Monday, November 19, 2007

11/18-BCEW Extreme Political TV

BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- NOV. 18TH
From BCEW Hall, Eagle Rock, OH. Johnny Suave announcing.

The crowd chants “BCEW! BCEW!” as announcer Johnny Suave stands in the middle of the ring with Hillary Clinton. Suave asks how she is going to overcome her poor debate performance two weeks ago followed by Barack Obama and John Edwards’s tag team defeat of her Political Pitbulls (James Carville and Terry McAullife). Hillary thanks Suave for his question and then adds, “Johnny, I understand that you have a question. But let me answer with this: there’s a better question that needs to be asked.” Hillary then brings up Grinnell College student Muriel Gallo-Chasanoff. Suave: “What the hell is this?” Hillary motions the student to go ahead. Clinton: “Ask me anything.” Chasanoff: “As a young person, I’m concerned about the fairness of-”

Alex Rodriguez and his agent, Scott Boras, interrupts. Rodriguez stands in front of Hillary and the college student and flexes. Boras calls him the best baseball player on the planet. Suave: “Oh, yeah? Then why can’t he hit in the playoffs?” Boras says that doesn’t matter and declares his client a free agent. Suave: “Okay. We were right in the middle of an interview with Hillary Clinton and this was so important to the world at large that it couldn’t wait?” Boras says yes and states that if you want A-Rod on your team, you’ll need to pony up about $350 million.

Suave tries to retake his show. Stepping around A-Rod, Suave recaps Barack Obama and John Edwards’s huge win last week over the Clinton Political Pitbulls.

Hillary then cuts in front of Suave and drags her college student with her. Clinton: “Ask the question!” Chasanoff: “As a young person-”

A-Rod and Boras jump in front of Hillary. Boras: “If you’ve got the cash, this guy can mash.”

Suave forces his way to the front of the line. Suave: “That’s a terrible catchphrase.” Hillary, A-Rod both try to push each other out of the way. Suave: “Let’s go to the ring.”

MATCH #1- GEORGE CLOONEY of the Hollywood Left (Progressive Alliance) vs. FABIO (Has-been male model)
Suave: “It seems these two had a blowout at a restaurant recently. George was eating and someone took some pictures. George took exception to it and it went from there.

Fabio cuts a quick promo. Fabio: “He’s such a diva. He’s also a low-class scumbag.”

Suave: “That was quick.”

The bell rings. Clooney and Fabio lock in the middle. Clooney’s girlfriend, Sarah Larson, pounds on the canvas and cheers him on from outside. Fabio pushes the actor and sends him tumbling backwards to the mat. Clooney gets back up and tries to lock up with Fabio again. Fabio again shoves him down. Clooney looks up at the big guy and crawls over to wrap his arms around his legs. Fabio grabs Clooney’s hair. Clooney: “HEY! NOT THE HAIR, NOT THE HAIR!” Suave: “He’s such a diva.” Clooney is lifted up and powerslammed back down to the canvas. Fabio then lifts Clooney straight up in the air and hits a fall-away vertical suplex. Clooney hits the ring floor and then bounces two feet into the air before sprawling back down. Another powerslam follows. Then another. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! He’s just too strong for George Clooney…and SARAH LARSON JUMPS IN THE RING!” Clooney’s girlfriend leaps on Fabio’s back and tries to choke him. Suave: “Ah…that’s not a good idea.” Fabio backs into a corner and smushes Larson against the turnbuckles. Larson slides down slowly to the canvas.

Fabio goes to hit another power slam on the actor. Suave: “If he hits this…WAIT! IT’S CLOONEY’S ‘OCEANS 11, 12, 13’ CO-STAR BRAD PITT!” Pitt hits the ring and starts flailing away. Fabio lets him go for a few seconds and then lifts Pitt up and powerslams him. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Fabio goes to the middle of the ring and starts posing for the crowd. Suave: “Fabio destroys George Clooney and Brad Pitt! WAIT A MINUTE! HERE COMES HIS OTHER ‘OCEANS 11, 12, …whatever CO-STAR MATT DAMON!” Damon slides in the ring and Fabio grabs him by the throat and lifts him in the air. Damon flails his arms and legs causing Fabio to lose his hold on him. Damon hits the canvas and lurches forward into the corner, hitting his head square on the ringpost. Suave: “OW!” Damon lies there hung up in the corner turnbuckle with his head outside the ropes. Suave: “HE MIGHT BE SERIOUSLY HURT!” Damon slides down to the ground and shakes his head. He shakes his head and then a ‘grim’ expression appears on his face. He leaps up and says ‘I remember…I remember…” Damon sees Fabio and immediately sweeps his leg, sending him falling to the ground. Suave: “Wow! That was pretty good.” Damon delivers a pair of vicious karate kicks to the stomach and then a chop across the head that knocks Fabio out cold. Damon: “I remember…”

Pitt gets up and tries to shake Damon’s hand. Damon whips Pitt around and sends him flying over the top rope through the ring bellkeeper’s table. Suave: “Oh, oh.” Damon grabs the referee and chokes him out. Suave: “Oh…this isn’t good. We need some help down here.” Rough Justice aka…D.B. Ruff and Conner Justice- two former police officers fired because of their rough and sometimes over the top, extreme style of law enforcement, run down and try to subdue Damon. Damon puts Ruff in a hammerlock and then splashes him hard against the turnbuckle. Then he whips around and kicks Justice in the knees, debilitating him. Damon: “I REMEMBER!” Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE THINKS HE’S JASON BOURNE!”

Def Leppard’s “Rock, Rock ‘Til You Drop” blares over the loudspeakers. Suave: “IT’S THE ENFORCER OF ALL THINGS POLITICALLY EXTREME- WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!” The crowd chants “What the f@#$! What the f@#$!” Damon delivers a rapid series of karate chops, precisionally placed and quickly disarmed the six foot eight, three hundred ten pound Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Damon moves on. Suave: “Matt Damon is on the loose! He’s destroyed Fabio, Brad Pitt, both members of Rough Justice, and Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! Who can stop his path of rage?”


RUDY GIULIANI, REV. ROBERTSON INTERVIEW W/BRYAN WILSON
Backstage, Faux News- Fair and Imbalanced’s Bryan Wilson (note…NOT the Beach Boy) interviews Reverend Robertson of the God Squad and BCEW CEO candidate “America’s Mayor” Rudy Giuliani. Wilson announces that Rev. Robertson has something to say. Rev. Robertson: “These are difficult times. Even though you and I disagree on some fundamental issues, we need a leader who will project strength. That’s why I am endorsing you, Rudy Giuliani, America’s Mayor, for the BCEW CEO job.” They shake hands. Giuliani: “Thank you, Reverend Robertson. I hope your endorsement will prove once and for all that I, Rudy Giuliani, am hardcore conservative. Not only will people point to me when I’m out on the campaign trail and say- ‘hey! He’s hardcore conservative.’ They’ll know that with this endorsement beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am- hardcore conservative.”

The other member of the God Squad, Reverend Dobson, confronts Reverend Robertson and Giuliani. Dobson: “I can’t believe you totally compromised our principles like that. How could you. Rev. Robertson tries to explain but Reverend Dobson shakes his head and leaves. Suave: “Could this be the end of the pious pair- the God Squad?”


MIKE HUCKABEE SEGMENT
BCEW CEO candidate Mike Huckabee of the American Patriots is joined by action star Chuck Norris. Huckabee scoffs at Rev. Robertson’s endorsement of Rudy Giuliani when he has Chuck Norris in his corner. Huckabee: “I am proud that a man with the strength and character of a Chuck Norris has endorsed my campaign! Plus, he can kick people’s ass, too! It’s a win-win-” Chuck Norris gets whacked over the head by a steel drum and he’s out. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT’S MATT DAMON! AND HE’S KNOCKED CHUCK NORRIS OUT!” Huckabee sees Norris lying on the ground and then stares into the cold eyes of Damon. Huckabee wisely makes a run for it.

Suave: “Wait a minute! I thought Chuck Norris didn’t know where you lived but knew where you were going to die? I thought a cobra bit Chuck Norris once and five days later it died. How could Chuck freakin’ Norris be knocked out by a mere steel drum?”

Suave then reminds us about the main event- the rematch from the 11/4 edition of BCEW Extreme Political TV between Clinton’s Political Pitbulls and Barack Obama and John Edwards.

Backstage, bodies are strewn all over the hallway. Among the fallen: “Mike the Mechanic, Little Paulie of the American Bikers, Neal Conn, Kirk Walstreit (clutching a picture of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit). Matt Damon appears and shouts, “I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!”


DRUNKEN LUCHADORS IN THE RING
The BCEW Tag Team Champions- Drunken Luchadors Dan and Don Martini, celebrate regaining their tag team titles in the ring by toasting each other with matching flasks of Jack Daniels. They clink their bottles and then guzzle down the contents inside. Arianna Huffington and the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Daily Kos, Media Matters for America, Eric Alterman) come out……and they’re angry. Huffington denounces the tag team champions as ‘common drunks’ and ‘tools of the BCEW CEO George W.’ Dan and Don look at each other……and bust out laughing. This makes Huffington and the angry bloggers even more…angry. Daily Kos declares himself the future of the Progressive Alliance and threatens to wipe out anyone who gets in their way. Daily Kos: “We will be the new face of BCEW and will we use any means necessary to make it happen.” Dan and Don Martini again glance at each other…and then bust out laughing again.

Daily Kos, Media Matters, and Alterman jump into the ring and confront the Drunken Luchadors. There’s a staredown…actually, the bloggers stare and the Martinis can’t help but laugh. Media Matters swipes the flask of Jack Daniels out of Don’s hand. Suave: “Geez, lighten up guys.” Arianna: “I know you consider yourselves to be independents. But that’s the easy way out. You need to take a stand. You’re either with us, or you’re against us. Either or?”

Dan and Don again look at each other and bust out laughing. The Angry Left Wings Bloggers look at them and then leave the ring. Daily Kos: “This isn’t over yet! If you’re not with us, then you’re against us. There’s no middle ground.”

Suave: “Geez, lighten up, guys.”


BACKSTAGE
Alex Rodriguez and Scott Boras lie face down in the hallway. Suave: It looks like two more victims to Matt Damon’s path of rage. I hope whatever he remembers he FORGETS so he’ll stop critically injuring everyone he comes in contact with. Can anyone stop him?” Steven Segal comes up. Segal: “I’ll challenge him.” Suave: “Er…no offense, Steven. But, you’re puffy and bloated and way past your prime.” Segal: “Oh yeah? Bring him on!” Suave reluctantly gives in and announces that Matt Damon/Jason Bourne will meet Steven Segal later on in the show.


BIG OIL w/ Texas Tex
Texas Tex leads Big Oil out pushing a wheelbarrow full of cash. Big Oil gets on the mic and again gloats about the record high gasoline prices. Big Oil: “You all are pathetic! Worthless sacks of @#$#. That’s right, you’re so addicted to your cars and toys that you’ll pay any price no matter how high it goes!”

“Not just intolerable. Not just unbearable. I am Justin Sufferable” plays and out comes the BCEW World Champion Justin Sufferable. Sufferable: “You know, I thought I was insufferable. You’ve taken it to a whole new art form.” Big Oil tells the champ he doesn’t care who he is, Big Oil has the cash and he’ll do whatever he wants. Big Oil: “In fact, remember that little flea who I had to squash last year…who was that…Mick the Mechanic?” Suave: “That’s Mike the Mechanic, you arrogant jerk. Sufferable: “I remember that match, Big Oil. The only reason you won it is because George W’s aide de camp, Dick, interfered. Big Oil laughs. Big Oil: “Again, Justin. You miss the big picture. I won because I had the power to create the conditions necessary to prevent that insignificant maggot, Mike the Mechanic, from winning. “ Big Oil then brags that because of his money, he bought the body shop Mike the Mechanic worked at and closed it down. Big Oil then drops his bombshell. Big Oil: “That’s right. Not only did I have the power to take away Mike the Mechanic’s ability to make a living; I had the money and power to take away something even more personal…something that would devastate the feeble psyche of that low-life, Mike the Mechanic.” Big Oil instructs Texas Tex to bring ‘her’ out. Suave: “No…he couldn’t have.” He did. Texas Tex brings out Sheila, Mike the Mechanic’s former secretary. The crowd boos. Sheila is dressed in a professional suit and looks as if she’s been given a complete makeover.

Big Oil boasts that he tripled her pay and now she is loyal to him. Big Oil: “That’s what happens when you’ve got the cash to play the game. And now that I have bought and paid for Sheila, I’m now shooting for my next goal.” Big Oil points at Justin Sufferable. Big Oil: “That’s right. The BCEW World Title. You’re next, Sufferable. Enjoy your title while you can. Texas Tex and I are fixin’ for another hostile takeover. Just ask Sheila…right.” Sheila nods yes. Suave: “OH, THIS STINKS! THIS TOTALLY STINKS!”


MATCH #2- MATT DAMON (who thinks he’s Jason Bourne) vs. STEVEN SEGAL (who thinks he’s still a viable action star)
Suave: “And speaking of stinks, I don’t hold out a lot of hope for this match.” Segal waits in the ring as Matt Damon, still shouting ‘I REMEMBER! I REMEMBER EVERYTHING!’ finally makes his way down. Damon immediately goes after Segal and for a minute or so, it’s an entertaining exhibition in close quarters hand to hand combat. Segal and Damon attack and counter-attack with great ferocity. Suave: “Well, I’ve got to admit. This is pretty good, so far.”

Then Segal, out of shape, runs out of gas. Five seconds later.

WINNER: MATT DAMON

Damon grabs the microphone and again yells, “I REMEMBER. I REMEMBER TREADSTONE! THE 415 E. SEVENTH BUILDING! I REMEMBER IT-” The crowd stands when someone runs out. Suave: “IT’S CHUCK NORRIS! WITH A CHAIR!” Norris slides on his stomach into the ring and tosses the chair to Damon. Damon grabs the chair and Norris hits a spinning heel kick, smashing the chair against Damon’s face. Suave: “VAN DAMMIT-ATER! VAN DAMMIT-ATER! HOLY CRAP! HE JUST TOOK MATT DAMON’S HEAD OFF!”

Ben Affleck rushes down to check on Damon. The crowd ‘quacks’ like the AFFLAC duck and chant, ‘AFFLAC! AFFLAC!”


Alex Rodriguez, fresh from getting his ass kicked by Matt Damon earlier, limps to the ring. A-Rod: “Upon further reflection, I’ve decided to take the deal that the New York Yankees have offered me.” Suave: “Wow. Apparently, Damon bonked A-Rod’s head a lot harder than we thought. He’s almost being sensible now.”


MATCH #3 HILLARY CLINTON’S POLITICAL PITBULLS, James Carville and Terry McAuliffe vs. ‘The Natural’ BARACK OBAMA and JOHN EDWARDS
Suave: “All right. The big, big grudge rematch from two weeks ago. Can Hillary’s Pitbulls get revenge for their loss?”

James Carville and Barack Obama go at it. Terry McAuliffe throws John Edwards to the ground and starts stomping away. Carville in control early. McAuliffe also in as well and Irish whips Obama and double suplexes him on the floor. They both sidestep Edwards who runs smack dab into Obama. Carville and McAuliffe off the ring apron to deliver a double clothesline to Barack. Edwards comes back in locks up with McAuliffe. McAuliffe shoulder tackle to Edwards. Kip up by Edwards and he out quicks McAuliffe. Edwards gets a cross body and McAuliffe gets pissed. He lays the boots to Edwards which draws in Obama. A side slam/leg drop double team by Carville and McAuliffe. Carville blasts Obama from behind. McAuliffe hits right hands on Edwards. Carville off the ropes and misses a clothesline when Edwards rolls and tags back in Obama. McAuliffe tackles him but Edwards trips him and Obama nails a jawbreaker. Missile Dropkick by Edwards follows and he climbs back into the ring and goes up to the top turnbuckle. Hillary Clinton gets involved for the first time and crotches Edwards. Carville then goes up top while Hillary sets up a table on the outside. Suave: “NO! HE CAN’T DO THAT!” Carville hits a supersuplex and puts Edwards through the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” Crowd: “BCEW…BCEW!”

Obama winds up on his own as Edwards lies in the ruins of the table outside. Carville and McAuliffe immediately double team ‘The Natural’ and the ‘Media Queen’ Opal Winfree, a Barack Obama supporter, runs in for the save. McAuliffe chokes Obama out, but Winfree puts his hand on the ropes, preventing the submission. Edwards somehow roars back to life and hits the ring nailing everyone with forearms. Carville stops his momentum with a clothesline. Hillary throws McAuliffe a chair but Obama blocks the attempt. Opal Winfree runs in to help and McAuliffe inadvertently ends up hitting her with the chair. Carville mulekicks Edwards and he runs into a German Suplex by McAuliffe for two. Chairshot on Edwards by Carville. Another two count. Obama gets the hot tag, and charges. Backdrop driver to Carville! McAuliffe makes the save. Obama wipes out McAuliffe with a cross body from the top rope. Obama cinches in the Boston Crab, and Edwards neutralizes Carville with the Figure Four Leg Lock. Suave: “This could be it. The Political Pitbulls may be……HOLY CRAP! IT’S THE POSTER CHILD FOR EVERYTHING WRONG WITH AMERICAN POLITICS- SIDNEY BLUMENTHAL! WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?” Blumenthal runs down with a steel-folding chair and clubs Obama, allowing McAuliffe to get out of the crab. Hillary smiles and claps. Blumenthal and McAuliffe double-suplex Obama. Edwards has Carville set up for the superplex, but Blumenthal nails him with the chair and knocks him down. Blumenthal pulls Edwards into the corner and ties him to the tree-of-woe. Blumenthal on the other side. Suave: HOLY CRAP! COAST-TO-COAST DROPKICK INTO THE CHAIR!” Edwards slides off the corner turnbuckle. Carville covers. ONE, TWO, THREE!

WINNER: CLINTON’S POLITICAL PITBULLS

Suave: “Thanks to the addition of Sidney Blumenthal to Hillary Clinton’s Political Pitbulls, Hillary gets her mojo back this week with a resounding win over Obama and Edwards. Next time, Big Oil is gunning for the big prize- the BCEW World Title. And will the Angry Left Wing Bloggers continue to wage war against the Independent BCEW Tag Team Champions?”

Monday, November 05, 2007

11/4- BCEW Extreme Political TV

BCEW EXTREME POLITICAL TV- NOV. 4TH
From Ol’ Man Hanson’s Barn, Chelsea, MI. Johnny Suave announcing.

Oregonian columnist John Canzano sits in the press box covering the Oregon-Southern Cal football game. BCEW announcer Johnny Suave: “Hey! This isn’t from Ol’ Man Hanson’s Barn! Where the hell is this?” Someone off-air tells him Eugene, Oregon. Suave: “EUGENE, OREGON! Why the hell are we watching something in Eugene, Oregon when we’re in Chelsea, Michigan and……HOLY CRAP! WHO IS THAT BROAD?” Colleen Bellotti, ex-wife of Oregon football coach Mike Bellotti, and her nanny burst into the press box and lights into Canzano over a column he wrote about her son’s two DUIs. Bellotti: “You’ve dragged our family through so much hurt and pain…” Canzano tries to explain to her how serious drinking and driving is, and why two DUIs by a college football at a Top 25 program was fair game. Bellotti leans in, grabs Canzano by the suit lapels, and delivers an expletive-stringed tirade, asks him if he has children, and yells, “This is going to come back on you, tenfold!”

Suave: “Wow. Who let her into the press box?” Out of nowhere, Bellotti’s nanny kicks Canzano in the balls. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! WHO LET HER IN THE PRESS BOX!” Bellotti’s nanny then stands over Canzano and unleashed a string of profanity at him. Bellotti winds up to slap the columnist and another woman holding a clipboard up runs in. Suave: “IT’S DAILY OKLAHOMAN COLUMNIST JENNI CARLSON!” Carlson whaps Bellotti over the head with the clipboard. Then she whips the nanny into the wall. Bellotti jumps on her back and they both tumble to the floor. Suave: “CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT…HERE COMES OKLAHOMA STATE FOOTBALL COACH MIKE GUNDY!” Gundy runs in and promptly announces, “I’M A MAN! I’M FORTY!” Suave: “Oh God. What is he doing here.” Gundy pulls Carlson off Bellotti and berates her. “THIS IS GARBAGE! COMPLETE GARBAGE! SHE’S A MOTHER OF CHILDREN! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF-“ *WHAP* Suave: “HOLY CRAP! CANZARO JUST BUSTED HIS LAPTOP OVER GUNDY’S HEAD! AND THERE’S A REFEREE. WE’VE GOT A MATCH!”

MATCH #1- Mixed Tag Team: Daily Oklahoman columnist JENNI CARLSON and Oregonian columnist JOHN CANZARO vs. Oklahoma State Football Coach MIKE GUNDY and ex-wife of Oregon Football Coach Mike Bellotti, COLLEEN BELLOTTI w/her Nanny
Canzano suddenly realizes what he’s into. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. I’m a writer!” he says. “Not a wrestler-” Some guy dressed in a green Oregon Ducks sweatshirt leaps from a table and drives Canzano’s head into the table. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S MYOPIC OREGON DUCK FAN WHO HATES SPORTWRITERS WHO WRITES BAD THINGS ABOUT HIS FOOTBALL TEAM!” Gundy covers. 1-2-3.

WINNER: Oklahoma State Football Coach MIKE GUNDY and ex-wife of Oregon Football Coach Mike Bellotti, COLLEEN BELLOTTI

Gundy stands over Canzano. Gundy: “I’M A MAN! I’M FORTY! YOU DON’T-” *WHAP* A man dressed in burnt orange pastes Gundy with a steel-folding chair. Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT’S TEXAS FOOTBALL COACH MACK BROWN!” Brown hits Gundy again with the chair and gives him the ‘hook em’ horns’ gesture. Suave: “No matter what, it always seems that Mack Brown has Oklahoma State and Mike Gundy’s number.


A Weather Channel vehicle unloads broadcast equipment outside Ol’ Man Hanson’s barn. Suave wonders what major weather catastrophe causes the Weather Channel is setting up shop in Chelsea, Michigan. Suave: “The weather is supposed to be perfect!” Suave then recounts the confrontation at BCEW Night of Champions between Dr. William Gray and Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon and Nobel Prize winner Al Gore where the Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore and Jeff Morrow attacked Gore and Gray threw the Nobel Prize down on him.


Suave recaps BCEW Night of Champions and Justin Sufferable of the Progressive Alliance winning the BCEW World Title from the Angry Highway Warrior, Triple R.

Big Oil arrives in the ring pushing a wheelbarrow overflowing with money. He takes the microphone and mocks the crowd for ‘paying $3.09 a gallon to come here tonight!’ Big Oil: “It just proves that no matter how high the gas prices go, you fools will pay it. Thank you. Thank you all for making me richer than my imagination thought possible. Thank you…thank you…” The crowd boos. Big Oil then calls out Sufferable. Big Oil: “I have all the power. I will be the next BCEW champion and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it. Now, bring out my next victim.”

MATCH #2: BIG OIL w/Texas Tex (American Patriots) vs. FUBAR (Independent)
The crowd chants ‘Let’s go FUBAR!’ Suave: “Well, the crowd’s behind FUBAR but the odds are long and FUBAR’s…well…FUBAR.” Bell rings. Clothesline. Power slam. Cover. Suave’s right.

WINNER: BIG OIL w/Texas Tex


Backstage, Hillary Clinton confronts John Edwards and Barack Obama about their attacks on what they terms her ‘evasive answers’ at a debate Tuesday night in Philadelphia. Clinton: “You all singled me out. It’s a shame you practice of piling on.” Edwards plays a film clip of Clinton’s speech at Wellesley College where she said: “In so many ways, this all-women’s college prepared me to compete in the all-boys club of presidential politics.” Obama: “It doesn’t make sense for you, after having run this way for eight months, the first time people challenge your point of view, suddenly you back off and say ‘stop picking on me?” Edwards: “I call it the ‘politics of parsing.’ Clinton’s political pitbulls, James Carville and Terry McAuliffe, then confront Obama and Edwards and challenge them to a match. Obama: “You’re on.”


Jim Cantore and Jeff Morrow arrive in Chelsea, Michigan. They wonder why they’re here on a gorgeous Fall day when there’s a full-fledged storm hitting the East coast.


MATCH #3 Political Pitbulls JAMES CARVILLE and TERRY McAULIFFE w/Hillary Clinton vs. ‘The Natural’ BARACK OBAMA and JOHN EDWARDS
Suave: “Here’s our main event.” Hillary Clinton is in the Political Pitbulls corner. Carville and Obama go through a series of mat wrestling maneuvers and reversals before McAuliffe runs in and tries to lock in an armbar. But Obama shows his strength and lifts him up and walks around with him on his shoulders before slamming him down. Obama gets a two count and tags in Edwards as Carville officially tags in McAuliffe. The Political Pitbull fires off some lightning kicks. Edwards locks in an armbar, but McAuliffe reaches the ropes for the break. Edwards locks in a single leg crab, but Hillary Clinton threatens to get in the ring and he breaks the hold. Carville charges in anyway and gets clocked by Edwards. Obama back in the ring and he and Edwards set up a double tree of woe. Hillary tries to distract them but they destroy the Political Pitbulls with a double baseball slide drop kick! Carville and McAuliffe try to regroup but Obama hits an Asai Moonsault to the outside of the ring onto the Political Pitbulls! Suave: “HOLY CRAP!” BCEW Crowd: “HOLY @#$#!”

Edwards gets in the ring but Hillary grabs his arm and pulls him out. She gets in a couple cheap shots which brings in the BCEW Women’s Champion and Barack Obama supporter, Opal Winfree. Winfree’s appearance causes Hillary to high tail it back to her corner. Edwards sucks up the strength to get back in the ring. Carville sets up Edwards in a camel clutch and McAuliffe goes for a drop kick to the face. Edwards ducks and McAuliffe kicks the crap out of Carville. Edwards covers and Hillary tries to get back in the ring to stop him. Winfree grabs her leg and the referee gets a 3 count for the win.

WINNER: “The Natural” BARACK OBAMA and JOHN EDWARDS

Suave: “Not a good week for Hillary Clinton. Well, we’ll see you next time on…HOLD ON! LET’S GO OUTSIDE!”

Someone hits the Weather Channel’s Jeff Morrow with a Singapore cane. Suave: “IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME CHAIR-SWINGING ALPHA MALE AND ENVIRONMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE! AND HE’S CANING THE HELL OUT OF JEFF MORROW AND JIM CANTORE!” Gore tosses Morrow aside and drags Cantore over to a pool of water. Gore: “Tell Dr. Gray this. What’s going to happen when the polar ice caps melt and the sea level rises?” Gore then dunks Cantore in the water. Gore: “That’s right!” Gore dunks him again……