Tuesday, October 21, 2008

10/21- PCW Extreme Political TV: Sarah Palin in Handcuffs......really, there's nothing much else to say

Last week on PCW:
-FUBAR successfully defended the PCW Television title against ‘The Luchador with the Insanely Foul Breath’ Halitosis. After the match, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Progressive Alliance) told FUBAR that he couldn’t beat him without Dr. Bill’s help.
-John McCain and Barack Obama had their second job interview with PCW Owner Bubba Jackson for the PCW CEO position. Obama complained about the various attacks by McCain over the past week and told his opponent that all he has to offer is cheap personal attacks. McCain shot back that Obama offers only empty, pie in the sky rhetoric with no substance.
-Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit from McMann’s Corporation guarantee that they will become the new PCW Tag Team champions at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008. The current champions, Jack and Bull Schett (Progressive Alliance), beg to differ. The Schett’s Extreme German Schnauzer, Hans Gruber, chase Big Oil and Walstreit from the ring.
-Kay Hagan (Progressive Alliance) upset Elizabeth Dole (American Patriots) in a preview of the Carolina Catfight coming up at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008.
-Bill and Hillary Clinton signify that they are on board with Barack Obama by laying out the PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes
-Keith Olbermann delivered his special, special comment and then gets chokeslammed…again…by the Extreme Equalizer, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
-Kathryn Randall Collins (McMann Corp.) defeated ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (3 Amigas) in a #1 Contenders Match for the PCW Women’s title when Daisy Cutter-Bomb turned on her 3 Amigas teammate and Daisy Cutter Power-bombed her twice.

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- October 21st from Angola, Indiana
PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
HOST: Johnny Suave

The crowd chants PCW…PCW.

Johnny Suave:
“Good evening everyone and welcome to PCW! We are still buzzing about what took place last week on PCW Extreme Political TV. Let’s take a look again at the end of the Kathryn Randall Collins/Tessa Martin match.”

REPLAY- #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila (3 Amigas) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS…aka KRC w/Mr. McMann, Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Quadruple R, and Gordon Guyko (McMann’s Corporation)
“Quadruple R, Big Oil, and Kirk Walstreit of the McMann Corporation had just interfered in the match causing Average Joe and the American Trucker to intervene.

Daisy Cutter-Bomb pulls KRC off Tessa and whips her into the other corner. Big Oil corners Daisy. Daisy slides between his legs and makes it back to the other corner. American Trucker kicks Big Oil in the balls and then DDT’s Kirk Walstreit. Tessa stumbles back to the other side of the ring. Big Oil grabs American Trucker from behind and chokeslams him.
KRC advances on Tessa. Tessa calls for her oversized pizza box. Daisy Cutter-Bomb climbs out and grabs the box. KRC gets closer. Tessa again calls for the box. Daisy climbs up on the apron, raises the box, and then blasts Tessa in the face with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE…SHE…I DON’T BELIEVE IT. DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST DOUBLECROSSED THE PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL!” Daisy climbs in the ring and gives Tessa a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. The PCW Arena crowd can’t believe it. Johnny Suave can’t believe it. KRC sticks her foot on Tessa’s chest and that’s all. Suave: “NO! NO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!” Tequila Sheila confronts Daisy. Daisy gives her a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. She then drags an unconscious Tessa back up. Suave: “NO! THAT’S ENOUGH!” Daisy hits a second Daisy Cutter Power-bomb with enough force that Tessa’s body bounces several inches up off the canvas. The crowd starts to throw debris in the ring. Mr. McMann shakes Daisy’s hand. Suave: “THIS IS WRONG! DAISY CUTTER-BOMB TURNS ON TESSA MARTIN. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS IS THE NEW #1 CONTENDER FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE.

An off-key mariachi band comes out playing their usual hideous version of “Hail to the Chief.” Suave: “And now, it looks like the PCW CEO, George W, is coming out to make an announcement.” George W, Dick, his aide de camp, and an unknown man dressed in a suit with a briefcase follow the mariachi band up the aisle. They reach about halfway when the band suddenly stops playing. Suave: “Hmmm, I wonder what’s going on?” The man in the suit opens the briefcase, leans over Dick who has apparently collapsed, sticks 2 paddles to his chest. Man in suit: “CLEAR!” Then the automatic defibrillator then shocks Dick’s heart back to normal rhythm. Dick gets back up and the mariachi band starts back up. They band hits a particularly bad note.

Suave: “You know, I wish they’d do that to the mariachi band.”

W notes that even though Barack Obama has been in his office measuring the drapes, he’s still the PCW CEO until January 20th. W says he saw what’s transpired the last two weeks with both O’Beck Bahama and Starz N. Stripes. George W.: “I’ve talked things over with the PCW Competition Committee. Nancy Pelosi, Steny Hoyer, and Harry Reid from the Progressive Alliance. John Boehner and Mitch McConnell of the American Patriots. We’ve all come together in agreement to proclaim that…” *THUMP* Man in suit: “CLEAR!” *ZZZZAP* Man in suit: “He’s okay!” George W.: “Dammit, Dick. Can’t you see I’m proc-clamating?” Dick: “Sorry, my bad.” George W.: “Now, as I was saying. We have decided that in the best interest of both Starz N. Stripes and O’Beck Bahama and to protect the main event up of our upcoming pay per view show, that both men will not be permitted to enter any PCW venue until Extreme Election Night 2008, two weeks away. Both the Obama and McCain camps have been put on notice that any more attacks, like the ones we’ve watched the past two weeks, will not be tolerated.”

MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann comes out and doesn’t look happy. Olbermann: “George W. You are the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD!” George W.: “What the hell did I do?” Olbermann: “Two weeks in a row, that maniac Whiskey Tango Foxtrot has viciously chokeslammed me and you’ve done nothing to stop it.” Man’s voice: “Oh, poor baby!” Suave: “IT’S FOX NEWS’ BILL O’REILLY!” O’Reilly: “Olbermann, you are such a typical liberal whiner. You can dish it out but you sure can’t take it.” Olbermann begins to respond but he’s interrupted by another visitor. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! NOW CNN’S LOU DOBBS IS OUT HERE!” Dobbs: “Let’s be clear here. You’re both completely full of s***. Jobs are going overseas. The economy is-” *THUMP* Man in suit: “CLEAR!” *ZZZZAP* Dobbs: “As I was saying, the economy is tanking. The housing market is a shambles. People are losing their jobs, their houses, and the best you two both can do is hurl fourth grade insults at each other?” George W. steps in. George W: “Since I’m still in charge here, I’ll settle this issue once and for all. You three will meet in two weeks at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 in a mixed tag three-way dance.” W adds that he will make sure the Extreme Equalizer Whiskey Tango Foxtrot leaves Olbermann alone…at least until Extreme Election Night.

Suave: “So, another match signed for PCW Extreme Election Night 2008. A mixed tag three way dance between CNN’s Lou Dobbs, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly, and their tag team partners!”

An agitated Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richards aka Quadruple R storms into 'Sports Entertainment Genius' Mr. McMann’s executive office. Quad R: “This is bulls***! *I* should be wrestling for the PCW Title in 2 weeks!” Mr. McMann: “All in good time, Quadruple R. All in good time.” Quad R: “Bulls***! We should be taking out that pretender O’Beck Bahama and the one who has MY PCW title belt- Starz N. Stripes. This waiting around bulls*** doesn’t cut it! We need to-” Mr. McMann stands up. Mr. McMann: “You will do NOTHING without my permission. I pay your salary now and you will do exactly as I say. The time will come soon enough to attack and you will soon become the PCW champion. Until then, you will wait.” Quadruple R shakes in anger and flips a table over. He stomps out.

Suave: “I’m telling you. Quadruple R is a ticking time bomb and it’s just a matter of time before he explodes!”

MATCH #1 PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH: FUBAR © w/Dr. Bill (Independent) vs. JIMMY FROM SO CAL (Jobber/Talent Enhancement)
“FUBAR has been a fighting champion, no doubt about it. Here he is again against the Epic Jimmy from So Cal- the Jim Rome Clone wannabe.” Dr. Bill gives FUBAR last minute instructions. The bell rings and immediately FUBAR drop toe holds Jimmy. FUBAR turns a head scissors into a side back breaker. Elbow drops by FUBAR follow and a cover. 2 count. FUBAR slams Jimmy into the corner. Whip and a boot leaves Jimmy in la la land. Rights by FUBAR, springboard into the seated senton and then a double stomp off of the top rope. FUBAR sets him up for the FUBAR Armbar. But Dr. Bill sneaks in from behind and whaps Jimmy over the head with his clipboard. FUBAR looks at Dr. Bill in disbelief and finally sticks his boot on Jimmy’s chest. 1…2…3.


Suave: “Jimmy from So Cal does not get racked! He gets run! An impressive victory for the PCW Television champion.”

Post match, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (Progressive Alliance) again comes out. Escondido: “FUBAR. I’m waiting. I’m waiting for my shot at the PCW Television title. When are you going to give it to me?” Dr. Bill angrily grabs the mic. Dr. Bill: “Let me tell you something Mr. Escondido. You’re wasting your time because there’s no way in hell you’re getting a shot at the PCW Television anytime soon.” Escondido shoots back that FUBAR knows that there’s no way he can beat him without Dr. Bill’s help. Escondido: “You know it, FUBAR. You know it’s true. You can’t beat me by yourself.” Escondido throws down the mic and leaves.

FUBAR looks a little annoyed with Dr. Bill. FUBAR: “Why’d you do that?” Dr. Bill: “Do what?” FUBAR: “Hit him with the clipboard. I could have won the match by myself.” Dr. Bill: “Shut up! If it weren’t for me and my sage-like advice guiding you, you’d still be a nobody- a jobber, talent enhancement. So keep you mouth shut and do what I say.” FUBAR shakes his head and leaves.

The final interview with PCW Owner Bubba Jackson to determine the next PCW CEO.

Bubba: “Gentlemen, we are now at the step where you give me your references who will vouch for your qualifications and qualities that support your assertion that you should be the next PCW CEO.

Barack Obama notes Caroline Kennedy, neo con foreign policy hawk and conservative Kenneth Adelman, and former Secretary of State Colin Powell.

Bubba: “Impressive. Mr. McCain.”

John McCain brings out…Joe the Plumber.

Bubba: “Okay. I think I’ve seen everything I need to see.”

‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin walks down the hallway towards the ring dressed in a short black dress with thigh high black boots. Alec Baldwin pops out of a side room and surprises her. Alec: “Sarah. Long time no see.” Sarah: “Alec? What are you doing here?” Alec: “I just wanted to say that you were great on Saturday Night Live the other night.” Sarah: “Thanks. I have a great time.” Alec: “And I’ve got to say again, you are so much hotter in person.” Sarah: “Thanks again, Alec. I need to go to the ring for the-” Alec: “Look, can I talk to you for a sec.” Sarah: “Well…I really need to get the ring.” Alec: “It won’t take that long, I promise.” Sarah: “Oh...all right, I guess.” Sarah and Alec go into the room. The door slams and there’s a commotion inside.

Suave: “Okay, that was odd. I wonder what’s going on.

MATCH #2 PREVIEW OF NEW HAMPSHIRE INTERGENDER MATCH: JOHN SUNUNU w/John McCain and Sarah Palin (American Patriots) vs. JEANNE SHAHEEN w/Barack Obama and Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance)
“Sununu has a decided weight and strength advantage over Shaheen.” Sarah Palin is late coming out. She joins McCain in Sununu’s corner. The bell rings. Clothesline by Sununu. Shaheen gets back up and Sununu clotheslines her again. He covers but Shaheen slips out at 2. Snap mare to Shaheen. Sununu whips her to the corner. He charges but Shaheen sidesteps him and he hits the corner turnbuckle hard. Sununu grabs her and tosses her to the floor. McCain stands back. Palin takes what appears to be a couple of half hearted shots at Shaheen and tosses her back in. Sununu covers but again, Shaheen slips out after 2. Seated abdominal stretch by Sununu. Obama in the ring and breaks the hold. Shaheen backs into the corner and Palin again takes a couple of soft shots at her. Obama steps towards the Alaskan Pitbull and Palin jumps off the ring apron.

Sununu hits a back breaker and covers. 1…2…. Biden in and breaks up the count. McCain in the ring now and he argues with Biden. Shaheen tries a handspring elbow but Sununu catches her in mid flight and puts her in a full nelson. To the corner, Sununu tells Palin to nail Shaheen with the hockey stick. Palin winds up and she swings. *THWACK* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE JUST TOOK OUT JOHN SUNUNU!” Sununu crumples to the mat. Shaheen covers. 1…2…3.


Suave: “UNBELIEVABLE! SARAH PALIN HIT SUNUNU WITH A HOCKEY STICK AND COST HIM THE MATCH! JOHN McCAIN IS LIVID!” McCain shoots daggers towards Palin. Sarah: “I’m sorry…I’m sorry.” McCain takes her by the hand and storms away. Palin turns around at Suave and winks. Suave: “Wait a minute. There’s something going on here.”

Inside a closet is the real Sarah Palin. Her hands are handcuffed above her head over a metal bar and she’s gagged. Suave: “I knew it! That wasn’t the real Sarah Palin. That was Tina Fey!”

George W and Dick watch the perils of Sarah Palin on TV. Dick’s eyes suddenly widen, he clutches his chest, and then keels over onto the floor. Man in the suit: “CLEAR!” *ZZZZAP* George W: “Dick, maybe you should go to the hospital.”

A technician is talking to Suave and has no idea that they’re gone back live. Suave: “No. We’re not going to replay the bit about Sarah Palin being handcuffed in a closet.” The technician continues to make his case. Suave: “Absolutely not! We’re not going to do it…huh?...NO! Not even in super slow motion. You’re sick…excuse me? No, I’m not gay…what? We’re back on the air?” Suave waves the technician away. Suave: “Joe Biden is in the ring.”

Biden tells the crowd that he’s proud to serve as Barack Obama’s aide de camp and that Obama is the best man to lead PCW. Biden: “In two weeks at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008, Obama is going to face a major challenge. As a student of political wrestling history, I guarantee you it’s going to happen…and he’s going to need help. That’s right. Just like O’Beck Bahama is going up against an experienced opponent in Starz N. Stripes for the PCW title, Barack Obama’s experience in this arena pales in comparison to the long years of service of John McCain…” Barack Obama, at ringside, whispers “that’s enough Joe.” Biden: “…Thank goodness, Obama chose me to be his second in command. Because in the event of a crisis during the PCW title match and Bahama gets into a pinch, it’ll be good that I’m there since I’ve been around the block a few times and Obama…well…hasn’t…” Obama again whispers to Joe “That’s enough, Joe.” Biden: “My experience should more than make up for Obama’s shortcomings in that department…(Obama: Joe…shut up…shut up, Joe…)…since he’s never dealt with any type of major crisis before…(Obama: Shut up!)…or been forced to make tough decisions in the heat of battle…(Obama: Joe, just shut up already!)…

“…and that’s why I strongly condemn John McCain for using robocalls to push his candidacy for PCW CEO. And furthermore I believe-” A harried Alec Baldwin runs in and whispers in her ear. Palin/Fey: “WHAT? She escaped? And she’s coming her right now?...Oh…bye-” *THWACK* Suave: “IT’S THE REAL SARAH PALIN AND SHE JUST CLOCKED TINA FEY WITH HER HOCKEY STICK!” Fey down. Baldwin backs up and tries to reason with her. *THWACK* Palin breaks the hockey stick in two over Baldwin’s head.

In the ring, Corporate Lackey Bradley Scott Wilson, Esq. reads a press release for the McMann Corporation. Wilson: “The acquisition of the services of Daisy Cutter-Bomb has moved the McMann Corporation a step closer towards our ultimate goal of complete and total domination of PCW. ‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann announces the addition of two more people who will help us move forward towards our goal. Rough Justice- D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former police officers fired for their over the top, overly aggressive form of law enforcement, have agreed to join the McMann Corporation as Corporate Security. The McMann Corporation welcomes Rough Justice to the team.”

MATCH #3 PCW TAG TEAM TITLE #1 CONTENDERS MATCH: A. TOM BOMB and HY DROGEN BOMB w/Newt Tron Bomb and the ‘6 foot tall demolition machine in a short skirt’ Dawn McGill (American Patriots) vs. BIG OIL w/ Texas Tex and KIRK WALSTREIT- the man with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb, Quadruple R, D.B. Ruff, Connor Justice, CEO Mr. McMann, and CFO Gordon Guyko (McMann Corp)
Suave: “Here we go. This one should be a doozy. The winner gets a shot at the PCW Tag Team belts in two weeks.” Suave also notes that it’s weird to see Daisy Cutter-Bomb in the opposite corner of her brothers A-Bomb, H-Bomb, and N-Bomb. The bell rings. A-Bomb and Big Oil lock up. Suave: “Hold on! Quadruple R in the ring…*WHAP* HOLY CRAP! That was a sickening chairshot on A-Bomb. H-Bomb’s in the ring…Ruff and Justice are in the ring. Newt Tron Bomb is in the ring. IT’S CHAOS!” Big Oil plants A-Bomb with an Oklahoma Driller. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! And now, Ruff has a taser…HE JUST TASERED H-BOMB! DAWN McGILL IS LYING ON THE FLOOR OUTSIDE THE RING. SHE’S BEEN ASSAULTED BY DAISY CUTTER-BOMB! WALSTREIT GIVES H-BOMB THE STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! THIS IS CARNAGE!”

Big Oil drags A-Bomb up and Daisy climbs into the ring with a Singapore cane. Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! DAISY’S NOT GOING TO…NOT TO HER OWN BROTHER…*THWACK* CANE SHOT! CANE SHOT! A-BOMB IS BLEEDING PROFUSELY!” Big Oil throws A-Bomb down and gets the easy cover. 1…2…3.



Mixed Tag Team Three-Way Dance: Bill O’Reilly and ? from Fox News vs. MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and ? vs. CNN’s Lou Dobb’s and ?
Minnesota Street Brawl: Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) vs. Norm Coleman (American Patriots)
Carolina Cat Fight: Elizabeth Dole (American Patriots) vs. Kay Hagan (Progressive Alliance)
New Hampshire Intergender Match: Jeanne Shaheen (Progressive Alliance) vs. John Sununu (American Patriots)
PCW Tag Team Title Match: Jack and Bull Schett © w/Horst Schett and Hans Gruber- the Extreme German Schnauzer (Progressive Alliance) vs. Big Oil w/Texas Tex and Kirk Walstreit- the man with the man crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (McMann Corp)
PCW Women’s Title Match: ‘The Empress Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree © w/Opal’s Flock- New Age Sensitive Guy and Soccer Mom (Progressive Alliance) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins aka KRC (McMann Corp)
PCW Title Match: ‘The Original Rookie Sensation’ Starz N. Stripes © w/John McCain (American Patriots) vs. ‘The New Rookie Sensation’ O’Beck Bahama w/Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance)

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