Tuesday, April 29, 2008

4/28- BCEW Extreme Political TV






BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV– April 28th
From the ‘Palace of Political Extreme’ aka…BCEW Hall, Eagle Rock, Ohio
Host: Johnny Suave


Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!”

Johnny Suave: “Welcome to BCEW! Tonight, we are at the Palace of Political Extreme, BCEW Hall! Tonight, a 3-way dance for the BCEW TV title between the champion, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Independent), Big Oil (American Patriots) and the ‘Insanely Smelling Luchador’ Halitosis. Last week, we witnessed one of the most brutal and bloody wars BCEW has ever seen at Keystone State Khaos. The bitter war between Progressive Alliance representatives Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama escalated to another level as Triple R, backed by Hillary, defeated Barack’s wrestler, O’Beck Bahama. Let’s go back to last week. Triple R and Big Oil, political rivals united in Rush Limbaugh’s unholy alliance called the Chaotic Alliance of Convenience, are in total control of the match. Then this…”

REPLAY- THE END OF THE TRIPLE R/O’BECK BAHAMA MATCH FROM BCEW KEYSTONE STATE KHAOS
BCEW Champion Starz N. Stripes comes out and pulls Bahama off the table. Rush Limbaugh becomes apoplectic. Rush: “What are you doing? No. Wait! Stop!” Limbaugh can only watch as Starz then face plants Big Oil from the top rope through the table. Rush: “NOOOOOOO!!” Suave: “He’s dead. Forget it.” Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Suave: “Sweet revenge for what happened to Starz two weeks ago at BCEW Night of Champions.” The BCEW champ fights his way through Triple R and the Political Pitbulls and escapes to the back. Big Oil is busted open big time. The referee is out. Hillary screams at Triple R to finish the job. Triple R throws Bahama back in the ring. Suave: “We need a ref in there really…WAIT! IT’S ABC’S CHARLIE GIBSON AND GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS…AND THEY’RE WEARING REFEREE SHIRTS!” Barack immediately climbs up on the ring apron and heatedly complains about what’s going on. Gibson and Stephanopoulos listen as Triple R sits Bahama in the corner and puts a chair by his face. Barack screams at them to stop him. By the time Gibson and Stephanopoulos turn around, Triple R dropkicks the chair into Bahama. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Triple R covers. Both Gibson and Stephanopoulos count it out. Game over.

*YEEEEEEEEE-AAHHHHHHH!*

‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean, leader of the Progressive Alliance comes out. Dean tries to decree that come hell or high water, the next leader of the Progressive Alliance will be decided by June. Dean: “I’m confident that either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama will know when it’s time to drop out of the Progressive Alliance leadership race. We can’t afford to allow this to drag on any longer than absolutely necessary-”

Hillary Clinton then walks out with the Angry Highway Warrior- Triple R. She tells Dean that time and time again, Barack Obama has had a chance to put her away and hasn’t. Clinton: “He can’t close the deal.”

Barack Obama walks out with O’Beck Bahama. Bahama is heavily bandaged after the beating he took at BCEW Keystone State Chaos. Obama reminds Hillary that not only did her protégée Kathryn Randall Collins lose to BCEW Women’s champion Opal Winfree at Keystone State Khaos, she’s been put out of action for the next four weeks. Suave: “KRC took a nasty bump and sprained her neck. Here’s how it happened…”

REPLAY- THE END OF THE KRC/OPAL WINFREE BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH FROM KEYSTONE STATE KHAOS
KRC slaps on the Boston Crab. She wrenches Opal’s legs backwards and BCEW Women’s champion is in a world of hurt. Opal paws at the ropes and towards Barack. Obama puts the plate down on the canvas. Opal stretches out to grab the plate. She gets closer…closer…and finally she latches on to it. Opal breaks the hold by breaking the plate on KRC’s face. Hillary: “What the hell is that?” Opal still not in good shape. KRC gets the plate and breaks it over her head. Suave: “WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! OPAL WINFREE IS IN BIG TROUBLE!” KRC leads Winfree to the corner and guides her up the turnbuckle. Suave: “She’s setting the champion up the superplex!” KRC has her set. Suddenly, Opal counters with a top rope DDT. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! DID YOU SEE THAT? SHE JUST KILLED KRC!” Opal covers…and holds on to the title.

Clinton challenges Obama to another match between Triple R and Bahama. Obama turns her down flat. Barack: “You’ve used every opportunity to unleash your political pitbulls, and now apparently the CAC, in order to beat down O’Beck Bahama. I’m not giving you another chance-” O’Beck takes the mic. O’Beck: “Forget the political s@@#! This is personal!” Bahama throws down the mic and gets in Triple R’s face. Obama tries to pull him back but Bahama pushes him away and tackles Triple R. Suave: “HE’S NOT GOING TO WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK!” Bahama pummels Triple R with rights and lefts. Obama again tries to pull him off but Bahama swats him away and starts to choke out Triple R. Suave: “HERE COMES BIG OIL!” Big Oil, his face black and blue and a total mess after getting face planted through a table, grabs Bahama from behind and slams him to the ground. Big Oil and Triple R double team Bahama until the BCEW Champion Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots) races out with a steel-folding chair and clobbers Big Oil with it.

Howard Dean throws up his hands. Dean: “You guys want to go? Fine.” Suave: “WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH!”

MATCH #1- POLITICAL FACTION MIXED TAG TEAM MATCH: ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’BECK BAHAMA (Progressive Alliance) and ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ BCEW CHAMPION STARZ N. STRIPES (American Patriots) vs. Rush Limbaugh’s Chaotic Alliance of Convenience- TRIPLE R (Progressive Alliance) and BIG OIL (American Patriots)
A referee runs out and calls for the bell. Immediately, Bahama and Triple R pair up on the floor while Starz and Big Oil brawl into the crowd. Suave: “THIS IS GOING TO BE AN ALL OUT WAR!”

Bahama and Triple R flail away at each other. They exchange chairshots. Triple R clips the leg and then delivers another chairshot. Kneedrop. Suplex on the floor. Desperate low-blow by Bahama stops Triple R’s momentum. Rights by the New Rookie Sensation. Bahama whips Triple R into the steel guardrail. Chairshot buckles Triple R’s knees. Lariat up and over the guardrail into the first row. Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Someone hands Bahama a cup of beer. Bahama throws it in Triple R’s face. A pizza pan is held up. Bahama whaps Triple R with it. Suave: “TRIPLE R’s BUSTED WIDE OPEN!” Blood flows freely from a cut above Triple R’s left eye.

Big Oil and Starz N. Stripes battle fifteen rows up in the stands. Right hands from Big Oil. Right hands from Starz. They fight at the edge of the stands, precariously close to falling to the floor below. Starz kicks Big Oil in the groin and then presses his neck against a steel bar- part of the railing.

Bahama suplexes Triple R on the floor again. Woozy, Triple R can barely get back to his feet. Bahama sets up a table just below where Starz and Big Oil are fighting and hits a couple more rights to soften Triple R up. Suddenly, someone runs out. Suave: “Who’s that? IT’S REVEREND JEREMIAH WRIGHT! WITH A CHAIR!” Reverend Wright runs up to Triple R and swings the chair. Triple R ducks and Reverend Wright waffles Bahama instead. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Bahama down. Triple R down.

Big Oil suddenly backkicks Starz in the balls. Then he flips him over his back, over the side, and through the table ten feet below. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THE BCEW CHAMPION JUST GOT PUT THROUGH A TABLE!” Starz is out. Out of nowhere, BCEW Television Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido runs in and superkicks Big Oil over the railing and down through another table.

Suave: “THEY’RE ALL OUT! THE BCEW TV CHAMPION JUST MADE HIS TITLE DEFENSE A LITTLE EASIER BY TAKING OUT BIG OIL!”


Nurse Nellie and the BCEW Clean Up Crew come out and stretcher all four wrestlers from the carnage.


Suave: “The new political wrestling book Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction is now available at many online bookstores. The story features BCEW and many of the characters, including yours truly. Here’s a quick synopsis…”




There are some books you curl up on a warm couch to read. This isn’t one of them.

Crack open a six of beer and crank up the music for a humorous and occasionally biting political satire just in time for the election year.

Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction is an independent call to arms, a rowdy, hard-hitting, no holds barred satire that finally puts politics in proper perspective- by equating it to professional wrestling.

A dark cloud has covered the American political landscape. The powerful forces of professional partisans, political operatives, and special interest groups have combined to polarize the electorate into two bitterly divided extreme camps while many people tune out of the political process altogether.

However, DeWayne Cantrell isn’t like most people.

Co-owner with Bubba Jackson of the world's only political pro wrestling federation, Buckland County Extreme Wrestling, DeWayne, a reformed politician himself, skewers the political world on a weekly basis on the BCEW wrestling show. But when powerful United States Senator David Hutchinson gets wind of what Cantrell is doing, DeWayne finds himself being subpoenaed to appear before a Senate sub-committee on the 'Media and Their Contribution to the Coarseness of the American Culture.' It is only after a heated exchange with Senator Hutchinson at the contentious hearing that DeWayne realizes that it’s no joke anymore.

Cantrell then throws his hat into the political ring and challenges Hutchinson for his Senate seat. Can DeWayne stand up for the little guy against the establishment of both political parties and stick it to the Washington D.C. elites? To what lengths will the professional politicians and their special interest groups go to stop him?

And will American politics ever be the same?

Loose Cannons… is produced by Prairie Depot/I-73 Independent Press and distributed through Lulu Press. The novel is now available online at Amazon, Lulu.com, and other online bookstores.

A REVIEW OF LOOSE CANNONS AND OTHER WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION BY AUTHOR STEPHEN HINES:“J.D. Elder’s novel is a brilliant work of over-the-top satire that spares no one in modern American politics. By using professional wrestling, he is able to ingeniously mock the insanity in our corrupt two party system.”

A REVIEW OF LOOSE CANNONS AND OTHER WEAPONS OF MASS POLITICAL DESTRUCTION BY AUTHOR TERRY W. ERVIN II:“A fast-paced storyline laced with some of the best political satire I've read in quite some time, where no side (left or right, or even the luke-warm middle) is safe. In it, this book combines Pro Wresting, Humor and Politics for a down-right entertaining read...and maybe, just maybe, a few common sense solutions. ”Ervin is an Ohio author and his short story, Vegetable Matters, is included in a new compilation called
MindFlights, Issue 1.

NOTES FROM PRAIRIE DEPOT PRESS:On Amazon.com, you can now use their ‘search inside the book’ feature to view excerpts from Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction.




AN EXCERPT FROM THE BOOK




Backstage in one of the back rooms, BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin poses for a photo in bed. She’s sitting up with the blanket covering her chest and with her bare back clearly showing. Suave: “Well, hey. At least she’s not fifteen years old and posing for this, right? That would be creepy…oh, hold on a second………right………I stand corrected. Creepy is a 28 year old professional baseball player dating a fifteen years old.”

MATCH #2- THREE-WAY DANCE FOR THE BCEW TELEVISION TITLE: ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO © (Independent) vs. ‘The Insanely Smelling Luchador’ HALITOSIS (Independent) vs. BIG OIL (American Patriots)
No Big Oil as he’s been taken to the hospital for observation. Escondido and Halitosis go extreme lucha libre and the BCEW TV champion does a good job keeping up with the Insanely Smelling Luchador. Quick paced match, Escondido stays away from Halitosis’s lethal breath. Escondido reverses a hurricarana attempt and turns it into a tilt-a-whirl suplex slam. Escondido goes up top. Another run-in. Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT! BIG OIL IS BACK!” Big Oil, even more heavily bandaged than before, limps out and pushes Escondido off the top rope. He climbs into the ring and power bombs Halitosis. Big Oil then sneers at Escondido. Powerbomb. Cover. 1-2-3. New TV champion.

WINNER AND NEW BCEW TELEVISION CHAMPION: BIG OIL (American Patriots)

Big Oil gets on the mic and mocks everyone in the building, holding four fingers up in the air to signify $4 a gallon of gasoline. Texas Tex joins him to celebrate.

Suave: “NEXT WEEK! BCEW HOOSIER HOUSE PARTY FROM FORT WAYNE, INDIANA! HERE’S THE CARD…”

BCEW TITLE MATCH:
‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes © (American Patriots) vs. Big Oil (American Patriots)

BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH:’Media Empress’ Opal Winfree © (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Independent)

BCEW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb © (American Patriots) vs. The Schett Brothers (Progressive Alliance)

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE GRUDGE MATCH REDUX:
‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama in his corner vs. ‘The Angry Highway Warrior’ Triple R (Road Rage Randy) w/Hillary Clinton

A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT BY BCEW OWNER BUBBA JACKSON

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J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at:
http://www.bucklandcounty.com/
Lulu.com

Amazon.com
Barnes and Noble
Borders
Books A Million

Official Press Release from Prairie Depot Press

Prairie Depot Press- Adventures in Low Budget, Small Time Book Publishing
-------------

BCEW is online at:
Wordpress
Blogger.com
AOL

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Screw the BCS



Monday, April 28, 2008

4/28- BCEW Preview


Last week at BCEW Keystone State Khaos- Moment of Truth, the Hillary Clinton-Barack Obama Progressive Alliance feud reached a new level in blood and brutality as Hillary-backed Triple R defeated ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama. In the match, Triple R, allied with Big Oil of the American Patriots in Rush Limbaugh’s unholy Chaotic Alliance of Convenience (CAC), overwhelmed the newcomer to stake his claim to a title shot against BCEW champion Starz N. Stripes.

BCEW Champion Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots) exacted a little revenge of his own when he face-planted rival Big Oil (American Patriots), who had laid him out on 4/14’s BCEW Extreme Political TV, through a table.

BCEW Women’s Champion Opal Winfree (Progressive Alliance) delivered a devastating top rope DDT to Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) and retained her title.

BCEW also celebrated Earth Day in our own unique way…

THE GREEN WORLD ORDER CELEBRATES EARTH DAY
Peta from PETA comes out and kicks Suave and the life-size cardboard cut-out of Danica out of the ring. She brings out her brother Peter (no relation to GreenPete) from PETA and the rest of the Green World Order (GreenPete, Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick) to celebrate Earth Day. After Peta rips into the crowd for their wasteful, irresponsible ways, BCEW employee Skank Mitchell walks to the ring. Skank wants to celebrate ‘Moon’ Day. Peta: “Moon Day? What the hell is Moon Day?” Skank tells her he’ll show her. Then he climbs into the ring, turns his back to the GWO, and then pulls down his pants. Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Suave: “Well? You could say that the accumulation of cellulite and pimples on his ass is an accurate reflection of the surface of the moon.”

This week on BCEW Extreme Political TV, where will the Barack-Hillary go next? BCEW Television Champion ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido defends his title in a three-way dance against ‘Insanely Smelling Luchador’ Halitosis (Independent) and Big Oil (American Patriots).

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BCEW TITLEHOLDERS:

BCEW WORLD CHAMPION: Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots)
CONTENDERS:
#1- O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance)
#2- Triple R (Progressive Alliance)

BCEW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Opal Winfree (Progressive Alliance)
CONTENDERS:
#1- Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance)
#2- ‘BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (Independent)

BCEW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Independent)
CONTENDERS:
#1- Big Oil (American Patriots)
#2- Halitosis (Independent)

BCEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb (American Patriots)
CONTENDERS:
#1- The Green World Order- GreenPete and Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee (Independent)
#2- Schett Brothers- Jack Schett and Bull Schett (Progressive Alliance)


Thursday, April 24, 2008

4/22- BCEW Keystone State Khaos- The Moment of Truth


BCEW KEYSTONE STATE KHAOS- THE MOMENT OF TRUTH– April 22th
From Pittsburgh, PA
Host: Johnny Suave

Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!”

Johnny Suave: “Welcome to BCEW Tourstop Across America show #9 right here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania!” Suave is joined in the ring by a lifesize, cardboard cut-out of Danica Patrick. Suave: “One night after some big time, corporately run wrestling company had this…match between two people dressed like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, tonight, we’re going to show everyone what true extreme political wrestling is all about!” Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Suave runs down the earlier action.

BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN (Independent) vs. ‘Defense Expert’ HALLIE BURTON (American Patriots)
BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin continued her impressive run of victories by knocking off ‘Defense Expert’ Hallie Burton. Neal Conn (making foreign policy as paramount responsibility of government, seeing the need for the U.S. acting as the world's sole superpower as indispensable to establishing and maintaining global order) tried to interfere on Burton’s behalf but Martin’s 3 Amiga compadre, Daisy Cutter-Bomb, stopped him and delivered her devastating Daisy Cutter Power Bomb on Conn. The BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl finished off the Defense Expert with a well placed oversized pizza box to the mush (complete with road sign inside).

THE SCHMITT BROTHERS JOIN THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE
Last week, Progressive Alliance leader ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean wooed Jack, Bull, and Horst Schmitt to come to their side. Tonight, the Schmitt Brothers cement the agreement by attacking A. Tom and Hy Drogen Bomb after they successfully defended the BCEW Tag Team Titles against FUBAR and SNAFU. In the ring, Dean declares the Schmitts the strongest tag team the Progressive Alliance have had in the stable in the three years of BCEW. The Schmitts themselves announce that they are changing their last name to Schett. Why? According to Jack Schett, ‘to make the obvious pun even more glaringly obvious.’ Suave: “Great. As if their last name wasn’t obnoxious enough to begin with.”

No schett.

Jimmy from So Cal comes out and starts running smack, trying to play his way into the Jim Rome Smack Off on Friday. Jimmy pimps his smack and his wrestling ability and lays out an open challenge to any ‘scrub in the back.’ Much to Jimmy’s dismay, it’s BCEW Champion Starz N. Stripes who answers the call.

BCEW CHAMPION STARZ N. STRIPES (American Patriots) vs. JIMMY FROM SO CAL (jobber)
Unfortunately, Jimmy from So Cal gloriously flames out. He does not get racked and the BCEW champion runs him to get the win.


Suave celebrates the real Danica Patrick’s first Indy Racing League victory over the weekend in Japan. Several people in the front row bow down in homage to the road racing hottie.

THE GREEN WORLD ORDER CELEBRATES EARTH DAY
Peta from PETA comes out and kicks Suave and the life-size cardboard cut-out of Danica out of the ring. She brings out her brother Peter (no relation to GreenPete) from PETA and the rest of the Green World Order (GreenPete, Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick) to celebrate Earth Day. After Peta rips into the crowd for their wasteful, irresponsible ways, BCEW employee Skank Mitchell walks to the ring. Skank wants to celebrate ‘Moon’ Day. Peta: “Moon Day? What the hell is Moon Day?” Skank tells her he’ll show her. Then he climbs into the ring, turns his back to the GWO, and then pulls down his pants. Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Suave: “Well? You could say that the accumulation of cellulite and pimples on his ass is an accurate reflection of the surface of the moon.”

Peta gets incensed and has Peter throw Skank out of the ring. This brings out Politically Incorrect- Nic Koteen and Al Cahall. Cahall pulls out a grill. Koteen tells the Green World Order he enjoys the earth just as much as they do. Koteen: “I enjoy everything that the earth has to offer.” Then he lights up a cigarette. Cahall fires up the grill. Peter from PETA confronts Cahall over the grill. Koteen introduces a new member of Politically Incorrect- Hunter the Hunter. Hunter is fresh from a one week vacation up at Ted Nugent’s spread and comes out lugging a shotgun and a bear trap. Hunter challenges Peter to a match. Peter accepts.

MATCH #1- HUNTER THE HUNTER of Politically Incorrect (Independent) vs. PETER FROM PETA of the Green World Order (Independent)
Hunter puts the bear trap in the corner and locks up with Peter from PETA. They trade shots back and forth. Hunter grabs a headlock on Peter and hits an inverted DDT. Peter tries to elbow out but gets bulldogged for his trouble. Peta from PETA shouts at Hunter from the outside. Koteen and Cahall grill brats, smoke cigarettes, and down some brew. Peter from PETA finally gets a little offense. But Hunter whips him into the corner. *CLACK* Peter: “AAARRRRGGHH!!! Suave: “BEAR TRAP! BEAR TRAP! HE’S GOT HIM IN THE BEAR TRAP! WOW! THAT LOOKS…PAINFUL.” Peter desperately tries to release his foot from the trap. The referee asks him if he wants to tap out. The GWO screams at the ref to break the hold. Peter hangs on. Hunter takes the shotgun, shouts ‘THIS ONE’S FOR CHARLTON HESTON,’ and waffles Peter from PETA in the forehead with the butt end. Cover and pin.

WINNER: HUNTER THE HUNTER

Politically Incorrect celebrates with brats and beer. The Green World Order tend to Peter from PETA as paramedics come out to release the trap and work on his foot. PeaceNick angrily confronts the referee. PeaceNick: “What kind of barbaric organization would allow someone to use a bear trap in a match?” The ref points at the BCEW banner above the ring. Referee: “Well, the name does say ‘extreme’ doesn’t it.”

Suave announces that NBA star, Utah Jazz forward, Andrei Kirilenko, is in the building. Suave goes over to shake his hand but Kirilenko flops to the floor, writhing and moaning as if he’d been pole-axed. Suave: “O-kay.”

Howard Dean sits both Barack and Hillary down in his office. Barack stews as he picks at a plate of waffles. Barack: “Why can’t I just eat my waffle?” Dean is worried that the blood-feud that’s boiled between the two is causing some divisions within the Progressive Alliance. Dean: “We have a golden opportunity to get the BCEW CEO spot and you two are tearing the Progressive Alliance apart!” Both Barack and Hillary try to blame the other but Dean isn’t having any of it. He wants the pitched battle to be toned down dramatically and tells Hillary to keep the CAC in line. Dean makes it clear that he wants no interference in the final two matches of the night. Dean: “One of you will be chosen to be the next leader of the Progressive Alliance. Let the process play out.” Both Barack and Hillary reluctantly agree. Barack leaves but Dean asks Hillary to stay behind. Dean: “Hillary, if you lose both matches tonight, you really need to think about dropping out.”

MATCH #2 BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH- ‘Media Empress’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Barack Obama and Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy (Progressive Alliance) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS…KRC w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Terry McAuliffe (Progressive Alliance)
Suave:
“Well, the ‘American Screamer’ Howard Dean has decreed that the Obama and Clinton sides are to keep away from each other and not interfere. We’ll see how long that lasts.” Hillary claps her hands to urge KRC on. In between bites of his waffles, Barack tells Opal to be audacious for hope…or something to that effect. The bell rings and both women come out circling each other. Single leg take down by KRC followed with an arm bar. KRC wrenches the arm and then grapevines the legs for an early submission attempt. Opal uses her strength to power out. Quick sequence of chain wrestling with neither woman gaining the advantage. KRC launches herself into the ropes and ducks a lariat. Coming off the other ropes, Opal catches her and hits a sit down slam. KRC quickly scurries from the ring. The crowd cheers their approval.

KRC confers with Hillary and then goes back to work. Lock up in the middle. Opal grabs an arm bar and pushes KRC into the corner. Whip across to the other corner. Opal goes for the splash but KRC ducks out of the way. Opal staggers back. Missile drop kick by KRC backs her up. Missile drop kick #2 nearly takes her off her feet. Missile drop kick #3 finally does. KRC climbs the turnbuckle. Obama puts his plate of waffles down and starts pounding his hands on the mat. KRC suddenly loses her balance and crotches herself on the top turnbuckle. HRC is livid and starts shouting at Barack. Barack: “I was just trying to cheer my wrestler on!” Hillary doesn’t buy it and the Clinton Political Pitbulls begin to confer. Opal suplexes KRC. Running bulldog to one end. Running bulldog back to the other. Belly to belly suplex. KRC grabs the rope but Opal is too strong and hits a third belly to belly. Opal climbs the turnbuckle. Hillary wheels around and she starts pounding on the canvas. Opal sees her and hesitates. KRC scrambles up and face plants her from the top rope. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Barack screams at Hillary. Hillary: “I was just urging my wrestler on!” Opal’s Flock- Soccer Mom and New Age Sensitive Guy, start to jaw and point at the Clinton Political Pitbulls- McAuliffe and Carville. KRC slaps on the Boston Crab. She wrenches Opal’s legs backwards and BCEW Women’s champion is in a world of hurt. Opal paws at the ropes and towards Barack. Obama puts the plate down on the canvas. Opal stretches out to grab the plate. She gets closer…closer…and finally she latches on to it. Opal breaks the hold by breaking the plate on KRC’s face. Hillary: “What the hell is that?” Opal still not in good shape. KRC gets the plate and breaks it over her head. Suave: “WE COULD HAVE A NEW CHAMPION! OPAL WINFREE IS IN BIG TROUBLE!” KRC leads Winfree to the corner and guides her up the turnbuckle. Suave: “She’s setting the champion up the superplex!” KRC has her set. Suddenly, Opal counters with a top rope DDT. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! DID YOU SEE THAT? SHE JUST KILLED KRC!” Opal covers…and holds on to the title.

WINNER AND STILL BCEW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: “Media Empress” OPAL WINFREE

Hillary fumes as Barack celebrates with Winfree. Bill Clinton joins Hillary and wags his finger at the referee. Bill Clinton: “I don’t think we have to put up with this @#$#.

Suave again recaps the formation of the Chaotic Alliance of Convenience consisting of Big Oil and Rush Limbaugh from the American Patriots and Triple R (Road Rage Randy) of the Progressive Alliance. The alliance was formed with one single goal- to promote Hillary Clinton as the new leader of the Progressive Alliance. Suave: “Let’s look back again at how the CAC was formed.

REPLAY OF STARZ N. STRIPES- O’BECK BAHAMA from BCEW Night of Champions on 4/1
The bell rings. Starz and Bahama lock up. And Triple R runs in and belts Bahama in the back. Dean, Pelosi, and Reid are swallowed by the scrum as the Left Wing Bloggers surge ahead and engage the Clinton Political Pitbulls. Triple R kicks away at Bahama. Triple R then turns and takes a couple shots at the BCEW champion. Suave: “IT’S TOTAL PANDEOMONIUM HERE!” Triple R wails away at Starz in the corner. Big Oil shows up out of nowhere. Suave: “BIG OIL’S OUT HERE TO EVEN THE ODDS!” The big guy rumbles into the ring. He looks at Triple R. He looks at Starz. He lifts Starz up and chokeslams him to the canvas. Suave: “WHAT? BIG OIL JUST CHOKESLAMMED THE BCEW CHAMPION! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?” Triple R nods and piledrives Bahama. Then both men throw Starz and Bahama out of the ring. Suave: “WHY? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?” MAN’S VOICE: “I’ll tell you.”The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence Rush Limbaugh saunters out and joins Big Oil in the ring. Limbaugh: “That’s right. It is I. El Rushbo. The Massrushbi. Talent on loan from God. I’m behind this.” Suave can’t believe it. Limbaugh explains that sometimes, in order to further your agenda you have to make business decisions that involve getting involved with people you wouldn’t normally associate with. Suave: “Huh?” Limbaugh: “Tonight, my friends. You’ve watched my plan come together with the beginning of a new and unique alliance with one single goal- promoting Hillary Clinton as the Progressive Alliance’s nominee for BCEW CEO.” Suave: “WHAT?” Limbaugh: “That’s right. Tonight, you have witnessed the birth of the CHAOTIC ALLIANCE OF CONVENIENCE!” Big Oil and Triple R raise each others arm. Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT. I DON’T BELIEVE IT!” Limbaugh joins Big Oil on one side and Hillary joins Triple R on the other. Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M SEEING! BIG OIL! TRIPLE R! THE TWO BIGGEST A-HOLES IN BCEW HAVE JOINED TOGETHER IN AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE TO GET HILLARY CLINTON THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE NOMINATION!”

Backstage, Triple R and Big Oil discuss business. Big Oil makes it clear that he’s only in this for his own selfish gain. Triple R replies that he’s also only in it this for his selfish gain. He wants the BCEW Title and feels the only way to get there is with Hillary Clinton leading the way. Big Oil tells Triple R he also wants the BCEW Title. But money talks and Rush Limbaugh has made a generous contribution to Big Oil’s 401K for his support to help prop up Hillary against Barack Obama. Big Oil: “Once our objective has been met, I’m coming after the title.” Triple R nods.

Heading towards the ring, Limbaugh leads Big Oil while Hillary and Bill walk behind Triple R. Bill and Hillary glance at each other and smile. Suave: “This is just too weird.”

Barack Obama and O’Beck Bahama follow.

MATCH #3 ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) vs. TRIPLE R (Road Rage Randy) w/Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance)
The bell rings and Triple R immediately sprints across the ring. He rams Bahama’s face into the ring post and immediately busts him wide open. Bahama sinks to the canvas and Triple R kicks away at the gash above Bahama’s eye. Then he bites it. Triple R drags him up and taunts Obama. He throws him through the ropes and Bahama splats on the floor. Big Oil immediately goes over and launches Bahama into the ring steps. Bahama laid out on the ring table. Triple R hits a triple jump moonsault and puts him through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Arianna Huffington races out with the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Media Matters For America, and Eric Alterman) to come to Bahama’s defense. Big Oil chokeslams Daily Kos. Chokeslam to Media Matters. Alterman gets a shot in. Then he eats a powerbomb on the floor. The Clinton Political Pitbulls (James Carville and Terry McAuliffe) join in and it’s another free for all outside the ring. The referee tries to restore order and HE gets chokeslammed by Big Oil. Triple R blasts a chairshot over Bahama’s head. Chairshot to the back. Another. Arianna screams at Triple R to stop. Big Oil sets up a table on the outside and climbs up to the top rope. Triple R drapes Bahama across the table. Suave: “This could be it!”

BCEW Champion Starz N. Stripes comes out and pulls Bahama off the table. Rush Limbaugh becomes apoplectic. Rush: “What are you doing? No. Wait! Stop!” Limbaugh can only watch as Starz then face plants Big Oil from the top rope through the table. Rush: “NOOOOOOO!!” Suave: “He’s dead. Forget it.” Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!” Suave: “Sweet revenge for what happened to Starz two weeks ago at BCEW Night of Champions.” The BCEW champ fights his way through Triple R and the Political Pitbulls and escapes to the back. Big Oil is busted open big time. The referee is out. Hillary screams at Triple R to finish the job. Triple R throws Bahama back in the ring. Suave: “We need a ref in there really…WAIT! IT’S ABC’S CHARLIE GIBSON AND GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS…AND THEY’RE WEARING REFEREE SHIRTS!” Barack immediately climbs up on the ring apron and heatedly complains about what’s going on. Gibson and Stephanopoulos listen as Triple R sits Bahama in the corner and puts a chair by his face. Barack screams at them to stop him. By the time Gibson and Stephanopoulos turn around, Triple R dropkicks the chair into Bahama. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Triple R covers. Both Gibson and Stephanopoulos count it out. Game over.

WINNER: TRIPLE R

Hillary climbs into the ring with Bill and declares the ‘tide is turning.’ Bill nods.

--------------

J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at:
http://www.bucklandcounty.com/
Lulu.com
Amazon.com
Barnes and Noble
Borders
Books A Million

Official Press Release from Prairie Depot Press

Prairie Depot Press- Adventures in Low Budget, Small Time Book Publishing
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Screw the BCS

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Thanks WWE!

They say imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. So we here at BCEW- Buckland County Extreme Wrestling, would like to acknowledge the WWE’s homage to our merry little band of internet renegades last night on Monday Night Raw. I mean, it was almost like reading BCEW Extreme Political TV as we watched ‘Hillary Clinton’ take on ‘Barack Obama’ last night, complete with blatant interference from ‘Bill Clinton’ and, of course, the inevitable run-in by one of the ‘real’ wrestlers, playing the BCEW ‘Extreme Enforcer Role’ of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

Okay, in all seriousness, we’ve been doing BCEW since March of 2005. Yes, we know that there’s probably no way in hell that anyone associated with WWE, or most anywhere else for that matter, even knows BCEW exists. That’s okay. The whole purpose of BCEW was to mock politics by equating it with pro wrestling. Little did we know that life would eventually imitate art.
But then again, given the current state of American politics, perhaps we shouldn’t have been all that surprised.



In case you’re wondering, tonight we’ll be posting BCEW Keystone State Khaos- Moment of Truth. Two major showdowns involving the ongoing war between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

Progressive Alliance Grudge Match: O’Beck Bahama (managed by Obama) vs. Triple R (Road Rage Randy) (managed by Hillary)
BCEW Women’s Title Match: ‘Media Empress’ Opal Winfree © (managed by Obama) defends her title against Kathryn Randall Collins…aka KRC (managed by Hillary)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

4/14-BCEW Extreme Political TV- IRS...WTF? Coulter v. Rhodes in an extreme catfight. Hillary v. Obama.

BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV– April 14th
From the Defiance Auditorium, Defiance, OH.
Host: Johnny Suave


BCEW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated):
http://www.bucklandcounty.com/BCEW-main.html

Hack’s Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!”

Johnny Suave: “Welcome to BCEW! We are one week away from the next BCEW Tourstop Across America show in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.” Suave then goes right to the ring for the first match.

MATCH #1 EXTREME CATFIGHT- ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ ANN COULTER (American Patriots) vs. ‘The Air America Audio Assassin’ RANDI RHODES (Progressive Alliance)
Rhodes rushes across the ring. Coulter skips the ring and both women jaw at each other. Rhodes dares her to get back in the ring. Finally, Coulter does and she charges at Rhodes. Rhodes immediately ducks under the rope and it’s her turn to take a time out outside the ring. More trash-talking back and forth. The crowd begins to get antsy as the process repeats itself. Rhodes goes after Coulter- Coulter leaves the ring. Coulter goes after Rhodes- Rhodes ducks out. More harsh words exchanged. Crowd chants: “Bor-ing!”

Rhodes tries to lock up with Coulter. Coulter slips free and again exits the ring. This time, Rhodes demands a microphone. Then she unleashes a blistering, profane verbal assault on the ‘Queen of Political Extreme.’ Coulter, watching Rhodes, gets clocked from behind out of nowhere. Suave: “Wait a minute! That’s the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl Tessa Martin.” Martin swings an oversized pizza box and pastes Coulter with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST TOOK OFF COULTER’S HEAD WITH A PIZZA BOX!” The BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl stands over Coulter with three fingers in the air. Suave wonders what’s going on.

He finds out soon enough. While Rhodes is distracted, Daisy Cutter-Bomb slides in behind and cracks her in the back with a Singapore cane. She holds up three fingers as the third member of the triumvirate, waitress Tequila Sheila, joins Daisy and Tessa in the ring. Daisy takes the mic from Rhodes and proclaims that the 3 Amigas- a pizza delivery driver, a waitress, and a college student, are sick and tired of big mouths like Coulter and Rhodes speaking for them. Suave: “I didn’t know Daisy was going to college.” Tessa speaks up that the 3 Amigas are standing with those whose lagging wages that aren’t keeping up with the increasing cost of living. Tessa: “Tonight, not only am I challenging Kathryn Randall Collins to become the number one contender for the BCEW women’s title, I’m challenging the elites of both the Progressive Alliance and American Patriots.”

Suave recaps the formation of the CAC- Chaotic Alliance of Convenience at BCEW’s Night of Champions. Suave: “During the BCEW title match between Starz N. Stripes of the American Patriots and O’Beck Bahama, the unthinkable happened.”

REPLAY OF STARZ N. STRIPES- O’BECK BAHAMA from BCEW Night of Champions
The bell rings. Starz and Bahama lock up. And Triple R runs in and belts Bahama in the back. Dean, Pelosi, and Reid are swallowed by the scrum as the Left Wing Bloggers surge ahead and engage the Clinton Political Pitbulls. Triple R kicks away at Bahama. Triple R then turns and takes a couple shots at the BCEW champion. Suave: “IT’S TOTAL PANDEOMONIUM HERE!” Triple R wails away at Starz in the corner. Big Oil shows up out of nowhere. Suave: “BIG OIL’S OUT HERE TO EVEN THE ODDS!” The big guy rumbles into the ring. He looks at Triple R. He looks at Starz. He lifts Starz up and chokeslams him to the canvas. Suave: “WHAT? BIG OIL JUST CHOKESLAMMED THE BCEW CHAMPION! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?” Triple R nods and piledrives Bahama. Then both men throw Starz and Bahama out of the ring. Suave: “WHY? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?” MAN’S VOICE: “I’ll tell you.”The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence Rush Limbaugh saunters out and joins Big Oil in the ring. Limbaugh: “That’s right. It is I. El Rushbo. The Massrushbi. Talent on loan from God. I’m behind this.” Suave can’t believe it. Limbaugh explains that sometimes, in order to further your agenda you have to make business decisions that involve getting involved with people you wouldn’t normally associate with. Suave: “Huh?” Limbaugh: “Tonight, my friends. You’ve watched my plan come together with the beginning of a new and unique alliance with one single goal- promoting Hillary Clinton as the Progressive Alliance’s nominee for BCEW CEO.” Suave: “WHAT?” Limbaugh: “That’s right. Tonight, you have witnessed the birth of the CHAOTIC ALLIANCE OF CONVENIENCE!” Big Oil and Triple R raise each others arm. Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT. I DON’T BELIEVE IT!” Limbaugh joins Big Oil on one side and Hillary joins Triple R on the other. Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M SEEING! BIG OIL! TRIPLE R! THE TWO BIGGEST A-HOLES IN BCEW HAVE JOINED TOGETHER IN AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE TO GET HILLARY CLINTON THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE NOMINATION!”

Hillary Clinton comes out all decked in hunting gear and holding a shotgun. Hillary: “I suppose you’ve heard the recent comments made by Barack Obama?” Let’s listen to this…”

“It’s not surprising, then, that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

Hillary tsks tsks and blasts off again on Obama, calling him ‘elitist’ and ‘out of touch.’ Hillary then tries to prove that she relates to ordinary folk by showing off her shooting skills. There’s a target fifty yards down range. She aims... and she fires. The recoil of the shotgun causes her to shoot straight up in the air. Hillary looks up. HRC: “Oh s@#@!” Then she runs for her life. Tech people, cameramen, everyone scatters.

MATCH #2 BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN of the 3 Amigas w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila (Independent) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (KRC) w/ the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Terry McAuliffe (Progressive Alliance)
Suave:
“The winner is the new #1 contender for the BCEW Women’s Title! Can the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl take the next step?” Tessa comes out on fire. She takes down KRC with an Indian Deathlock and then trades submission leg moves with her. Finally, Collins bails from the ring. Tessa climbs the top rope and splashes KRC on the outside. Tessa whips KRC into the guardrail. Guillotine leg drop. Butterfly facelock by Tessa into a leg-scissors bridge. 2 count before KRC gets one shoulder up. She looks over at the Clinton Political Pitbulls as Tessa traps her against the guardrail. Hillary Clinton, still dressed in hunter’s garb, sneaks over and pulls Tessa’s leg allowing KRC to escape. Daisy Cutter-Bomb makes her way over to confront HRC but Carville and McAuliffe keep her at arms length.

Pissed off about the interference, Tessa drapes KRC’s leg over the guardrail. Missile dropkick by Tessa, KRC tumbles off the guardrail. Suave: “She’s throwing everything but the kitchen sink at Collins! AND SHE’S GOING FOR HER PIZZA BOX!” KRC staggers back to her feet. Tessa swings the box at her and whiffs. KRC high tails it around the corner with the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl in pursuit. Tessa swings again and misses. This time, she accidently catches Carville with the loaded pizza box. Carville down. McAuliffe tries to wrench the box from Tessa. Tequila Sheila scoots up and across the ring and launches herself through the ring ropes at McAuliffe. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HIGH RISK, MISSILE DROP KICK FROM THE RING!” McAuliffe tumbles into the ring table. KRC superkicks the pizza box into Tessa’s face. Cover. Daisy Cutter-Bomb tries to break the count. Too late. 1-2-3.

WINNER AND THE #1 CONTENDER FOR THE BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS (KRC)

Suave: “KRC gets the win and next week at BCEW Keystone State Khaos, she meets BCEW Women’s Champion, ‘Media Empress’ Opal Winfree, managed by Barack Obama.

In the ring afterwards, Hillary pours whiskey into a shot glass and throws it down to celebrate KRC’s win. Barack Obama: “Oh, that’s enough. First, you’re Annie Oakley shooting a gun like Elmer Fudd. Now you’re doing shots? Have you no shame? You’ll say anything, do anything, and be anything to win.” Hillary poo-poos him, calling Barack bitter over the fact that he’s been exposed, thanks to the tape of his remarks in San Francisco. Hillary: “Next week at BCEW Keystone State Khaos, Kathryn Randall Collins will become the new BCEW Women’s champion and Triple R will defeat O’Beck Bahama. Next week, I will prove once and for all that I am the only one who can lead the Progressive Alliance forward and become the next BCEW CEO.”

HOWARD DEAN’S OFFICE
Jack and Bull Schmitt, slip into Dean’s office. Suave: “Interesting. Could the Progressive Alliance be courting the Schmitt Brothers?” Suave explains that the Progressive Alliance is in desperate need of a top notch tag team and the Schmitt Brothers would fit the bill. Suave: “And that’s no Schmitt……” Awkward silence. Suave: “Yeah, I can’t believe I went there either.”


The audience guy, who was caned by Al Gore on the 3/24 BCEW Extreme Political TV and confronted by the Green World Order at BCEW Night of Champions on 4/1, is back in the ring. He refers to himself as an average joe fed up with the average guy getting screwed over. ‘Average Joe’ again questions the whole global warming crusade. Average Joe: “How do we know that this isn’t anything more than a cycle the planet’s going through?”

*Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ plays*

Suave:
“IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME CHAIR SWINGING ALPHA MALE AND ENVIRONMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!”For the next five minutes, everything stops as Gore makes his entrance. While the crowd sings “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion. The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon slowly makes his way through the crowd. Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.Gore enters the ring and walks over to Average Joe. Gore tells him that only ‘flatearthers’ don’t believe that global warming is a problem. Gore: “We’re way past the point where this is a debatable point.” Average Joe: “Oh? Just like we were past the point of debating when you cast the deciding vote to enact the largest tax increase in American history? Just like we were past the point of debating whether or not NAFTA would be good? Somehow, how come the issues you get involved with always end up hurting middle class America?” Gore begins to answer but Big Oil with Texas Tex comes out.

Big Oil mocks Average Joe. Big Oil: “Oh, boo-freakin’ hoo, Average Joe. What you need to remember is that in any society, there are the haves and the have nots. There are the winners…like me…and the losers…like you.” Big Oil gloats about $3.50 per gallon for gas and tells Average Joe he’s dancing all the way to the bank with the record profits he’s making thanks to schmucks like him. Big Oil tells Gore he’s no better since the whole ‘green’ thing has become a multi-million dollar industry. Then he brings out his best friend, Big Electric. Big Electric tells the crowd that he needs an increase in the electric rates in order to pay for infrastructure improvements even though the electric company posted record billion dollar profits last year. Big Electric: “We need this increase in order to justify paying our CEO over ten million dollars a year and keep our profit margin high.”

The Hack’s crowd turns ugly. Suave: “Great. It couldn’t get any worse for Average Joe.” Well, it could. Allen W. Tucker, IRS representative, comes out. The boos ring out throughout the bar. Suave: “Okay. I was wrong.” Tucker tells the Hack’s patrons that paying taxes is important in order to provide the federal government enough funds to pay for government programs. Tucker: “Everyone should pay their taxes. It’s the American-”

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares*

Crowd chants: “What the @#$#!...what the @#$#!” Suave: “YES! IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!” Tucker freezes up in the ring. WTF walks over. Grab throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Crowd chants: “BCEW!...BCEW!” WTF grabs Big Electric by the throat. Lift. Chokeslam. Crowd chants: “BCEW!...BCEW!” He moves towards Big Oil, who grabs Texas Tex and pulls him in between. WTF grabs Texas Tex by the throat while Big Oil gets out of the ring. Lift. Chokeslam. Crowd chants: “BCEW!...BCEW!”

Suave: “Next week, it’s BCEW Keystone State Khaos! Double main event with the Progressive Alliance nomination on the line. First, Triple R, backed by the CAC (Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls, Rush Limbaugh, Big Oil, and Texas Tex) in a Progressive Alliance grudge match against O’Beck Bahama, managed by Barack Obama. Then, it’s the BCEW Women’s Title on the line between the champion, ‘Media Empress’ Opal Winfree, with Obama, defending against Kathryn Randall Collins, managed by Hillary.”

--------------

J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at:

Monday, April 07, 2008

BCEW Extra: Ed Schultz...WTF? The unholy alliance of Limbaugh and Clinton

BCEW EXTRA- 4/7

The last time we saw the Extreme Equalizer, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, he was taking care of a little business…

From 2/26 BCEW Extreme Political TV:
Cincinnati talk show radio personality Bill Cunningham is in the process of introducing John McCain. Cunningham gets off topic and goes off on Barack Obama. Cunningham: “Obama is a hack, Chicago-style Daley politician who's picturing himself as change. When he gets done with you, all you're going to have in your pocket is change." Cunningham continued to mock Obama, calling him "Barack Hussein Obama," the "fraud from Chicago" and finishing with “if Obama were to be elected president he would meet with the leaders of enemy nations, world leaders who want to kill us," they’ll all be "singing Kumbaya together around the table with Barack Obama."

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock til You Drop blares*
‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs out and clotheslines Cunningham.

Then he powerbombs Cunningham off the stage and through a table.


From BCEW’s House Show in Paulding, Ohio Saturday night- courtesy of Exploding Sheep Productions:
Ed Schultz is in the ring ranting and raving about John McCain. Schultz: “He’s a warmonger! He supports the war! He’s a warmonger! He is…he-”

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares*

Schultz drops the microphone.

The crowd stands up and roars as Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down, lifts up Schultz, and chokeslams him.

Crowd: “BCEW! BCEW!”

After BCEW Night of Champions, here’s how the title picture looks:

BCEW WORLD CHAMPION: Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots)

CONTENDERS:
#1- O’Beck Bahama (Progressive Alliance)
#2- Triple R (Progressive Alliance)

BCEW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Opal Winfree (Progressive Alliance)

CONTENDERS:
#1- Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance)
#2- ‘Defense Expert’ Hallie Burton (American Patriots)

BCEW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Independent)

CONTENDERS:
#1- Big Oil (American Patriots)
#2- Halitosis (Independent)

BCEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: A. Tom Bomb and Hy Drogen Bomb (American Patriots)

CONTENDERS:
#1- The Green World Order- GreenPete and Extreme Vegan Brock Cole Lee (Independent)
#2- Schmitt Brothers- Jack Schmitt and Bull Schmitt (Independent)

Next week: BCEW Extreme Political TV
The new, unholy alliance known as the Chaotic Alliance of Convenience (CAC)- Big Oil of the American Patriots- backed by Rush Limbaugh, and Triple R (Road Rage Randy), managed by Hillary Clinton is immediately put to the test. An extreme catfight between two of the most extreme political wrestlers in BCEW- ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter vs. Air America’s Audio Assassin Randi Rhodes.

April 22nd- BCEW’s Keystone State Khaos from Pittsburgh, PA
The big Progressive Alliance showdown. Can Barack Obama finally put to rest who will be the nominee of the Progressive Alliance? O’Beck Bahama with Obama in his corner against Triple R backed by the CAC.

Coming in June- the final BCEW Pay Per View of the season- “BCEW Loose Cannons Unleashed 4!”
BCEW Champion Starz N. Stripes, managed by ‘Straight Shootin’” John McCain (American Patriots) meets either O’Beck Bahama or Triple R (Progressive Alliance).
--------------

J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at:

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

4/1- BCEW Night of Champions

BCEW NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS– April 1st
From Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, Westville, OH.
Host: Johnny Suave

BCEW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated):

Hack’s Crowd: “BCEW!...BCEW!”

Johnny Suave: “Welcome to BCEW! Tonight, we are live from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon! Four title matches. Let’s run them down.”

BCEW Television Title match: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido © (Independent) vs. Big Oil w/ Texas Tex (American Patriots)
Suave:
“Escondido defends against Big Oil- flying high over record gas prices and, more so, record oil profits.
BCEW Tag Team Title: Drunken Luchadors Dan and Don Martini © (Independent) vs. A. Tom and Hy Drogen Bomb w/Newt Tron Bomb (American Patriots)
Suave:
“With the exception of a couple weeks, the Drunken Luchadors have dominated BCEW tag teams over the past three years. Is this the time for the Bomb Brothers to finally win the belts?
BCEW Women’s Title: ‘Media Empress’ Opal Winfree © w/Opal’s flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom, and Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) vs.
‘KRC’ Kathryn Randall Collins w/Hillary Clinton
Suave:
“Hillary Clinton is in desperate straits. Can she prove that she can lead one of her wrestlers to gold? Can she slow down Barack Obama’s march towards convincing the Progressive Alliance that he is the one to challenge the American Patriot’s John McCain in the fall for BCEW CEO?”
BCEW Title: ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes © w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
Suave:
“Starz N. Stripes has been with BCEW throughout its existence; O’Beck Bahama just a couple months. Can the inexperienced Bahama continue to fast track his growth and become a legitimate contender for the BCEW title? Tonight is another test to see just how far he’s come.”

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HILLARY CLINTON PROMO
Again, Hillary comes out and makes a direct appeal to the Progressive Alliance. She implores Howard Dean and others to let ‘the process’ continue. Clinton: “I never quit. I never give up. Like Rocky Balboa, I know how it feels to stumble. I know how it feels to get knocked down, but I’ve never stayed down and never will. If you think I’m dropping out, you’ve got another thing coming.” Her wrestler, Triple R (Road Rage Randy) joins her. He bitterly complains about BCEW ‘holding him back’ and demands to take his ‘rightful place’ in the BCEW title match. Triple R: “Nothing will stop me. Nothing will keep me from getting what’s rightfully mine- the BCEW title.”

MATCH #1- BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN of the 3 Amigas w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and “Tequila Sheila” (Independent) vs. DR. ANNABEL ‘Annabel the Cannibal’ LECKTOR w/her handler, FBI Special Agent Charlize Starling (Not sure. Not sure you’d want to know)
Suave: “You know, it’s always disconcerting to see Dr. Lecktor come out with that mask on.” Suave then says it’s even more disconcerting when the referee explains that if Dr. Lecktor tries to remove the mask at any time during the match, she will be immediately disqualified. Sure enough, Dr. Lecktor does. FBI Special Agent Starling uses a cattle prod to try and control her- no luck. Tequila Sheila runs in and gets swatted away by Dr. Leckter. Daisy Cutter-Bomb hits the ring and distracts her enough to allow Tessa Martin to grab an oversized pizza box and pieface Dr. Lecktor with it. Lecktor is knocked out cold. Martin covers and gets the win.

WINNER: BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl TESSA MARTIN

The 3 Amigas celebrate inside the ring. Suave: “A HUGE win for the BCEW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl over a difficult opponent. And what the hell is inside that box?” Tessa opens the box up- it’s another street sign. Suave: “Makes sense.” Suave goes on to say that Martin’s win should move her up in the BCEW Women’s division- ‘where we actually have women who can wrestle.’

Politically Incorrect (Nic Koteen and Al Cahall) comes out some guy from the audience. Suave quickly recognizes who it is and goes to a recap of what happened last week on BCEW Extreme Political TV.

REPLAY OF THE OPENING FROM LAST WEEK
Suave:
“Welcome to BCEW! And special shout out to everyone here tonight who braved the early spring snowstorm that dumped 8 inches on Hudson, Michigan.”The camera pulls tight on one member of the audience who suddenly stands up and declares: “GLOBAL WARMING, MY ASS!”

Suave chuckles and starts to run down the show. He’s interrupted when Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” blares over the sound system. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE’S HERE! IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME CHAIR SWINGING ALPHA MALE AND ENVIRONMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!” As the crowd sings “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion. Suave: “I wonder what he’s doing here?” The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon slowly makes his way through the crowd. Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore goes up to the guy complaining about global warming and asks, “what did you say?” The guy declares again: “I SAID, GLOBAL WARMING, MY ASS!” Gore: “I see.” Then he hits the guy with a Singapore caneshot. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Gore pulls the guy from the stands and starts caning him, muttering something about ‘the case for global warming has been proved’ over and over.

Koteen stands up for the audience guy’s right to complain about global warming advocates. This brings out the Green World Order (GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA) lead by Darth (Ralph) Nader. Nader, a Pith Lord, decries in all his pithiness big corporations, gas guzzling cars, and accused both the American Patriots and Progressive Alliance of being complicit to the polluting of the environment. GreenPete tells the audience guy to keep his mouth shut. The audience guy threatens to leave his carbon footprint up his butt. This all leads to…

MATCH #2 GREENPETE and ‘Extreme Vegan’ BROCK COLE LEE of the Green World Order w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA (Green) vs. NIC KOTEEN and AL CAHALL of Politically Incorrect w/Audience Guy (Independent)
Pier six brawl with both men in the ring. PeaceNick protests the extreme violence in the ring while Peta from PETA berates someone in the audience because he’s eating a hamburger ringside. Politically Incorrect controls the majority of the match. Then…

*Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ blares*

Suave: “HE’S HERE AGAIN?” A man in a red flannel shirt appears in the back. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE IS HERE! IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME CHAIR SWINGING ALPHA MALE AND ENVIRONMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!”

For the next five minutes, all action in the ring stops as Gore makes his entrance. While the crowd sings “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion. Suave: “This is three weeks in a row. I wonder what he’s doing here, this time?” The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon slowly makes his way through the crowd. Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.

Gore whips out yet another mocha and guzzles it down. Then he hits the ring and Singapore canes Koteen and Cahall. Audience guy thinks about getting into the ring but makes the right choice by staying away. GreenPete covers Koteen and the match is done.

WINNER: GREENPETE and BROCK COLE LEE of the Green World Order

Former Clinton lackey Bill Richardson comes out and defends his choice to support Barack Obama over Hillary Clinton. Richardson tells the BCEW audience that the bitterness and infighting between Barack and Hillary has to end. He states he will not stoop to the low level of Clinton Political Pitbull James Carville by engaging in personal attacks and insults.

Carville comes out and says that’s never stopped him and tackles Richardson. This brings out a referee. Suave: “WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MATCH!”

MATCH #3 JAMES CARVILLE of the Clinton Political Pitbulls vs. BILL RICHARDSON
Richardson throws Carville off him and stands back up. They circle. Then the other Political Pitbull, Terry McAuliffe, sneaks in and waffles Richardson with a steel-folding chair. Carville joins in rains chairshots on Richardson and leaves him in a heap in the corner. Suave: “That’s enough! Someone needs to…IT’S BILL CLINTON!” Clinton, red-faced, hops in the ring and angrily wags his finger at Richardson. Suave: “CLINTON’S PISSED BECAUSE RICHARDSON’S SIDING WITH BARACK OBAMA!” Clinton gets in a couple shots on Richardson. Suave: “AW, come on! WAIT! HERE COMES BARACK OBAMA, ARIANNA HUFFINGTON AND THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS!”

Clinton and the Political Pitbulls bail from the ring. Barack, Huffington, and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Eric Alterman, and Media Matters for America) point and dare the trio to get back into the ring. Clinton grabs a mic. Clinton: “I don’t know what your problem is, but what y’all need to do is chill out.” Then Clinton launches into a tirade over Richardson’s ‘betrayal’ of his wife, claiming that Richardson said ‘five times to my face that he’d never do that.” Then he turned to Obama. Clinton: “You guys had better get it through your head that the political arena is rough and tumble, no holds barred, no quarter given.” Clinton then complains about Obama’s ‘free ride,’ the unfair treatment of his wife Hillary, and questions the fairness of the entire process to determine the Progressive Alliance nominee for BCEW CEO before throwing the microphone down and leaving with Carville and McAuliffe. Suave: “Wow! I am stunned. Totally stunned by what I’ve just witnessed.”

WINNER: NO MATCH

Led by Texas Tex pushing a wheelbarrow overflowing with cash, a smirking Big Oil walks to the ring wearing a brand, spanking new, sparkly robe. Once in the ring, Big Oil holds four fingers in the air. Big Oil: “You know what that’s for, jerks? That’s four dollars a gallon for gas! Keep crying about the prices, but you’ll still go out and put gas in your cars anyways! And I’ll laugh my ass all the way to the bank!” The Hack’s crowd dutifully boos. Big Oil then mocks the truck drivers who staged a semi-slowdown over the gas prices, making gestures with his hands to eyes as if he’s crying. Suave: “What a complete a-hole!”

MATCH #4 BCEW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH- ‘No Frills’ CHRIS ESCONDIDO © (Independent) vs. BIG OIL w/Texas Tex (American Patriots)
Escondido gets a standing ovation. Crowd: “@#$# ‘em up Chris, @#$# ‘em up Chris!” Suave notes that the crowd seems to be solidly behind the television champion, Escondido. Big Oil entices Escondido into a test of strength of which he wins easily. Escondido is on fire early on but Big Oil suplexes him right out of the ring. Texas Tex gets in a few cheap shots with his golden money belt before setting a table up for Big Oil. Escondido draped over the table. Big Oil launches himself from the top rope and plows the TV champ through the table. Crowd: “Holy s@##! Holy s@#$!” Big Oil drags Escondido back into the ring and goes for the cover. One…two… Triple R shoots in out of nowhere and breaks the count with a stiff chairshot to the head. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Big Oil woozy. Triple R plasters him again with the chair and leaves him in the middle of the ring. Escondido, half out of it, sees Big Oil and crawls over. Texas Tex tries to get in to stop the count but it’s too late. One…two…three.

WINNER AND STILL BCEW TELEVISION CHAMPION: “No Frills” CHRIS ESCONDIDO (Independent)

A furious Texas Tex stomps up and down. Suave: “Triple R interferes and costs Big Oil the match!”

BACKSTAGE
BCEW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews the Progressive Alliance’s Nancy Pelosi. Bernstein asks about the ongoing Obama-Clinton feud. Pelosi tells Bernstein that the Progressive Alliance should support the person who seems to be the most successful in leading Progressive Alliance wrestlers to titles. Bernstein: “Does that mean Barack Obama since he’s led ‘Media Empress’ Opal Winfree to the BCEW Women’s title and has O’Beck Bahama challenging for the BCEW Title?” Pelosi: “I’m not going to come out and say it in that way. But, the results speak for themselves.” Pelosi then excuses herself to go into a meeting with a group of wealthy donors who support Hillary Clinton.

MATCH #5 BCEW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH- DRUNKEN LUCHADORS DAN AND DON MARTINI © (Independent) vs. A. TOM and HY DROGEN BOMB w/Newt Tron Bomb and Lindsay Graham (American Patriots)
John McCain, who recruited the Bomb Brothers back to the American Patriots, is away tonight doing the David Letterman show so Lindsay Graham is standing in for him. The Drunken Luchadors do their usual pre-match routine of guzzling down a bottle of Jack Daniels and then smashing the bottle over their heads. A-Bomb and H-Bomb both make the mistake of charging the inebriated pair who stumble repeatedly out of harms way. A-Bomb and H-Bomb huddle. Then they try a totally new strategy- nothing. A-Bomb and H-Bomb stand on the other side of the ring and do- nothing. After a few minutes, a ‘BOR-RING’ chants starts up. The Martini brothers wobble in their corner. Then they both try to do tandem drop kicks- and miss by five feet, landing flat on the backs and knocking the wind out of them. A-Bomb looks at H-Bomb, wanders over, and sticks his foot on Don Martini’s chest. One…two…three. Suave: “That’s…it? The three year reign of the Drunken Luchadors is over?”

WINNER AND NEW BCEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: A. TOM BOMB and HY DROGEN BOMB (American Patriots)

A-Bomb and H-Bomb both help the Martinis to their feet and the crowd stands and salutes the former BCEW tag team champions. A-Bomb thanks John McCain who ‘promised that if we came back to the American Patriots, he’d get us the belts.’ H-Bomb thanks the Martinis and the former champs get another round of applause. Then Dan and Don Martini projectile vomit all over the Bomb Brothers and pass out. Awkward silence. Then…standing ovation! Suave: “It don’t get any better than this.”

BACKSTAGE
Nancy Pelosi emerges from her meeting. BCEW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein immediately confronts her about what happened with the donors. Pelosi: “We had a fruitful discussion and I believe that we should all let the process of determining the nominee of the Progressive Alliance for BCEW CEO play out before rushing to judgment.” Bernstein: “What? That’s not what you said before you went inside.” Pelosi tersely repeats that the process needed to play out and quickly left.

MATCH #6 BCEW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH- “Media Empress’ OPAL WINFREE © w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom and Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS aka…KRC w/Hillary Clinton and the Clinton Political Pitbulls- James Carville and Terry McAuliffe (Progressive Alliance)
The tension is already high as Opal’s Flock and Barack and HRC and her Political Pitbulls taunt each other. Suave: “Something tells me the referee is going to have a hard time keeping this one under control.” The bell rings and both lock up in the middle of the ring. Opal seems to be moving a little slower as she’s put on a few pounds since the last time we saw her in action. The match is slow going with the excitement going on outside the ring. Small skirmishes break out between New Age Sensitive Guy/Obama and Carville/McAuliffe ringside. The match starts with both women slowly circling around. Suave: “There’s a lot of bad blood in the air right now.” KRC hits a suplex and goes to work on Winfree. Double elbow. European uppercuts. She goes for a suplex and gets reversed. KRC elbows her way out and hits a hot shot to Winfree. She goes for a pin fall but the Women’s champion kicks out. Winfree connects with punches but is reversed by KRC. Drop toe hold followed by more European uppercuts. KRC hits some kicks and again goes for a pin. Two count.

Hillary shouts at the referee about a ‘slow count.’ Opal applies a chin lock. She pushes KRC down. Collins manages to get to her feet and walks into a side suplex followed with a high knee drop and a pin attempt. Carville races across the ring and breaks the count. New Age Sensitive Guy tackles Carville and they flail away at each other. KRC holds on to Opal with a borderline choke hold. The champion tries to hit a couple elbows and is whipped into the corner and collides with the turnbuckle. Hillary motions for the Political Pitbulls and all hell breaks loose. Carville and McAuliffe hold Opal while KRC batters her in the corner. Soccer Mom shouts “IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!” and kicks Carville in the groin. New Age Sensitive Guy apologizes to McAuliffe and then pastes him with a steel-folding chair. Opal suddenly power bombs KRC and then climbs up on the top turnbuckle. Hillary runs over and pushes her off.

Barack races over and argues with Hillary. The leader of the Progressive Alliance, ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean, Nancy Pelosi, and Harry Reid run down to the ring and try to restore order. KRC grabs the chair and cracks it over Opal’s head. Collins then sets the champion up for her finisher- the ‘Politics of Personal Destructor.’ Suave: “This could be it. We could have another title change here and- HOLY CRAP! IT’S ARIANNA HUFFINGTON AND THE ANGRY LEFT WING BLOGGERS……AGAIN!” Huffington wades through the conflagration and distracts KRC. Collins pauses. Arianna blows powder into KRC’s eyes and blinds her. She loses her balance and Opal lands on top of her. One…two…three.

WINNER AND STILL BCEW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: “Media Empress” OPAL WINFREE (Progressive Alliance)

Dean, Pelosi, and Reid form a line of demarcation between Barack and Hillary supporters. Bill Clinton comes down and starts jawing at Barack again. Suave: “We are at Defcon freakin’ 1. It could blow open at any time.” Starz N. Stripes and O’Beck Bahama make their way to the ring for the final match of the night. More pushing and shoving between the Obama/Clinton factions as Dean desperately tries to cool things off.

MATCH #7 BCEW TITLE MATCH- “The Original Rookie Sensation” STARZ N. STRIPES © w/Lindsay Graham (American Patriots) vs. “The New Rookie Sensation” O’BECK BAHAMA w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)
Both men shake hands as a sign of respect. The bell rings. Starz and Bahama lock up. And Triple R runs in and belts Bahama in the back. Dean, Pelosi, and Reid are swallowed by the scrum as the Left Wing Bloggers surge ahead and engage the Clinton Political Pitbulls. Triple R kicks away at Bahama. Triple R then turns and takes a couple shots at the BCEW champion. Suave: “IT’S TOTAL PANDEOMONIUM HERE!” Triple R wails away at Starz in the corner. Big Oil shows up out of nowhere. Suave: “BIG OIL’S OUT HERE TO EVEN THE ODDS!” The big guy rumbles into the ring. He looks at Triple R. He looks at Starz. He lifts Starz up and chokeslams him to the canvas. Suave: “WHAT? BIG OIL JUST CHOKESLAMMED THE BCEW CHAMPION! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?” Triple R nods and piledrives Bahama. Then both men throw Starz and Bahama out of the ring. Suave: “WHY? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?” MAN’S VOICE: “I’ll tell you.”

The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence Rush Limbaugh saunters out and joins Big Oil in the ring. Limbaugh: “That’s right. It is I. El Rushbo. The Massrushbi. Talent on loan from God. I’m behind this.” Suave can’t believe it. Limbaugh explains that sometimes, in order to further your agenda you have to make business decisions that involve getting involved with people you wouldn’t normally associate with. Suave: “Huh?” Limbaugh: “Tonight, my friends. You’ve watched my plan come together with the beginning of a new and unique alliance with one single goal- promoting Hillary Clinton as the Progressive Alliance’s nominee for BCEW CEO.” Suave: “WHAT?” Limbaugh: “That’s right. Tonight, you have witnessed the birth of the CHAOTIC ALLIANCE OF CONVENIENCE!” Big Oil and Triple R raise each others arm. Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT. I DON’T BELIEVE IT!” Limbaugh joins Big Oil on one side and Hillary joins Triple R on the other. Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE WHAT I’M SEEING! BIG OIL! TRIPLE R! THE TWO BIGGEST A-HOLES IN BCEW HAVE JOINED TOGETHER IN AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE TO GET HILLARY CLINTON THE PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE NOMINATION! WHAT HAPPENS NOW? WE’LL FIND OUT ON APRIL 14TH ON BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV!”

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J.D. Elder’s new novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction features BCEW and several characters in the story. Check out this funny and occasionally biting political satire at: http://www.bucklandcounty.com/

Lulu.com http://www.lulu.com/content/1859341

Amazon.com http://www.amazon.com/Loose-Cannons-Weapons-Political-Destruction/dp/143570942X

Press release http://politicalwrestling.wordpress.com/2008/03/02/press-release-loose-cannons-and-other-weapons-of-mass-political-destruction/

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