cage and Bull, again, runs to the crank. A-Bomb, again, blasts Schett out of the way, pulls H-Bomb out, and then puts Jack Schett in. Then A-Bomb runs for the crank and passes Bull Schett who runs back, pushes H-Bomb aside, and pulls Jack Schett out. This sequence repeats as both team isolate one of their opponents, puts them underneath the cage, and tries to turn the crank before the other opponent can pull him out.

Suave: “This could go on forever. We’ll check back in on the match after this…”

BILL CLINTON PROMO
Clinton is in the ring and not very happy. Triple R and Emily List are with him. Clinton says he went along with not saying anything last week out of deference to the Progressive Alliance. But he can’t stay silent anymore. Clinton: “I can’t #$#@ing believe it. It’s frantic how there are some who are pushing the Progressive Alliance to choose their nominee now.” He accuses them of ‘push and pressure and bullying’ to get them to make up their minds ‘prematurely.’ Triple R then says that there’s a cover up to the plot to keep him away from what is rightfully his- the PCW World Title belt. Triple R: “Hillary Clinton won’t come out and say it but I will- but of us have not been given the respect we deserve.” Clinton states the Progressive Alliance is trying to get her to cry uncle. Triple R demands another match with the ‘New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama- managed by Barack Obama. Triple R states they’re going to stand right here in the ring until he gets his match.

Suave: “That’s okay. We have to go back outside anyways.

CONCLUSION: VINCE ROUSSEAU SPECIAL GIMMICK MATCH
Jack Schett is lying below the cage. A-Bomb turns the crank and rotates the gears that causes the lever to move and push the stop sign against the shoe. The shoe then tips over the bucket holding a metal ball that rolls down some rickety stairs into the rainpipe down to the helping hand rod. This causes a bowling ball on top of the helping hand rod to fall through a thing-a-mig-jig through the air into the bathtub and land on a diving board which then catapaults a diver through the air into a wash tub causing the cage to fall from the post and trap the unsuspecting wrestler inside. Except for the fact that Bull Schett had more than enough time to drag Jack out of the way before the cage falls. Once the cage hits the ground, everything stops. Both the Schetts and the Bombs are unsure what to do next.

The referee calls the match a draw.

Suave: “Well, that was a freakin’ waste.”

WINNER: NO ONE

Back in the ring, Triple R is still filibustering about his ‘title shot.’ Big Oil comes out for his match with Texas Tex pushing the wheelbarrow full of cash. Triple R sees him and launches himself over the rope at him. Big Oil catches him and then power slams him on the floor. He glares at Clinton and List in the ring. Both wisely vacate the premises.

MATCH #3 PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH: BIG OIL © w/Texas Tex (American Patriots) vs. INDIANOLA JONES (Hall of Fame Wrestler)
The bell rings. They lock up. Test of strength. Big Oil takes the early advantage but Jones powers back up. Suave: “Wow. Even at age 65, Jones is still strong as an ox. We’re going to find out real fast just how much Indianola Jones has left in the tank after 19 years away from pro wrestling.” Jones goes on the offensive. He rains down chops on Big Oil and drives him back into the corner. Boot to the stomach. Jones climbs on the turnbuckle and does the 10 punch countdown spot. Big Oil suddenly pushes him off and sends him bouncing across the ring. Snap mare suplex by Big Oil. Jones tries to fight back but Big Oil tosses him into the corner like a rag doll. Then Texas Tex wraps the golden money belt around Jones’s neck and tries to choke him out.

Jones flips Tex into the ring and starts beating on him. Big Oil clotheslines Jones from behind. Double stomp on Jones who appears to be sucking wind. 2 successive vertical suplexes by Big Oil really take the starch out of Jones. Big Oil covers. 1…2…NO! Jones kicks out at 2 ¾. The crowd goes crazy. Texas Tex slides in a table and sets it up. Big Oil pulls Jones up and power bombs him through the table. Suave: “Well, I think we’re seeing the beginning of the end. No way that Jones takes that…Big Oil covers. One…two…thr-NO! HE KICKED OUT! HOLY CRAP!” Big Oil can’t believe it.

American Trucker and Average Joe now ringside and eyeing Texas Tex. Jones is in trouble. Big Oil with heavy, clubbing right hands. Jones on the canvas. Big Oil covers. 1…2…NO! Again, Jones kicks out. Big Oil yanks him up and clotheslines him back down. Blatant choke hold now. The referee tries to break the hold but Big Oil shoves him away. Jones in the ring ropes. Big Oil chokes him again over the second rope. Big Oil charges and splashes Jones across the second rope again. Jones down. Suave: “Jones is game. But he’s 65 years old. He can’t keep taking this punishment.” Scoop slam by Big Oil. Big leg drop. Second scoop slam. Jones isn’t moving much now. Big Oil drags him up yet again. Whip to the corner. Big Oil for the big splash. Jones somehow slips out and Big Oil posts himself. Stumble backwards. Jones whips around. Suave: “KATAHAJIME! KATAHAJIME!” Jones cinches in a half nelson choke and locks his legs in a body scissors and pulls Big Oil off his feet. Suave: “HE TAPPED OUT! BIG OIL TAPPED OUT TO THE KATAHAJIME! HOLY CRAP! JONES DID IT! I DON’T BELIEVE IT!”

WINNER AND NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: INDIANOLA JONES

Jones gets a standing ovation from the crowd who serenades him by humming the ‘Indiana Jones’ theme. Suave: “HE DID IT! SIXTY-FIVE YEAR OLD INDIANOLA JONES IS THE NEW PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION!”

Big Oil skulks out of the ring. He finds Texas Tex lying in a pool of blood on the floor and the wheelbarrow of cash gone.

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J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW/PCW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at http://www.bucklandcounty.com/ or at these online bookstores:
Lulu.com

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

5/19- PCW Extreme Political TV

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV– May 19th from Ashland, KY
Host: Johnny Suave

Last time at PCW-Hoosier House Party:
-PCW Tag Team champions Jack and Bull Schett (Progressive Alliance) successfully defend their newly won titles against the former champions, A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb (American Patriots) with a little help from the extreme Schnauzer Hans Gruber who distracts A-Bomb enough so Jack Schett can hit the Schett Brick for the win.

-Jimmy from So Cal- the Jim Rome Clone wannabe- (Jobber) is upset that he wasn’t chosen to participate in 2008 Jim Rome Smackoff. He’s even more upset when ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Independent) ‘racks’ him, making Jimmy eject himself from the match.

-Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) castigates Big Oil (American Patriots) because Exxon/Mobil’s 10.9 billion dollar first quarter profit didn’t meet Wall Street expectations. Big Oil agrees, brags about the record oil prices, and then gets jumped by the American Trucker and Average Joe (Independents). Walstreit’s prized portrait of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit gets broken over his head and Big Oil is KO’d by an oil can.

-BCEW Owner Bubba Jackson announces the name change to PCW- Political Championship Wrestling.

-Hillary Clinton, her Political Pitbulls (Terry McAuliffe and James Carville) and Rush Limbaugh’s Chaotic Alliance of Convenience (Big Oil, Triple R) flex their muscle by stopping a PCW Women’s title match between champion Opal Winfree (Progressive Alliance) and the #1 contender ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Independent).
-Big 10 Commissioner Jim Delany sticks up for the BCS rejecting a college football tournament and gets choke slammed by the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

-O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) gets a huge win over Triple R w/Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) when Big Oil turns on Triple R and Limbaugh reveals that the whole CAC was a ruse to get the Progressive Alliance to nominate the weakest candidate possible to meet John McCain in the fall.

-Triple R takes out Big Oil in retaliation and leaves him in a heap for the PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes to easily defeat him in the main event.



The crowd chants “PCW!” as a beaming Johnny Suave stands in the ring with a covered up life-size cardboard cut-out. Suave announces that he has some good news and bad news. The bad news? Shania Twain is getting a divorce. The good news? Shania Twain is getting a divorce which means Suave has a chance with her. Right. Suave pulls off the blanket and reveals a brand spanking new life-size cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain. The crowd chants: “she’s not that desperate!”

Suave previews the big contract signing to official set the main event for PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 4- “The Original Rookie Sensation” Starz N. Stripes w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. “The New Rookie Sensation” O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance).

MATCH #1 HUNTER the HUNTER from Politically Incorrect (Independent) vs. SNAFU (Jobber)
Hunter the Hunter comes out in camouflage and brings a bear trap to the ring. Suave recounts Hunter’s debut in PCW at Keystone State Khaos where he won by submission when Peter from PETA caught his foot in a bear trap.

SNAFU tries to stay away from Hunter. He trips over a shoelace and stumbles into the corner. *CLACK* Suave: “D’OH!” SNAFU quickly taps out.

WINNER: HUNTER the HUNTER

FUBAR runs out and manages to free SNAFU’s foot from the bear trap. He helps him to the back.

GEORGE W’s OFFICE
BCEW CEO George W has a surprise visitor- ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann. Suave: “Wow. Mr. McMann hasn’t been seen on BCEW/PCW since the Loose Cannons Unleashed 3 pay per view a year ago.”

REPLAY- MR. McMANN’S LAST APPEARANCE AT LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 3- MARCH 2007
Sports Entertainment Genius aka Mr. McMann, brandishing his EECW title belt, and his daughter, Steffi, show up. McMann: “Oh bravo…bravo.” Suave: “Who the hell let him in the building?” McMann calls the four EECW oldtimers ‘dinosaurs’ who will soon be extinct from the world of professional wrestling. McMann: “I am the true visionary of wrestling. You and your garbage style of wrestling are destined for the scrap heap of wrestling history and no match for me and my genius.” The crowd boos. Voice: “Wait a minute. Don’t you have your own show on the Comic Book Network.” Suave: “IT’S BCEW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON! He’s coming out!”
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Bubba walks up to Mr. McMann. Bubba: “First off, on behalf of everyone here, let me welcome you to BCEW, that’s Buckland County Extreme…WRESTLING!” The crowd chants: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Bubba: “That’s right. Wrestling! Not sports entertainment. Not some sort of soap operaish docudrama. My wrestlers are not ‘stars’ or any other ridiculous adjective. My announcer does not ignore the art of explaining to the audience what the moves and holds are in favor of ‘telling stories.’ My product isn’t watered down, focused group approved, corporate pap designed to push brand names and sell merchandise.”
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Mr. McMann turned bright red. Mr. McMann: “YOU CAN’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” Steffi: “YEAH! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? DO YOU KNOW WHO HE IS?” Bubba calmly replied: “Yes. You are the CEO of a multi-level, international conglomerate. I own a wrestling company.” The crowd immediately stands up again and chants: “BCEW!...BCEW” most pointedly towards the McMann’s. Bubba turns and starts to head to the back. Mr. McMann, incensed, runs up and pushes Bubba from behind. Suave: “What the f-”
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Def Leppard’s “Rock Rock, Til You Drop” blares over the loudspeaker.
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The crowd rises up as Whiskey Tango Foxtrot comes out. Suave: “YES! IT’S WTF!” McMann tries to back up but WTF corners him. McMann: “Look, I can pay you a lot more than Bubba Jackson can…quirdk…” WTF picks up McMann and Bubba sets up a table. With great fanfare, WTF then choke slams McMann through a table. Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Suave: “YES! MY NIGHT IS MADE ALREADY!” Steffi throws a fit so WTF picks her up and Bubba gets another table. The crowd counts down from five and WTF chokeslams her through the table. Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Suave: “Thank you Bubba. Thank you Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!

Mr. McMann attempts to apologize for everything that led up to the BCEW-EECW war in March, 2007 and asks for a second chance to show his ‘genius.’ W thinks about it. Then he tells Mr. McMann he’ll allow him to come back if he can win a special match against an opponent of his choosing. Mr. McMann accepts.

Mr. McMann stands in the ring waiting for his opponent. PCW Ring Announcer Charlene Ann Beckworth announces that his opponent will be…PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin! The crowd cheers as Tessa comes to the ring with her specially retrofitted oversized pizza box. Her 3 Amiga compadres Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila accompany her.

MATCH #2 “Sports Entertainment Genius” MR. McMANN vs. “PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl” TESSA MARTIN of the 3 Amigas w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila
Mr. McMann smiles at Tessa. Tessa’s glare could bore through steel. McMann: “Hey. You’re not still upset about the fact that I stalked you and later had you hypnotized on the old BCEW Cable show to make you do a striptease, are you?” She raises her eyebrows at him. McMann: “I’m just here to let bygones be bygones. Let’s just shake hands and start all over, okay?” Mr. McMann extends his hand. Tessa kicks him in the balls. Daisy Cutter-Bomb then tosses Tessa the oversized pizza box and she blasts Mr. McMann in the kisser with it. Suave: “Nope. Guess not.” She puts her foot on McMann’s chest and gets the pin.

WINNER: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN

Tessa turns and leaves Mr. McMann unconscious in the middle of the ring. Suave: “Well, if that’s not a feel good moment, I don’t know what is.”

BACKSTAGE
Bill and Hillary Clinton are talking to each other when the ‘Angry Highway Warrior’ Triple R (Road Rage Randy) appears. Triple R demands to know what the game plan is to stop the contract signing later tonight to officially book O’Beck Bahama vs. PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes. Hillary: “There is none.” Triple R is pissed. Hillary explains that she’s thrown everything but the kitchen sink at Barack Obama and his wrestler O’Beck Bahama and it hasn’t worked. Hillary: “At some point after the process works its way through, we have to think about going up against John McCain in the fall for the PCW CEO job.” Triple R tells her he doesn’t give a damn about making nice-nice so the Progressive Alliance can unite against John McCain. He wants his PCW title back. Triple R: “You promised me you’d get me the PCW title!” Hillary apologizes and says that things didn’t quite work out the way they planned it. Triple R: “ ‘BLEEP’ this! I’ll take care of it myself.”

Triple R stomps off. Bill Clinton: “You know, there’s a certain ruthlessness about him that you have to admire.”

MATCH #3 ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO (Independent) vs. FUBAR (Jobber)
Suave: “Escondido is the former PCW television champion trying to get another shot at the new champion, Big Oil.” Quick squash match as FUBAR, who’d shown some improvement over the past few months, is totally outclasses by Escondido. Evenflow DDT puts out FUBAR’s lights and Escondido gets the win.

WINNER: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO

Escondido exits leaving a disgruntled FUBAR in the ring. He slams his hand on the mat and then also leaves.

INDIANOLA JONES VISIT/BIG OIL
Suave:
“Well, well, well. It’s not every day we get someone with his stature to show up here at PCW. It's Midwestern pro wrestling legend Indianola Jones!” Suave welcomes Jones, now 65 years old and wearing a cheap fedora with a whip hanging off his belt, to PCW. Suave notes that he hasn’t appeared at a wrestling event in 19 years. Jones appreciates the warm reception. Jones: “It’s sure great after all these years to be back in-” The crowd boos as the PCW Television champion, Big Oil, saunters up to the aging legend with Texas Tex and the everpresent wheelbarrow overflowing with cash. Big Oil tells Jones that no one wants to see an old, washed up hack hog the limelight. Big Oil: “This is my show. I paid for it. Get lost.” More boos as Jones reluctantly departs. Big Oil tells the audience that he’d usually come out to brag on the fact that gas prices continue to rise. But he states he has some business to attend to tonight. Most notably- Triple R. Big Oil: “I think we all saw what happened at Hoosier House Party two weeks ago.”

REPLAY- AFTERMATH OF O’BECK BAHAMA/TRIPLE R MATCH AT HOOSIER HOUSE PARTY
Suave:
“Big Oil had just taken Triple R out with a chair and O’Beck Bahama covered for the pin. Rush Limbaugh just revealed that the Chaotic Alliance of Convenience of Big Oil and Triple R was all a work for his devious purposes.

Limbaugh gets into the ring and says this whole thing was a work. He only supported Hillary to disrupt the Progressive Alliance and produce the weakest candidate possible to face the American Patriots John McCain in the fall for PCW CEO. Limbaugh: “I only wanted to keep the divisive fight going between Obama and Clinton. Now I believe that Barack Obama is the weakest candidate of the Progressive Alliance. Operation Chaos is an unmitigated success!” With that, Limbaugh leaves a stunned Hillary Clinton mouthing ‘why?’…
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…Triple R comes to. He sees Big Oil and Texas Tex standing by the guardrail, waiting for his match against PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes. He grabs a chair and attacks Big Oil. Chairshot. Chairshot. Texas Tex tries to intervene and gets leveled by a chairshot. More chairshots on Big Oil, who wilts to the ground. Suave: “HE’S SNAPPED! TRIPLE R IS FURIOUS AND HE’S BEATING THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF BIG OIL!” Triple R takes Texas Tex’s golden money belt and wraps it around Big Oil’s throat. Suave: “HE’S CHOKING HIM!” Several referees come down to try and pry Triple R off Big Oil. Triple R takes them all out with chairshots and then chokes Big Oil with the money belt again.

Big Oil: “Little man. You’ve bitten off more than you can chew. Nobody, I repeat, nobody does that to Big Oil. You’d better watch your back.”

JOHNNY SUAVE IN THE RING
Before the contract signing, Suave introduces Emily List, a staunch supporter of Hillary Clinton. List is upset over the treatment of Hillary and calls the media ‘misogynistic.’ She accuses everyone who’s against her to be sexist and declares that women can put a stop to it if they all band together. List: “We can change the world!” Suave: “Okay. Maybe, and I’m just spitballing here, maybe a lot of the problem people have against Hillary is because of the way she campaigned for PCW CEO, the hard driving, bare knuckled, do everything and anything to win motif.” List: “You would think that- because you’re a man. And you’re a sexist, chauvinistic, misogynistic pig.” List rails on that media was against Hillary and again complains about the sexist treatment of her.

Suave: “Okay. Let me ask you this. Let’s say the tables were turned and it was Hillary ahead in the polls instead of Obama. Because you voted for Hillary instead of Obama, does that automatically make you a racist?” List: “Well…er…I…I don’t see the connection there.” Suave: “Right.” Emily scurries off just as the horrendously off-key mariachi band comes out and butchers ‘Hail to the Chief.’ Suave: “I guess that means it’s time. Here comes the PCW CEO- George W.” George W cringes every time the mariachi band hits a hideously off-key note. Starz N. Stripes follows with John McCain (American Patriots). Then O’Beck Bahama and Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) joins them in the ring.

CONTRACT SIGNING
Bahama, Obama and Starz and McCain sit down at a table to sign the contract. Starz signs off first. Bahama is about to when Triple R arrives ringside. He pushes by the mariachi band and climbs into the ring to demand Bahama step aside and give him back his ‘deserved’ spot in the match. Bahama refuses. Triple R leaps across the table and attacks him. Bahama’s chair flips backwards and both men tumble across the ring. Bahama pushes Triple R off him. Triple R flips him off and charges towards him again. Big Oil runs in and nearly decapitates Triple R with a vicious clothesline. Big Oil throws Triple R hard into the corner. He climbs the top turnbuckle with Triple R and then hits the Oklahoma Driller from the top rope through the table. Crowd: “PCW!...PCW!”

Bahama signs the contract and the match for Loose Cannons Unleashed 4 is officially on.

Big Oil sticks his big boot on Triple R and stands tall in the ring. Texas Tex comes down with the wheelbarrow overflowing with cash. Big Oil again brags about the price of oil reaching $134 per barrel and thanks the American people for continuing to line his pockets with their cash. Big Oil: “Money equals power. There’s people like you who are nothing more than common sheep. Then there’s people like me- powerful people who lead sheep like you. You can all…hey!” Suave: “IT’S THE AMERICAN TRUCKER AND AVERAGE JOE!” American Trucker pushes Texas Tex into the ring apron. Big Oil: “What are you doing? Get…get away from my money!” American Trucker: “You say that money equals power. I say that this can of lighter fluid and this match is a big equalizer.” American Trucker soaks the money with lighter fluid. Texas Tex tries to stop him but Average Joe tackles him. Enraged, Big Oil starts to climb out of the ring when a whip wraps around his ankle and then takes out the feet from under him. Suave: “DUH-DA-DUUHHHHH! IT’S INDIANOLA JONES!” Big Oil falls face first to the canvas. American Trucker lights the match and throws it into the wad of cash inside the wheelbarrow. *POOF* Big Oil: “NOOOOOOOOOO!” Big Oil tries to get up but Indianaola Jones won’t let him. He helplessly watches as his money burns up in a fiery inferno.

--------------

J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW/PCW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at:
Amazon.com
Barnes and Noble
Books A Million
Borders

You can also order it direct from:

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

5/13-PCW Update

As you may have noticed, we have linked to another ‘pro wrestling’ blog called American Pundit Fighting. APF is an excellent blog that takes a different road on the whole wrestling as politics idea. The site links to articles and uses video clips to illustrate and explain the connection between pro wrestling and politics. Good reading and excellent artwork throughout the site.

Commissioner Stark talks about a possible feud with PCW. Stay tuned as things could get interesting down the line.

AMERICAN PUNDIT FIGHT


Next week on PCW Extreme Political TV:

The ‘Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes with John McCain (American Patriots) and the ‘New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama with Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) sign their contract to meet at PCW Loose Cannons 4 Pay Per View. ‘The Angry Highway Warrior’ Triple R (Road Rage Randy) of the Progressive Alliance has vowed to stop the contract signing from taking place. Can Triple R

Big Oil with Texas Tex (American Patriots) plans to celebrate the unprecedented rise in oil prices. Will the American Trucker and Average Joe rain on his celebration?

Hunter the Hunter of Politically Incorrect (Independent), FUBAR (Jobber), and former PCW Television champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Independent) also appear.
----------------
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots)
CONTENDERS:
#1- O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance)
#2- Triple R (Progressive Alliance)

PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Opal Winfree (Progressive Alliance)
CONTENDERS:
#1- ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Independent)
#2- Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance)

PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: Big Oil (American Patriots)
CONTENDERS:
#1- ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Independent)
#2- Halitosis (Independent)

PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Schett Brothers- Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Progressive Alliance)
CONTENDERS:
#1- A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb (American Patriots)
#2- The Green World Order- GreenPete and Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee (Independent)

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

5/6- BCEW Hoosier House Party

BCEW HOOSIER HOUSE PARTY– May 6th from Fort Wayne, Indiana
Host: Johnny Suave

BCEW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)

Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!”

Johnny Suave: “We are LIVE in Fort Wayne, Indiana for BCEW Hoosier House Party! I am Johnny Suave and in just a few minutes, BCEW owner Bubba Jackson will make a huge announcement. But first, let’s go to a BCEW house show this past Saturday night at ‘The Thunderdome’ in Archbold, Ohio. The BCEW Tag Team Titles were on the line and this is what happened…”

REPLAY- BCEW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH BETWEEN A. TOM and HY DROGEN BOMB © w/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots) vs. JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT w/Horst Schett (Progressive Alliance)
A-Bomb pummels Jack Schett in the corner. H-Bomb and Bull Schett brawl outside the ring. Jack slumps in the corner and A-Bomb goes for the Atomic Power Bomb. He lifts Jack in the air when a German Schnauzer suddenly appears in the ring. The dog bares its teeth and barks menacingly at A-Bomb. The referee tries to shoo the dog away but ends up running for his life when the dog begins to chase him.

In the midst of the confusion, Jack Schett reverses the set up for the Atomic Power Bomb and delivers the Schett Brick on A-Bomb. Horst Schett calls the dog out of the ring and the animal obeys. The referee counts the pinfall and we have new BCEW Tag Team champions.

WINNER AND NEW BCEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT

Suave announces that Jack and Bull Schett will defend the tag team belts in a rematch against A-Bomb and H-Bomb tonight.

MATCH #1- BCEW TAG TEAM TITLE RETURN BOUT: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT © w/Horst Schett (Progressive Alliance) vs. A. TOM BOMB AND HY DROGEN BOMB w/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
H-Bomb is totally pissed off about what happened Saturday night and doesn’t wait for the bell. He attacks Bull Schett while A-Bomb and Jack Schett lock up. H-Bomb clubs away on Bull in the corner. Bull tries to fight his way out but H-Bomb lariats the living hell out of him. Jack Schett cheap shots H-Bomb from behind. Then A-Bomb puts Jack in a half nelson and drives him hard into the corner turnbuckle. Suplex. Suplex. A-Bomb then heaves Jack through the ropes.

Horst Schett walks out with the German Schnauzer and parks himself next to Johnny Suave at the announcer’s table. Horst: “This is our dog. As you can see, he’s very, very mean and vicious.” The Schnauzer playfully and affectionately licks Horst’s face. Suave: “He doesn’t look all that scary. What’s his name?” Horst: “Hans Gruber.” Suave: “Hans Gruber? You named this mean and vicious dog after the guy who wrote ‘Silent Night?’ Horst slams his fist down. Horst: “NINE! HE’S NOT NAMED AFTER SOME WIMPY COMPOSER OF CHRISTMAS MUSIC! HE’S NAMED AFTER ONE OF THE GREATEST GERMAN CINEMATIC VILLIANS OF ALL TIME- HANS GRUBER! DIE HARD- THE MOVIE!” Suave: “Oh…”

A screeching woman’s voice interrupts. Peta from PETA comes out with the rest of the Green World Order (Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick) and confronts Horst Schett over the misuse of Hans Gruber as a weapon to help them gain the BCEW Tag Team title. Peta: “You’re just as bad as that jockey who pushed that poor horse Eight Belles on two broken ankles at the Kentucky Derby. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for- ARRGHHH!” Horst sics Hans Gruber on Peta and chases her all around the ring. PeaceNick climbs on the ring apron to protest the extreme violence in brutality in BCEW political wrestling. This as Jack Schett uses a cheese grater on H-Bomb’s forehead and blood flows all over the place.

A-Bomb sets up a table outside the ring and drags an equally bloody Bull Schett over. A-Bomb prepares to Atomic Power Bomb Bull through the table when Peta from PETA flies by with Hans Gruber in hot pursuit and causes him to flinch. A second later, Horst Schett blasts A-Bomb with a steel-folding chair. PeaceNick continues to shout out anti-violence slogan on the ring apron. Jack Schett low blows A-Bomb in desperation and then whips him into the ropes. A-Bomb plows into PeaceNick, sending him flying backwards off the ring apron and through the table. Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!”

A-Bomb shoulder blocks Jack and then Newt Tron Bomb races over and sticks his ass in Jack’s face. Suave: “HE’S GOING FOR THE SILENT BUT DEADLY!......quick, someone get me a gas mask.” Out of nowhere, Hans Gruber skips into the ring and launches himself at N-Bomb’s ass. N-Bomb: “AAAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT BITE’S GOING TO LEAVE A MARK!” Jack hits the Schett Brick on A-Bomb, covers, and gets the pin.

WINNER AND STILL BCEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: JACK SCHETT AND BULL SCHETT

The crowd chants ‘BULL-S#$#!’ Bull takes the mic. Bull: “Hey, you’re chanting my name!” Suave: “No, Bull. Not quite.” Suave then recaps another match that took place earlier in the night.

REPLAY- JIMMY FROM SO CAL
Jimmy from SoCal is pissed off because he wasn’t chosen to be in the 2008 Jim Rome Smack-Off. Jimmy: “My smack is tight. My takes are epic. I should have received an invite to the Smack-Off!” Jimmy promises to take his frustrations out on his opponent tonight. Then former BCEW Television champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido comes out. Suave: “Speaking of being pissed off, Escondido’s still upset over Big Oil Pearl Harboring him last week on BCEW Extreme Political TV to take the title.”

REPLAY OF THE MATCH: JIMMY FROM SO CAL (Jobber) vs. ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO (Independent)
Jimmy tries but in the end he gets racked……torture racked that is. Escondido makes Jimmy tap out. Suave: “Jimmy from SoCal ejects and runs himself! He is OUT!”

WINNER: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO

Suave also mentions another incident that took place at the BCEW house show at the Thunderdome. Kirk Walstreit, Wall Street Market Analyst with a man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, calls out Big Oil.

REPLAY- KIRK WALSTREIT AND BIG OIL THIS PAST SATURDAY NIGHT
Walstreit in the ring. Big Oil walks out with his manager, Texas Tex, who pushes a wheelbarrow overflowing with money. Walstreit announces that Exxon/Mobil reported a 10.9 billion dollar first quarter profit. Walstreit: “Big Oil, I hate to tell you this but…that’s not good enough.” Big Oil hangs his head. Walstreit: “It doesn’t meet Wall Street’s expectations.” Big Oil: “I agree. I guess that means that gas prices aren’t high enough.” Predictably, the crowd boos. Big Oil calls the crowd ‘delusional’ and brags that once the summer months get here, gas prices will increase again and they should meet Wall Street expectations. More boos follow. Big Oil laughs. Big Oil: “Boo all you want. It doesn’t matter because you know damn well that you’re so addicted to your cars that you’ll pay- OOOFF!”

Big Oil gets interrupted by Average Joe and the American Trucker (formerly Mike the Mechanic) who jump him from behind. American Trucker takes out Big Oil’s legs and Average Joe takes a can of oil and bashes him in the head with it. Walstreit tries to help but American Trucker kicks him in the groin and then takes Walstreit’s autographed picture of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, framed and all, and breaks it over his head.

Suave: “Average Joe and the American Trucker. Sticking up for the little guys.”

BCEW Owner Bubba Jackson arrives in the ring to make his big announcement. He tells the BCEW faithful that it’s been a wonderful three years and that they’ve come a long way since the first BCEW pay per view show, Loose Cannons Unleashed in March, 2005. Bubba: “But now, it’s time to take the next step. And with that step means we’re branching out a little farther and, more importantly, necessitates a name change.” Crowd seems mildly confused. Bubba: “Starting tonight, BCEW is no more; PCW- Political Championship Wrestling is born!” Bubba reassures everyone that Buckland County, and especially Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon and the now, PCW Hall, will remain the emotional heart and soul of PCW. Bubba: “But, we are on the way to bigger and better things!”

BACKSTAGE
The Chaotic Alliance of Convenience meets. Rush Limbaugh. Big Oil with Texas Tex. Triple R. Suave quickly recaps the formation of ‘Limbaugh’s unholy alliance’ to put Hillary Clinton over as the Progressive Alliance nominee. Limbaugh thinks HRC would be easier for John McCain to defeat for BCEW CEO. Big Oil is doing it for the money. Triple R wants the PCW Title now held by Starz N. Stripes of the American Patriots. Triple R tells Big Oil now that he’s got ‘his belt’ (PCW Television championship) that his job is to soften up the PCW Champion so he can defeat him next month at next months Loose Cannons Unleashed 4 pay per view after Triple R takes care of O’Beck Bahama tonight. Big Oil becomes annoyed and begins to respond. Limbaugh slips him another envelope full of cash and calms the big guy down.

MATCH #2 PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: “Media Empress” OPAL WINFREE © w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom (Progressive Alliance) vs. BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila of the 3 Amigas (Independent)
Suave: “No Barack Obama tonight. Tessa Martin has slowly climbed up the ladder and with the injury to Kathryn Randall Collins has earned a title shot. The question is, is Tessa ready to take the next step?” The answer is: we won’t find out tonight.

Before the bell, Hillary Clinton sends in her Political Pitbulls (James Carville, Terry McAuliffe), Barbra Streisand, Indiana Senator Evan Bayh, and the CAC to disrupt the match. Opal’s Flock gets taken out; so does the 3 Amigas. Hillary gets on the mic and asks, “What part of ‘I’m going all the way’ does everyone not understand?” Hillary states tonight is a ‘game-changing’ night. Hillary: “And when Triple R defeats O’Beck Bahama, again, the Progressive Alliance will see that I’m in it to win it. They’ll see that only I am tough enough to stand up to the American Patriots and John McCain! I’m tested. I’m ready.” Hillary defiantly throws down the mic and leaves with her crew.
Suave starts to introduce the next match when someone comes out and interrupts him. Suave: “Okay? What the hell is Jim Delany, the commissioner of the Big 10, doing out here?

BIG TEN COMMISSIONER (AND BCS APOLOGIST) JIM DELANY SEGMENT
Delany congratulates PCW for changing from a small regional name to something more mainstream and bigger. Delany: “You see, you have to think…big. Like the Big 10. The Big 12. The Big East. Just like the ‘big’ BCS. You have to separate yourselves from the bottom feeders. Just like the BCS conference school have separated themselves from the non-BCS schools. Sure, they’re good for the occasional upset when we take them too lightly. But most of the time, we like paying them big bucks to come into our stadiums and get their ass kicked up and down the football field. Everyone knows bigger is better and like PCW is better than BCEW; the BCS is superior to the non-BCS-”

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock, Til You Drop blares over the sound system*

The crowd stands and cheers as the Extreme Equalizer, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, runs down to the ring. Delany tries to get out but WTF grabs him by the scruff of the neck and pulls him back in. Suave: “ YES!” WTF kicks Delany in the balls, sets him up for the power bomb, and then sends out of the ring through the announcer’s table. Crowd: “PCW!...PCW!”

MATCH #3 ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama, Arianna Huffington and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers-Daily Kos, Media Matters For America, Eric Alterman (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘The Angry Highway Warrior’ TRIPLE R w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville, Terry McAuliffe, The Chaotic Alliance of Convenience- Rush Limbaugh, Big Oil w/Texas Tex
Suave:
“Well? Here we go again.” The bell rings and Triple R charges at Bahama. Bahama slidesteps out of the way and Triple R crashes into the turnbuckle. Daily Kos reaches over and delivers a couple cheap shots. Kicks to the back by Bahama on Triple R drops him down to a sitting position. Daily Kos and Media Matters grab a leg and crotch Triple R against the ring post. Bahama climbs up the turnbuckle and hits a 450 splash. Cover. 2-count. Bahama pushes Triple R back into the corner where the Left Wing Bloggers again interfere. Standing drop kick by Bahama. Wicked chops follow leaving red welts on Triple R’s chest. DDT. Cover. Triple R kicks out at 2. Whip into the ropes, belly to belly Suplex by Bahama. Again, a cover. This time, Carville and McAuliffe hit the ring and stop the count.

Triple R whips Bahama into his corner. Bahama tries to move. Big Oil grabs both legs, freezing him in place. Spinning heel kick by Triple R nearly decapitates Bahama. Cover. 2 count. Triple R tosses Bahama over the top rope into the clutches of the Political Pitbulls. Suave: “That’s not a good place to be.” Carville and McAuliffe attack. They hold Bahama up and Big Oil hits a running clothesline. Arianna Huffington screams at the Clinton Cabal. Finally, the Angry Left Wing Bloggers attack on both sides and it’s a mess.

Bahama stumbles out of the scrum. Triple R staggers out a couple seconds later. Triple R sets his sights on Bahama. The Rev. Jeremiah Wright runs in with a chair, again, but this time Barack Obama cuts him off at the pass. Obama sends Rev. Wright back to the locker room. Triple R grabs Bahama and throws him back into the ring. Big Oil also emerges from the scrum and he climbs into the ring. Triple R suplexes Bahama. Body slam. Bahama in trouble. Triple R whips him into the ropes, another body slam. Triple R then gestures to Big Oil to ‘finish him.’ Big Oil picks up Bahama and chokeslams him. Hillary climbs up on the ring apron. Limbaugh also comes up close to watch on the other side. Triple R goes for the cover. 1…2… Suave: “NO! HE KICKED OUT!” Triple R is furious. He directs Big Oil to deliver another chokeslam. Big Oil picks Bahama up…and throws him into Triple R, driving them both into the ropes. Suave: “WHAT IS HE DOING?” Texas Tex throws in a chair for Big Oil. Big Oil winds up. Limbaugh suddenly pulls Bahama out of the way and Big Oil clocks Triple R with the chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Hillary can’t believe what just happened. Chokeslam follows. Big Oil puts Bahama on top for the cover. Hillary tries to keep the referee from counting the pin. No avail. The Angry Left Wing Bloggers keep the Clinton Political Pitbulls at bay. 1…2…3.

WINNER: O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama

Limbaugh gets into the ring and says this whole thing was a work. He only supported Hillary to disrupt the Progressive Alliance and produce the weakest candidate possible to face the American Patriots John McCain in the fall for PCW CEO. Limbaugh: “I only wanted to keep the divisive fight going between Obama and Clinton. Now I believe that Barack Obama is the weakest candidate of the Progressive Alliance. Operation Chaos is an unmitigated success!” With that, Limbaugh leaves a stunned Hillary Clinton mouthing ‘why?’

*YEEEEEEEE-AHHHHHHHHHHHH!*

The leader of the Progressive Alliance, ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean, enters the ring and inspects the carnage. He looks at Hillary. Dean: “I think we’ve seen just about enough.” Dean leaves with Hillary following right behind. Hillary: “Howard! Wait! It’s not over yet. I can still win this.”

Triple R comes to. He sees Big Oil and Texas Tex standing by the guardrail, waiting for his match against PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes. He grabs a chair and attacks Big Oil. Chairshot. Chairshot. Texas Tex tries to intervene and gets leveled by a chairshot. More chairshots on Big Oil, who wilts to the ground. Suave: “HE’S SNAPPED! TRIPLE R IS FURIOUS AND HE’S BEATING THE LIVING CRAP OUT OF BIG OIL!” Triple R takes Texas Tex’s golden money belt and wraps it around Big Oil’s throat. Suave: “HE’S CHOKING HIM!” Several referees come down to try and pry Triple R off Big Oil. Triple R takes them all out with chairshots and then chokes Big Oil with the money belt again.

PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes arrives for his match. Triple R sees him and drags Big Oil over to the ring. He rolls him inside and then climbs up the turnbuckle. Suicide dive. Triple R: “He’s all yours.”

MATCH #4 PCW TITLE MATCH: STARZ N. STRIPES © (American Patriots) vs. BIG OIL w/Texas Tex (American Patriots)
Starz sticks his boot on Big Oil’s chest. 1…2…3.

WINNER AND STILL PCW CHAMPION: STARZ N. STRIPES

Suave: “RUSH LIMBAUGH DOUBLE CROSSES HILLARY. THE CLINTON CABAL MAY BE TOAST! ONE MONTH TO GO BEFORE THE FINAL PCW PAY PER VIEW OF THE SEASON- LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 4!”

---------
J.D. Elder's new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW/PCW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting satire at:
http://www.bucklandcounty.com/
Lulu.com
Barnes and Noble
Borders
Books A Million

…or order it direct from: Prairie Depot Press
P.O. Box 25
Wauseon, Ohio 43567

Official Press Release from Prairie Depot Press

Prairie Depot Press- Adventures in Low Budget, Small Time Book Publishing
BCEW is online at:
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Blogger.com
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