Wednesday, October 15, 2008

10/14-PCW Extreme Political TV

Last week on PCW:
-Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) and Sarah Palin (American Patriots) faced off as both were interviewed by PCW Owner Bubba Jackson. Biden tried to make the case that John McCain hasn’t been a maverick about the right things. Inexplicatively, Sarah Palin agreed with him. Then Palin went on about how she royally screwed up the Katie Couric interview and didn’t know anything about Supreme Court cases. Finally, the real Sarah Palin hit the stage and revealed that the fake Palin was in actuality Saturday Night Live’s Tina Fey. A catfight ensued and Fey makes a run for it.
*
-In a preview of a Minnesota Street Brawl at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008, Al Franken (Progressive Alliance) pulled off a mild upset by defeating Norm Coleman (American Patriots)
*
-Barbra Streisand came out to berate DeWayne Cantrell but ended up taking out her wrath on the Black Swamp Pirates. Arianna Huffington, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Paul Krugman, Eric Alterman, and Media Matters) attack the Pirates which brought out CNN’s Lou Dobbs (Independent). Dobbs, in turn, called out the ‘Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot who took care of the Angry Left Wing Bloggers and then chokeslammed Olbermann for good measure.
*
-DeWayne Cantrell defeated a bunch of greedy, arrogant AIG Executives in a handicap match at the luxary St. Regis Resort in Monarch Beach, CA
*
-‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ Mr. McMann used his corporate influence to change the PCW Women’s Title Match by inserting Kathryn Randall Collins in for ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin. Martin, along with Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila of the 3 Amigas, interferes and costs KRC the match.
*
-John McCain and Sarah Palin leave O’Beck Bahama lying backstage

PCW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- October 14th from the PCW Arena, Eagle Rock, Ohio
****
PCW OVERVIEW (for the uninitiated)
****
HOST: Johnny Suave
Johnny Suave: “Good evening everyone and welcome to PCW!”

The crowd chants PCW…PCW.

‘Sports Entertainment Genius’ MR. McMANN’S CORPORATE BOARDROOM
Mr. McMann is furious about what transpired last week on PCW Extreme Political TV. Quadruple R (Randy ‘Road Rage’ Richards) is furious and demands that they take immediate action. McMann sternly reminds him that he is the decision maker in his corporation, not him. Quadruple R sulks away. Gordon Guyko then appears and reams out Mr. McMann for what happened last week. Guyko questions his large investment in Mr. McMann’s corporation. McMann assures him that he’s taken additional steps to ensure that what took place last week will never, ever happen again. McMann: “Gordon. Tonight is the night that we will display the full corporate power that our organization will bring to bear and PCW will tremble.” Guyko likes that.

Suave: “It’ll be interesting to see if Mr. McMann can control Quadruple R and his blinding and singleminded ambition to become PCW Champion or whether the loose cannon within him eventually explodes.”

Suave runs down tonight’s card:
*
-a preview of the Carolina Catfight at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 between Elizabeth Dole (American Patriots) and Kay Hagan (Progressive Alliance)
*
-John McCain and Barack Obama have their second interview with PCW Owner Bubba Jackson for the PCW CEO position.
*
-#1 contenders match between Kathryn Randall Collins (McMann Corporation) and ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (3 Amigas) with the winner to face PCW Women’s Champion ‘Empress Queen of All Media’ Opal Winfree at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008
*
-and last, but not least, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann will give one of us patented ‘Special, Special Comments’ right here at the PCW Arena

MATCH #1- PCW TELEVISION TITLE MATCH: FUBAR © w/Dr. Bill (Independent) vs. ‘The Insanely Foul Breathed Luchador’ HALITOSIS (Independent)
Suave: “This ought to be a good test for FUBAR. Halitosis has wrestled for the PCW title in the past.” The bell rings and immediately Halitosis hits a sweet tilt a whirl on FUBAR. FUBAR retaliates right back with knee strikes and then a jawbreaker. Halitosis whips FUBAR into the ropes. Clothesline in return by FUBAR. Halitosis tries to climb the top rope. FUBAR stops him and Dr. Bill whaps Halitosis from behind with his clipboard. He drops to the canvas. FUBAR over, puts Halitosis into the tree of woe. Dr. Bill places a chair next to ‘The Insanely Foul Breathed Luchador’ and FUBAR kicks the chair into him. FUBAR follows with a jawbreaker and a leaping Enziguri. Halitosis reverses and hits a flatliner off of the top to FUBAR! Halitosis goes for his ‘breath of death’ but Dr. Bill again whaps him in the back of the head with his clipboard. FUBAR covers and match over.

WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: FUBAR

‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido of the Progressive Alliance comes out and again challenges FUBAR for the PCW Television Title. Dr. Bill reminds Escondido that the last time he came out and tried to intimidate FUBAR that the entire roster of jobbers/talent enhancement came out in force. Dr. Bill: “You see, I’ve changed FUBAR. He’s no longer led; he’s a leader of men. The jobber’s look up to him because he learned not to lose but to win.” Escondido scoffs and calls FUBAR the same ol’ jobber he’s always been and always will be. Escondido: “He can’t beat me without your help, Dr. Bill. That’s the fact.” FUBAR looks at Dr. Bill. Escondido: “That’s right. You can’t beat me on your own, FUBAR. You’re nothing with Dr. Bill.” Escondido exits and leaves a bewildered FUBAR looking anxiously at Dr. Bill.

Suave: “Wow. Strong words again from ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido. Is he right? Is FUBAR nothing without Dr. Bill?”

McCAIN-OBAMA 2ND INTERVIEW FOR PCW CEO
The second of three interviews with PCW Owner Bubba Jackson to help determine who will become the next PCW CEO.

Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) is furious with John McCain (American Patriots) and they get into it over a string of incidents over the past week where McCain attacked Obama. Obama: “Your angry tone and these attacks are incendiary and totally over the top.” McCain disputes that but then Obama rolls tape:

-Last week’s PCW Extreme Political TV. McCain and Palin jump O’Beck Bahama backstage and leave him with a severely sprained ankle.

Obama: “See?” McCain: “That doesn’t prove anything. You’re overreacting.” Obama: “Overreacting? What about this?”

-PCW House show in Hudson, MI. McCain and Obama get into it during a match and Sarah Palin sneaks in from behind and clocks Obama with her hockey stick.

McCain: “Strategy. This is a tough business.” Obama: “What about this?”

-PCW House show in Defiance, OH. McCain jumps Obama from behind and they get into it. Then Palin joins in and they double team Obama.

Bubba finally asks McCain to explain his actions. McCain: “Look, I’m a fighter and I will continue to vigorously fight for what’s right for PCW. Obama: “As you can see, the only thing John McCain has to offer is cheap personal attacks and nothing concerning the future of PCW. McCain: “All you offer is empty, pie in the sky rhetoric and political speak. Hell, people throw rose petals in your path as you walk by.” Obama: “What makes you think that?” McCain points over to the two people holding baskets of rose petals. Obama tells McCain he has as much chance of becoming the next PCW CEO as Adam ‘Pacman’ Jones does getting back into the NFL. McCain: “Pacman? I used to play that in the 80’s. Starts singing ‘Pac-Man Fever’

Bubba asks McCain if he thinks his attacks are backfiring on him. McCain responds he will continue to fight and the day he gives up is the day the Tampa Bay Devil Rays make the World Series. Obama: “John, the Tampa Bay Rays are one game away from going to the World Series.” McCain: “Oh.”

BIG OIL/KIRK WALSTREIT PROMO
The PCW Arena crowd boos Big Oil as he takes the mic. He admits that times have been tough. The plummeting gas prices have cost him a fortune. The crowd stands and cheers. Big Oil: “Sure, go ahead and gloat at someone else’s misfortunate. Kick someone when he’s down.” Suave: “Say what? Apparently, Big Oil doesn’t remember this…”

-Replay of Big Oil holding four fingers up to signify $4 per gallon of gas and taunting the crowd from June 9th PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 4
-Replay of Big Oil gloating about $3.50 per gallon of gas to Average Joe and Al Gore from April 4th PCW Extreme Political TV
-Replay of Big Oil bragging about the record oil prices at the March 24th PCW Extreme Political TV

Kirk Walstreit, holding a portrait of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, also confesses that the Wall Street plunge has cut into his earnings dramatically. Again, the crowd cheers. Big Oil: “That’s why Walstreit and I have joined McMann’s Corporation. Walstreit says that McMann is a ‘sports entertainment genius’ who’s promised them the PCW Tag Team titles. Big Oil says that the difference between peons like the PCW Arena crowd…this causes a loud dissonant reaction from the PCW patrons…and him is that he thinks big picture. McMann’s corporate structure will be powerful enough to guarantee that he will be one half of the PCW Tag Team Champions at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008.

Jack Schett, Bull Schett, Horst Schett, and the extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber (Progressive Alliance), come out. Jack says that if Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit think it’ll be easy to pry the PCW Tag Team belts from their hands then they don’t know Jack Schett. Bull: “I say…Bull Schett.” Walstreit asks ‘who’s the mutt?’ Horst Schett explodes. Horst: “This dog is only just named after the greatest GERMAN VILLAIN IN CINEMATIC HISTORY- HANS GRUBER!" Walstreit: "And your point is?" Horst: "The point is...YOU WILL SHOW RESPECT TO HANS GRUBER AND THE GREAT ACTOR WHO PLAYED HANS GRUBER- ALAN RICKMAN! SIC ‘EM HANS!” Hans Gruber chases Big Oil and Walstreit around the ring before both are able to slide out and escape.

MATCH #2- ELIZABETH DOLE (American Patriots) w/John McCain vs. KAY HAGAN (Progressive Alliance) w/Barack Obama
The bell rings for the Carolina Catfight preview. Hagan runs out and sends Dole into the corner. Hagan goes for a headlock. Dole powers out and whips Hagan off the ropes. Shoulder block. Hagan bounces right back up and grounds her with an arm drag. Dole pushes Hagan off again and ducks to the outside to talk with McCain. Hagan also confers with Obama.

Hagan with a leg trip takedown and back to a grounded headlock. Hagan wrenches Doles arm. Dole fights up again but Hagan flings herself into the ropes and gets a high crossbody block. Cover for one. Hagan to the arm wrench herself. Dole backs Hagan into the corner and McCain pulls her legs out from under her. Hagan then decks Dole with an uppercut and turns and scowls at McCain. Obama also yells unpleasantries at McCain. Hagan whips Dole off the ropes and hits another high crossbody. Two count. Suave: “That was close.” Hagan attempts a standing moonsault and leaps into Dole’s knees. Dole locks in a submission hold. Obama comes in and pulls Dole off Hagan.

McCain and Obama chin to chin in the ring. Suave: “This could finally be boiling over! McCain and Obama look like they’re about to- HEY! WHO’S THE LADY IN THE RING?” An unknown lady climbs into the ring with a skillet. She shrieks ‘I don’t trust you. You’re an Arab!’ and starts to swing the skillet towards Obama. McCain grabs the skillet at the last second. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE WAS GOING TO SKULL OBAMA WITH THAT SKILLET!” McCain: “No, ma’am. He's a decent family man with whom I happen to have some disagreements."
*
Behind them, Hagan sneaks in and rolls up Dole. 1…2…3.

WINNER: KAY HAGAN

Suave: “Good for John McCain. Even though it cost the American Patriots the match, he did the right thing. Hopefully, both McCain and Palin will tone down the attacks now before things get totally out of...what? I see. Ladies and gentlemen, something is going on in the back.”

BACKSTAGE
PCW Champion Starz N. Stripes (American Patriots) lies unconscious on the floor. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THE PCW CHAMPION HAS BEEN LAID OUT. BUT…OBAMA WAS IN THE RING. WHO COULD HAVE DONE IT?” The camera pulls up to show Bill and Hillary Clinton walking away.

Suave: “Ah, ha. Well, if there was any question about where Bill and Hillary’s loyalties were, it looks like tonight they’ve cleared it up.” Suave then previews Keith Olbermann’s upcoming Special, Special Comment by replaying the events that have led up to tonight.

-Replay of August 26th PCW Extreme Political TV. The Daily Show’s Jon Stewart pushes Olbermann off a scaffolding twenty feet down through several tables.
-Replay of September 16th PCW Extreme Political TV. CNN’s Lou Dobbs run in and takes out Olbermann with a steel-folding chair.
-Replay of last week’s PCW Extreme Political TV. ‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot comes to the rescue of Average Joe and the American Trucker and then chokeslams Olbermann for good measure.

KEITH OLBERMANN’S SPECIAL, SPECIAL COMMENT TO PCW
Suave:
“And now, here’s Keith Olbermann’s special, special comment.” Olbermann: “F*** YOU!” The crowd boos. Suave: “Well. That was a little harsh, don’t you think?” Olbermann begins to go off on the PCW Arena crowd-

*Def Leppard’s ‘Rock, Rock Til You Drop blares over the loudspeakers*

‘The Extreme Equalizer’ Whiskey Tango Foxtrot runs down, grabs Olbermann by the throat, lift, chokeslam. PCW Arena Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”

MATCH #3- #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ TESSA MARTIN w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila (3 Amigas) vs. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS…aka KRC w/Mr. McMann, Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit, Quadruple R, and Gordon Guyko (McMann’s Corporation)
Suave:
“Last week, Mr. McMann’s Corporation screwed ‘PCW Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin out of her title shot. This week, Tessa wants revenge.” The bell rings and quick a stare down. Tessa immediately backs Collins into the corner and chops the hell out of her. Headlock, KRC gets whipped off the ropes and eats a shoulder block. Tessa grabs her a fistful of hair and snap mares Collins. Quick rollup but Collins kicks out. Forearms shots brings down Collins and Tessa locks in a leg lock. KRC reverses into an arm bar. Tessa reverses right back into another leg lock. KRC gets to her feet and shoves Tessa down. Tessa right back up and pushes KRC down. Tessa drops an elbow on her knee. Knee drop to KRC’s leg and then Tessa locks in a single leg crab. KRC somehow crawls to the ropes. Tessa tries to drag her back in but Big Oil grabs KRC’s hands. Finally, Tessa lets go.

KRC backs into the corner. Tessa kicks her in the gut. Suplex and a two count. Suave: “The Corporation looks a bit concerned there. Tessa is going all out tonight.” Tessa single leg takedown on KRC and rolls into a grounded armbar. Tessa whips Collins off the ropes, and catches KRC charging and dumps her over the top rope. Big Oil goes over to check on KRC. Collins back in the ring and Tessa works on her arm again. Tessa grounds KRC and drives her knee into the shoulder. Collins powers to her feet. Tessa works the arm and backs KRC into a corner. She chops the hell out of her again before Collins ducks out of the corner and breaks away. Reverse Irish whip throws Tessa into the wrong corner. Quadruple R pulls Tessa’s legs out from under her and she face plants onto the canvas. Daisy Cutter-Bomb and Tequila Sheila in the ring. Big Oil and Walstreit in the ring. KRC kicks away at Tessa. Collins drags her up and throws her right into a Quadruple R clothesline.

Average Joe and the American Trucker run down. Average Joe pulls Quadruple R out of the ring and starts flailing on him. Daisy Cutter-Bomb pulls KRC off Tessa and whips her into the other corner. Big Oil corners Daisy. Daisy slides between his legs and makes it back to the other corner. American Trucker kicks Big Oil in the balls and then DDT’s Kirk Walstreit. Tessa stumbles back to the other side of the ring. Big Oil grabs American Trucker from behind and chokeslams him.
*
KRC advances on Tessa. Tessa calls for her oversized pizza box. Daisy Cutter-Bomb climbs out and grabs the box. KRC gets closer. Tessa again calls for the box. Daisy climbs up on the apron, raises the box, and then blasts Tessa in the face with it. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! SHE…SHE…I DON’T BELIEVE IT. DAISY CUTTER-BOMB JUST DOUBLECROSSED THE PCW EXTREME PIZZA DELIVERY GIRL!” Daisy climbs in the ring and gives Tessa a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. The PCW Arena crowd can’t believe it. Johnny Suave can’t believe it. KRC sticks her foot on Tessa’s chest and that’s all.

WINNER AND #1 CONTENDER FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE: KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS

Suave: “NO! NO! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!” Tequila Sheila confronts Daisy. Daisy gives her a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb. She then drags an unconscious Tessa back up. Suave: “NO! THAT’S ENOUGH!” Daisy hits a Daisy Cutter Power-bomb with enough force that Tessa’s body bounces several inches up off the canvas. The crowd starts to throw debris in the ring. Mr. McMann shakes Daisy’s hand. Suave: “THIS IS WRONG! DAISY CUTTER-BOMB TURNS ON TESSA MARTIN. KATHRYN RANDALL COLLINS IS THE NEW #1 CONTENDER FOR THE PCW WOMEN’S TITLE. AND THE 3 AMIGAS ARE NO MORE! THREE WEEKS TO GO BEFORE PCW EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2008! WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT?”

-----------------------

PCW at Wordpress.com


Prairie Depot Press- Home of the novel Loose Cannons and Other Weapons of Mass Political Destruction

No comments: